


And Babies Make Five and Six

by HiddenTreasures



Series: Perfectly Matched [5]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/M, Family, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Infertility, Pregnancy, Romance, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-03-26 03:55:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 136,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13849560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiddenTreasures/pseuds/HiddenTreasures
Summary: Sometimes the things we want the most stay just out of reach. But after an extra helping of heartache as they try for a third baby, James and Rose are blessed with double the joy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is, finally! The next installment in my soulmates series! However, due to it being a crazy semester and the fact I’m still in the process of writing the second half of this story, I will only be updating  **every other week** , at least until school has finished, or I completely finished the second half of the story.
> 
> NOTE: This story will contain themes of infertility. I will explicitly tag those chapters in case anyone needs to skip them.
> 
> Betaed by chocolatequeennk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the beginning of the chapter:  
> James: 34  
> Rose: 29  
> Ainsley: 4  
> Sianin: 16 months
> 
> Chapter Rating: Teen
> 
> Chapter word count: 6100

“So how are the kids?”

Rose sat up as Elizabeth peeled off her gloves after performing Rose’s yearly gynecological exam. When Rose’s regular gyno had moved to a different clinic, and she realized her midwife was certified to provide women’s health assessments, she elected to stay under the care of Elizabeth and the rest of the staff at the clinic.

“They’re great,” Rose said with a smile. “Sianin’s running around and talking up a storm. And Ainsley’s about to start Reception this autumn.”

“No!”

Rose grimaced and nodded. “I know. It’s got James and me in a bit of a panic. She’s just our little girl, you know?”

Elizabeth smiled sympathetically. “Yeah, I know, but you and James will be fine. This is one of those hurdles all parents have to jump, but everyone does it.” She walked to the door. “Go ahead and get dressed. I’ll be back in a few minutes with the paperwork.”

Rose took off the horrid exam gown as soon as she was alone. After she’d put her clothes back on, she grabbed a pen and sent James a quick message.

“Just about done. Headed to the park soon.”

He replied almost immediately.  _Brilliant! We’re already here. See you soon love xo._

Rose looked up when the door reopened, and Elizabeth walked back in with some papers.

“Here’s the summary of your visit,” she said, “and a new script for your birth control.”

“Oh, I won’t be needing that,” Rose said.

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Yeah, James and I had a bit of a false alarm last month,” Rose admitted. “I thought I was… Turns out I wasn’t. Anyway, we’ve decided to begin trying for another baby.”

“Well good luck,” Elizabeth said, crumpling the prescription order in her fist. “Now go on and enjoy this beautiful day. And give my best to James.”

Rose departed the clinic and drove home, then made the short walk to the park that was just outside their neighborhood.

The park was filled with people as everyone enjoyed the warm, sunny weather after a week straight of clouds and rain. She smiled and waved to the people she knew, but her focus was on the tall, skinny, brown-haired bloke who was pushing two little brown-haired girls on the swings. It was all too easy for her to see this same picture, but with a newborn strapped in a wrap on James’s chest.

“Mummy!”

The vision disappeared with Ainsley’s shout, and Rose blinked just in time to see her daughter jump off the swing and land awkwardly on her feet. Rose cringed, but when Ainsley began sprinting towards her, she figured her four-year-old was fine.

“Hello, Ainsley,” Rose greeted, swinging her child up onto her hip with ease. “Are you, Daddy, and Sianin having fun?”

“Yeah!” she said.

Rose pecked a kiss to Ainsley’s temple, then set her on the ground as James walked up to her with Sianin on his hip.

“Hello, love,” James murmured, pressing a kiss to her hair. “Appointment go well?”

“As well as it can go with someone poking around in my privates,” she whispered, grinning when he snorted in her ear. Then she turned her attention to the baby in his arms. “Good afternoon, my sweetheart! Was Daddy pushing you and Ainsley on the swings?”

Rose frowned as an awful stench hit her nose.

But before she could say anything James said, “I think someone needs a nappy change.”

“No,” Sianin said, shaking her head.

“Yes, you do,” he countered, poking her belly after each word. “You, my little darling, are stinky.”

“Stinky,” she repeated with a toothy grin.

“Yep, let’s go change that nappy,” he said.

Rose watched James walk away towards the picnic tables before Ainsley grabbed her hand and tugged her back to the swings.

After a while, Ainsley grew bored of the swings and ran to go play near the slides, where James and Sianin were. Rose smiled as James lifted Sianin again and again to the top of the smallest slide in the park so she could scoot down it. When Sianin saw Ainsley, her face lit up and she sprinted towards her big sister, who turned it into a game of chase, where James joined in the shenanigans.

“Is that your husband?”

Rose glanced over and saw a woman she’d seen regularly at the park with her children.

“Yeah,” she said.

“Oh, he’s just so good with your girls,” the woman cooed as they watched James snatch both girls up into his arms, having caught them in their game of chase.

Warmth and love swelled up inside Rose as her lips stretched into a huge grin. James really was the best father.

“Yeah, he is,” she said proudly.

“Your girls seem to play well together, too,” the woman noted. “How old are they?”

“Ainsley’s four,” Rose said, “and Sianin’s sixteen months. They’ve always gotten on well. Ainsley loves having a little sister, and Sianin just adores her.”

“My boys are always fighting with each other,” the woman said fondly. “They’re five and four.” She pointed to a group of boys playing football, and Rose nodded politely as though she knew which boys the woman was talking about. “Then again, that might just be the nature of boys.”

They continued chatting about little things, like parenting and silly things their kids had done and the woes of picky eaters.

“Oh, dear, I think your littlest one just fell,” the woman said sympathetically, glancing towards the playground.

Rose scanned the area and almost immediately found James. He and Ainsley were crouched down beside Sianin, who was laying on her belly on the ground. She watched James pick their daughter up and brush her off, then pepper kisses all across her body and give her a cuddle.

“She’ll be fine,” Rose said, knowing James had the situation well in hand. “Her legs sometimes go faster than her body can keep up with. We’ve had lots of stumbles and falls in our house.”

The woman was still staring at James with a puzzled furrow in her brow.

“What?” Rose asked, frowning.

“I can’t get over your husband,” the woman said. “He is just so good with your daughters.”

“Er, well, I mean… he is their father,” Rose said, confused.

“And how you managed to coerce him into coming to the park, I have no idea,” the woman said. She let out a little laugh and nudged her elbow into Rose’s side. “You’ll have to share your secret.”

“I’m sorry, but what do you mean by coerce him into coming to the park?” Rose asked, feeling a twinge of irritation prickle across her scalp.

“Oh, you know,” the woman said, flapping her hand vaguely. “It’s just that most men wouldn’t waste their Saturday like this, is all.”

“What do you mean, waste?” Rose demanded, feeling offended on James’s behalf that this woman dared to assume that he hated playing with their girls at the park.

The woman’s eyes widened. “Nothing, it’s just that we usually only see mums here. It’s so great that he comes, too, and that he actively plays with them.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Rose asked hotly. “That because he’s a man, that means he’s not obligated to spend time with his children?”

“Well, most men have better things to do with their weekend, is all,” the woman said. “My husband was still asleep when we left for the park. Saturdays are his days to sleep in.”

“When are your days to sleep in?” Rose asked, even though she thought she already knew the answer.

The woman laughed. “Oh, I haven’t slept in in five years, since my first boy was born.”

Rose narrowed her eyes. “That doesn’t seem very fair.”

The woman shrugged. “It’s just the way things are.”

“It’s really not,” Rose said shortly. “James and I give each other time to sleep in, or go out alone, because we’re partners.”

When the woman didn’t answer, Rose scowled at her. “Not that you’d understand a partnership if you’re so shocked that James is here with us. My husband has a duty to our children, same as me. We share all of the responsibilities of child care, because that’s what it means to be a parent. It takes two people to make a child, so why should he be exempt from taking care of them?”

The woman opened her mouth as though to protest, but Rose was too aggravated to want to hear the excuses she came up with.

“Just because he’s a man?” Rose rolled her eyes. “Well, being a man doesn’t excuse anyone from domestic duties. He lives in our house, he’s the father of our children, and so he has the same responsibilities to our marriage and our daughters as I have to them. If you don’t believe that, and if you and your husband don’t operate in the same way, that’s your choice, but don’t sit here and assume that my husband doesn’t enjoy spending time with his kids. Our girls mean the absolute world to him, and it brings him such happiness to play with them.”

Rose stood up from the table, ignoring the woman’s gobsmacked expression, and walked away from the frustrating conversation she’d just had. How dare that woman assume that James didn’t take on half of the work that comes with being a family. How dare she assume that he had to be coerced into coming to the park. James was always the first one to suggest a park day, and quite right. He needed to burn off nearly as much energy as their kids.

She found James and their daughters at the see-saw, and she smiled when Sianin jumped off and raced towards her. She crouched down and caught her toddler in her arms, then blew a raspberry into Sianin’s neck. She shrieked out a laugh, and then tried to blow her own raspberry, but only succeeded in dampening Rose’s neck with spit.

“Have you been having fun?” Rose asked. Sianin babbled excitedly, and Rose nodded as she caught a few words her daughter was saying. “It sounds like you’re having a great time. Why don’t you go back to Ainsley and keep playing?”

Rose pressed a kiss to Sianin’s temple, then opened her arms to release Sianin. She darted back to Ainsley, and Rose smiled to herself as she watched her daughters run around the playground.

“Penny for ‘em?” James came up to her and bumped his hip against hers. “You seem flustered.”

Rose sighed. “I had a chat with another mum. She couldn’t get over how wonderful you are with the girls.”

James preened for a moment, before he frowned.

“And that upset you?”

“No,” Rose said. “Of course not. But what she said afterward did. She kept fawning over the fact that you came to the park, too, and that you were playing with the kids. Like it was this foreign concept.”

“Doesn’t her husband come to the park with them?” James asked.

Rose shook her head. “Nope. Saturdays are his day to sleep in, evidently.”

“Fair enough, I suppose,” James said. “So he gets Sunday morning wake-ups?”

Rose chuckled softly at her daft soulmate. “Wrong again. Apparently she hasn’t gotten a lie-in since their first child was born.”

James blinked. “But-but that’s not fair!”

“I know that,” Rose said. “I guess we missed the memo that it’s the woman’s job to look after her family while the man sits back and watches.”

“Oh, that’s rubbish,” he growled. “Relationships and parenting are all about teamwork. I mean, it took two people to make a child, so why is it that only one half of that partnership is actually expected to do all the work?”

“That’s almost exactly what I told her,” Rose said with a laugh.

James beamed at her. “Did you also tell her that her husband is a lazy twat?”

Rose rolled her eyes. “I went for a little more tact than that. Not much, mind. I just told her that it’s fine if she’s okay with how her marriage and family works, but that she shouldn’t assume that all fathers are like her husband, because there’s nothing you love more than playing with and taking care of our kids.”

James’s smile softened and he leaned over to press a lingering kiss to her forehead.

“Quite right,” he murmured, resting his forehead against hers. “You and I are the best team there is. You’re my equal and my partner in all things, Rose. I’m sorry society seems to want to overlook what a marvelous job you do as a mum in favor of praising dads for doing the bare minimum. It’s not fair.”

“I know,” Rose said gently. “But it doesn’t matter, because you and I know better. Don’t worry about what other people have to say. We know how it should be, and all we can do is normalize that for our kids so that they grow up and know that their significant other, if they have one, needs to be held accountable.”

James smiled softly at her. “Have I mentioned lately that I love you?”

Rose beamed up at him. “Yeah, but it’s always nice to hear it again.”

“Well then, I love you,” he murmured, and he pressed a kiss to her lips.

She cradled the back of his neck in her hand as she returned the gentle pressure of the kiss. They broke apart after a few seconds, then Rose lifted James’s arm so she could check the time on his watch.

“I think it’s just about snack time, don’t you?” she said.

James nodded. “I’ll unpack the food while you get the kids?”

They turned away from each other, him towards the picnic tables and her towards the playground.

“It’s snack time,” she announced when she approached her children. “Is anyone feeling peckish?”

“Food!” Sianin crowed. “Food food food, Mama!”

“I’ll take that as a yes from you,” Rose said, picking up her toddler. She turned her attention to Ainsley, who nodded and led the way back to their picnic bench where James had fruit and crackers waiting for them.

oOoOo

Summer continued to march on, warm and pleasant. James and Rose made sure to take advantage of the lovely weekends by taking family trips across the country with their girls. They went camping and hiking—which was sometimes tricky with a young toddler—and made visits to the beach.

They also went on private holidays together, sans kids, and enjoyed their alone time. Robert and Jackie were always thrilled to keep the girls for a weekend, even if sometimes the girls—namely Sianin—weren’t always thrilled to be without Mummy and Daddy for a couple of days.

“Mama? Dada? Mama! Mamaaaaa!!”

Rose heard Jackie talking softly to Sianin as she began to wail louder for them. Then Ainsley’s voice joined in the mix, too.

“We’re gonna have fun with Gran,” she said. “Don’t cry, Sianin. Mummy and Daddy will be back on Sunday. It’s okay. Don’t cry.”

James rested his hand on Rose’s lower back and guided her out the door and to their car. Once the door was closed, they couldn’t hear their baby crying anymore, but that didn’t mean they felt any better about it.

“I hate this stage,” Rose mumbled, trying to ignore the ache in her chest that was telling her she was traumatizing her child.

“I know,” James sighed, opening the passenger door for her. “She’ll be all right, though. I promise.”

And indeed, when they arrived at their hotel in Bristol, five text messages from Jackie were waiting for them. Four out of the five were photographs of the girls playing, and the fifth message read, “She was fine after five minutes. She’s still fine. Ainsley too. Enjoy your weekend.”

They smiled at the photos of their daughters, and they were relieved that they could enjoy their holiday, guilt-free.

There were also some days when they stayed local for their activities, and visited museums and theaters together, or when they all stayed at home and had quiet family days in. And while James and Rose adored family time, there were certain days they needed alone time.

For James, this was usually a night out with his work friends at one of the pubs near the university. The pub hosted quiz night every Thursday, with the prize being a fully-paid tab for the winning team. Since James’s team consisted of various uni professors, both inside and outside of the science department, they almost always won.

He also picked up golf, when his work mate convinced him to tag along on a round one Sunday afternoon. While he was only mediocre at it, it was fun and a way for him to stay fit, and so after discussing it with Rose, he joined the clubhouse for nine o’clock tee-time every first and third Sunday.

On those mornings, Rose and the girls would make a big breakfast—“You’ve got to have some stamina,” Rose explained on that first Sunday morning. To which James had teased, “Oh, I think you’re more than familiar with my stamina.”—before they would go out and do something together.

Sometimes the girls joined Rose with running errands, and while it wasn’t the most exciting activity, it was still a day out with Mummy. And sometimes Rose planned a girls’ day with her daughters and her mother.

One particular Sunday, they all went to a kid-friendly nail salon and drank the fancy drinks Rose had picked up from the cafe across the street.

“Hot chocolate for Miss Ainsley,” Rose said, handing her daughter the travel mug. “I put some ice cubes in it, so it should be cool enough to drink now.” Then she turned to her mum and handed her the foamy chai latte.

“Chock, Mama!” Sianin chirped. “Chock!”

“I’ve got your chocolate milk right here,” Rose soothed, pouring it into Sianin’s sippy cup. “See? Here you go, sweetheart.”

“What’d you get, Mummy?” Ainsley asked, licking the melted whipped cream from her upper lip.

“An iced caramel macchiato,” Rose answered.

“Can I try some?”

“Just one little sip,” Rose allowed, gesturing for Ainsley to come closer. Ainsley took a small pull from the straw and swallowed. “What do you think?”

Ainsley shrugged. “It’s okay, I guess. There’s no chocolate in it.”

Rose laughed. “No, there’s not. It’s coffee-based. Like what Daddy drinks.”

Ainsley scrunched her nose. “Daddy’s coffee is yucky. Your drink is better than that.”

“I think so, too,” Rose said.

Their names were called a few minutes later, and Rose sat with Sianin in her lap and Ainsley in the chair beside her as they all—except Sianin—got manicures and pedicures.

While Rose had mother-daughter dates when James had plans, James likewise had father-daughter dates when Rose had plans. Unlike James, Rose’s alone time varied from week to week. Some weekends she spent the day shopping with friends. Other times she picked a night for herself and went to see a film or had dinner out.

When Rose went out on weeknights, James planned a kid-friendly meal prep and taught his kids the finer points on cooking. It was tricky, sometimes, because Sianin didn’t have a long enough attention span to want to help assemble the ingredients. But for the most part, his toddler happily dumped the contents of various cups James gave her into the mixing bowl he pointed to.

“Does Sianin want to shake some of this parsley into the bowl?” James asked, handing the ingredient to his youngest.

“Shake shake shake,” Sianin said, raising her arms to be lifted up.

James held her up so she could reach the bowl and watched her turn the bottle upside down and shake it vigorously.

“Well done, darling,” James praised, even as parsley flakes fluttered all across the counter and onto the floor. “I think that’s good enough.”

“Shake?” Sianin asked as he took away the bottle.

“I’ve got some bread crumbs you can add,” James said. “No shaking, though. Just dumping. Give Daddy a minute to measure.”

Sianin babbled to him and Ainsley as they assembled the rest of the ingredients into what would be their dinner of meatballs.

“And now we just roll them up into little balls,” James said, scooping out a bit of the raw meat mixture. He plopped it into his palm and rolled it around until it was a near-perfect sphere, then set it aside.

When all of the meatballs were assembled—some more lumpy than others, thanks to Ainsley’s help—and everyone’s hands were washed, James took the plate over to the stove and heated up a frying pan with a bit of oil in it.

He set the meatballs in the pan to cook, and while they fried, he and Ainsley cleaned up the mess they’d made.

“Time to flip them,” James announced when the timer went off.

“Can I try?” Ainsley asked as she watched him expertly turn them.

“Sure,” he said. “Just be very, very careful. The grease pops a bit.” He lifted her into his arms so she could reach the stove, and he supervised her turning the last five meatballs in the pan. “Well done!”

When the meatballs were done, James heated up some canned spaghetti sauce, trying to ignore the blasphemy of using sauce from a jar with homemade meatballs.

 _Someday I’ll teach them the homemade sauce recipe, too,_  he mused, but for now, he was content with the triumph of having successfully entertained both children throughout the process of making the meatballs.

It was easier than when he taught them how to make various soups and stews, when everything had to simmer for over an hour. The girls didn’t enjoy having playtime interrupted to tend to the soup, and so James was often the only one checking the status of their meal.

As summer finally waned into September, the heat was replaced by cooler, damper weather, and the Tyler-McCrimmon household prepared for a new school term. Only this time, it wasn’t just James getting ready for a new term, but Ainsley was as well.

Ainsley seemed enthusiastic about the prospect of beginning school, and so James and Rose worked hard to hide how conflicted they were feeling. They wanted to be happy for their daughter, but it was hard to accept the evidence that their little girl was growing up.

“Wasn’t she just a baby last week?” James sighed the night before Ainsley’s Reception year started. “Where did the last five years go?”

Rose shook her head and cuddled closer to James.

The next morning got off to an early start, as Ainsley woke up a full hour before she needed to, and subsequently woke her parents. Knowing they’d never get their over-excited child back to sleep, they rolled themselves out of bed to get the day underway.

They made a big, special breakfast to celebrate the occasion, and they took a photograph of Ainsley, thinking they could document all of her first days of school over the coming years.

Finally, it was time to drop Ainsley off at her school. James walked with Sianin on his hip as Rose held Ainsley’s hand and guided her through the building and to her classroom. About half a dozen other children were already there.

“Good morning!” A petite black woman stepped up to them. “My name is Miss Wallace. And who are you?”

Ainsley took a step back and clutched at Rose’s hand.

“Go ahead, sweetheart,” Rose soothed. “This is going to be your teacher this year.”

After looking up at Rose for confidence, she finally squeaked out, “I’m Ainsley.”

“Hello, Ainsley,” Miss Wallace said. “I’m delighted to meet you. We’re going to have a fantastic year together! Those other boys and girls over there will be in class with you, too. Why don’t you go say hi?”

Again, Ainsley looked up uncertainly at her parents.

“Go ahead, darling,” James said, smiling encouragingly. He stepped towards her and crouched down to wrap her in a hug. “Mum and I will see you this evening when school is done. Okay?”

James pressed a kiss to her hair and stood up to let Rose say goodbye to their daughter. He then turned his attention to the teacher.

“I’m James Tyler-McCrimmon,” he introduced, sticking his hand out for the woman to shake. “Ainsley’s dad. Obviously.”

“Pleasure,” Miss Wallace said with a smile. She then turned to Rose, who was looking after Ainsley as she went to go say hello to the other kids in the class. “And I take it you’re Ainsley’s mum?”

“Yeah. Rose Tyler-McCrimmon,” she answered, shaking the teacher’s hand.

“First one off to school?” the teacher asked with a knowing smile.

“That obvious?” James asked sheepishly.

“A little. But don’t worry. The first few days are the hardest, but I’ve found most kids enjoy coming to school.”

“Until they hit their teenage years,” Rose mumbled under her breath, making James laugh.

“Right, well, we best be off,” he said, slipping his hand into Rose’s. “Thanks. We’ll be here to pick up Ainsley at 3:30.”

He started guiding Rose out of the room when Sianin squealed, “Ainsley!”

“Ainsley’s gonna stay here,” James said.

“Ainsley.” Sianin pouted at him.

“Time for you to be dropped off at daycare,” James said cheerfully, bouncing his baby in his arms as they walked out of the school.

“Ainsley! No no no!”

They made it the car, and Rose opened up the door for him as he wrestled their shrieking, writhing baby into the car seat. Sianin continued to cry as they drove a few blocks north to the daycare.

“Oh, what have we here?” the daycare aide cooed when James carried a crying Sianin inside.

“She seems to be a little upset that Ainsley won’t be at daycare with her,” James said with a grimace as he made to hand off the baby to the aide.

“Dada! No no no!” She clenched her hands into fists around his sleeves and threw her body against his chest.

“Hey, you’re okay,” he whispered, brushing his lips across Sianin’s head as he cuddled her close. “Everything’s okay, Sianin. We’re at daycare. You love daycare! You’ve got all your little friends, and lots of fun toys!”

Sianin was not impressed and continued squirming in his arms.

“You’re gonna be late for class,” Rose said, rubbing her hand across his lower back.

He sighed and nodded, and he gave Sianin a tight squeeze and kissed her forehead.

“We’ll see you tonight, darling,” he whispered. “Ainsley, too. You’ll see her tonight. Love you lots.”

He transferred the baby to the aide, and after Rose gave Sianin a kiss goodbye, they turned and walked out of the room, trying not to let their hearts break at the utter distress in Sianin’s cries.

“Blimey,” James said when they reached the car. “I didn’t expect the first day of school to be so traumatic.”

“I know.” Rose groaned and rubbing at her forehead. “Ainsley seemed to be the only one who took it well.”

“I guess her reaction is the most important,” James mused. “I didn’t expect Sianin’s reaction, honestly. I mean, they’re not even in the same room at the daycare. Why would she be so upset Ainsley wasn’t coming with her?”

“Dunno. Guess she thought we were abandoning her sister?”

James shook his head and hopped into the car to drop Rose off at work before he drove himself to the university.

Sianin eventually got used to the fact that Ainsley wasn’t going to the daycare with her anymore, and after a few days, she stopped throwing a fit when Rose and James left Ainsley behind at the school.

Ainsley utterly adored school. She always came home excited to tell them what she’d learned that day—“We got a new word list and I knew them all!” “We learned to count to twenty!” “We got to mix paint today!”—and James and Rose were thrilled to see Ainsley so happy.

As the crisp, cool autumn weather replaced the lingering warmth of summer, the family settled into their new routine. Both girls were enjoying school and daycare, and James and Rose were thoroughly enjoying their work.

Autumn was always hectic for Rose, as many people, couples, and families took advantage of the beautiful autumn scenery. She also took advantage of it whenever she and James went out with the girls for a weekend of family fun.

With a camera safely tucked in her bag, she and James loaded up the girls and drove them to a tiny town a few miles away. They braved a corn maze, letting Ainsley make the suggestions on which paths to take, as she seemed much more interested in it than last year.

They often ran into dead ends and when they did, James and Rose calmly guided her back to the fork they’d come from, and they tried a different path instead.

Rose took a generous number of photos of her family in the maze, but her favorites were the few minutes when Sianin was interested in the maze, and Ainsley took her by the hand and walked with her a few paces ahead of James and Rose.

When they exited the maze, they went pumpkin picking, and they laughed when Sianin attempted to pick up a pumpkin the size of her torso.

“How about a little help, eh?” Rose cooed as she saw Sianin’s face twist up in frustration.

She crouched behind her toddler and picked up the pumpkin before bringing it to Sianin’s chest.

“Go ahead and grab it,” she encouraged, and she felt Sianin’s arms wrap around the pumpkin.

“Smile, love.”

Rose looked up and saw James had her camera, which he was pointing at the two of them. She beamed at her husband, who snapped a few photos.

“Gorgeous!” he crowed, pocketing the camera. “What a large pumpkin, Sian.”

“Punkin,” she said, before she lost interest in it and ducked under Rose’s arms to toddle off where Ainsley was hefting her pumpkin into her arms.

With the pumpkins picked, James and Rose judged that Sianin had had enough of their day out. They’d planned to go apple picking as well, but decided that could wait until next weekend; there was no sense in dealing with a completely avoidable temper tantrum.

When they got home, and after Sianin took her afternoon nap, Robert and Jackie came over to help carve pumpkins. They mostly helped with Ainsley’s pumpkin, while James, Rose, and Sianin worked on another, and after a messy half hour, the family’s four pumpkins were all carved and proudly put on display on the front porch.

And though October was busy for Rose, she made sure to keep her lunch hour completely free on the twenty-seventh in order to keep her annual tradition of sharing lunch with her soulmate on his birthday.

“Any special requests from the birthday boy?” Rose asked as she straightened her hair.

James shot her a wicked grin in the mirror. “Oh, but how are you gonna top this morning’s wake-up call?”

Rose rolled her eyes at him. “I meant for lunch, you plum.”

“I have to admit, it might be a little daring to have you suck me off over lunch, but we could lock my office door…” he mused.

“For food!” she exclaimed, amusedly exasperated at her husband. “Blimey. Are you sure you haven’t turned fifteen instead?”

“Nope!” he said, popping the ‘p’. “Thirty-five!”

“Thirty-five going on fifteen,” Rose added under her breath, but James heard her and stuck his tongue out at her.

“Oh, you love me,” he said with a boyish grin that she could never not return.

“Indeed, I do,” she said. She set her hair straightener down and turned around to face him properly. She stepped up to him and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “Right, I’ll see you for lunch. Since you haven’t told me what you want, I’ll just pick up what I want, to hell if you like it or not.”

James pouted, and Rose winked at him, then slipped past him to get the girls ready for their day.

Around mid-morning, James wrote to her with his lunch request.

_If it’s not too late to make a suggestion, how about Chinese?_

“Sounds good,” she replied. “I’ll be there at quarter after noon. Love you.”

When lunchtime came, Rose picked up their order of James’s favorite dishes, and she drove to the university. She smiled and waved at the office secretaries on her way to the lifts. She hit the button for the sixth floor, then walked to the end of the corridor and rapped her knuckles lightly on the ajar office door.

“Just me,” she said, stepping inside.

James stood up from his desk to help her with the bags, and he closed the door behind them.

“How has your morning been?” he asked, pulling up a chair for her.

“Not bad,” she said. “No photoshoots today. Just a lot of edits and taking orders for more appointments. We’ve already had one booking for a Christmas shoot.”

“Already?” James asked, twirling chopsticks through his lo mein.

“Mhm,” she said, taking a bite of her fried rice. “They didn’t have much room in their schedules, apparently. Between getting married at the beginning of December, then they both work in retail. They wanted to make a reservation before we were booked up.”

“Did you get their whole life story while you were at it?” James teased.

“I swear I have the sort of voice that just begs to be talked to,” she replied.

“I can attest to the truth in that statement. I can’t seem to stop talking around you.”

“It’s a good thing you’ve got a very pleasant voice to listen to,” she said with a wink. “So how’s your morning going?”

“Not bad,” he answered. “Had my nine-a.m. lecture. My students all sang ‘happy birthday’ to me and someone made cake, so we had a bit of sugar as they listened to me drone on.”

“Your students adore you,” Rose said, feeling so proud of her husband that he genuinely loved his work.

“I suppose,” he allowed, but Rose saw the pleased glint in his eyes. “This afternoon is lab day. Shouldn’t be too difficult an experiment.”

They continued their idle conversation, and as usual, halfway through eating, they swapped meals and Rose finished off his shrimp lo mein and James had her pork fried rice.

“This was brilliant,” James said, collecting all of the empty boxes to throw away. “Thank you very much.”

“You’re very welcome,” she replied, stepping up to him. She rocked up onto her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his shoulders to press her lips to his. His hands rested at her hips as he tilted his head to the side to deepen the kiss. She sucked at his lower lip, teasing it between hers, before she released it and gave the same attention to his upper lip.

He grinned into the kiss, before easing them out of it.

“I love you,” he whispered, resting his forehead against hers and rubbing the tip of his nose against hers.

“As I love you,” she replied, tickling her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. She pressed a parting kiss to his lips and stepped away. “I’ll see you tonight for dinner. Requests for dessert?”

A filthy smirk overtook his face and she rolled her eyes and hastily added, “I meant cake. Bloody hell, James.”

He giggled and gave her bum a quick pinch. “Can you blame me for being unable to keep my hands off of my fantastic, beautiful wife?”

She shook her head at her daft husband and stole another kiss before she opened the door.

“Behave yourself,” she said. “And later tonight we’ll see about revisiting the other type of dessert.”

“Can’t wait,” he called after her.

He leaned against the door to his office and watched her walk to the lift, and if she exaggerated the swaying of her hips, well, it wasn’t as though anyone else was around to see it. When she entered the lift, she turned back around and blew a parting kiss to James before the doors slid shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder: due to it being a crazy semester and the fact I’m still in the process of writing the second half of this story, I will only be updating  **every other week** , at least until school has finished, or I completely finished the second half of the story.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein the Tyler-McCrimmons celebrate Christmas.
> 
> Chapter Rating: Teen
> 
> Chapter word count: 5300

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the beginning of the chapter:
> 
> James: 35  
> Rose: 29  
> Ainsley: 5  
> Sianin: 20 months

“There’s my birthday girl!”

James turned around from where he was tending to the banana pancakes, and he watched Rose crouch down to embrace their now five-year-old. He impatiently waited for the pancake to cook, and once it was golden-brown, he set it on the serving plate and took his turn greeting Ainsley.

“Happy birthday, my darling!” he exclaimed, hoisting her up into his arms to twirl her exuberantly around the room. She laughed in his ear and tightened her arms and legs around him. He pointed to the clock, which read 7am, and he said, “Five years ago today, right at this very minute, I had no idea that my beautiful little girl was about to be born that afternoon and change my entire life.”

“I was born really early, right Daddy?” Ainsley said, even though she’d heard the story dozens of times.

“That’s right,” James said. “You weren’t supposed to be born ‘til December. But then you gave me and Mummy the best surprise of our lives. I love you so much, Ainsley.” He pressed a smacking kiss to her cheek then said, “Go on and sit down at the table. Your banana pancakes will be ready in just a tick.”

James turned back to the pancakes, and he cooked up the last of the batter before setting the steaming plate in the middle of the table beside the eggs and bacon Rose had placed there moments ago.

He worked on plating everyone’s food as Rose poured everyone something to drink, and soon the family was settled around the table, tucking into Ainsley’s birthday breakfast.

“This is really yummy, Daddy!” she said, stuffing a loaded forkful of pancake into her mouth. Her cheeks puffed out as she chewed, and James chuckled at his daughter.

“Thank you, but perhaps try a smaller bite next time?” he suggested.

The clanking of silverware against plates and the occasional unintelligible chatter from Sianin was the only sound for the next few minutes as they all enjoyed their breakfast. Then Ainsley reached for her cup of orange juice, and her sleeve pulled away from her hand to reveal her wrist, where a smudge of black ink decorated her skin. Rose saw it and gasped, forgetting she was in the middle of taking a sip of tea. The scalding liquid spluttered into her mouth and down her throat, causing her to choke.

She coughed and hacked as James patted her back unhelpfully, and she tried to stop her eyes from watering while she also tried to draw breath.

“All right?” James asked when her fit seemed to subside.

She shook her head and reached out for Ainsley’s arm.

“Sweetheart, are you… did you…?”

James’s attention was finally brought to the ink on his daughter’s wrist, and his eyes bugged.

“Hmm?” Ainsley glanced between James and Rose, furrowing her eyebrows at her parents, before she realized what they were looking at. “Oh, no. That’s just me. I wrote a message to my soulmate but haven’t gotten a reply yet.”

The knot in James’s stomach loosened, and he sighed with relief. He knew the eternal joy that came with a soulmate, and he wished for his children to experience the love he felt for and received from Rose, but not quite yet. She was still just his little girl, after all. It was only five years ago that he’d met her and held her for the first time. Selfish though it was, he didn’t want to share her with anyone yet, not even her perfect match.

Over the next few weeks, James and Rose continued to watch Ainsley go around with an unanswered message on her arm. After awhile, their hearts stopped jumping into their throats when they saw the ink they always thought belonged to their daughter’s soulmate.

“Are you sure it’s healthy for her to be doing that?” Jackie asked when she spotted Ainsley re-tracing the word ‘hello’ on her forearm.

“What do you mean?” James asked.

“Well what if she doesn’t have a soulmate?” Jackie asked. “Ever. She’s getting her hopes up, and you’re encouraging it.”

“I wrote ‘hello’ on my arm when I was five,” James said, his tone a little frosty. “And look what came of it.”

He gestured vaguely in front of him, at the living room of his and Rose’s house, which was full of kid-induced clutter.

Jackie snorted. “Pull the other one. You were a teenager before you contacted Rose.”

“First off, I was eleven,” he said. “Secondly, it’s true! I walked around with ‘hello’ on my arm. Ask my dad.”

“Did you really keep it on your arm for six years though?” Jackie asked dubiously.

James’s ears burned. “Well, no. Not exactly. I sort of gave up on the idea of having a soulmate after a few years. But then that wonderful New Year’s Day happened and I met the love of my life.”

“Yeah, but what if that doesn’t happen for Ainsley?” Jackie stressed. “You’re setting her up for future heartbreak. Have you and Rose talked to her about the possibility that she might not have a soulmate?”

“Rose and I will cross that bridge if we come to it,” James said firmly, effectively ending the conversation.

Truthfully, he had no idea how to broach the subject with Ainsley. His five-year-old was hell-bent on the idea that she had a soulmate out there somewhere. She was so vehement in her belief, he didn’t have the heart to tell her otherwise, and so he indulged in her musings about soulmates.

But did that make him a bad father for not preparing her for potential disappointment if it turned out that she didn’t have a soulmate? He just didn’t know, and so he preferred not to think about it.

December was soon upon them, bringing with it chilly weather and a house bursting with excitement for the impending arrival of Santa Claus.

Rose loved Christmastime, even if it was her busiest season. Everything was so beautiful, and the world seemed just a little bit kinder at this time of year. And decorating their home was always an enjoyable activity for her.

She looked into the kitchen, where James was entertaining their two daughters by teaching them how to bake Christmas biscuits. Well. He was entertaining Ainsley. Sianin was toddling around and running circuits through the kitchen and into the living room and back again.

As James and Ainsley baked and Sianin ran laps, Rose continued to decorate the house for Christmas. Ainsley’s interest in decorating had stopped once the tree was done and the stockings were hung, but Rose didn’t mind. It was fun to transform her home for the holidays. She moved to the wall of photographs in their living room and took them down to replace them with their Christmas photos through the years.

She enjoyed watching the progression of herself and James from fresh-faced kids into parents. Her eyes raked over her husband, who was seemingly unchanged by time. He was tall and thin as ever, and while there were a few more lines around his eyes and mouth and the occasional gray hair that he always tried to immediately pluck out, he was still as sexy as he was when she first met him.

She, on the other hand…

Rose sighed as she watched how her body had changed over the years. Her hips were wider, her boobs bigger, and her stomach seemed to have developed a permanent sag to it, more so after Sianin’s birth. She’d picked up weight around her face and in her thighs, too.

“Penny for ‘em.”

James came up to her with a biscuit in hand.

“Just thinking. You’ve stayed so gorgeous over the years.” Rose gestured to the photos on the wall. “You’re even sexier now than when you were twenty-three. You’ve aged like a fine wine. I’ve aged like moldy cheese.”

James frowned. “Don’t say that. You’re sexier now, too.”

Rose snorted. “Thanks, love, but no, I’m not.”

“Rose, you are,” he said softly. “You become more beautiful with every passing day, and I fall deeper in love with you every day, too. Yeah, your body has changed, but so has mine.” He lifted his jumper to expose his tummy, where the slightest paunch rested above his belt. He pinched it and screwed his face into an exaggerated grimace. “You’ve fattened me up, you have.”

“Oh, shut up,” Rose said, laughing as she patted his stomach. “You needed a bit of meat on your bones.”

“You never complained before,” he murmured, stepping up into her personal space.

She shivered as the length of his body pressed up against hers.

“Rose, your body is so gorgeous,” he whispered into her ear. He trailed the hand not holding the biscuit down her side and across to her belly then hips. “This body grew our two beautiful daughters, then gave birth to them.” He raised his hand to just under her breasts. “It fed them and nourished them for their first year of life. Your body is so,  _so_  incredible, Rose. I don’t care what it looks like. I wasn’t soulmated to your body, I was soulmated to  _you_ , no matter the package. But for what it’s worth, I am still as attracted to you now as I was eleven and a half years ago, and I still think you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

Rose grinned and leaned back against his chest.

“Have I told you recently that I love you?”

He hummed in her ear and pressed a soft kiss to the skin just below it.

“I don’t think you have,” he teased. “I’m feeling a little insecure about it, honestly.”

Rose giggled and spun around in his arms. She lifted her arms and draped them around his neck as she rocked onto her tiptoes.

“I love you very much,” she murmured, her lips a fraction of an inch away from his.

“Brilliant.” His breath puffed against her lips, making her shiver in anticipation. “Because I love you very much, too.”

Finally, he ducked down and pressed a kiss to her lips. It was a relatively chaste kiss, as there were two young children that could walk in on them at any moment, but it still felt amazing. She always loved kissing James. It warmed her from the inside out and made her so giddy she felt like nothing would ever be wrong in the world.

“Did you bring me a snack?” Rose asked, slightly breathless, as she pulled away from James.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah.” The hint of amusement in his voice puzzled Rose, until she saw the biscuit in his outstretched hand. “Ainsley didn’t quite press down hard enough on the biscuit cutter. A bit of dough was left in a very unfortunate place.”

Rose cackled as she saw the Santa biscuit with a small piece of dough hanging between his legs.

“Santa has a cock!”

“I thought this would amuse you. Care to eat the vulgar Santa?”

Rose grabbed it out of his hand, and bit off one of Santa’s legs.

“I always love these photos,” James said, gesturing to the wall of past Christmas photos.

“Me too,” she said. “It’s fun watching the girls grow year to year.”

Her eyes scanned across her daughters, watching Ainsley grow from a tiny infant and into an equally-tiny child, while Sianin grew from a pudgy baby into a pudgier toddler.

Rose’s eyes lingered on the photo from two years ago, and at her swollen, pregnant belly. James seemed to catch her view, too.

“Maybe next year’s photo will have you big with Baby Three,” he mused, tapping a fingernail against the glass overtop her pregnant stomach.

“Or with Baby Three in the flesh,” she said hopefully.

It was nearly six months since she’d thought she was pregnant, but wasn’t. Six months since they decided to try for another baby. Nothing yet, but Rose was optimistic. It took over seven months to get pregnant with Sianin; remembering back, at the time it had felt like it had taken forever to get pregnant. But seven months was hardly any time at all. As it was, it felt like the last six months had flown by. Besides, Sianin wasn’t even two yet. There was no rush.

“No, Sianin, hot!” James and Rose wheeled around at Ainsley’s sharp shout and Sianin’s indignant squeal. “No touch! Don’t touch the oven!”

They entered the kitchen to see Ainsley with her arms around Sianin’s waist, hoisting her away from the metal pan of biscuits that had recently come out of the oven.

“No, no, no!” Sianin shrieked, flailing in Ainsley’s arms. “Bisky, Ainsley! Bisky!”

“What have we got here?” James asked, smoothly gliding up to their girls and taking Sianin up into his arms.

“She tried touching the oven,” Ainsley said unnecessarily.

“Yes, I heard,” he said. Sianin was still whimpering in his arms and leaning towards the hot biscuits on the pan, so James reached over for a cooler one from their first batch. “Here you are, darling. Little bites, now.” James then turned to his other daughter and said, “Thank you, Ainsley, for making sure she didn’t get hurt. I’m sorry you had to do that. I should’ve been watching.”

“S’okay,” Ainsley said brightly. “I’m not gonna let her burn herself.” She spotted Rose munching on Vulgar Santa. “Did Daddy and me do good?”

“Very good,” Rose praised, finally popping the last bit into her mouth. “Do you like baking with Daddy?”

“Uh huh,” she said. “Daddy lets me taste the dough.”

“Not too much, though. We don’t want you getting sick.” Rose caught James’s eye, and then glanced meaningfully between the girls. “Right, I’m gonna go decorate in the bedroom. You stay out here with Daddy, okay.”

“M’kay,” Ainsley said distractedly as she made more cut-out Santas from the dough that was rolled out on the counter.

Before Rose could turn and walk out of the room, James stepped up to her and murmured, “Are you sure you don’t want any help in the bedroom?”

“Behave,” Rose chastised with a giggle. “Insatiable, you are.” She pushed lightly against his chest. “You keep Ainsley entertained out here while I wrap some of her gifts. Then maybe later tonight we can revisit the idea of your assistance in the bedroom. There’s a sprig of mistletoe I have yet to hang… it might look good above our bed.”

She pecked a kiss to James’s cheek and sauntered out of the kitchen, being sure to sway her hips more than normal to give James a parting show.

As Christmas drew nearer, the girls came home with more crafts done at school and daycare. Of course, the daycare aides were the ones making Sianin’s, but nevertheless, Rose loved the little green handprint that was supposed to be a tree and the white footprint that was a snowman.

Their Christmas tree was soon adorned by the kids’ ornaments, hanging proudly front and center.

On the last day of school before the holidays, Rose noticed Ainsley seemed subdued as they drove home. She chalked it up to the excitement of the holidays finally tiring her daughter out, but when they got home and Ainsley still hadn’t said much, nor had she fallen asleep on the car ride home, Rose suspected something else was weighing on her five-year-old’s mind.

“How was school today, sweetheart?” she asked, hanging up Ainsley’s jacket and her own in the closet.

Ainsley shrugged. Before Rose could ask what was wrong, Ainsley looked up. Her brow was furrowed and her face looked troubled, and Rose’s heart sank, her mind running through all of the possible scenarios of why Ainsley looked so distressed.

“We were talking about families today as we made gingerbread houses,” Ainsley said. “Because some stupid boys were teasing William about having two mummies. And so we started talking about family, and all my friends have two grans and two grandads. But I only have one. Why do I only have one, Mummy?”

That had not at all been what Rose was expecting. She’d steeled herself to hear Ainsley tell her she was being bullied or something in school. But not this.

“You do have two grans and two grandads,” Rose began gently. “But Daddy’s mum died, and so did my dad. You remember all the stories of your Grandma Vera and Grandad Pete?”

Ainsley nodded slowly, but she still looked troubled.

Rose sighed and beckoned Ainsley to sit on the couch with her. On the way there, Rose grabbed two photo albums that she knew would contain photographs of James’s mum and her dad.

“My dad died when I was just a baby,” Rose began, flipping to the photos of her father. Her mum had brought that album out a lot when Rose was a kid, particularly when Jackie had had a bit to drink. She remembered sitting with her mum on her bed and listening to the stories of how Jackie met Pete, and their wedding, and how happy he was when he held Rose for the first time. “Here he is.”

“How old were you?” Ainsley asked, her eyes scanning across Pete’s face.

“Just a baby,” Rose repeated. “About six months old, I think.”

“Does it make you sad you don’t have a daddy?”

Rose shrugged. “A little bit, I suppose. I don’t have any memories of my dad, though, so that makes it easier. But it does make me sad to think of all the lost potential… My dad never got to see me grow up, or get a soulmate, or meet you and Sianin. But at least I’ve got my mum. Your Gran.”

“Gran lost her soulmate really soon,” Ainsley noted. “A lot sooner than Grandad lost his.”

“Oh, no, my mum and dad weren’t soulmates,” Rose corrected.

Ainsley blinked in surprise.

“Soulmates are the exception, not the rule, sweetheart,” Rose reminded. “Remember only a small portion of people are soulmated. Yet there are plenty of people who find true love anyway. Like my mum and dad.”

“But it’s not really true love,” Ainsley said.

“Don’t say that, of course it is,” Rose reprimanded gently. “People fall in love regularly every day, without being soulmated. Like Uncle Mickey and his girlfriend. Or Auntie Donna and her boyfriend. Loads of married people aren’t soulmated but are still extremely happy.”

“Oh,” Ainsley said quietly, as though the thought had never occurred to her.

And perhaps it hadn’t, Rose realized. Ainsley’s main frame of reference was Rose’s relationship with James. She loved James so much, and she loved how much he loved being soulmated to her, but Rose worried he’d romanticized soulmates far too much for Ainsley and had her believing that was the only way to find true love.

“You know it’s okay to not have a soulmate, right Ainsley?” Rose murmured, covering her daughter’s forearm where she knew the word “hello” was still written.

“I guess. But I really want one. I want to have someone who loves me like Daddy loves you,” Ainsley said.

“I want that for you, too. So much. No matter how it happens, though.”

Ainsley nodded, then she closed the book in her lap and took the other photo album from Rose. Vera’s face smiled up at them from the pages, lodging an aching twinge in Rose’s chest, as it always did when she thought about Vera, and how close they’d come to meeting, knowing, and loving each other.

“Hey, she looks like me!”

Rose looked down at her daughter’s excited exclamation and smiled when she saw the photo Ainsley was pointing at. It was an old photo of Vera when she was Ainsley’s age.

“Technically you look like her,” Rose said, playfully nudging her elbow into Ainsley’s ribs. “But yeah, you look similar.”

“She’s really pretty,” Ainsley said, flipping through the book to later photos of Vera. “Is that Daddy?”

Rose saw a dark-haired baby sleeping on Vera’s chest with his pudgy fist in his mouth and a layer of drool covering his chin and Vera’s shirt. Vera looked so at peace, cradling her son to her chest as he slept, and Rose smiled at the scene they made.

“Yeah, it is,” Rose said.

“Are there pictures of you as a baby, Mummy?” Ainsley asked as she flipped to a new page and saw a photograph of James when he was a toddler.

Rose nodded and went to the bookshelf to select a few more photo albums for her daughter to peruse.

They spent nearly an hour pouring over the albums together, with Ainsley laughing at antiquated fashion trends and hairstyles of her mum and dad, and gran and grandad.

“How old was Daddy when his mummy died?” Ainsley asked, finally reaching the part of the book where Rose replaced Vera in the photographs with James and Robert.

“Twenty-three,” Rose whispered, her mind painfully recalling that awful night when she’d learned what had happened. “I was almost eighteen.”

“She died on April twenty-fifth?” Ainsley verified, and at Rose’s nod, her eyes widened. “Did you miss your first meeting with Daddy?”

“Of course not,” Rose said. “It was a little delayed, because Daddy got a little hurt in the car accident too, but no, sweetheart, we still had our first meeting.”

“How did it go?” Ainsley asked.

“It was perfect,” Rose said honestly, remembering the utter joy in meeting her soulmate for the first time. “Your daddy made me the most wonderful dinner my first night with him. Then a few days later, he took me to a romantic restaurant where we danced beneath the stars.”

“That sounds nice,” Ainsley said with a soft sigh. “I wish I could’ve met Daddy’s mummy and your daddy.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I wish they could’ve met you, too,” Rose said, giving Ainsley a tight squeeze. “They would have loved you so much. You and Sianin.”

oOoOo

They set out for Scotland two days before Christmas. After reassuring Ainsley that Santa would still know where to drop off her gifts, they loaded everyone into the car. Robert had stopped by earlier that week to take Ainsley and Sianin’s gifts to the manor so that they wouldn’t see their parents bringing them, and he had promised to hide them in the cellar for James and Rose.

The drive passed by relatively uneventfully. Sianin had slept through most of it, and eventually Ainsley fell asleep too. Robert was the only one there when they arrived, but the rest of the family would be coming on Christmas Eve.

“It’ll be quite crowded,” James noted. “Jackie’s coming with Mickey and his girlfriend. And Rita-Anne. Donna and her boyfriend. Wilf and Sylvia. Grandma. Have I missed anyone?”

“That’s everyone.”

“It’ll be an early start for everyone on Christmas,” James said. “Seven is the latest they get. That’s the latest Rose and I could push it for Ainsley. If she had her way, we’d be up and opening presents at five in the morning.”

Robert laughed. “I’ll make sure I program the coffee to be ready by seven. I made up the master suite for you, Rose, and the girls. Whoever wants to sleep through Ainsley’s early morning can take the upstairs bedrooms.”

Though as it turned out, nobody wanted to sleep through Christmas morning.

Promptly at seven in the morning, James and Rose—carrying a drowsy Sianin—made their way to the living room, where all of the presents sat beneath the lit tree. Almost everyone was bleary-eyed, but they all gathered in the living room to watch the magic of Christmas through Ainsley’s eyes.

It took less than a half hour for Ainsley to open up all of her presents. The majority were from Santa, but James and Rose claimed credit for a few.

Sianin opened one of her presents, but after she got it open, she was more interested in the shiny bows littering the floor.

“Can I open Sianin’s presents?” Ainsley asked as Sianin picked up another bow and added it to her collection on Rose’s lap.

“Oh, sure, go ahead,” James said. “Sian, darling, Ainsley’s opening your gifts. D’you wanna help her?”

“No,” she said, but she stepped up to her sister and took the bow Ainsley had ripped off.

Once all of the gifts had been exchanged among the family, James and Robert started on Christmas dinner.

“Birdy,” Sianin chirped as she wandered into the kitchen just as James was seasoning the turkey. “Nakey birdy. Dead birdy.”

James chuckled and said, “Yep. Naked, dead birdy. But a tasty birdy.”

“Tasty birdy,” Sianin repeated. “Up, Daddy.”

She thrust her arms up towards him, but Robert was the one who scooped her up.

“Daddy’s hands are a bit yucky,” Robert explained as Sianin leaned around him to see her dad.

“I’ll hold you in a minute,” James promised, before he flipped the turkey upside down in the roasting pan and popped it into the oven. He washed his hands then motioned for his dad to give him his daughter.

“Turkey birdy,” Sianin said, pointing to the oven. “Supper birdy turkey.”

“Indeed,” James said. He flicked the interior oven light on then crouched down with Sianin so she could see inside. “The turkey birdy is cooking so it can become our supper.”

She grinned and babbled some more about dead, naked birds as James kept her on his hip and started getting the ingredients out for the dinner rolls.

“Are you being Daddy’s big helper?” Rose cooed as she stepped into the kitchen.

“Big helper,” Sianin said.

“Yep! She’s my little chef,” James said proudly, pinching her stomach lightly to get her to laugh.

Sianin remained with James in the kitchen until her afternoon nap. Rose and James were worried that she wouldn’t sleep because of all of the excitement of it being Christmas, but thankfully she managed to fall asleep and stay asleep for nearly two hours.

When her nap was over, it was nearing dinner time, and James’s prowess in the kitchen was finally showcased.

“Wonderful, as always,” Rose praised with a kiss, having sampled the turkey as she helped carve it.

The rest of the family trickled into the kitchen to help carry the dishes of food to the dining room table, and after everyone was seated and the traditional Christmas dinner prayer was said, everyone took turns filling their plate with food.

James kept Sianin in his lap and made toddler-sized bites for her on his plate, while Rose helped Ainsley get servings of all of the dishes she would like.

The conversation was sparse at first as everyone tucked into the food and praised James on what a delicious turkey he’d made.

“Tasty, nakey birdy. Dead birdy. Yummy birdy, Daddy,” Sianin had squealed, earning her a round laughter from the room.

The rest of the Christmas holidays were uneventful. Jackie and Donna wanted to go out shopping on Boxing Day, and Ainsley had wanted to join in the fun, too. The rest of the family stayed home to recuperate from Christmas, and to watch a football match. Rose had never really gotten into the sport, but James enjoyed the game, so she sat beside him with her head on his shoulder and watched the players run up and down the field.

The good thing about having the family around was that it gave James and Rose extra eyes and hands to take care of the girls. Everyone was eager to dote on Ainsley and Sianin, and play with them.

After Boxing Day, people began to head home. Mickey and Martha were the first to leave, as Martha had a shift at the hospital the next day. By the twenty-ninth, only Robert and Jackie remained at the mansion, where they were going to be babysitting the girls as James and Rose went on their anniversary holiday.

They chose to stay in Scotland for their anniversary, and they planned a four-day tour of four different islands. While it was quite cold for the duration of their trip, they enjoyed sampling the local culture.

They were on the Isle of Skye for New Year’s Eve, and they listened to the fireworks outside and enjoyed the bursts of color illuminating their room as they rang in the year in their own private celebration.

“So, where d’you wanna go next year?” James got the sentence out before he let out a low moan.

“You really wanna talk about next year? Right now?”

Rose ground her hips down on him harder and faster, making James’s brain short out on anything that wasn’t the extreme pleasure he was feeling.

“Just popped into my head,” he breathed after a minute, gripping her hips as he arched into her thrusts. They were quiet for a few moments, minus their exhales and soft moans of pleasure as they leisurely made love.

“Any ideas?” he asked as he flipped them so Rose was on her back now.

“I have a few ideas of how I can make you stop talking,” she said with a tongue-touched grin.

“You can share those too, if you’d like,” James said, and he smirked when he thrust sharply into her, making her eyes scrunch shut and her mouth fall open.

“Wanker,” she panted.

“Not at the moment I’m not.”

Their banter gradually dwindled as their desire for release grew. Wordless grunts and groans took over, before finally Rose tipped over in pleasure, bringing James with her moments later.

“God, that’s good,” she sighed as her muscles gave a few final pulses around him.

James nodded in agreement as his world swam, even behind closed eyelids. Making love with Rose was always so amazing and Earth-shattering.

When he felt like he could move again, he rolled off of her and instead tucked himself into her side. She wrapped her arm around his shoulders as he draped his arm around her hips and his leg across hers.

“I want to go somewhere special next year,” James whispered. “It’s our ten-year anniversary, after all. We should go somewhere nice.”

“Did you have a place in mind?” Rose asked, carding her fingers through his hair

“Somewhere tropical, I think,” he mused. “Beaches and sunbathing and seeing you in a bikini.”

Rose snorted, and the sound made him grin in return.

“Yeah, you in swim trunks isn’t a bad view, either,” she drawled.

“And we can dine outside for our anniversary,” James said, tracing random patterns across her hip bone. “We can never do that; it’s too cold, usually.”

“Do you wish we’d gotten married in the summertime?” Rose asked.

“Nah,” he said. “Our wedding day was perfect as it was. I don’t need warmth and summer vacations to celebrate our anniversary. Just being able to celebrate with you makes me happy.”

Rose grinned at him and pressed a kiss to his hair.

“So what sort of tropical island were you thinking?” she asked.

“Dunno. ‘Tropical island’ was as far as I got in my mental planning,” he admitted. “I figured I ought to run it by you to see if you were agreeable.”

“I am quite agreeable,” she said. “Let’s see… There’s the Caribbean.”

“Fiji,” James added.

“The Bahamas.”

“Tahiti.”

“Maldives. That was a beautiful island,” Rose said, reminiscing on her second honeymoon with James when they toured the world together.

“I think I want to go somewhere we haven’t been yet, if that’s okay,” James said.

“Absolutely. I always love going new places with—” A huge yawn cracked her jaw then, and she nuzzled closer to him. “—With you,” she mumbled against his chest.

James chuckled and pressed a kiss to her hair. “We can talk more about it later. Happy New Year, love.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Ainsley gets a little lost, Sianin gets potty trained, and James and Rose start to feel that biological tug to have another baby.
> 
> Chapter Rating: Teen
> 
> Chapter word count: 8100

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the beginning of the chapter:
> 
> James: 35  
> Rose: 29  
> Ainsley: 5  
> Sianin: 2

Spring had sprung quite early, bringing unseasonably warm weather as early as March. The family delighted in the warmth, as it meant they could resume their family walks and playdates in the park.

“The flowers are early this year,” Rose noted to James, gesturing with their joined hands to the bed of daffodils and violets that had just begun to bloom. “Oh, they’re so beautiful! I love daffodils. I just hope we don’t get a sudden cold snap that kills them.”

“I’m sure there’ll be late bloomers, too, even if that happens. Just what I need: an extended allergy season,” James grumbled with a pout.

Rose bumped her hip against his. “Surely the world bursting into color is worth a few weeks of a runny nose?”

“A runny nose, sore throat, and itchy eyes,” he corrected. “But yeah, I suppose it’s all very pretty.”

They finished up their late-morning walk through the park, thankful that there weren’t any other kids playing on the playground, otherwise it would’ve been nearly impossible to convince the girls to go home.

When they made it home, they managed to coax their daughters into helping with the chores. It was difficult to teach Sianin to help, but by partnering her with Ainsley, they could usually keep the toddler entertained for a while. As Rose vacuumed, Ainsley ran a dust rag across all flat surfaces she could reach, and Sianin trailed behind, dusting everything her sister dusted.

James, meanwhile, worked on cleaning all of the loos in the house.

When the house was cleaned, the girls were left to their own devices until supper. James prepared the homemade spaghetti sauce as Rose made the bread dough.

“I’m gonna pay a few bills,” Rose said after she popped the bread into the oven. “Can you take that out when it’s done?”

“Nah, I figured I’d let it char,” James dead-panned, adding a dash of oregano to the sauce.

“Smartarse,” Rose said, rolling her eyes.

He smiled sweetly at her before she turned and left the room. A little while later, Sianin joined him in the kitchen, crawling across the floor with her toy cars.

She talked softly to herself as she made the cars race across the floor and occasionally into James’s feet. But she was being calm and entertaining herself, so he didn’t mind.

“Dinner’s just about ready, darling,” he said a few minutes later, draining the water out of the pot of cooked noodles. “Can you put your cars in the living room, please?”

Sianin stared up at him for a second, then she stood and collected her toys and walked away with them.

James then walked down the hall to the home office.

“Supper’s ready, love,” he said, leaning against the door frame.

Rose blinked up at him. “Already?”

“Time flies when you’re having fun,” he said.

“I wouldn’t call paying bills ‘fun’,” Rose said. She closed the laptop and stood from her chair, arching her back in a stretch. “The girls in the kitchen?”

“Sianin’s putting her toys away, and I’m about to get Ainsley,” he said, spinning away from Rose to fetch his eldest for dinner.

“Ainsley, darling, supper’s ready,” he called as he moved down the hall.

Her bedroom door was open, and when James poked his head into the room, he frowned when he saw it was empty.

“Ainsley?” he called, wondering if maybe she’d initiated an impromptu game of hide and seek. “Ainsley, are you in here?”

He did a quick sweep around the room, checking all of her favorite hiding places, but they all came up empty. He also didn’t hear the slight shuffling and stifled giggling that often gave her away.

A small knot of unease swelled in the pit of his stomach, but he ignored it. There were still loads of rooms she could be playing in. She got quite animated when playing pretend, and her adventures often spilled into other rooms in the house.

He went into his and Rose’s bedroom next, then the nursery, then the laundry room. All were empty of his five-year-old. That knot of tension swelled larger and larger the longer he looked for his child.

“Come on,” he mumbled, trying to breathe through his constricted lungs. “Ainsley, it’s not funny. Get your bum to the kitchen right now!”

“All right?”

James wheeled around and saw Rose walking out of the kitchen, where Sianin was strapped into her chair.

“I don’t know where Ainsley is,” he admitted, and the words unlocked a cascade of panic. “Oh, God, Rose, I don’t know where she is!”

“What do you mean, you don’t know where she is?” Rose asked, a slightly hysterical tone leaching into her voice.

“She was playing in her room, last I looked! But that was… what, a half hour ago? Forty-five minutes? Oh, Christ!”

“Breathe,” Rose said faintly. “She-she has to be here somewhere. Let’s check all the rooms again.”

“I’ve checked the whole bloody house!” he exploded. “She’s not here!”

But Rose ignored him and began calling Ainsley’s name as she wandered through the house. James followed her, hoping Ainsley was just playing and would realize the game was over when she heard how panicked they were.

“Ainsley? Ainsley, sweetheart, come on. Come out, please. This isn’t funny,” Rose called, and James watched her grow more frantic as she went from room to room, checking and double checking that their daughter wasn’t in them.

“She isn’t here,” he said helplessly.

“Maybe she went outside,” Rose suggested shakily, raking her hands through her hair. “I’ll check the back garden, you check the front.”

James nodded and wordlessly turned and ran outside.

“Ainsley!” he shouted when he opened up the front door. But there was no sign of her. “Oh, God, don’t do this to me. Ainsley!”

“James, is everything all right?”

He glanced over as the neighbor next door jogged down the sidewalk towards him, a furrow pinching her brow.

“We can’t find Ainsley,” he said. “She’s not in the house and we don’t know where she is.”

“Oh, dear. I’ll help you look,” she promised.

“Where would she go?” he asked helplessly.

The neighbor shook her head in sympathy, but began walking down the street, calling Ainsley’s name.

James took off in the other direction, shouting for his daughter as his fear and panic began to choke him. What if Ainsley hadn’t wandered off on her own? What if she was coaxed outside by someone, and they’d taken her and hurt her and…

“Please,” he whispered. “Please, darling. Where are you?”

Five minutes later, the entire neighborhood had heard James and Rose’s frantic calls for their daughter and had joined in the search. James had told Rose to stay near the house, in case Ainsley came home. He, meanwhile, jogged up and down every street, shouting for his daughter.

Every passing second that she remained missing was agony, and as James saw the lengthening shadows and darkening sky, he feared they were soon going to lose the daylight. And if Ainsley truly was only lost, she would never be able to see well enough to find her way home, or towards someone who could help.

Just as James was about to phone the police, he heard a sobbing cry of his name.

“Daddy!”

He wheeled around and saw Ainsley stumbling out of a side street that would eventually lead to the motorway. His heart nearly stopped at the thought of her accidentally wandering onto such a busy road.

“Ainsley! Oh, thank God!”

James sprinted to her and dropped to his knees in front of her, pulling her tightly to him. Her little body was shaking and she was sniffling, and James forced himself to pull back to run a frantic eye over her for injuries.

“Ainsley, are you okay?” he asked. “Are you hurt?”

She shook her head and whispered, “No.”

“No, you’re not okay, or no, you’re not hurt?” he asked urgently. Though he couldn’t see any cuts or bruises on her, that didn’t mean she wasn’t injured elsewhere.

“No, I’m not hurt,” she replied, sniffling.

“Oh, thank God,” he whispered again. He crushed her tightly to him once more, and squeezed his eyes shut against his tears of fear and relief. “Ainsley, where have you been?” he asked, his voice breaking. “Did someone take you somewhere?”

“No.”

“Then where were you?” he asked again. “I was so worried!”

He finally became aware that Ainsley was sobbing in his arms, and that her trousers were wet and smelled faintly of ammonia.

“Oh. Did you have an accident, darling?” James asked gently, running his fingers through her hair.

“I didn’t mean to!” Ainsley sobbed, hiccupping as she tried to catch her breath.

“Shh, I know,” James said softly, rubbing her back. “You must have been really scared. Where did you go? Why did you leave the house without me or Mummy?”

“I saw some flowers at the park this morning,” she answered, trembling in his arms. “Daffodils.  Mummy’s favorite. They were the white ones with yellow insides. I was gonna surprise her, so I went to pick some for Mummy but then I couldn’t find them, and then I got lost and couldn’t find my way home and then I went potty in my pants! I’m sorry, Daddy!”

“Oh, Ainsley,” he whispered, shushing her gently. “Next time come to me and I’ll get the flowers with you. All right? You really, really scared me. And Mummy.”

James then glanced up and was aware that the frantic calls of Ainsley’s name were still echoing around the neighborhood.

“Speaking of Mummy, we need to go home so she can see you’re okay,” he said, giving her a tight squeeze before he stood with her in his arms. “The whole neighborhood was looking for you.”

“I’m sorry,” she whimpered. “And I’m sorry I went pee in my pants.”

“It’s okay, darling. It was an accident. We’ll get you home and get you in a nice pair of jammies, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to cuddle you for the rest of the night.” He pressed a kiss to the side of her head, then nuzzled his nose into her hair. The smell of his little girl helped calm his racing heart. “I was really frightened. I thought I’d lost you. I’d worried something really bad might’ve happened. I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life. I love you so much, Ainsley. So much more than you’ll ever know.”

“I love you, too, Daddy,” she said, stroking her little hands across his face. She leaned forward and pecked a kiss to his cheek and nuzzled into his neck.

“Let’s go home,” he whispered.

As he jogged nearer to their house, he shouted, “I found her! I’ve got her!”

A few of his neighbors approached him, wanting to know what had happened, but he brushed them off in favor of getting home to comfort his wife.

“Rose! Rose, I found her! Rose! She’s fine! I’ve got her!”

He heard a few of the neighbors shouting the message on to his house, and a moment later, he saw his wife sprinting down the sidewalk with Sianin perched on her hip.

“Thank God!” she sobbed. “Ainsley! Ainsley, come here! Oh, come here, sweetheart!”

James opened his arm for Rose, but instead received Sianin as she tugged Ainsley out of his grip. Ainsley started crying again as Rose peppered kisses to her hair.

Sianin was writhing in his arms, pushing at his chest and tapping at his face to get his attention. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and murmured, “One minute, darling.”

“One minute,” she repeated, and while she settled down a little, she still was being fussy.

He adjusted his grip on the toddler and cuddled her close as he tugged Rose in for a hug. His wife was shaking and gasping for breath as she tried to swallow down her tears, and he shushed her softly as he rested his cheek on the top of her head.

“Sweetheart, are you hurt?” Rose asked, brushing her fingers across Ainsley’s body to check for injuries. “Are you okay? Where were you? God, you’re soaked!”

“I-I had an accident. I went pee in my pants,” Ainsley said in a small voice. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay,” Rose soothed, rubbing her hand up and down Ainsley’s back. “That’s all right. Oh, I was so scared for you!”

“I’m sorry,” Ainsley mumbled again.

“Let’s get inside and get you into some new clothes, eh?” Rose said, swiping her fingers at the tears in her eyes before she carefully wiped away Ainsley’s tears.

“Let’s go home,” James said, guiding his family back towards their house.

“Is she all right?”

James turned to the neighbor that had first helped them look, and he nodded.

“Yeah, she’s fine,” he said wearily. The whole ordeal seemed to sap all of the energy from his body, and he wanted to curl up in bed with his family in his arms and sleep. “A little scared, but unharmed. She apparently went looking for flowers to give to Rose.”

“I’m glad she’s all right,” she said with a smile, and she touched James’s arm comfortingly before she turned around and walked back to her house.

James entered his home and locked the door behind him, and he followed the sounds of Rose and Ainsley’s voices down the hall to Ainsley’s room.

“Oh, Ainsley, I love that you wanted to get me some pretty daffodils,” Rose said as she stripped their daughter of her soiled clothes. “But next time, make sure you let me or Daddy know, okay, and we’ll go with you. We had no idea where you’d gone, sweetheart, and it’s not safe for you to be wandering on the streets alone.”

“Daddy!” Sianin grabbed a fistful of his hair and tugged.

“Ouch!” he said sharply, pulling her fist away from his hair. “We don’t pull on hair, Sianin. Use your words. Your big girl words.”

“Daddy!” Sianin’s face screwed up with frustration and her eyes were wet with tears. “Daddy food! Suppertime! Now, Daddy!”

“Right. Food. Suppertime,” he said, realizing that dinner had been delayed by nearly a half hour. “So sorry, Sianin sweetheart. Let’s get you some supper, eh?”

He walked back to the kitchen and forced himself to focus on caring for Sianin, even though he wanted to go back and check that Ainsley was absolutely, one-hundred percent okay. He scooped spaghetti noodles into a bowl and cut them up into small pieces before he covered them with a bit of sauce, then added a veggie as well.

“Here we are. A nice bowl of noodles and sauce and green beans. Yummy!”

But rather than set the bowl in front of his toddler, he placed it aside and walked up to her.

“No, Daddy, food!” she shouted, whining as she rocked in her chair.

“Be patient with Daddy for one more minute,” he said, stepping up to her. “First let’s try to save your clothes, eh?” He stripped off her shirt, then lifted her to pull off her trousers. “Okay, now it’s time for supper. Here you go.”

He grabbed her bowl and spoon and set them in front of her. Sianin grabbed the spoon and buried it into her food, but not much stayed on as she lifted it to her mouth.

James watched her use her other hand to place pieces of spaghetti on her spoon, then shovel it into her mouth.

“Is that yummy?” James asked.

“Yummy,” she hummed, grinning at him with spaghetti down her chin.

With Sianin placated, James moved to dish out his own plate, then he sat beside his daughter to applaud her efforts with the spoon.

Ten minutes later, Ainsley stepped into the kitchen, her hair damp from a bath.

“Feel better, darling?” he asked, smiling at her.

She nodded, then walked up to him and put her arms out.

“You said you wanted to cuddle?”

A lump lodged in James’s throat, and he set his fork down and bent to pick up his daughter.

“Quite right,” he murmured, settling her on his lap. He nuzzled his nose into her hair and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her tight. “I love you so much, Ainsley.”

“Love you, too, Daddy,” she whispered, leaning into his embrace.

James scooped out an Ainsley-sized serving of spaghetti onto his plate, and they shared his fork as they ate together in relative silence.

“Someone looks like she’s wearing more of her dinner than what she’s actually eating,” Rose said as she entered the kitchen. She then turned to James and gave him a mock-glare. “I swear you plan the messiest suppers every time I’m on bath duty.”

James snorted. “Sianin can make anything messy.”

Rose rolled her eyes fondly as she made herself a plate of food and sat down opposite of James. She stuck her legs out until her foot touched his, and he stretched his legs to meet her half-way, and they spent the rest of dinner playing footsie under the table, as per usual.

When everybody’s plates were empty, James and Ainsley went on dishes duty as Rose took Sianin back for a bath. When the dishwasher was loaded and active, James turned towards his daughter who was running a towel across the kitchen table.

“Excellent,” he proclaimed. “Thank you for your help. Now… d’you want to watch a movie, read a book, or play a game?”

Ainsley scrunched her face as she thought, and then answered, “I wanna read a book.”

“Well, go on and pick us out a good one,” James said, ushering her to the living room.

He sat down on the couch, and Ainsley crawled up and lay down with her head in his lap. He tugged an afghan off the back of the sofa and covered her before beginning to read.

Several minutes later, Sianin came tearing down the hall in her pajamas, fresh from a bath. She saw James sitting on the couch with a book and took the initiative to get him a new selection.

“Read,” she said, handing him the stack of books she’d found.

“Daddy’s reading to Ainsley right now, Sian,” James explained. “Why don’t you go ask Mummy to read?”

“Please?” she shouted, bouncing as she lifted her arms higher.

“Ainsley’s asleep, James,” Rose said, coming down the hall. “Probably tired herself out from all the excitement.”

James glanced down and leaned forward to see that, yes, Ainsley was definitely asleep, and she had her thumb in her mouth, something she hadn’t done in well over a year. He nodded and closed Ainsley’s book, and set it on the table beside him, before he took the books Sianin had brought, and lifted her into his lap.

“We have to be quiet,” James whispered. “Your sister’s sleeping.”

“I can put her in her room,” Rose offered.

“Nah, she’s okay,” James said, not wanting to let her out of his sight quite yet. “We can put her down when Sianin goes down.”

“Read, Daddy,” Sianin insisted, tapping his leg.

“Patience, darling,” James reminded, and he groped around behind him for the blanket he’d been using to support his back, and he draped it over himself and Sianin. Sianin’s eyes were already drooping, but she was always one to fight going to sleep. “Just lean back against Daddy.”

Sianin snuggled back into him and gripped the blanket in her fists as she said, “Read now.”

James pecked a kiss to her hair and opened her book and started reading a rhyming counting book. After half-reading five books, James felt Sianin completely slump against him and stretch out her body until she was half in his lap and half hanging off the sofa.

“My neck would be killing me, sleeping like that,” James grumbled, looking down at the contorted position his toddler was in.

“Well, you are getting old, love,” Rose teased, and James saw she had her phone out and was taking pictures of him and their daughters.

“Oi!” he whined. “Want to help the old man get out from the pile of children?”

Rose snorted and stepped up to take Sianin off of his lap, barely daring to breathe when she stirred and blinked open her eyes. Thankfully, she mumbled something and buried her face in Rose’s shoulder and slept on.

James carefully extracted himself out from under Ainsley’s head, before he took the blanket off of her and picked her up. She stayed asleep, but wrapped her arms and legs around James’s torso and tucked her head under his chin.

He stepped up to Rose and brushed a gentle kiss to Sianin’s forehead.

“Nighty night, Sianin,” he whispered. “Love you.”

Rose kissed Ainsley goodnight, and they walked down the hall and into their daughters’ respective rooms. James laid Ainsley down in her bed and tucked her sheets around her, smiling when she continued to sleep peacefully. She always had been a good sleeper, and nothing short of a small explosion could wake her.

“Love you, Ainsley,” he murmured, pressing his lips to her temple. “Sleep well.”

When he turned around, Rose was leaning against the doorway, gnawing on her cuticles. He gently took her hand from her mouth and gave her fingers a squeeze before he flicked off Ainsley’s bedroom light.

He guided Rose back into the living room, where he collapsed down on the couch and encouraged her to snuggle into his side.

“What a day,” he groaned, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

“Yeah,” she whispered. “Today was so scary.”

“I know. She was missing for less than an hour, but I’d thought of all the ways she could’ve been harmed or kidnapped or killed,” James said.

He took a deep breath, then forced all of those mental pictures out of his head. Living through them once had been enough.

“Anyway,” he said, burying his nose in Rose’s hair. “She’s home now. Safe and sound. No harm done.”

Rose ran her hand up and down his thigh before she pressed her lips to his chest.

“Well done on not fixating on what didn’t happen,” she said softly. “Ainsley’s home, and she’s safe, and that’s what matters.”

“I’m learning that there’s less anxiety when I don’t try to think about every single scenario that didn’t happen,” he teased.

“S’what I’ve been telling you for years.”

“What can I say? I’m thick,” he said.

Rose snorted softly, then sighed. James glanced down at her when he felt her picking at her cuticles, and he saw she was biting her lip.

“What’s the matter?” he asked quietly, covering her fingers to stop her from pulling at her cuticles.

“She’d heard me talking about how beautiful the daffodils were,” Rose murmured. “So she wanted to get some for me as a surprise.”

“Hey, this isn’t your fault,” James said, placing his fingers under her chin to tilt her head up. She just shrugged, and James sighed and pressed his lips to her forehead. “It’s not your fault, love. These things happen. I remember I accidentally got lost in a shopping mall the one time when I was Ainsley’s age. I wanted to go exploring, and then realized I didn’t know where Mum went. She’d called security and they broadcast my name in every store until I finally found a police officer. God, she was furious at me. Well, not really furious. Just scared. But anyway, things like this happen. Ainsley’s safe now, and I don’t think she’ll ever wander off again. She was really scared, too.”

James rested his cheek on the top of her head and hugged Rose tighter.

“It’ll be trickier to keep track of three kids, when number three eventually comes,” Rose mused quietly.

“Oh, we’ll manage,” James said. “And the three can help look out for each other, too. Ainsley most certainly will.”

“She’s such a great big sister.”

James nodded and hummed proudly. She really was a wonderful big sister and adored helping them take care of Sianin. He couldn’t help but imagine how she would fare with a new baby. Would she want to help out more? She’d wanted to help with Sianin’s infancy, but she’d been just a little too young for them to comfortably let her actually assist them. They’d let her go pick out new clothes or a nappy for Sianin, but when it came to changing her or bathing her, they’d merely let Ainsley watch.

“She’ll love having another baby sibling,” James said. “Hopefully Sianin will, too.”

oOoOo

_Thirty perfect roses for my perfect Rose on her thirtieth birthday. A very happy birthday to you, my love, and to many more to come. I love you. James._

Rose beamed at the huge bouquet of dark red roses that was sitting at her place at the kitchen table. The heady aroma of the flowers pervaded her senses.

“Thank you, love,” she said, stepping up to him. She wrapped her hand around the back of his neck and tugged him down for a kiss. He sighed against her mouth and dropped his hands to her hips to hold her against him as their lips and tongues danced leisurely together. “They’re beautiful. But don’t you think it’s getting to be a bit much?”

He pouted.

“Not that I don’t like them,” she said quickly. “I do! I love them. But don’t you think it’s gonna get a bit excessive? Like what are you gonna do on my fiftieth birthday? My seventy-fifth?”

“Purchase fifty, then seventy-five roses,” he said immediately.

Rose snorted. “Where the hell are we gonna fit them all?”

“Oh, my love, you just leave that to me.” He grinned and booped her nose before he spun around to tend to her birthday breakfast.

Rose shook her head at her daft soulmate, but her chest felt warm and bubbly with happiness.

But that happiness diminished slightly as the day wore on.

It was a gorgeous day, and so they’d taken the girls to the park. Other families had the same idea, apparently, and the park was full of parents and children enjoying the warm, sunny day.

Rose, James, Ainsley, and Sianin partook in a game of footie, or as much of a game as they could with it being only the four of them. Sianin often liked to kick the ball in whatever direction she pleased, and also enjoyed squatting down to pick it up before she sprinted towards the goal and threw it at James or Rose.

They were so relieved that Ainsley was the patient type, who laughed at her sister’s antics rather than get upset that she was ruining the game.

As they broke for a snack and to get rehydrated, Rose spotted a family at the next bench over. The mum had a toddler in her lap and was coaxing him into eating his lunch, as the dad sat with their two other children, who seemed very near in age to Ainsley. And when the mother moved to pick up the spoon her son had dropped, Rose saw the woman was sporting a baby bump.

A hollow feeling took up residence in Rose’s chest as she felt an urgency she’d never felt before to be pregnant. She really wanted it. She wanted to feel the new life she’d made with James growing inside of her, moving and kicking in her belly. She wanted to go shopping for the cute baby clothes. She wanted to hold a newborn to her chest and smell that fresh-baby scent and be overwhelmed by just how much love she felt for another person.

And more than anything, she wanted to see James be a dad again. She wanted to find him in the office marking papers with one hand as he cuddled their baby in his other arm. She wanted to know how he would manage to cuddle Ainsley, Sianin, and a new baby all in his lap at the same time, because it was sure to be the most beautiful picture in the world.

“All right?”

She jumped when James’s hand landed on her thigh. She forced a quick smile and said, “Yeah.”

He frowned and didn’t say anything, but Rose knew he was waiting to ask her until they didn’t have Ainsley and Sianin around to overhear.

Later, after they’d put the girls to bed, he brought it up again. “So what was bugging you today?”

“I was just looking around the park today, and I saw so many families there,” she sighed.

James frowned. “Well, it was a lovely day out.”

Rose shook her head. “There were couples younger than us with more than two kids.”

“So?”

“It just got me thinking. Wishing, more like. I really, really want another baby. I want it so much,” she admitted, feeling that dull ache in her chest that she’d felt that afternoon.

“Oh, Rose.” The bed dipped as he sat beside her and wrapped his arm around her waist. “I want another baby, too. And we’ll have one. Just be patient, love. It’ll happen.”

“What if my time is running out?” she whispered into his shirt. “I’m thirty, James!”

“I noticed,” he said with a grin in his voice. “There was a reason I purchased thirty roses today.”

“Who has babies when they’re thirty?” she asked, and she realized a hysterical note had leached into her voice.

“Lots of people,” he said patiently. He moved away from her, and Rose wanted him to stop. She wanted him to hold her close and tell her she was being daft. He thankfully didn’t move too far, just far enough where he could cup her cheek in his palm and look her in the eye. “Rose, plenty of people have kids in their thirties. Hell, I was thirty when Ainsley was born. My mum was thirty when she conceived me. My mate at work had her first kid at thirty-two, and now she’s on baby two at thirty-five. Please don’t worry about your age. You’re in your prime! Healthy as a horse! Just because we haven’t gotten pregnant yet doesn’t mean we never will.”

Rose’s cheeks burned in embarrassment upon hearing how calm and logical James was being. She really was being daft. Of course she wasn’t past child-bearing age.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, leaning into his touch. “Being silly.”

“Just a bit,” he said gently. “You were panicking slightly, and panic is never rational, so don’t worry about it. Are you feeling better?”

She nodded. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and she leaned into his kiss.

“Can we start being more serious about conceiving?” Rose asked. “Put the fertility app back on our phones. Stock up on ovulation tests. Make sure we’re having sex more purposefully.”

James tilted her head back so she was looking up at him, and she saw his over-the-top filthy grin and the way he waggled his eyebrows.

“I will gladly take every excuse I can to make love with you,” he growled, and Rose laughed as he playfully wrapped his arms around her and threw them backwards on their bed. They landed on their sides, and Rose moved before he could, and she was soon sitting astride him and leaning down to catch his lips in a kiss.

Later, as they basked in the afterglow and cuddled each other close, James murmured, “I’m thinking we should get in contact with a travel agency soon to start the plans for our anniversary.”

“But that’s not for another eight months,” Rose said with a frown.

“Yeah, but we want to book a tropical vacation in Bora Bora over Christmas,” James countered.

“Hmm, you might be right.”

“Pfft, I’m always right,” James said haughtily.

Rose snorted and pinched his ribs lightly.

“Okay, I’m  _almost_  always right,” he amended.

“There you go.” She gave his middle a squeeze and nuzzled closer to his chest as she mentally pictured the tropical paradise vacation she was going on with James in eight months.

oOoOo

They first noticed the signs just before the end of term. Sianin would grow exceedingly fussy at certain times in the day, which confused James and Rose, but they pinned it on their toddler simply not knowing how to communicate what she wanted. But then they noticed that the fits always preceded a wet nappy, and the lightbulb went off: perhaps their two-year-old was ready for toilet training. It was much earlier than Ainsley, but it couldn’t hurt to see if that’s where her distress was coming from.

They made sure to keep a close eye on Sianin throughout the day to watch for signs of her needing to go.

“Do you have to go wee?” Rose cooed as she ushered Sianin to the loo when the toddler began getting upset.

“Go wee,” she repeated.

“Pull down your trousers,” Rose instructed gently as they were positioned in front of the training toilet. “Then Mummy will help with your nappy.”

Sianin clumsily pulled down her trousers and fidgeted, grabbing at her nappy and tugging futilely.

“Mummy,” she cried. “Icky! Feels icky!”

Rose stripped the nappy off, and almost immediately Sianin began weeing.

“Oops, let’s sit on the potty,” Rose suggested, guiding Sianin onto the toilet. “Oh, well done sweetheart! Look at you!”

Sianin gave her a slow grin, and she clapped her hands and bounced in excitement on the toilet.

“Yay!” she screeched.

“You’re such a big girl!” Rose praised. “My big, big girl!”

“Big girl!”

Despite her initial success, it came sparingly throughout the next couple of weeks.

“Did we try to start this too soon?” James grumbled as he cleaned up Sianin’s latest accident.

“I don’t think so,” Rose said. “She refuses to be put in a nappy anymore. We need to be patient. Just because Ainsley grasped it quicker doesn’t mean Sianin won’t eventually get it. She’s trying a lot sooner than Ainsley. Be patient with her, love.”

“I know, I know,” James said, sighing. “It just feels like we’re failing. Like we can’t figure out her signs for needing to go.”

“We’ll get there,” Rose soothed.

As the summer waned on, they had to admit Sianin was getting better with it, slow though the progress was. They took precautions and took Sianin to the toilet every few minutes, it seemed, and they made sure to shower her in hugs and kisses and a piece of candy when she successfully used her toilet.

Then one day, Sianin ran up to Rose, who was in the middle of braiding Ainsley’s hair, and she tugged on Rose’s sleeve.

“Pee-pee, Mummy!” she whined, bouncing on her feet.

“Ainsley, I’ll be right back,” Rose said.

She stood and let Sianin lead her to the bathroom, where she fumbled out of her trousers and training pants, before plopping onto the toilet.

“Who’s my clever girl?” Rose cooed as Sianin used the toilet. “My big, clever girl! You told Mummy when you needed to go! Oh, how excellent, sweetheart!”

“Yay Sianin!”

Rose didn’t realize Ainsley had followed, but she smiled when her five-year-old applauded her sister’s success.

“Yay Sianin!” the toddler parroted with a wide, toothy grin. “Go wee Ainsley. Go wee.”

“I see that! Good job, Sian!”

Rose’s heart melted when Sianin’s face lit up at her sister’s praise. She loved how much her daughters loved each other.

oOoOo

Throughout the summer, James and Rose took their vow to take conceiving seriously to heart. Not that it was a burdensome task to try to get pregnant.

“Oh, my. Five whole days where we have to shag,” James said with an exaggerated sigh when Rose told him she’d begun ovulating. “The things we do for love.”

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to cope,” she said dryly.

“I’m not sure I will,” he said, shaking his head. “All this sex might take its toll.” His facade finally cracked as a smile slipped across his face. “Maybe we should get in a practice round to kick off the next five days? Practice makes perfect and all.”

Rose snorted. “I think we’re pretty perfect at it by now.”

“Oh, you never know. Maybe I’ve gotten rubbish at it since we last made love.”

Rose let out a loud cackle at that. “I don’t think your skills could possibly have deteriorated that much in three days.”

“I dunno, but I think we should double check, don’t you?”

They also took more private holidays together, particularly during Rose’s fertile window. The girls were thrilled, too, to be able to have more sleepovers with Gran and Grandad.

But even when James and Rose couldn’t go away for a weekend, they still managed to surprise each other with little gifts and things.

“I went out shopping and got some new clothes,” Rose whispered in his ear as she set the table for dinner. “New work trousers. New shoes. And I’ve got a new surprise that I’m wearing right now.” She reached down and tugged at the waistband of her knickers, revealing red lace. James’s Adam’s apple bobbed as his gaze zeroed in on the fabric, and he reached out to touch her hip.

“Lovely color,” he rasped.

“You can see more of it tonight,” Rose said as she abruptly stepped away from him and tossed him a cheeky grin before going to the fridge for the milk.

Rose couldn’t help but tease him throughout dinner. She’d made sure to wear a loose top, and she coaxed her sleeve to fall off her shoulder, displaying the red lacy strap of her bra for him to see. She also trailed her toes up and down his bare leg without pause as she listened to the girls talk about what they’d done that day.

The moment she joined him in the living room after putting the girls to bed, James pounced. He pressed her up against the wall and caught her lips in a hot, messy kiss as he rocked his hips against hers.

“God, Rose,” he groaned into her mouth. “Have fun tonight, did you?”

“Since you’re asking, yeah, I did,” she breathed, tilting her head back as he trailed his lips down her jaw and to her neck. “Didn’t you?”

“You weren’t playing very fair,” he mumbled, licking, biting, and kissing the join of her neck and shoulder. She moaned and shuddered in his arms as heat swelled deep in her belly. “Wasn’t very nice of you.”

“I guess you’ll have to find some way to punish me,” she said, scraping her nails through his hair. He moaned against her skin as his hands dipped under her shirt to palm her breasts. “Though maybe you can do that in the bedroom. Don’t want you waking the girls.”

“ _Me_  wake them? If I recall, you’re the louder of the two of us,” James said.

“You’re remembering incorrectly,” Rose countered, pressing her thigh between his legs to give him a bit of friction.

He choked on a moan and tightened his grasp around her breasts.

“So, what were you saying about the bedroom?” he said.

Rose giggled, then grabbed him by the hand and gave him a private show of the new sexy underwear she’d been teasing him with all night.

As summer drew to a close, they were still no closer to a pregnancy, to their mutual disappointment. When the start of Rose’s period heralded another failure, James would give her a tight hug and a kiss and a reassurance that there was always next month. He also surprised her with her favorite coffee and some sort of baked good, both to combat the sadness of not being pregnant and the discomfort of being on her period.

“Knock knock,” James said as he stepped through her open office door. “I come bearing gifts! A vanilla latte and a chocolate chip muffin for my favorite person.”

Rose smiled at him and stood to receive his gifts and his kiss.

“You’re the best,” she said, setting the latte and muffin on her desk. She stepped up to him and wrapped her hand around the back of his neck to tug him in for a soft kiss.

“Nothing but the best for my wife,” he whispered, bumping the tip of his nose against hers. “I love you. See you tonight.”

Their disappointment each month at not being pregnant didn’t overshadow the milestones their little family was crossing. As September ended, Sianin was more or less toilet trained. At home and daycare, she knew when to tell someone she needed the loo, but if she was out and about with James and/or Rose, she sometimes cut it close with telling them. But they made sure to reassure her and comfort her if they didn’t make it in time, and they enthusiastically praised her when they did.

Because Sianin was well on her way to being fully toilet trained, James and Rose agreed that they ought to transition her out of her crib and into a toddler bed.

Shortly after the new school term began, they introduced their youngest to her new bed. Remembering how upset Ainsley had been when she lost her crib, James and Rose temporarily moved the crib into the home office in case Sianin wanted to climb back into it.

But to their delight, Sianin didn’t seem to mind the transition. Or at least, she wasn’t distraught by the prospect of not having her crib anymore.

“Big girl bed,” she repeated when James and Rose presented it to her. “Big girl Ainsley.”

“That’s right, you’re sleeping in a big girl bed like Ainsley,” Rose said happily.

However, the first night in her new bed, Sianin didn’t want to fall asleep. She kept climbing out of her bed and wandering back into the living room to play with her toys, despite James and Rose’s insistence it was bedtime.

“Maybe we should’ve kept her in her crib,” James grumbled, coming back from tucking her in again. “Those bars were a nice little containment device.”

Rose snorted at him and turned her attention back to the movie they were watching. But barely ten minutes later, they heard little footsteps coming down the hall.

Sianin smiled at them and darted up to their legs to give them both a hug.

“Sweetheart, what are you doing up again?” Rose asked as her toddler hugged her shins and rested her chin on her knees. She had to admit it was a rather adorable, endearing picture.

“Wanna play,” Sianin said, even as she yawned.

“But it’s bedtime,” Rose countered, picking her daughter up and setting her in her lap.

“No,” Sianin said. “Playtime. Wanna play. No sleeping.”

“Sianin, it’s already an hour after bedtime,” Rose said, standing up to carry her back into her room for the third time that night.

“No,” Sianin whined. She wriggled to be put down, but Rose held her firmly. “No, Mummy.”

“How about I lay with you?” she suggested. “Does that sound okay?”

Sianin mumbled something Rose thought was a disagreement, but she still sat down on the toddler bed and lay Sianin down before she squeezed herself onto the edge of the mattress.

“Isn’t this so nice?” Rose whispered, tucking the blankets around her daughter.

Sianin sighed, but Rose was happy to see her eyes were getting heavy.

“This bed is so nice,” she murmured, stroking her fingers through her child’s soft, silky hair. “It’s so cozy and comfy.”

Sianin’s eyes had slipped closed, and when the toddler realized it, she wrenched them open and moved to sit up.

“No, no. Just stay laying down. Mummy’s still here.” Rose continued stroking Sianin’s hair. “Mummy loves you, you know. So much. I love your hair. And your forehead. And your soft little eyebrows.” Rose traced a fingertip across her daughter’s eyebrows. “And your big, beautiful eyes. And your chubby little cheeks. And your little button nose. And your cute little chin. And your plump little lips.”

As Rose continued to speak, she traced over the features she was talking about. She knew from experience the gentle touch and quiet words would get Sianin drowsy enough to fall asleep.

“Again,” Sianin said sleepily as Rose finished up the circuit around her face.

Rose smiled and obliged, but not before pressing a kiss to Sianin’s forehead.

After another two circuits, Rose felt confident enough to leave. It took a few minutes for her to slowly extricate herself from her sleeping child, and she breathed a silent sigh of relief when the two-and-a-half-year-old continued sleeping after she stood up.

“She went down?” James asked when Rose joined him again on the sofa.

Rose nodded. “Hopefully she stays down.”

“So I suppose we shouldn’t turn the TV to full volume, eh?” he teased.

Rose chuckled and rolled her eyes. “Probably not. Though our bedroom is furthest from her room.” Rose turned to him and trailed her fingertips up and down the buttons of his shirt.

“Hmm, indeed it is.”

“I was thinking maybe we could go to our room… shut the door… And maybe watch another movie together.”

“Netflix and chill?” he asked, his face falling a little.

Rose stifled a giggle at his disappointment. “I was thinking about the meaning of Netflix and chill that the rest of the world thinks of when they hear that phrase.”

His face lit up again, and he switched off the TV before he stood up and offered her his hand, and together they went off to their room for the euphemistic Netflix and chill.

oOoOo

The sound of an alarm awoke James far too early in the morning. He blinked blearily, but the room was still pitch black. Beside him, Rose shuffled and groaned, and finally the sound of the alarm stopped.

“What’re you doing?” he mumbled, rolling over to spoon up behind her. “S’dark.”

“I’ve got that training in Cardiff,” Rose replied, wriggling out of his grasp.

It took a minute, but finally James’s groggy mind remembered she’d told him about this training weeks ago, then had reminded him about it the night before. There was a new photo editing software in beta testing, and Rose’s company had been selected to do a trial run. But that meant Rose would be away all day for a training session on the merits of the software, and on how to use it.

“Why would anyone want to go to Cardiff for training?” he grumbled.

“Beats me,” Rose said. “Go back to sleep.”

He drifted in and out of sleep as he listened to Rose go through her morning routine. He eventually must have fallen completely asleep, because it seemed like she’d just gotten out of the shower when he felt lips press against his forehead.

“Love you,” she whispered.

“Love you, too,” he mumbled, reaching out to touch her hip. “Travel safe. Let me know when you get there.”

“Will do,” she said. “Bye.”

He listened to her move around their house, make herself a travel mug of tea, then finally leave. When the front door clicked shut, James rolled over and tried to get another hour and a half of sleep before his alarm was due to go off.

It finally did go off, and he dragged himself into the loo to get a shower and get ready for the day.

As he brushed his teeth, he saw his face was in need of a shave. He grimaced. He wasn’t fond of shaving. It was a tedious task that needed doing every few days.

 _At least Rose can hide her prickly legs if she doesn’t feel shaving_ , he grumbled to himself. _Me? My prickliness is on display for the world to see._

And so he grudgingly slathered his face with shaving cream and worked on making his face baby’s bum smooth again. He was just about done when he heard Ainsley’s toilet flush. He rushed through the last few strokes of the razor, wanting to get started on Ainsley’s breakfast soon, but he regretted his haste when he felt the razor catch, followed by a trickle of red down his neck. Stinging pain bloomed at the cut as shaving cream came into contact with it.

“Oh bollocks, bloody hell, fucking shit,” he hissed, frantically rubbing a tissue across his jaw to get the shaving cream away from the wound.

He grabbed a flannel and doused it with cold water and dabbed it across his jaw, soothing the sting and cleaning away the leftover shaving cream. When the cut stopped stinging and bleeding, he tossed the flannel into the hamper and finished up shaving.

He carefully applied aftershave, avoiding the nick on his jaw, until his skin was smooth and tingly. With that task done, he grabbed the blood-spotted tissues and made to toss them into the rubbish bin next to the toilet. They fluttered into the bin, but one hit a long, thin box and bounced onto the floor. He stooped to pick it up, and he angled the box to the side to keep other things from rebounding, but his blood seemed to go cold as the box tilted up, revealing the label.

 _First Step Pregnancy Test_.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein we discover the results of the pregnancy test James found.
> 
> Chapter Rating: Explicit
> 
> Chapter word count: 8800

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter where the trigger warning for infertility comes into play. 
> 
> This is also the chapter that necessitates a change in rating--there is a nsfw scene at the end of the chapter.
> 
> Starting ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the beginning of the chapter:
> 
> James: 35  
> Rose: 30  
> Ainsley: 5  
> Sianin: 2

James’s ears rang. Rose was pregnant?

Hope swelled up through his stomach and into his chest as he pawed through the trash, looking for the test. He was optimistic when he couldn’t find it; Rose always saved the test to announce her pregnancy to him. He couldn’t wait until she got home.

But then he heard a soft rattling noise when he put the test box back in the trash, and his heart sank. He took out the box again and opened it; a thin piece of plastic was inside. He dumped the test out onto his palm, and all of the air left his lungs when he flipped it over. One vertical line greeted him.

Not pregnant.

 _Not pregnant?_  But they were trying so hard. Why weren’t they pregnant? He wanted them to be pregnant. It had been a year and a half. Surely this test was wrong.

“Daddy!”

The door to their bedroom burst open, and James hastily dropped the test back into the trash as he wheeled around.

“Ainsley, you’re supposed to knock if the bedroom door is closed,” James reminded, even though there was nothing that Ainsley’s eyes shouldn’t be seeing. He was appropriately dressed in his trousers, and his bare chest was nothing she hadn’t seen before.

“Daddy, we’re gonna be late!” she said, ignoring what he’d just said.

“No we’re not, darling.” James glanced at the clock and realized he was nearly fifteen minutes behind his usual schedule. “Come. Let’s get some breakfast.”

He glanced into Sianin’s room on his way to the kitchen, and noted the toddler was still sleeping. He’d let her sleep a few minutes more while he whipped up Ainsley’s breakfast, then he’d work on getting her ready for daycare.

“Toast and eggs okay?” he asked even as he grabbed the bread from the pantry.

“Yep. Where’s Mummy?”

“She had a work thing early this morning,” James said. “In Cardiff.”

“Where’s that?”

“In Wales,” he answered. “I’ll show you a map later. But right now, can you grab yourself a cup of milk or juice?”

In a few minutes, James had Ainsley’s breakfast plated in front of her.

“Okay, you tuck in, I’m gonna wake your sister and finish getting dressed.”

He strode down the hallway to Sianin’s room, where the toddler was still asleep.

James crept into her room and crouched down beside her before he brushed her hair away from her face. She groaned and scrunched her face, then lifted her hand to push his hand away. He chuckled. For as much as Sianin hated falling asleep, it was quite the event to get her to wake up again.

“Rise and shine, my darling,” he whispered, rubbing his hand across her back.

“No,” she mumbled, even as her eyes cracked open. Her gaze was unfocused, and she closed her eyes and let out a low sigh, seemingly content to go back to sleep.

“Waking you up as a teenager is sure to be fun,” muttered to himself. Then he raised his voice slightly to continue rousing his daughter. “Come now, Sianin, it’s time to get up. You’ve got a great day ahead of you. I’ve got some yummy breakfast waiting for you, then all the fun activities at daycare.”

Another minute passed, then Sianin fully opened her eyes and sat up.

“Good morning,” he cooed softly.

“Mornin’,” she said through a yawn while she scrubbed her fists into her eyes. “Gotta wee. Go wee, Daddy.”

“Quite right,” he said, scooping her into his arms to walk her to the loo.

After she used her toilet, James got her dressed for the day then carried her into his bedroom.

“I know you’re probably hungry, but just come with Daddy while he gets a shirt on, eh?”

He continued talking with Sianin as he set her onto his and Rose’s bed and grabbed an oxford at random from his closet.

“What color is Daddy’s shirt, Sian?” James asked as he slipped his arms through the sleeves.

“Blue!” she said with a proud smile.

“Good job! And what about this? What colors are in my tie?” He trailed his fingertip across the gradient of colors.

“Brown. Blue. Blue again!”

“Well done, darling. Who’s my big, clever girl?” James cooed. He shrugged into a blazer, then picked his daughter up and pressed a smacking kiss to her neck. She squirmed and shrieked out a giggle, and the sound warmed James from the inside out. There wasn’t a more beautiful sound than that of his family laughing. “Done! We’ve got to hurry a bit with breakfast, though. Daddy’s running a little late. Don’t tell your sister, though.”

Ainsley was nearly finished with her breakfast by the time he entered the room with Sianin.

“Go clean your teeth and get dressed,” James ordered as he strapped Sianin into her chair. “Once Sianin finishes her breakfast, we’ll leave.”

James breathed a sigh of relief when Sianin ate her food without a fuss. It was sometimes difficult to get her to eat in a timely fashion, and it was usually worse when they were behind schedule, as though the toddler knew and she vindictively ate slower or messier just to make them even later.

But Sianin ate her cold eggs and crust-less toast without complaint, and James only had to endure five minutes of Ainsley’s whining for Sianin to hurry up and that they were going to be late.

“Patience, darling,” James reminded. “We’re not going to be late, but even if we are, it’s no big deal. I’ll just sign a slip of paper. No harm done.”

A few minutes later, James had bundled up his girls against the chilly October wind and buckled them into the car to take them to school. Usually he dropped Sianin off first, as it was between the house and the school, but to alleviate Ainsley’s unwarranted anxiety, he dropped her off first.

“See, plenty of time,” James said as he idled in front of the school, where students were still trickling into the building. He helped Ainsley out of her car seat and knelt down in front of her. “There was no reason for you to be so worried, all right? No need to make such a big fuss for something so small. It’s not worth it getting upset over the little things in life. Okay?”

“Okay,” Ainsley conceded with a sheepish smile.

“That’s my girl,” he whispered, tugging her in for a hug. He pressed his lips to the top of her head. “Have a good day. I’ll see you tonight. Love you lots.”

“Love you, too,” she said. “Bye, Daddy!”

He watched her run towards a boy James recognized as one of her friends, and he waited until they were inside before getting back into the car.

“And time for Miss Sianin to go to daycare,” he said, glancing at his toddler in the rear-view mirror, before pulling out onto the street to drop off his youngest.

He made it to his office only a few minutes later than normal, and that was even with him stopping at the local coffee shop for caffeine and a muffin. With the girls safely at school and daycare, there was nothing keeping James from thinking back to the pregnancy test he’d found in the trash.

When had Rose taken the test? What had made her think she was pregnant? Was she feeling ill? James wracked his brain, but there was no indication that Rose wasn’t feeling well. Perhaps she was good at hiding it?

 _No, she’d’ve told me something felt off,_  he thought, dismissing it immediately.

Then perhaps her period had been late, triggering her suspicion. Or maybe she’d had a moment of niggling intuition, and she just knew she was pregnant.

But according to the test, she wasn’t pregnant.

His memory brought back to life the moment nearly a year and a half ago when Rose had taken a pregnancy test, only for it to have come back negative. He remembered the heartbreak in her face just before she’d sobbed into his chest.

Had she been that distraught when she’d taken this test and saw it was negative? His heart broke at the idea that Rose had cried by herself while he slept, unsuspecting, just the next room over.

He was dying to call her and ask what had happened, and why she hadn’t told him. If he was being honest, he was hurt she’d kept this from him. Surely he had a right to know that she’d suspected she was pregnant with their child?

But she was busy, and probably wouldn’t answer. Besides, if she had been upset about the test result, he didn’t want to upset her while she was working. It could wait until tonight.

He threw himself into his work to distract himself, but the time still crawled. The highlight of his day came when Rose wrote to him during his lunch break.

_This new software is amazing!_

James smiled as he munched on the pad thai he’d ordered when he realized he’d forgotten to bring a lunch.

“User friendly?” he asked.

_For the most part. There were a few places I thought it wasn’t quite intuitive, and I told them so. But still, it’s so great, James!_

He grinned as she began to ramble about all the properties and functions the software had, most of which he didn’t understand. But he didn’t mind; he loved when she got this excited.

_So how’s your day?_

“Very slow,” he said. “I’m counting down the hours ‘til I can leave.”

_I should be able to leave in another hour or so. Unless we hit any delays with the train, I should be home in time for supper._

“Excellent. See you then xoxo.”

James slurped down the rest of his lunch before going off to teach his only afternoon class.

The rest of the afternoon dragged on as agonizingly slowly as the morning had, but finally James deemed it late enough to clock out and go fetch his girls.

The evening moved just as slowly as the rest of the day, much to James’s frustration, but finally the girls were in bed and he and Rose were alone.

“I found something interesting in the trash this morning,” James said as Rose helped him wash the dishes they’d been neglecting for a couple days. When Rose stayed quiet, he asked, “Why didn’t you tell me you’d taken a pregnancy test?”

Rose shrugged. “Dunno. Doesn’t matter, does it? It came back negative.”

James eyed her carefully and noticed the tense set to her shoulders and jaw that belied her nonchalant tone.

“And how did you feel when you saw it was negative?” he asked softly, setting is dish towel down.

“What do you want me to say, James? I was hurt and disappointed, but it is what it is,” Rose said shortly. “We’ll just keep trying.”

“Why didn’t you wake me? You didn’t have to face it alone.”

“But then I would’ve had to see your disappointment, and I didn’t think I could handle that,” Rose said.

James frowned. “You don’t need to protect me or spare my feelings. If you’re upset, I want to know so I can give you a hug and tell you it’ll be all right.”

Rose gave him a wan smile before she stepped up to him and into his open arms. He held her close to him and rocked them gently as he nuzzled his nose into her hair.

“I was a little hurt that you kept this from me,” he admitted. “We tell each other everything. Surely I should be told if you suspect you’re pregnant?”

Rose sighed. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I just didn’t think it mattered since it came back negative.”

“Can I ask you something?” At her nod, he asked, “If I hadn’t found the test, would you have even told me about it?”

“Eventually,” Rose said. “When I wrapped my head around my disappointment and didn’t feel like I was gonna burst into tears by telling you.”

His heart clenched in sympathy and he tightened his hold around her. “We’re partners, Rose. A team. Teams work best when there is open and honest communication.”

“I know. I know, and I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t want to get your hopes up by telling you my period was nearly a week late, is all.”

“Don’t worry about my feelings,” James said. “We’re in this together.”

Rose nodded and pulled back to cradle his cheeks in her palms.

“I will always worry about your feelings,” she countered. “But I promise I will let you know all of the gory details of my monthly from here on out.”

She spoke with such a straight face that James couldn’t help the smile that twitched across his lips, one that Rose then mirrored with a beaming grin. He chuckled and pulled her close once more.

“I really am sorry,” Rose whispered. “Let me make it up to you?”

“Hmm, what do you have in mind?”

Rose walked her hands down his back and to his bum, where she gave it a quick squeeze before she brought her hands around to the front of his trousers to tease at his zipper.

“I’ll think of something.”

oOoOo

“Mummy!”

Rose startled awake at her five-year-old’s hysterical cry and the way the door bounced off the wall from the force with which Ainsley opened it.

“Mummy! Daddy! My ear exploded!”

Rose swung her legs off the bed and saw Ainsley standing beside the bed with her hand clapped over her right ear. The poor thing was shaking and in tears, and Rose’s heart twisted. Her daughter had complained of an earache since the afternoon before, and it seemed like it finally ruptured. Of course that would scare a five-year-old.

“Let me see,” Rose said gently as she flicked on her bedside lamp.

“What happened?”

James came around and squatted at Ainsley’s side.

“My ear exploded!” Ainsley shrieked.

“Let me see,” Rose said again, a little more firmly.

“There’s ear juice on my pillow!” Ainsley whimpered.

The five-year-old finally lowered her hand, and Rose saw a pinkish-yellowish liquid was beginning to crust in and around her ear.

“You just have an infection,” Rose said soothingly. “Your ear didn’t explode, sweetheart. Nothing to be scared of. This happens sometimes. We’ve got an appointment with Dr. Andrews today, remember?”

“It hurts,” Ainsley whimpered, sniffling. “Both ears hurt, Mummy.”

“I know,” Rose whispered. “Come. I’ll clean your ear, then you can sleep with me and Daddy tonight.”

Rose picked up Ainsley and carried her to the en suite, where she sat her down on the vanity. James followed them and rooted around in the cabinet, where he found a bottle of liquid acetaminophen. Rose quickly cleaned out Ainsley’s ear, while James poured out a dose of medicine for Ainsley.

“This will help, darling,” he said, handing her the liquid. He pressed the backs of his fingers to her forehead. “And it will help your temperature, too.”

After Ainsley swallowed down the medicine with a grimace and a shudder, Rose carried their daughter back to bed, and settled her in the middle. As soon as Rose crawled into bed, Ainsley snuggled up beside her and sniffled.

“I’m so sorry you’re not feeling well,” Rose murmured, her heart breaking. “Try to get some sleep. We’ll get you to the doctor tomorrow, and they’ll make you feel better.”

Their sleep was restless for the rest of the night. Ainsley dozed in fits, and whenever she awoke, she whimpered and complained of the pain in her ears. Finally, morning dawned and they got up and prepared for their day.

Ainsley’s appointment wasn’t until late-morning, and so Rose was taking her into the office with her until the appointment. After that, James would collect Ainsley and take her home.

Rose breezed into the office with Ainsley on her hip. Her cheek was on her shoulder, and she kept digging her ear into her mum’s shoulder.

“Aw, is someone not feeling well?” asked Rose’s coworker, Penny.

“Ear infection,” Rose sighed, rubbing her hand across Ainsley’s back. “I’m taking her to the doctor at eleven.” She brushed Ainsley’s hair away from her face and said, “Ready to go to Mummy’s office?”

Ainsley nodded, and Rose walked back to her office. She had quite a bit to get done today, which is why she’d brought Ainsley with her; otherwise, she would’ve taken the morning off.

Rose settled at her desk and fired up her computer, keeping Ainsley in her lap as she pulled up the photographs she needed to touch up and get sent out to clients for the go-ahead to print.

Ainsley was utterly miserable all morning, and Rose hated that she couldn’t have stayed home with her daughter. But she had a deadline, and James was proctoring an exam until eleven-thirty.

“Daddy’s birthday is coming up. Would you like to make a card for him?” Rose asked when Ainsley started getting restless.

Ainsley nodded, and Rose saved her file before she reached into her drawer for her tablet. She turned it on and opened up a simple sketching program, then selected the option for designing a card.

“Here you go. But you must be very careful with it, okay?” Rose stood up and moved to sit on the floor with her daughter to teach her the basic commands Ainsley might need to draw what she wanted to make. She taught her daughter how to change the color and thickness of the pen lines and supervised Ainsley for a few minutes until she was satisfied her five-year-old was okay.

They passed the morning in relative silence, broken only by Ainsley asking questions about the tablet.

“Do you think Daddy will love it?” Ainsley asked, showing Rose her final product.

Rose smiled as she saw the drawing of a brown-haired girl floating behind a brown-haired man.

“He’ll definitely love it,” Rose promised. “Is that you and Daddy?”

“Uh huh. He’s giving me a piggyback ride,” Ainsley said, pointing. “And on the inside…” She tapped on the screen to go to the inside cover of the card, where Ainsley had drawn the entire family. Then on the opposite side, she’d written, “Happy birthday, daddy! I love you a whole lot! Love, Ainsley”.

“It’s beautiful, sweetheart,” Rose said. “I’ll print this out for you, and I’ll keep it safe for you until the twenty-seventh, okay? But now it’s time to go see Dr. Andrews.”

Rose saved Ainsley’s card then set the tablet back in her desk drawer. She took her daughter’s hand and guided her out of the office, locking the door behind her, and to the car.

They were called back almost as soon as they got to the doctor’s office, and after the nurse took Ainsley’s height, weight, temperature, and blood pressure, Rose sat beside Ainsley to wait for the doctor.

When she stepped into the room, Ainsley crawled into Rose’s lap as the doctor made to look in Ainsley’s throat and nose, then finally her ears. The doctor concluded that Ainsley’s eardrum had indeed ruptured.

“It broke?” Ainsley asked worriedly, looking up at Rose with wide eyes.

“It’s completely normal,” the doctor soothed. “I’ll bet your ear is beginning to feel a lot better than it did yesterday?”

Ainsley nodded. “My left ear still hurts.”

“What an infection is is fluid buildup, mostly,” the doctor explained. “And that pressure is what causes the pain. But eventually that pressure will get to be too much and it ruptures.”

“Like last night when you thought your ear exploded,” Rose said. “Your other ear will probably do the same thing. And then it’ll start to feel better.”

“When?” Ainsley whined.

“Soon enough,” Rose answered, pressing a kiss to Ainsley’s temple.

“And I’ve got some medicine for you to help it feel better and to make the infection go away.” The doctor then turned to Rose. “Fluid might keep draining from her ears for a few more days. Just keep them clean, and give her all of the medicine, even if she says she’s feeling better. And keep an eye on her; sometimes ear infections travel to the sinuses or throat.”

Rose nodded, thanked the doctor, and walked out of the office, where a surprise was waiting in the waiting room.

“Daddy!”

“Hiya, darling! How are you feeling?”

“Okay,” she said. “My ear ruptured!”

“Your eardrum,” Rose corrected. She turned towards James and pecked a kiss to his lips. “The doctor sent the antibiotic prescription to the pharmacy. I gave both of our numbers for them to text when the prescription is ready to be picked up.”

“Great,” James said, and he held his arms out for Ainsley. “Are you ready to go home, darling?”

She nodded, and after giving Rose another kiss, James turned and walked Ainsley to his car.

Her earache cleared up after a couple days, and James and Rose were relieved when their daughter didn’t develop a sinus or respiratory infection from it, either.

“Why do I still have to take medicine?” Ainsley grumbled after James forced her to take a dose of the icky pink liquid.

“Because you had a bacterial infection,” he explained. “Bacteria are living things. Some are stronger than others, and so the weak ones are probably dead from the medicine, but some are still fighting. And if you stop taking your medicine, the strong ones will continue to live, and you could get sick again. Also, they’ll have recognized the medicine the doctor gave you, and they might develop immunity to it. That’s what’s called a superbug. We’re trying to avoid making superbugs.”

Ainsley blinked owlishly up at him, before she walked away and to her toys. A muffled snort caught his attention, and he glanced sheepishly over at Rose.

“It’s always a lesson with you, isn’t it?” she asked, grinning at him with that tongue-touched smile.

James put the antibiotic back into the fridge then stepped up to where Rose was sitting at the table.

“Any moment can be turned into a learning opportunity,” he said. “And I’m a man of learning. And teaching. I just can’t help it.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I married you for your brain, Professor Tyler-McCrimmon.”

“Are you saying it wasn’t for my devastatingly handsome good looks?” he asked, feigning affront.

Rose pursed her lips and tapped her chin as though in thought, and squealed when James reached out and tickled her ribs.

“Your ego doesn’t need any more stroking,” Rose gasped as she squirmed beneath his fingers.

“Perhaps not, but I’m sure I could provide something else for you to stroke.”

Rose cackled and swatted at his shoulder.

“There are two children who could’ve overheard you,” she chastised, but her reprimand lost its bite amidst her breathless laughter and bright eyes.

“Nah, they’re preoccupied with the telly. Besides, I don’t think they’ve grasped the concept of innuendo yet,” he said, bending down to touch the tip of his nose against hers.

“Thank God for that,” Rose murmured, her eyes fluttering shut as his breath puffed against her lips. “Everything that comes out of your mouth is an innuendo.”

“Pfft, don’t you act all innocent Mrs. Tyler-McCrimmon,” he snorted. “I know first-hand the level of filth that passes those lips.”

“That’s not the only thing that passes these lips,” she whispered, and she leaned forward to brush her lips against his.

His mouth parted, and she trailed her tongue lightly across his bottom lip, before slipping it into his mouth. He hummed as she trailed her tongue leisurely against his, and his hands scrabbled against her back as he deepened the kiss. He breathed heavily through his nose, which was smooshed against her cheek, and he tugged her clumsily to her feet.

Rose chuckled against his mouth but stood willingly and moved with him as he backed up and eased himself onto the kitchen table. She was somewhat impressed that he managed to keep kissing her as he shimmied up onto their table.

He spread his legs and tugged her forward. When she was between his legs, he loosely hooked his ankles around the backs of her thighs to keep her where she was as he continued kissing her. One of his hands was at the small of her back, holding her close, and the other was tangling and untangling itself in her hair while his lips moved leisurely against hers, catching and releasing her bottom lip between his own.

Remembering that she, too, had hands, she leaned closer to him and linked them around the back of his neck. She lightly scratched her nails across the back of his head and neck while her other hand moved forward to rest against his chest. His heart was pounding and his skin seemed to throb with heat beneath her palm. His chest rose and fell sporadically with his breathing, and she could feel hers heaving, too.

She loved this. Just being with James and snogging him breathless and feeling his body against hers. It was as though she could feel his very life force when they kissed. It was humbling and made her fall in love with him all over again.

“Mummy, did you…”

Rose gasped and straightened away from James. She took her hands off of him as he slipped his hand out from where it had ducked under her shirt. Her cheeks were burning as she tried to tame her hair and force her face to not look as though she’d been thoroughly snogging James against the kitchen table.

She glanced up at James to make sure he was presentable before she stepped out from between his legs. His cheeks were red, his lips were swollen, his hair was mussed, and his eyes were bright and shining. He looked as disheveled as she felt, and she couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled up in her chest. James returned the giddy sound, and she heard Ainsley sigh impatiently.

Rose swallowed down the rest of her laughter as best she could and turned to her daughter.

“Sorry Ainsley,” she said.

“What can we help you with?” James asked, sliding off of the table top to stand beside Rose.

“I gotta talk to Mummy,” Ainsley said.

“Oh?” he asked. “Daddy can’t help?”

“Nope,” Ainsley said.

James frowned at Rose. She shrugged and shooed him out of the kitchen.

He pouted but said, “Fine, keep your secrets. I’ll just… go and do my own secret… stuff.”

Rose watched him go, her body warm with love for her daft husband, before she looked back down at her daughter.

“What’s the matter, Ainsley?” she asked.

“Did you print the birthday card I made for Daddy?” she asked.

“I’ll print it for you tomorrow and bring it home with me,” Rose promised. “That way it will be all ready for you to give to him Friday morning. Okay?”

Ainsley nodded then went back into the living room to continue watching cartoons.

True to her word, Rose came home the following evening with Ainsley’s card, and she helped Ainsley fold it in half and decorate the envelope.

When James and Rose entered the kitchen on Friday morning—James’s birthday—Ainsley was sitting in her pajamas at the kitchen table and she was practically vibrating with excitement as James’s gaze landed on the glittery envelope sitting at his place on the table. Ainsley had decorated the front of the envelope with various stamps and shapes that framed the words “TO DADDY”.

“I’m gonna wake Sianin,” Rose said, giving James’s arm a squeeze before she walked back down the hallway.

“What’s this?” he asked, his heart swelling in his chest.

“Happy birthday, Daddy!” Ainsley squealed, slipping off her chair to run up to his legs.

He reached down and hauled her into his arms.

“Thank you, Ainsley,” he said, peppering kisses across her face.

“Open it,” she said, pointing to the envelope.

James picked up and smiled when he saw the words “I love you soooo much!” scrawled across the back seam of the envelope.

He eased it open, not wanting to tear up the words, and he finally was able to get to the card inside. It was printed on thick paper, and James recognized the small watermark logo of the company Rose worked for on the back of the card.

“This is beautiful!” James breathed, seeing what he assumed was a portrait of himself and Ainsley on the front of the card. “Oh, Ainsley, thank you!”

“Open it,” she said, resting her cheek on his shoulder.

James did, and his heart melted again as he saw a drawing of their family and the sentiment “Happy birthday, daddy! I love you a whole lot! Love, Ainsley”. He smiled at the card and tightened his arms around his five-year-old.

“Thank you so much, Ainsley,” he murmured into her hair.

“Do you like it?” she asked, her voice muffled by his shirt.

“I love it,” he said. He pulled back and pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Daddy,” Ainsley said, leaning forward to kiss his cheek.

He set her back on the ground just in time for his youngest to sprint into his legs.

“Whoa, there,” he said, nearly tripping over her.

Sianin bounced on her toes and beamed up at him as she squealed, “Happy bir’day, Daddy!”

“Why thank you, Sianin sweetheart!” he cooed, bending down to pick her up.

She leaned forward and blew a raspberry-kiss into his cheek, spraying his face with spit.

“I love you, too,” he said dryly, even as he grinned.

The family ate breakfast together, then James grabbed his and Rose’s suitcase as she loaded the kids into the car. For his birthday, he and Rose were taking a weekend holiday together. She’d surprised him with tickets to a theater show and reservations for a honeymoon suite in London. Robert was going to pick up the girls and stay with them at the house for the weekend.

James was excited for his birthday weekend. They hadn’t been to the theater in ages, at least not to see a show intended for adults and not small children, and it gave him and Rose an excuse to dress up nicely, which they hadn’t done in a while. He wore a new oxford and tie with his favorite suit jacket, and Rose had bought a new dress with a plunging neckline and open back. She looked so beautiful, and he could barely keep his hands to himself when Rose had let her dress skirt ride up her thigh throughout the theater show. Then he’d hurried them through dinner when Rose used far too much tongue to eat her food and her toes wandered endlessly up and down his legs.

She grinned as he rushed them to the lift of their hotel, and then to their room. As he fumbled with the key card, Rose stepped up behind him and pressed herself along the length of his back.

“Having a bit of trouble?” she asked innocently as he struggled to slide the card into the slot.

“These damn things never want to read for me,” he growled, turning the card again and again, but always missing the correct orientation.

“Let me try,” Rose said, and she wrapped her arms in front of him to yank it from his fumbling fingers. She stood on her tiptoes and pressed her breasts tight to his back so she could see the door handle. “You’ve just got to hold it steady.” As she spoke, she reached down and let her fingers graze across the front of his trousers, where she felt him hard and straining against the zip. “Then you simply line it up…” She gave his erection a soft squeeze. “And slide right in.”

She pressed a long, open-mouthed kiss to his neck and inserted the card into the lock, then removed her hand from James to reach in front of him to open the door.

“Easy peasy,” she whispered, before James turned and yanked her inside.

oOoOo

“So, Sianin’s almost three,” Jackie said as she, Rose, and James walked through the festive little town. Ainsley was trotting a little way ahead of them, looking at all of the beautiful window displays in the shops. Sianin had gotten over-excited and was asleep in the pram Jackie was pushing.

“Not for another three and a half months,” Rose said, glancing over at her mum, then down at her toddler.

“About the same age Ainsley was when you got pregnant with her,” Jackie said as though Rose hadn’t said anything.

Rose stiffened. “And?”

“And I was wondering if you were thinking of having any more,” Jackie said. “You adore these girls. I just figured you wouldn’t be stopping with two. God knows you have the means to have half a dozen kids.”

Rose clenched her fingers around James’s hand as white-hot anger and hurt seared through her chest. Not even the soothing stroke of James’s thumb across the back of her hand helped, and she snapped, “That’s none of your bloody business, is it?”

She dropped James’s hand and sped up to walk beside Ainsley, who was wandering a little too far for comfort.

James watched her go with an aching lump in his throat. When Rose caught up with Ainsley and swung her up into her arms, he turned back to his mother-in-law.

“She’s right, it  _isn’t_  any of your business,” James said curtly, “but if you must know, Rose and I have been trying for another baby for over a year now.”

Her face paled and her mouth worked silently for a beat before she mumbled, “I-I didn’t realize…”

“We haven’t said anything, so you wouldn’t have known,” James said. “But it’s been hard on both of us, as you can tell from her reaction to your oh-so helpful comment. So bugger off with the advice, yeah? Now, excuse me for a mo’.”

James walked up to Rose, who still had Ainsley on her hip as they watched carol singers.

“Ainsley, darling, could you go wait with Gran? I want a quick word with Mummy.”

“But Daddy, the carolers!” she whined.

“Don’t they have such lovely voices?”

James turned and saw Jackie had walked up to them.

“You can stay here and watch,” James said as Rose lowered Ainsley to the ground. “We’ll be back in two ticks.” He looked around and spotted a cafe. “We’re gonna get something hot to drink. Stay with Gran.”

He wrapped his hand around Rose’s and gently tugged her into the cafe.

“All right?” he asked softly as they joined the queue.

“No,” she said shortly. “What business is it of hers anyway, about our family planning?”

“It’s not,” he soothed. “I’ve just told her off.”

“Good,” Rose grumbled. “Though she’ll be unbearable now, trying to give us advice and sympathies and God knows whatever else. And she wonders why I don’t tell her things.”

“I know,” James said gently. “I’m sorry.”

“I hate feeling like this, James,” she mumbled, resting her head against his shoulder.

“I know. So do I,” he admitted. “It’s like I’m failing you, somehow.”

“What?” Rose asked, scrunching her nose. “How are you failing? My stupid body’s the one that won’t get pregnant.”

“No, my stupid sperm aren’t doing their job to fertilize your egg,” he argued.

“Well, maybe my stupid egg isn’t accepting any of your sperm,” Rose said, a hint of a smile crossing her face.

James beamed and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “There we have it, then. Your egg and my sperm are both being idiots. It’s definitely not us.”

Rose laughed and wrapped her arm around his waist. “I love you, James.”

“As I love you.” They reached the front register, and he placed his order of two peppermint mochas, a hot chocolate, and a hot tea. As they waited for their order, he asked, “Want to go out for supper next weekend? Just the two of us? We can ask Dad or Jackie to babysit and take a night to pamper ourselves. It’s been a while since we’ve had a date night.”

“In three weeks, we’ll be away together in Bora Bora,” Rose reminded.

“Oh. Yeah. Okay,” he said, feeling a little disappointed.

Rose must’ve seen it, because she wrapped her arm around his and drawled, “Buuuuut I suppose a day of pre-vacation pampering couldn’t hurt.”

“If you really don’t want to, we don’t have to,” he said, not wanting her to feel guilted into anything.

“I love date nights with you,” Rose said. “You know that. I just don’t want Ainsley and Sianin to think we keep abandoning them on the weekends.”

“We haven’t,” James argued. “It’s been… ooh, let’s see… My birthday weekend was the last time you and I went away together for a weekend.”

“Has it really been that long?” Rose asked curiously.

Their drinks were ready, and so they stepped up to the counter and took their beverages.

“Yep,” he said, popping the ‘p’.

“Well, then, I think a date night is in order,” Rose said, bumping her hip against his.

James beamed and leaned down to press a quick kiss to her lips before moving out of the way of the next customer.

They joined Jackie, Ainsley, and Sianin, who were still listening to the carolers, and distributed the drinks.

They had a pleasant enough afternoon, but James could still see the tension between Rose and her mum.

However, the hard set of her shoulders didn’t loosen even after they bade Jackie goodbye and went home. He made a mental note to ask her if something else was bothering her later that night when the girls went to bed.

But instead, she brought it up first.

“Do you think something’s wrong?” Rose mused as she brushed her teeth. “With us?”

“Us?” James furrowed his brows. “What do you mean something’s wrong with us? We’re great, aren’t we?”

“I meant our bodies,” she clarified. “Like something might be wrong so we’re not getting pregnant.”

“Rose, I thought we went over that this afternoon,” he said.

She rolled her eyes. “No, we made a joke about it to make ourselves feel better in the moment. But Mum’s comment really emphasized how long it’s been that we’ve been trying.”

“It hasn’t been all that long,” James argued.

“It’s been a year and a half, James,” Rose sighed.

“Exactly. That’s hardly any time at all!”

Rose glared at him through the mirror as she rinsed her mouth of toothpaste. James let his shoulders slump as he stopped trying to inflect a bit of cheer and optimism into the situation.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, stepping up behind his wife to wrap his arms around her waist. He nuzzled his face into her neck and murmured, “We’ll keep trying. We’re bound to get lucky again.”

“What if we don’t?” Rose asked, leaning back against his chest.

“Then… we can discuss that when the time comes,” he answered. “But don’t give up so easily, love. There’s still plenty of time. We just need to stop worrying so much about it. Stress makes it more difficult for couples to conceive, you know, what with the out-of-balance hormones and…”

Rose couldn’t help but smile as James slipped into “professor mode”, as she liked to call it, and he once more started to explain studies he’d read that correlated stress and fertility. She knew that talking about whatever was bothering him and making it factual and concrete helped James to process stresses in his life. Despite having heard this particular lecture at least half a dozen times, Rose tilted her head back to rest against his chest and closed her eyes and let him talk.

When he’d stopped speaking, she let him have his turn at the sink and climbed into bed. After checking to make sure her alarm was set, she switched her phone to ‘do not disturb’ mode and waited for her husband to join her.

She listened to him brush his teeth and gargle mouthwash before he stepped into the loo to use the toilet. After washing his hands, he splashed a bit of water on his face and finally flicked the lights off.

The mattress dipped beside her as he crawled in, and she immediately snuggled into his side. She was silent for a few moments before she broached the subject she really wanted them to discuss.

“Hey, James?”

He must have caught onto the serious note in her voice, because he inhaled deeply and twisted under her. Having been displaced from his chest, Rose rolled off of him and settled onto her side as he shifted until he mirrored her position.

When his attention was back on her, she said, “I was thinking that maybe we should go in for fertility testing.”

She bit her lip as she scanned his face, wondering what he was thinking, but his face remained blank of any emotion.

“Do you think that’s really necessary?” he asked slowly. “We’ve already got two kids. We’re obviously fertile.”

Rose shrugged. “What if something’s changed? Don’t you at least want to make sure that we’re both all right?” James was still silent though, and Rose reached out into the space between them for his hand. His fingers twined loosely through hers. “Please, James? It would mean a lot to me if we got tested, just as a precaution. I’m sure everything’s fine, but if it’s not, I want to know sooner rather than later so we can work out what to do next.”

James squeezed her hand and exhaled softly. “Yeah, you’re right. I guess I just liked the idea that everything’s fine and we’ll get pregnant soon enough. Or maybe I’m scared that I’ll be told something  _is_  wrong. But you’re right. It’d be stupid of us to not double check. I’ll call for an appointment in the morning.”

Rose smiled at him and leaned over to press her lips to his. “Thank you. I’ll get my own appointment, too. Night, James. I love you.”

“Nighty night. Love you, too.”

True to his word, James looked around online for a fertility clinic, and found that the place he and Rose went for general checkups had a department that would suit their needs. He forwarded the details to Rose, then called the office for an appointment.

That was how the following weekend found James sitting in a waiting room with a few other blokes, trying not to feel self-conscious. All of these men were older than him, or at least they looked older, and James couldn’t help the feelings of inadequacy and the fear that maybe his body was giving out on him earlier than it should.

To give himself something to do, he grabbed a nearby pamphlet and began scanning through the information on erectile dysfunction—something he thankfully never had an issue with—and on potential fertility issues.

He was mollified slightly as he read about possible causes of male infertility; none of them were applicable to him. He then scanned the last paragraph on ways he could make sure to keep himself and thus his sperm healthy. They all seemed like common sense to him—eat well, get regular exercise, don’t smoke/drink/take recreational drugs, etc.—but he supposed not everyone had the gift of common sense.

“James?”

He looked up and saw a nurse scanning the room. They made eye contact, and she smiled warmly as he stood from his seat.

“If you could follow me, please,” the nurse said.

She took him down a little corridor and checked his height, weight, and blood pressure, all of which she deemed “excellent”. Then came the part James was dreading most.

“You’ll be in this room right here,” she said, guiding him into a room at the end of the hallway. It at least seemed more secluded than other rooms. How awkward would it be to be overheard? The nurse handed him a small plastic cup and said, “Please stick this in the incubator”—she pointed to what looked like a mini-fridge that sat on the counter—“once you’re done.”

James’s ears burned as she turned on her heel and walked out of the room, closing the door firmly behind her. He grimly realized the door had no locking mechanism, merely a toggle switch that claimed the room to be ‘occupied’. Exhaling a shaky breath, he glanced around the sterile-smelling room as he drummed his fingers against his collection vial.

A lone, cushy chair sat in the corner beside a table full of magazines with scantily-clad women, and across from a television. He wrinkled his nose at the chair—who knew how many men had sat there and… you know… The thought sent a shudder up his spine.

He picked up a magazine and flipped through it, but he set it down just as quickly. The women in the magazine were pretty enough, he supposed, but they did nothing for him. But he needed them to do something for him. He and Rose were counting on him to give a sample to make sure everything was all right with his sperm.

But he just couldn’t. He’d flipped through three magazines and looked at many photos of women in various stages of undress and doing what James supposed were sexy acts to themselves or others.

Yet he remained resolutely uninterested.

He tried to ignore the ticking clock, and he desperately hoped he wasn’t being timed. How humiliating would it be to get interrupted during this?

At least ten minutes had passed since he had shut himself in this little room to have a wank, but he was as far from having a wank as he could be.

Well, maybe he should just wing it…

James unzipped his trousers and tugged them down around his thighs before he worked his pants down only as far as necessary. He gently wrapped his hand around his completely flaccid penis and started playing with himself.

But after a couple minutes of trying to force himself to get an erection, he was still frustratingly limp.

Annoyed and more than a little embarrassed, he grabbed his mobile and dialed Rose.

“So how’d it go?” she asked.

“It hasn’t yet. Did you know that having a wank on command is much harder than it sounds?” he answered, and he rolled his eyes when Rose giggled.

“Oh dear,” she said.

“Yeah,” he said flatly. “These magazines are utter rubbish and frankly disgusting. Who the hell gets horny from this?”

“Most men, probably,” she said cheekily, and James could see the way her tongue was probably poking out from between her teeth.

“I’m not most men,” he grumbled.

“No, you’re not,” Rose said, her voice pitched low. “You’re my handsome, sexy man.”

“Er, what-what are you doing?” he squeaked.

“Well, you said you were having a bit of performance anxiety,” she replied, and he heard some rustling on the other line. “Right, let’s do this. Close your eyes, James.”

“No, this is silly,” he said, feeling even more humiliated.

“Please?” she asked. “Let me try to help. Close your eyes, please.”

He sighed, and nodded, then closed his eyes and listened to Rose.

“If I were there with you, I’d start by kissing you,” she whispered breathily. “That bottom lip of yours is so tempting, just begging to be bit and licked and played with. But I wouldn’t linger. Gotta keep you on your toes. I’d move to your neck. To the place I can feel your pulse the strongest. And I’d nibble on your skin and taste you. You taste so good, James.”

He hummed as his mind provided him the perfect montage of memories to give sensation to the words she was saying.

“My hands would be everywhere,” she continued. “They’d probably start in your hair. I love your hair. It’s so soft, but so strong. When you go down on me, that’s my favorite place for my hands to be, you know. I love pulling you closer by your hair and scraping my nails against your scalp. You seem to like it too. You always make that little noise that’s a cross between a sigh and a groan, and it always makes me wetter for you, James.”

He whimpered out a breath as his belly swooped with heat. He dropped the hand not holding the phone to his cock; he wasn’t completely hard yet, but Rose had him well on his way.

“After your hair, I’d touch your chest. It’s so strong and broad and perfect. I love being able to feel your heartbeat against my palms. It beats faster the longer I touch you.” In response, James’s heart began pounding more quickly, and he couldn’t help but smile. Rose knew him and his body so well, and he absolutely loved it. “And I know how much you want me to touch your nipples, but I won’t. Not yet.”

“Tease.” He fumbled with his phone for a minute before he put it on speaker and set it on the table next to the magazines to free up his hands.

“You love it,” she said. “That makes it so much better.”

“Yeah.”

“I’d scrape my fingers through your chest hair next,” she said, and James copied her narrative. “And you’d be arching your chest, and I’d finally relent and circle my fingernails around your nipples.”

He groaned as he played with his nipples, sending sparks of pleasure low in his belly.

“I love how sensitive they are,” she breathed through the phone.

“Me too,” he sighed, stroking his cock, which was finally hard enough to get the job done. “I like how you touch me better, though.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm. I like how I never know what you’re gonna do next. Been together for twelve and a half years now, and still you manage to surprise me.”

“Well, I aim to please,” Rose said brightly. “But enough about me, this is about you. How you doing?”

“Good,” he said. “Keep talking, please.”

“Right, so I think I’ve spent enough time at your nipples,” she replied. “Though I’d probably still play with them even after taking your cock in my hand. I’ve always loved how you feel in my hand, James. So hot and hard, but still soft.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“No, in a good way,” she said quickly. “Your cock is just perfect. I love playing with it, stroking it agonizingly slowly until you beg me to speed it up. I love taking it in my mouth as deep as I can, and sucking you gently at first, then harder the longer I go. You make the best noises when I go down on you, you know. And you taste so good. It’s so much fun to tease you while you’re in my mouth, too. I love taking my time, and driving you mad with my tongue. Soft little flicks that make you gasp every time, then longer sucks until you can barely speak anymore. I love making you come with just my mouth.”

James could barely get out a reply, as he was too busy replaying all of the times Rose had given him a blow job. God, she was good at it. He loved being inside of her, make no mistake, but there was nothing quite like having her lips and tongue around his cock, giving him the most perfect suction he’d ever felt, driving him to madness.

“Ahh, shit,” he gasped, feeling that aching tingle starting low in his balls.

“Remember to hit the specimen cup,” Rose reminded quickly.

He fumbled for the cup and positioned it at the head of his cock as his hand jerked up and down his erection in short, quick movements.

“Come for me, James,” she whispered huskily. “Let me have it, love. Come on.”

“Oh, fffffuck,” he groaned, his head tilting back as pleasure burst through his body. But he quickly forced his eyes open to make sure his semen was actually going into the cup.

 _Thank God_.

His cock pulsed in his hand and he hummed out a sated sigh as he gave it a few more lazy strokes.

“Well done, you!”

James giggled at the pride in her voice, and he set his specimen cup on a table as he worked his pants and trousers back up.

“Thank you,” he said earnestly. “If it weren’t for you, I’d still be in here chafing myself raw trying to get an erection.”

“I’ll always be here to suit your carnal needs.”

James laughed again. “Right, I’ll see you in a little bit. Love you.”

“Love you, too,” she said, before she ended the call.

Once his trousers were zipped and buttoned, he stepped over to the incubator and set his sample into the 37C chamber. They’d told him his results would be ready in a few days, and in his current sated state, he was positive they would come back all clear. With that uplifting thought, James donned his coat and walked out into the weak December sunshine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, so still no impending baby for our two favorite soulmates. It will happen eventually! Promise! *crosses heart*
> 
> I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein James and Rose get the results of their fertility tests, then they go on their ten-year anniversary vacation to Bora Bora.
> 
> Chapter Rating: Explicit
> 
> Chapter word count: 8700

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the month's delay in posting, but school was getting incredibly hectic. While things have calmed down, they'll pick back up again in a few weeks as I prepare to take my general exam (which is a test to determine if I stay in the PhD program). So updates will still only occur every other week.
> 
> Starting ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the beginning of the chapter:  
> James: 36  
> Rose: 30  
> Ainsley: 6  
> Sianin: 2

 It only took a day for James’s confidence to wane. He hated waiting, particularly with something as serious and personal as this. As the end of the week approached and James still hadn’t received a call, he began to get concerned that they’d found something wrong with his sperm. What if his sperm was so horrible that it warranted an expert opinion?

James’s imagination went into overdrive as he saw scenarios of sperm experts—was there even such a thing as sperm experts?—from across the globe gathering to study his sample and write up research reports that would make him a medical anomaly. A medical anomaly with the inability to make any more babies with his soulmate.

“Stop it,” Rose chided softly when James told her all of this one night as they indulged in a post-coital cuddle. “Your brain is getting way ahead of you. I’m sure everything will come back normal. You know doctors. They say the results will be ready in a few days, but a few days in their lingo means a week. Just relax.”

As it turned out, Rose was right. Exactly one week after he’d given his sample, he got the call with the results. He had shut himself in their home office since breakfast to get a bit of work done. He hadn’t yet written the final exam for his introductory physics students, and the exam was scheduled for Monday. The girls were being fairly quiet as they played with Rose, though they did occasionally come see him to tell him about the latest thirty minutes of their lives. While he wished he could work without interruption so he could finish the exam, he couldn’t deny the happiness it brought to him every time his daughters wanted to show or tell him about something they'd done.

He’d gotten a long stretch of solitude shortly after lunch when Sianin went down for her nap and Ainsley decided she wanted to marathon all of her favorite Christmas movies. He’d just saved the document containing the finished exam when his phone rang, rather loudly.

Cursing, he fumbled to answer it before it could wake Sianin. Without looking at the caller ID, he accepted the call. “Hello, James Tyler-McCrimmon speaking.”

“Hello Mr. Tyler-McCrimmon, I’m calling with the results of your sperm analysis.”

James sat up straight as his heart hammered in his throat. This was it. This would tell him if he was to blame for their lack of pregnancy. He dug his thumbnail through a groove in the wood grain of his desk as he waited for the news.

But to his immense relief, nothing was wrong.

“Everything checks out normal,” said the technician on the phone. “Sperm count is slightly above average. Shape and motility looks great. Lifetime is great. All in all, your sperm sample was perfectly normal.”

“Great, thanks! Thank you!” James exclaimed.

After he ended the call, he breathed out an enormous sigh of relief. He was healthy. Everything came back normal. It wasn’t his fault that he and Rose weren’t conceiving.

“You look pleased.” He looked up and saw Rose leaning against the doorway to the home office. “Your mistress on the phone?”

“Well, she has become quite familiar with my semen,” he teased, walking up to Rose. At her frown, he clarified, “That was the fertility clinic. My results are back. Everything’s fine. Isn’t that brilliant? There’s nothing wrong with me or my little swimmers!”

His wide grin slipped when her face fell.

“Oh. Right,” she said softly, dropping her gaze to her feet.

“Rose?” He tucked his fingers under her chin and nudged upward, encouraging her to look at him. The hurt and disappointment in her face made his stomach twist into knots. “Why are you unhappy?”

“I’m not,” she said quickly, forcing a tight smile. “That’s great news. Really. It’s brilliant.”

James shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Why are you lying?” he asked quietly.

“I’m not lying,” Rose huffed. “I really am glad everything’s okay for you.”

“Then what is it?” he bit out. “Were you hoping my results would come back as shit? Were you hoping to finally have someone to blame?”

Rose’s eyes widened.

“What?” she gasped. “Of course not! How could you even think that?”

“I don’t know, but you’re upset about something. So what’s the problem, Rose?” he demanded.

“The problem is that if everything came back okay for you, then that increases the odds that  _I’m_  the one keeping us from getting pregnant!” she snapped, crossing her arms in front of her.

Understanding finally dawned on James. He hadn’t realized how it would sound to Rose. He hadn’t even thought of that; he’d just been so relieved that there was nothing wrong on his end that was making conception a hardship.

“Oh, Rose. I’m sorry.” He pulled her to his chest and rubbed her back until she stopped standing so stiffly and melted into his embrace. “We won’t know until you go for your tests. I’m sure everything’s fine, love. I know it. Deep in my bones, I just know it’ll come back clear for you, too.”

“What if you’re wrong?” she mumbled into his shoulder.

“Then we’re gonna figure it out together,” he said, turning his head to press a kiss to the shell of her ear. “But try not to worry too much before you go for your tests.”

Rose hummed noncommittally into his chest, and James hugged her tightly as he tried to infuse as much love and support into the hug as he could.

Rose’s fertility tests were the Saturday before Christmas. James willed everything to come back clear for her; his heart ached at how hurt he knew she would be if it turned out there was something wrong with her. He kept her in his thoughts all morning as he readied everyone’s suitcases. They would be headed to Scotland for the holidays when she got home.

Finally, he saw Rose’s car pull into their driveway, and he jumped to his feet to greet her. He stepped outside as she locked her car, and when she saw him, she broke out into a grin that dispelled all of his anxieties.

“Everything’s fine,” Rose said. She skipped up to him and threw her arms around his neck. “Nothing’s at all wrong with my uterus, cervix, eggs, or anything.”

“I told you,” he whispered into her ear, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist to lift her off her feet. “I told you everything would come back fine for you.”

“I was really worried,” she admitted, resting her head on his shoulder. “I don’t know what we could’ve done if the doctor told me my uterus was… what did I read?” She was quiet for a few seconds as she thought, before she said, “Inhospitable. That was it.”

“Well, we don’t have to worry about it, because your uterus is as hospitable as they come,” he said. “The most hospitable uterus I’ve ever had the pleasure of interacting with. Emphasis on the pleasure. Well… it isn’t technically your uterus that brings me such pleasure.”

Rose tilted her head back and laughed, and James’s heart stuttered at the beautiful sound, and the way the cold air frosted her breath in front of her.

“Oh, you’re such a nutter,” she said fondly.

He pressed a light kiss to her lips. “But I’m your nutter. Come, it’s freezing out here.”

“I’m not the nutter who came outside without shoes or a jacket,” Rose pointed out, even as she let him guide her indoors. “Is everyone ready to go? All the bags packed?”

“I ordered the girls to try to wee one more time,” James answered, “and then we can go. Everyone’s luggage is in the car already.”

“Including our stuff for Bora Bora?” she asked as James laced up his Chucks.

He nodded. “Yep! We’re all set. I’m so excited to go on this trip with you, Rose.”

He looked up at her and saw her grinning at him.

“Me too,” she answered. “That doctor’s appointment took a huge weight of my chest, it feels. I would’ve been devastated if I’d been given bad news, and I don’t think I would’ve been good company for you for our anniversary.”

“Nonsense. You’re always good company for me, even if you are in a mood,” James countered, reaching out to playfully pinch her waist. She swatted at his hand as she snorted out a laugh. “But I agree. I’m so happy and relieved for you, love.”

“The doctor also said everything’s progressing nicely for this cycle,” Rose said. “According to the app and her prediction, peak ovulation should happen on the thirtieth. Our anniversary day. How coincidental is that?”

“I think,” James said, stepping up to Rose, “that our fortunes are about to change. We’ve been subconsciously fretting about pregnancy, but now everything is okay for the both of us. We’re both healthy, and we’re going to be spending a week alone together on a tropical island, where I plan on making love to you every… single… day.”

He punctuated the last three words with soft kisses to her lips. He felt her lips stretch into a smile that widened after each kiss, until he kept his lips pressed to hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rocked up onto her tiptoes as he leaned down towards her. Her lips moved lazily against his as he wrapped his arms around her ribs to hold her close, loving the way her soft, warm body pressed into his.

“Time to go!” Ainsley announced, stepping into the room.

James eased them out of the kiss and smiled down at Rose. He pressed a parting kiss to her lips, and then heard Ainsley huff out a breath.

“Come on,” she whined.

Rose giggled, and he rolled his eyes in exasperation.

“Is Daddy not allowed to kiss Mummy?” James asked his eldest.

Ainsley rolled her eyes and said, “You’re  _always_  kissing Mummy.”

“Well, I just love her so very much,” he answered, slipping his arm around Rose’s waist to tug her into his side. “I simply can’t help myself.” He leaned down and pressed a loud, smacking kiss to her lips which made Rose laugh and Ainsley sigh again.

“Besides,” Rose said, “kissing takes two people, Ainsley. Always. So I’m just as guilty of always kissing Daddy.”

James hummed happily deep in his chest, feeling giddy with love and happiness for his wife.

“But isn’t kissing gross?” Ainsley asked. “You’re just spitting into each other’s mouth.”

James and Rose let out equally loud cackles of laughter at that.

“You don’t spit into someone’s mouth when you kiss them,” James said, still chuckling. “When I give you kisses, I’m not spitting on you, am I?”

“I guess not,” Ainsley allowed.

“Kissing is a way for people in love to express their love,” Rose explained. “There’s nothing gross about it. The fact that your daddy and I are always kissing is a good thing.”

“And I don’t ever plan to stop kissing your mummy,” James said. He pressed a parting kiss to Rose’s temple then stepped away from her to continue getting ready to leave. When he saw that Ainsley was still in just her socks, he said, “Get your shoes on, darling. I’m gonna make sure Sianin’s all right and hasn’t gotten distracted. Then we can leave.”

His youngest had indeed gotten distracted and was playing with her toy car ramp in her room.

“Daddy, it go zoom!” she said when she saw him. “Look look!”

James smiled at his youngest as she set a car at the top of the ramp and let it go. It sped off the end of the ramp where it skidded across the floor before careening into her dresser.

“That is quite exciting, isn’t it?” he asked. “But it’s time to go, Sian.”

“Don’t wanna,” she said, gathering up all of her cars to put them down the ramp again.

“But we’re gonna go to Grandad’s house in Scotland,” James said. “Remember? Christmas! Santa’s gonna drop off your gifts in Scotland, not here in England.”

Sianin looked up at him and blinked.

“One more time?” she asked with big, pleading eyes.

“Okay, one more time,” he allowed. “Then we leave.”

“One more time,” she repeated. “Then we leave.”

James watched her send eight cars down the ramp in quick succession so they all hit the dresser and formed a massive pile-up. She then stood up and trotted to him.

“Then we leave,” she said.

James walked with Sianin to the front of the house, where Rose was helping Ainsley zip up her coat. He worked on getting his toddler into her shoes and coat, then they finally loaded the girls into the car and began the journey to Scotland.

It took longer than normal, even with the usual holiday traffic, because neither child seemed to be able to take a toilet break at the same time.

“I miss when Sianin was in nappies,” James grumbled as he stopped for the fifth time when his youngest cried that she needed the loo. “Ainsley, go with Mummy and go wee.”

“I don’t have to go,” she replied.

“Are you sure?” he sighed. “We’re about an hour and a half out from Grandad’s house. That’s the time it takes to watch a Disney film. Can you hold it that long? Because I’m not going to stop again.”

Ainsley looked thoughtfully at him through the rearview mirror, then began unbuckling herself from the car seat. James got out of the car and walked her to the lady’s room.

“Mummy’s right in there,” he said. “I’m not allowed in, so I’ll be waiting out here.”

“You should go wee, Daddy,” Ainsley said, pointing to the men’s room.

“I don’t have to,” he said.

“You should try anyway,” Ainsley said.

James bit back a laugh, and said, “Okay, okay. But you go in and find Mummy and use the toilet.”

Miraculously, they managed to make it to the McCrimmon manor without any more rest stops.

“In a few years, we’ll have three of them needing the loo all at different times,” Rose teased after she freed their kids from their car seats and watched them sprint up to Robert.

“I’ll just put them all in nappies for road trips,” James said, grabbing the suitcases from the back.

Rose snorted, and walked with James to the front porch, where Robert had both girls in his arms.

Christmas went well, and it started promptly at seven in the morning with two over-excited children. Sianin was much more interested in the Christmas activities than she’d been the previous year.

She’d been the first one up, for the first time in James and Rose’s memory. Their normally late sleeper was jumping in their bed at five in the morning, asking for her presents, which of course woke her sister.

So with two hours to go, James and Rose worked on settling their two daughters into bed with them to catch a bit more sleep. Ainsley had been able to drift in and out of sleep, but Sianin kept poking her head up to look at the clock, despite not being able to read time.

“It’s seven now,” she told them, only for them to reply, “Not quite yet. Mummy and Daddy will tell you when it’s seven.”

Finally, it was time for presents, and Sianin sprinted for the lit-up tree with the shiny presents underneath and began to paw through them.

“No, no!” James said quickly as he saw his daughter about to rip open a gift intended for Ainsley. “Wait, Sianin. Remember, Daddy will pass out the gifts one at a time.”

As James placated their youngest, Rose detoured to the kitchen to join the queue for coffee.

“Someone was up early,” Robert teased as he poured cream into the two mugs she had in her hands.

Rose cringed. “Did Sianin wake you? I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Robert assured. “I remember when James was her age. He’d jump into bed with me and Vera and try to convince us of the merits of beginning Christmas morning right that second.”

Rose snorted at the mental image her brain conjured.

After spooning a bit of sugar into their mugs, she returned to the living room where James was barely keeping control of the two children bouncing in front of the tree.

“Coffee, then presents,” Sianin shouted, pointing at Rose. “Then presents, Daddy! Daddy, presents!”

James shook his head and accepted the coffee gratefully and took a swig before he finally distributed the first gifts to his daughters as the family began settling into the living room to watch the kids tear into their presents.

James and Rose tried to spend as much time as they could with their girls throughout Christmas and Boxing Day, as they were leaving for their anniversary vacation the evening of the twenty-sixth. But finally, it was time for James and Rose to tuck their daughters into bed and leave for their anniversary trip.

“You’re gonna have so much fun here with Grandad and Gran,” Rose whispered as she pulled the blankets up to Ainsley’s chin.

“Why do you and Daddy have to go away for so long?” Ainsley asked.

“Because,” James said, sitting on the mattress beside Rose, “it’s important for mummies and daddies to go away together. We love you and your sister very, very much, but sometimes we need alone time. And we want to celebrate the anniversary of the day we got married. Ten years of marriage is a pretty big deal, so we’re going somewhere extra special. One day you might understand.”

Ainsley sighed, but nodded. Her eyelids drooped and she yawned before asking for one of her favorite stories. “Can you tell me about the day you got married? Please?”

Rose rested her head against James’s shoulder as they both dove into the story, each of them talking about the anticipation of what was to come, and what they were thinking and feeling before, during, and after the ceremony.

“It was one of the most perfect days of my life,” Rose whispered, squeezing James’s hand.

“Mine too,” he answered. “All right, darling, you’ve managed to delay your bedtime by nearly twenty minutes. Go to sleep. Mum and I will see you when we get home.”

“M’kay,” she mumbled sleepily. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

They took turns kissing their daughter’s forehead and tucked the blankets tighter around her before they stood up and walked to the kitchen, where Robert and Jackie were talking quietly over a cup of tea.

“Right, the girls are in bed and asleep,” James announced. “Thank you for keeping them. Rose and I will have our phones, and we’ll let you know our room phone number when we get there. Please call us if something happens.”

“We’ll be fine,” Robert soothed. “Go on, now. Your taxi will be here in a few minutes.”

They did one final last-minute check of their luggage, not that it would do them much good if they found they were missing something, but it made them feel better to do final checks anyway. Before long, the beep of a car horn announced their taxi, and giddy with excitement at the prospect of a week in Bora Bora, they loaded their luggage into the taxi before they were driven to the airport.

The travel was tedious and long, but they made it fun whenever they could by playing games with each other and napping throughout the forever long flight to Los Angeles, where they had a brief layover.

Finally, they arrived in Bora Bora and to their lodgings for their week-long vacation.

“Oh, this is beautiful!”

James had to agree with Rose’s glowing admiration for their accommodations for the week. The online photos didn’t at all do it justice. Their suite was situated over a lagoon, and the sight of the clear, teal water and the scent of the salt water gave off a tranquil ambience.

They walked through the ensuite—where James was thrilled to see an oversized tub—and into their bedroom to set their luggage down.

“Look at this view!”

James giggled as Rose grabbed him by the hand and dragged him through the sliding door on the far wall of the bedroom and to the deck beyond. He pressed his lips to her knuckles then stepped up behind her to wrap his arms around her waist as he took in the view of a mountain beyond the stretches of the lagoon.

Two lounge chairs were on the deck, along with a patio table and four chairs. He couldn’t wait to watch the sun set over the lagoon as he cuddled with Rose on the lounge chair and sipped some sort of fruity drink.

“Do these accommodations please my love?” he whispered into her ear, gently swaying them from side to side as a warm breeze tickled through their hair.

Rose spun in his arms. She looped her arms around his neck and teased her fingers through the hair on the back of his head.

“This is perfect,” she said earnestly. “I’m so glad we came here.”

He ducked down and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, feeling so, so happy.

“Me too,” he murmured against her mouth.

The initial high of seeing their tropical paradise soon faded and the jet lag took its place.

“I think I could do with a nap before dinner,” Rose said through a yawn.

“Speaking of, where would you like to eat tonight?” James asked. “I’ll put in a reservation.”

“Oh, it doesn’t matter to me,” she said. “You know what kind of food I like.”

“There’s a beachfront grill not too far away,” James said, scrolling through his phone to browse their options. “Does that sound good?”

Rose nodded and pecked a kiss to his cheek before she skipped into the bathroom to take a shower to wash off the grease and grime of traveling. James took a shower after her, and once he set an alarm on his phone, he collapsed beside Rose in bed and fell asleep to the sound of waves crashing gently on the beach.

It eventually came time for dinner, and after freshening up, James and Rose walked hand in hand down the beach and towards the restaurant. The sun was dipping down towards the horizon and glaring off of the water.

“Who needs their cornea anyway?” James asked as he squinted against the setting sun.

Rose laughed at him and hugged his arm to her chest as they walked through the sand.

Bora Bora was more beautiful and perfect than they could’ve predicted when they first agreed on their anniversary holiday destination. Not only the scenery and the weather, but the food, the atmosphere, and the local culture were all amazing.

They didn’t have an itinerary planned, per se—they didn’t want to be bogged down by schedules—but they’d both made a list of activities and destinations they wanted to do and see while on their tropical paradise holiday.

They snorkeled in the lagoon and watched the sunlight sparkle through the crystal-clear water and across the colorful array of fish, coral, and other sea life. That had provided Rose with an afternoon’s worth of inspiration as she and James sunbathed on the beach; he’d listened to an audiobook while she made sketches of their underwater adventure.

“Your brain is the cleverest thing in the universe,” James murmured into her ear when he sat up to watch her draw after his book ended. He was mesmerized by the way her teeth bit into her lower lip and her brow furrowed as she worked on bringing their memories to life. The breeze kept tossing her hair into her face, and that was when James slid up behind her and gently worked it into a braid for her. She barely even noticed his fingers in her hair, and James couldn’t help but grin at how spaced out Rose became when she was drawing.

“Thanks,” she said absently when he lay back down. Whether it was in response to his compliment or his work on her hair, he didn’t know, but he hummed in reply anyway.

He must have drifted off to sleep, because he was awoken some time later by Rose rubbing lotion into his skin.

“Can’t have you burning on day one of our holiday,” she said. “Sit up for me?”

He complied, and he saw her sketchpad lying in the sand beside her.

“May I?” he asked, gesturing to the pad.

“‘Course,” she said. “Turn around for me, love?”

He pivoted so she could get his back and he opened up the sketchbook to see what she’d created. Bright and vibrant colors greeted him from the pages, and he smiled as he saw Rose’s recreations of the fish, sharks, manta rays, and coral reef they’d encountered that morning.

His heart lodged itself in his throat when he got to her last page. She’d made a drawing of him sleeping on the sand, and even though it wasn’t colored yet, James could perfectly see the shadows across his face and the way his hair shone in the sunlight.

“Can you get my back?” Rose asked.

“I love you,” he said, looking up at her.

She looked down at the page he was on.

“You’re my favorite artistic muse,” Rose said with a shrug as she turned so he could rub sunscreen across her tanning skin. “You and the kids, of course.”

“I love that you love drawing and photographing us,” James said, squirting the lotion into his palm.

He rubbed his hands together and brought them to Rose’s back. When he made a pass at her shoulders, he felt how tight her muscles were from having sat so stiffly over her sketchpad all afternoon. He pressed the heels of his hands into the muscle that connected her neck and shoulder, and she let out a soft groan as she tilted her head forward to give him more room.

Her muscles gradually loosened under his touch, and James pressed a kiss to her neck to sign off on his massage.

“Race you to the water,” he whispered into her ear, before he vaulted to his feet and took off at a sprint towards the sea.

They also hiked up an extinct volcano to Bora Bora’s tallest point. The hike was challenging, but the view was worth it. They got a bird’s-eye view of the entire island and the surrounding sea as they ate the lunch they’d packed.

Their days were filled with island activities, while their evenings were spent sampling the local food and culture. Their nights were spent in their spacious bed, kissing each other’s sun-kissed, sea-salty skin and relishing in the immense love they felt for each other. As James had proclaimed before their trip, he made good on his vow to make love with Rose every single day.

The morning of their anniversary, Rose awoke to the sound of waves crashing softly against the sand and to the feel of James’s lips kissing their way down her body. She moaned as he pressed an open-mouthed kiss to her hipbone, then licked a line along the crease of her thigh. He moved his mouth away from where she was aching for it, and instead nibbled gently on the inside of her thigh. Electricity seemed to spark everywhere his lips touched, and she was soon wet and throbbing for him.

He teased his fingers through her pubic hair and lazily trailed his thumbs along the edges of her labia, driving her mad with desire. Her insides clenched in anticipation, and even though she wished he would hurry up and just  _touch_  her, she knew the slow buildup would be worth it. It always was.

After teasing her for what seemed like hours, he finally swirled his tongue around her clit. Her belly swooped and pleasure zinged up her spine

“Oh, Jesus,” she gasped, thrusting closer to his mouth.

He peeked up at her from between her thighs and tossed her a goofy grin.

“Nope, just James!”

She rolled her eyes at him, but then arched her head back into her pillow as he licked her again.

Her orgasm built quickly, and thankfully James didn’t stop to tease her some more, as he sometimes enjoyed doing. The hot coil of pleasure twisted deep in her belly, and it peaked suddenly and intensely. She came with a cry of his name as she fisted one hand into his hair and the other in the sheets near her hip.

“That was a hell of a way to wake up,” she panted as he crawled up the length of her body, trailing kisses along the same circuit he’d done on his way down.

“Nothing but the best for my wife on her anniversary.”

He hovered over her and finally pressed a kiss to her lips. Rose hummed into his mouth and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, holding him close as she explored his mouth. He was hard against her hip and she reached down to give him a hand as they continued to leisurely kiss.

He hissed in a sharp breath as she slowly stroked his erection, and he exhaled out a shaky moan.

“Happy anniversary, James,” she whispered, giving him a few more strokes before she lined him up and tilted her hips to take him inside of her.

They made love lazily as the sun rose up over the lagoon, and they didn’t leave their bed until their growling bellies became too distracting.

“I’ll call for breakfast,” James mumbled against her breast.

However, he continued nuzzling into her skin and made no move to leave their bed.

“I’m wasting away down here,” Rose teased, even as she kept her arms and legs wrapped around him.

He grunted wordlessly into her ear, then let out a sated sigh. He lifted himself up onto his elbows and looked down at her. Her cheeks were flushed and there were a few fading pink marks across her neck and chest, and he thought she looked so perfect in this moment.

His hair fell into his eyes, and she reached up to push it back. She continued the gentle stroking motion of her fingers through his hair, and he felt so wholly and eternally loved. He pressed a parting kiss to her lips before he finally rolled off of her and shrugged on a dressing gown and made to call for their complimentary breakfast delivery.

Half an hour later, he was sitting with Rose on one of the lounge chairs on the deck, sipping mimosas and eating toast, eggs, and fresh fruit. As their plates grew empty and their tummies full, James’s hands started straying from where they’d been resting at her hips.

“Again?” she laughed as he kissed a line across her shoulder and brushed his fingers across her breasts.

“Maybe,” he murmured. “If you want to, too.”

“Definitely,” she said, standing up and pivoting to face him before she straddled his lap.

It was a simple enough matter of moving aside their dressing gowns to get access to the necessary pieces of each other, and just before noontime, they managed to tip each other over in pleasure once more.

They eventually got themselves ready for the day and dressed in swimwear for the afternoon of jet skiing they had planned. They had a blast, rocketing around the lagoon and clinging to each other as they took turns driving while the sun beat on their backs and the sea sprayed in their faces.

After their afternoon on the lagoon, they went to their appointment at the spa, and enjoyed a relaxing session of a couple’s massage and spa treatment. When they’d been sufficiently pampered and primped, they retired to their suite to get ready for dinner.

They walked hand in hand down the beach and to the lagoon-side restaurant where they’d made their reservations. They’d arrived a little early and were content to watch the sun set behind the sea as they waited for their table to be ready.

James stood behind Rose with his arms around her waist as they watched streaks of pink and orange decorate the evening sky. He nuzzled his nose into her hair and pressed his lips to the side of her neck. The fresh, tropical scent of the shampoo and body wash she’d used assaulted him, and it coupled so perfectly with her natural aroma.

Heat pulsed lazily into his belly, and he held her closer to him as he continued to kiss her neck. He smiled against her skin when he felt her shiver in his arms. She tilted her head back to give him better access to her neck.

“How do you do this?” she sighed. “We shagged all morning, but I still want you.”

“I could ask you the same question,” James murmured. “I don’t suppose we could just say sod it to dinner and go back to our room?”

Rose giggled at him, and he finally looked up from the pink mark he was making on her neck to look into her eyes. They shone gold in the dying light of the sun, and James’s heart lodged itself in his throat. She was beautiful.

He ducked his head down to press a kiss to her lips. The angle was awkward until Rose turned in his arms so they were facing each other. Her hands went to his hair, tugging at the strands and scraping her nails across his head until his knees trembled. Her tongue traced against his as she lazily snogged him.

He sucked in a sharp breath when she coupled a nip at his bottom lip with a scratch at his scalp. He could feel himself getting hard, and he groaned into her mouth when she pressed her hip against him.

James was about to pull them out of the kiss and all but carry Rose back to their room when an awkward cough broke them apart. His cheeks flamed as he stepped away from Rose and swiped a hand across his mouth.

“If you’ll follow me,” the restaurant host said, before turning on his heel.

He peeked over at Rose and saw the way she was combing her fingers through her hair to try and tame it. He was sure his hair didn’t look much better. She caught his eye and let out a giggle as she moved to follow the host to their table.

James ruffled his fingers through his hair, knowing his attempts would be futile, but he tried to make it look like he purposely styled his hair like that rather than his hair got in the way of his wife’s ardent hands.

The stars were just beginning to make an appearance as they were guided through the restaurant and onto the glass-bottom deck where their table sat. Torches illuminated the deck and the sound of waves crashing created a tranquil, romantic ambience.

Rose turned her head when she heard a low, echoing hum from far out at sea.

“Whale song,” their host said brightly.

“I thought whale season ended in October,” James said.

The host shrugged. “Whales come and go as they please. Such is nature.”

Whales continued to sing as Rose and James sipped their fruity cocktails and sampled the fresh seafood and local delicacies. She never wanted to leave this moment, sitting with James in the warm evening air and basking in the love she had for him.

“Being soulmated to you is the best thing that has ever happened to me,” she whispered as their waiter cleared up their dinner dishes and went off to put in their dessert order. She reached across the table for his hand and twined their fingers together. “I love you with everything that I am, James.”

He smiled that soft smile of his that made her feel like the most important person in the world. Her heart skipped a beat. He rubbed his thumb across the back of her knuckles, then brought their joined hands to his lips to brush barely-there kisses to her skin.

“As I love you, Rose,” he whispered. “I know these last few months have been a little difficult. But I still would not trade a single moment of it.”

She smiled and gave his fingers a light squeeze. He was right: it had been a little trying for them, what with that negative pregnancy test and then the fertility tests. But she was confident things would turn around for them. This would be their year, she just knew it.

And it was ovulation day for her. She’d taken the test that morning. She was at her most fertile, and with how utterly magical the day had been, she felt like they would get lucky in more ways than one when she and James retired to their room and made love all night long.

When their dessert was brought out, James scooted his chair over to her side of the table so they could more easily share the chocolate torte topped with raspberries. He motioned for Rose to take the first bite as he draped his arm across the back of her chair and traced his fingertips across her bare arms, then let his hand brush across the side of her breast. Goosebumps prickled across her skin at the light touch, and the arousal that had faded since their snog outside the restaurant slowly pulsed back to life. And judging by the smug smirk he was trying to suppress, he knew exactly what he was doing.

Well, two could play that game.

She hummed her appreciation for the dessert and licked off a smear of chocolate from the fork before she handed it to him. She then moved her chair as close as possible to his until their thighs were pressed tightly together. His muscles tensed then relaxed as he sliced off a piece of their cake and popped it into his mouth.

“Ooh, you were right. This is delectable!” he said as he chewed. He stuck the fork back into his mouth and pursed his lips around it as he slowed dragged it back out again, leaving it spotless for Rose. “Your turn!”

She brushed her fingers against his as she took the utensil. His fingers were still idly tracing against her arms, but as she took her next bite, he walked them up her arm and to the top of her shoulder, left bare by the halter top dress she was wearing. He squeezed her shoulder gently then moved his hand closer to her neck.

Heat flushed across the back of her neck and she quickly finished her bite of dessert and handed him the fork. She then dropped her hand to his thigh and rested her palm at the end of the khaki shorts he was wearing so her fingertips teased the skin of his knee. She rubbed her hand slowly up his thigh, bunching up the fabric of his shorts, before she smoothed it back down again.

As the plate grew emptier, their touches grew bolder. He massaged the join of her neck and shoulder, making her shudder with desire, and her hand ventured closer to the zipper of his shorts. He gasped loudly when she finally palmed his erection through the fabric, and he tried to disguise it as a noise of delight as licked the chocolate from the fork.

His knuckles were white from clenching the utensil, and when he removed his hand from her shoulder, she wondered if she’d gone too far.

Her momentary concern went away when he set his hand on her upper thigh. She squeaked in surprise, then bit her lip against a moan as he curled his fingers around the inside of her thigh. She squeezed her thighs together out of reflex, which was a terrible move because now his fingers were pressing even close to where she was wet and throbbing for his touch.

He grinned down at her and wiggled his fingers as much as he could, then firmly pressed them between her legs and she couldn’t choke down a moan fast enough.

Her hand, which had been resting idly against his crotch, retaliated and she rubbed his erection firmly. She traced the outline of his cock up to the tip of him, where she danced her fingertips across the head, making his breath stutter.

“Tit for tat,” she said, breathless.

“Rose,” he whined, arching his hips up into her hand.

“Not here,” she whispered, yanking on his wrist to take his hand away from her. She gave his cock one last, long squeeze before she moved her hand away too. Peeking down, she saw how tented the front of his shorts were and how pink his cheeks were. He must have been more worked up than she thought, and heat boiled in her belly at that realization.

He glanced around them, but nobody was paying any attention to them, and Rose watched him reposition himself in his shorts.

“God, Rose,” he rasped, clenching and unclenching his fingers into fists against his thighs. “I want… I need…”

“Me too. We’ll pay for dinner then go back to our room.” She leaned closer to him until her lips brushed against the outer shell of his ear.

“Not helping,” he growled as her breath puffed against his ear.

“When we get back to our suite, I want you to fuck me, James,” she murmured. “Not the sweet lovemaking from this morning. I want it hard and fast, until I can’t remember anything but your name.”

He whimpered but couldn’t reply because their waiter had returned for their empty dessert plate.

“How was everything this evening?” he asked, clearing their table.

“So wonderful,” Rose said brightly.

“Excellent. Can I interest either of you with anything else? Coffee? Another drink?”

Rose pursed her lips and hummed, as though thinking about it. She turned to James.

“What do you think, love?” she asked, nearly laughing at his pleading expression.

“I’m fine,” he said stiffly. He reached over and rested his hand at her crotch again, his movements hidden by the table.

“Yeah, I think we’re both fine,” Rose answered, trying to keep her voice steady as he scraped his pinkie nail across the fabric of her dress. “Just the check, please.”

When their waiter left, James growled, “You minx.”

“You love it,” she replied, leaning up to press a quick kiss to his lips.

She then moved her hand back to his shorts. After a quick pass across the front to check if he was still hard—he was—she rifled through his pocket for his wallet and credit card. She paid for their meal as quickly as she could, then stuffed his wallet back into his pocket before she grabbed him by the hand and guided him out of the restaurant.

As soon as they were out of viewing range of other humans, James grabbed her around the waist and pushed her back against a tree. She shrieked in surprise, but the sound died on a moan as he pushed his hips into hers and attached his mouth to her neck.

“How do you do this to me?” he growled against her skin. “I thought for sure I was going to lose it in my pants in the middle of the restaurant.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” she answered.

“You are far too clear-headed,” he said, scraping his teeth roughly against her shoulder.

He brought one of his hands up and stuffed it down the front of her dress to palm her breast. She moaned and arched closer to him when his fingertips teased her nipple, and she dropped her hands to his bum for leverage.

“Christ, Rose,” he gasped, rutting helplessly against her.

“Gonna lose it in your pants outside of the restaurant?” she teased, even though she felt just as close as he was.

“No,” he hissed. “Nope, ‘cause I’ve got to fuck you in our room, hard and fast, until you can’t remember anything but my name.”

She whimpered at the heat and promise in his voice, and as much as she wanted that, he felt too good right now to stop. The bark of the tree scratched her back and his fingers were tight against her hip and breast. His breath was hot and humid at her neck, and his cock was so hard as it rubbed her clit through her dress.

She cried out when he moved away from her, and the coil of pleasure that had been building deep in her belly clenched desperately.

“Come,” he rasped, taking her hand in his.

“Was about to,” she muttered, even as she followed him on wobbly legs back down the beach.

“Why did we choose a restaurant so far away?” he demanded.

“Because we’re idiots,” she replied.

“That, and I didn’t expect my wife to start giving me a hand job in the middle of dinner,” he said, smirking down at her.

“I didn’t hear you complaining,” she retorted. “Besides, a hand job implies I was actually touching your cock. I don’t think the other patrons would’ve been able to ignore us then. If I’d taken you out of your pants and stroked you right there under the table. Your long, thick cock brushing against the table cloth. People would’ve noticed my arm moving that fast and that rhythmically. Maybe I could’ve gotten away with it if I got you off slowly. Eh? Start at the base, up to the tip. I wouldn’t have been able to squeeze you on the upstroke like you like, because you’re too loud when I do that. And I don’t want anyone to hear the noises you make when we’re together. Those are mine and only mine.”

He made a choking noise deep in his throat and lengthened his strides. She had to jog to keep up with him, and then finally,  _finally_ , they made it back to their suite. As soon as the door clicked shut behind them, James turned and took her into his arms. His hands grabbed her arse greedily and hoisted her closer to him, forcing her to lift up onto her tiptoes.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders for balance as she crushed her mouth to his. It was sloppy and uncoordinated but felt so good.

“Bed,” he growled against her lips, nipping at her bottom lip.

He released her mouth and dropped his arms from around her body. She swayed at the disorienting loss of his body against hers, and he steadied her with his hands at her hips before he turned her around and guided her to the bedroom.

When they crossed the threshold, James pushed her towards the bed. She stumbled over her feet and fell forward onto the mattress, which she fully knew had been his intent. She bounced a little on the bed, and she knew James was probably delighting in the jiggle of her bum.

Before she could turn around and give him a view of her bouncing breasts, the solid length of his body pressed tight against her back. He was still hard in his pants, and he thrust lazily against her arse as his hands wormed under her body to grab her breasts. He panted into her neck as he squeezed her breasts. She wanted to touch herself and relieve some of the overwhelming pressure in her gut, but she was pinned beneath him, completely at his mercy, and that knowledge caused another rush of wet warmth to throb between her thighs.

He extracted his hands from her breasts and moved them to her wrists. Her arms were splayed out in front of her, and his firm grip anchored them there, keeping her bent over the mattress. Despite his tight hold, his thumbs caressed her skin in a contradictory show of tenderness.

She pushed her arse back into his cock, and his grip tightened around her wrists for just a moment before he released her hands. The hem of her skirt was suddenly hiked up to her hips, and she shivered as cool air hit her bare bum.

“You minx,” he rasped, trailing his hands across her naked skin. “No knickers.”

“Figured they’d just get in the way later,” she panted as his hands moved down her bum to her slick folds. “Was right, wasn’t I?”

James let out a wordless growl, then his hands were gone and she heard the clanking of his belt and the sound of his zip. His cock was suddenly bumping against her entrance, and Rose widened her stance for balance and to give him more room.

“Ready?” he murmured softly, pressing a gentle kiss to her neck that didn’t suit the heat of the moment.

“Fuck me, James,” she purred, reaching between her legs to give his cock a few hard, fast pumps.

He let out a loud moan and dropped his forehead to the back of her shoulder. He let her stroke him a few more times before he batted her hand away to line himself up. Rose fisted her hands into the sheets for leverage as he surged forward.

She cried out as she was suddenly filled with him, and she heard him echo the sound as he throbbed lightly inside of her. She squeezed him from the inside and snapped her hips back against his.

His hands moved to her hips and he gripped them with almost bruising force as he pulled out half way and slammed back in. He set a punishing rhythm, and lights burst behind her eyes on every forward thrust.

“Oh, fucking fuck,” she whimpered, feeling hot pleasure racing through her veins.

He grunted in reply, letting out a new sound every time his hips smacked against her arse and he drove his cock faster and harder into her.

Sex with James was always amazing, but oh God, this time… This time it was raw and fast and rough, and Rose never wanted it to end, even though she knew their climaxes would overtake them sooner than usual.

All night they’d teased each other, and Rose found herself at the precipice moments later. James’s grunts grew strained and the movement of his hips became sloppy, and Rose knew he was about to come, too. She squeezed her eyes shut and focused on the bright, hot pleasure building low in her belly, fanning hotter and fiercer the longer James fucked her.

She was just about there when she heard James let out a strangled whine. He sucked in a breath and held it, and Rose let the familiar sound push her over. She was just barely aware of James’s long and low groan of relief as he spurted and pulsed inside her, but she was soon lost to her own orgasm.

Reality faded as pleasure washed through her, prickling across her skin so deliciously and ripping a cry of love and ecstasy from her throat. Waves and waves of bliss swelled through her, making her ears ring and her head spin, and only when she thought she would be lost to it, did it begin to recede.

James’s panting breath tickled her ear and she could feel his heartbeat racing against her back from where he was slumped on top of her. One of his arms was wrapped around her waist and the other was stretched out beside hers.

She scooted her hand closer to his and lazily linked her pinkie around his thumb.

He gave her pinkie a squeeze, before a giggle rumbled through his chest. The sound was so warm and sated and joyful that Rose couldn’t help but join in.

“Oh, blimey that was brilliant,” she chuckled, feeling deliciously jelly-legged.

“It was, wasn’t it?” he preened. He heaved a great, happy sigh and pressed another kiss to her neck. “Happy anniversary, Rose. Here’s to another ten years of a perfect, satisfying marriage.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein James and Rose come back from their anniversary holiday and their struggles with conceiving another child continue.
> 
> This chapter has warnings of infertility. 
> 
> Chapter rating: Mature
> 
> Chapter word count: 9000

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for the delay (again!) But this chapter is the start of the climax of the story and I wanted to be sure I was telling the best possible story.
> 
> This is also looking like it will be longer than the originally-planned eleven chapters, so I’ve adjusted the chapter count with my new prediction.
> 
> Starting ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the beginning of the chapter:  
> James: 36  
> Rose: 30  
> Ainsley: 6  
> Sianin: 2

The rest of their holiday passed too quickly for either of their liking, and they tried to squeeze as many activities into their days as they could.

On their second to last evening, they sat entwined on a lounge chair and star-gazed as they sipped chilled champagne and ate the chocolate-covered fruit they’d ordered. They were grateful for the cover of darkness and the privacy of having the outermost waterfront suite as they basked in the afterglow of their latest lovemaking session.

“I think we’re putting our younger selves to shame,” James laughed as he nuzzled his face into her sweat-dampened hair.

“It must be all the shellfish, acting as an aphrodisiac,” she mumbled, heaving out a sated sigh.

James snorted. “As if I’d need an aphrodisiac. I’m always horny around you.”

Rose giggled, knowing the truth in that statement. James’s sex drive had always been robust, equal only to her own, and not even the past twelve and a half years of intimacy had cooled his ardor. It was an intoxicating feeling, knowing that her husband wanted her just as much now as he did when they first met.

“Same for me,” she said. “You’re too sexy for your own good.” His chest rumbled beneath her ear as he giggled, and she smiled at the sound. She then arched her back, stretching her slightly sore muscles. “God, this trip has been amazing. I can’t believe we have to go home soon.”

“I know,” he said, reached over to top off their champagne glasses. “While I miss our daughters terribly, I love being alone here with you.”

Rose hummed in agreement and tilted her head back to lean against James’s chest. Her torso rose and fell softly with his as he breathed, and she could feel the faint pounding of his heartbeat against the back of her head.

He wrapped an arm around her middle and hugged her tight. Rose watched him point out various patterns in the stars with his free hand. His voice was low and intimate as he told her all about the Polynesian history he’d read about, and how the people of old used to navigate the vast expanses of the ocean using the stars as their only guide.

She smiled as he spoke, and let the rhythm of his voice and the Bora Bora nightlife lull her further into a trance-like state of relaxation. She was barely aware of James helping her to bed some time later, and once cushioned in the plush mattress, she immediately fell into a deep sleep.

When they woke up the next morning, it was to the sound of rain pattering against the roof of their suite.

“At least the weather had the decency to wait until our last day to start raining,” James said brightly.

“Mhm,” Rose agreed, standing at the window to the deck and watching the churning of the sea beneath the gray clouds. “Besides, a little rain won’t disrupt our souvenir shopping.”

After breakfast and a shared shower, James and Rose huddled under the same umbrella as they moved from shop to shop, admiring the authentic Bora Bora souvenirs. Rose ran her fingertips across the tribal wood carvings, loving texture of the patterns etched into the smooth wood.

She picked up a tri-fold picture frame and ran her thumb across the smooth wood. James loved taking new photographs of their daughters into his office, and Rose thought this would be perfect for him to set on the corner of his desk. She hid it at the bottom of her basket then moved to the opposite end of the shop when a matching wood carved necklace and bracelet set caught her eye. She called James over. “Ainsley is always getting into my jewelry box to play dress up. I think she’d love these.”

“Oh absolutely,” he said, and they purchased it along with a set of wooden bowls that came with gorgeously carved lids for Robert.

For their youngest, they decided on a set of children’s books about the island. One set was a series that detailed the wildlife on Bora Bora and the surrounding islands, both land and sea creatures, and one was specific to the plant life. Another book was a story about a little girl growing up on the island. The bright colors and unique plants and animals would capture their toddler’s attention, they knew, and it would be a nice book to look at when they wanted to remember the life on the island.

When they bought themselves a few bottles of the oils and lotions used during the massage they’d gotten on their anniversary, they also added an extra few to their basket after Rose noted that her mum would probably enjoy the beauty products, too.

Over lunch, James surprised Rose with a gift-wrapped package containing a matching necklace and earring set made of the island’s famous black pearls.

“Oh, James!” she gasped, rubbing her thumb across the smooth, iridescent pearls. “These are beautiful!”

He beamed. “I thought you’d love them. They’ll look gorgeous against your skin. Even when you go back to being pasty pale.”

Rose stuck her tongue out at him and said, “Oi, you’re paler than me.” She then ducked down and rifled through the bags at her feet. “I got something for you, too. Not as elegant as the pearls, I’m afraid.”

“Oh, nonsense, this is perfect!” he crowed, his voice pitching high in his excitement. He accepted the picture frame from her, and he opened it up. He traced his thumbnail through the grooves of the intricate, swirling patterns in the wood. “Oh, this is going right on my desk at work! Can you help me get a few photos printed when we get home?”

“Of course,” she said, smiling. “I’m glad you like it.”

“I love it,” James said, leaning over to press an over-the-top smacking kiss to her lips.

After lunch, they continued their shopping excursion. Rose’s eyes were drawn to a shop filled with colorful fabrics, and James let himself be led into the clothing shop, where he watched his wife move from rack to rack, admiring the hand-dyed clothing and accessories.

“I wonder what these are,” Rose said, gesturing to a rack displaying long, stretchy lengths of fabric. She pulled one off and held it up. “It’s not wide enough to be a sarong,” she muttered to herself. “Too stretchy to be a scarf.”

“It is so you can carry your baby.”

James and Rose turned at the voice and saw a woman—presumably the shop owner—standing behind them and wearing the same article of clothing as Rose was holding up. The woman turned to the side and gestured to the sleeping baby that was swaddled close to her chest. The woman then walked to a different rack to hang up the scarves she’d been carrying.

“Oh, that is beautiful,” Rose gasped as she held the baby wrap to her body and haphazardly fastened it across her torso.

James hummed his agreement. The vibrant blues and greens looked lovely against her skin, and his brain couldn’t help but show him this same image but with a dark-haired baby nestled in the front pouch.

Rose, it seemed, had the same idea.

“This would be so handy, eh?” she asked. “It’s a bit looser in the front than the baby wrap we have, which smooshes my boobs when I wear it. Having smooshed boobs when breastfeeding is not the most pleasant sensation I’ve ever felt.”

“I’ll bet,” James said with a grimace. “If you want it, go ahead. Prep for baby three.”

Rose returned his giddy grin, and she added the baby wrap to her basket.

With babies on the brain, they were both drawn to the selection of baby accessories in the shop, from blankets to swaddles to caps. As they browsed the selection, they began to muse aloud about their next child.

“You better give your little swimmers a pep talk if you want a boy,” Rose teased, nudging her elbow into his ribs. “All I can contribute is the X chromosome.”

James rolled his eyes. “I don’t care if we get a boy or a girl, as long as they’re healthy.”

They continued swapping predictions back and forth, speculating what their baby would look like. They wondered about the kind of personality their child would have, and if they would be calm and sweet like Ainsley, or energetic and daring like Sianin.

“Probably something new and unique that we’ll have to learn to adapt to,” James said.

“D’you think Sianin will like having a little brother or sister?” Rose asked curiously. “Ainsley adores being a big sister. But Sianin… I can’t quite see how she’ll react.”

“I think she’ll take her cue from Ainsley, like always,” James said. “I think she’ll see how excited Ainsley is, and so she’ll be excited too.”

“I hope so,” Rose said, bringing her basket to the register to pay.

When they were finished with their shopping, they headed back to their room to prepare for their last dinner on the island. While the rain had mostly stopped by the evening, the clouds remained, and James and Rose dined atop the lagoon and watched the wind stir up waves.

A package was waiting for them when they got back to their room after dinner.

“Oh, good, I was getting worried it wouldn’t be done in time,” Rose said happily, skipping up to it.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Why don’t you open it and find out?”

Rose bit her lip as James fumbled to tear open the thick packing paper, and she beamed when she heard his gasp.

“Oh, Rose!”

He held up a painting of the two of them on the beach. His arms were wrapped around her waist and she was leaning back against him, and both of them were wearing big smiles. The colors were vibrant and tropical, from the greens and blues of the sea behind them to the pinks and oranges of the sunset sky.

“How did you do this?” he asked, his mouth open in surprise.

“I saw a local artist on the beach that first day we were here,” Rose said. “She takes family photographs and paints them onto a beach setting. I snuck off to give her the photo when you were napping on the beach.”

“You’re incredible, d’you know that?” he murmured, gently setting the painting down on the bed to turn to take her up into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his waist and nuzzled into his chest. “I love it so much. Thank you. It’s a perfect memento to bring home with us.”

“I thought so too,” she said. “This trip has been so perfect.”

He hummed into her shoulder, then pressed a kiss to her skin.

They turned in early that night, wanting to be well-rested when they caught their morning flight off the island.

They came home from their anniversary refreshed, relaxed, and much tanner than when they’d left. They arrived at their house late at night, after the girls were already asleep.

“Welcome home!” Robert greeted when they stepped through the front door. “Bora Bora was good for you. You both look amazing.”

“Thanks, Dad!” Rose skipped up to him and caught him in a tight hug. “How were the girls?”

“Wonderful, as always,” he answered.

Rose turned and walked down the hall, unable to resist peeking in on her daughters. She poked her head into Sianin’s room first. Her heart melted when she saw how Sianin was lying diagonally across her mattress with her blankets shoved all the way to the foot of the bed. Barely daring to breathe, Rose crept into her room and pulled the covers up and draped them over Sianin’s little body.

Sianin snorted in her sleep, then rolled over onto her side and hugged her blankets to her chest as she popped a thumb into her mouth.

“I love you,” Rose murmured, aching to pull Sianin into her arms.

She resisted, and then turned around to leave the room where she saw James leaning against the door frame. She stepped by him and saw him linger at the door to watch Sianin sleep while she entered Ainsley’s room.

Her six-year-old was sound asleep on her stomach, with her blankets pulled tight around her shoulders. Her dark hair was in her face, and Rose crouched down to smooth it back. Ainsley stayed dead asleep, and Rose smiled at her child.

She pressed a soft kiss to Ainsley’s temple and whispered, “I love you,” before she left the room to let James have his turn.

She walked back to the living room, where Robert was readying his things.

“Dad, you don’t need to leave!” Rose protested. “It’s the middle of the night. Stay!”

“I don’t want to intrude…”

“Dad, don’t be stupid.” Rose turned and saw James enter the room. When he reached her side, Rose smacked his chest lightly and hissed, “Rude!”

James ignored her and said, “It’s a forty-minute drive back to your flat. Stay here the night.”

Robert agreed, then added, “I’m glad I’m moving closer. That will make this easier.”

James hummed and nodded, before he and Rose bade Robert goodnight.

They worked around each other as they went through their nighttime routine. Finishing first, Rose collapsed into their bed and listened to her husband moving around the ensuite.

“It’s good to be home,” she murmured, nuzzling into her pillow that smelled a little stale after two weeks of disuse.

“Yeah it is,” he answered.

He flicked their light off and scooted into bed beside her. They moved together until she was spooned back against him. She hugged his arm to her chest and laced their fingers together beneath her chin.

“First day we haven’t shagged in seven days straight,” she mumbled to his knuckles.

“Oh dear. We’re losing our touch,” he said dryly. Rose giggled, and he pressed a kiss to the side of her neck. “Though I suppose it’ll be all right to give our bodies a bit of a break. Too much of a good thing and all?”

“Pfft. I can’t ever get enough of you,” Rose mumbled through a yawn. Her eyelids drooped, and James squeezed her tight before he wormed his arm out of her grasp.

“And I, you.” He pressed a lingering kiss to her hair and whispered, “Get some sleep. Nighty night.”

Rose slept like the dead, and if she had any dreams, she couldn’t remember them. She didn’t feel at all ready to wake up when two small bodies jumped into their bed when it was still dark outside.

“Mummy! Daddy! You’re home!”

Rose smiled sleepily at her two daughters, and she grabbed them both up into her arms. She held them tight to her chest and buried her nose into first Ainsley’s hair, then Sianin’s, and she delighted in breathing them in.

“I missed you so much,” Rose said, peppering them with kisses.

“Daddy’s turn,” James said, cuddling up against Rose’s side to take their girls into his arms.

After the initial hugs were given out, James and Rose lay back down in their bed with their kids in between them. They listened to Ainsley and Sianin tell them all about their week with Grandad, and then they answered their questions about Bora Bora. Rose grabbed her phone and showed their daughters the many photos they took while on their holiday, at least until Sianin grew bored and started asking for breakfast.

Getting back into the groove of working was challenging after two weeks off. The first morning Rose’s alarm went off, she groaned and snoozed her phone before she rolled over and buried her face in James’s back.

“I hate working,” she mumbled.

“No you don’t,” he said, turning to face her. “You love your job.”

“I’d love it more if I didn’t have to be in at seven,” she said.

“I know,” James said. “But we both agreed that those hours would work best in coordinating school drop off and pick up.”

“Stop being logical,” Rose said, poking his belly.

He breathed out a laugh and draped an arm around her waist. “As you wish.”

They remained in their embrace until Rose’s alarm went off again.

James had it easy; the university was still on holiday, so he wouldn’t have to worry about needing to be a functioning human early in the morning for another couple of weeks.

The weekend before his term was about to start, Rose woke him with lazy kisses to his chest and neck, and finally his lips. He hummed into the kiss and threaded his fingers through her sleep-tangled hair as he held her closer.

“Good morning to you, too,” he murmured against her lips.

“My period is late,” she whispered.

James blinked up at her, not sure if he’d misheard her or his groggy brain had misunderstood. But no, she had a giddy grin on her face and her eyes were alight with excitement.

“Yeah?” he asked hopefully.

She nodded. “Was supposed to get it Monday. Still don’t have it.”

“Do you have a pregnancy test?” he asked, sitting upright as anticipation pulsed through his veins.

“Bought a few after work yesterday,” she said.

“Well what are you waiting for? Go wee!”

Rose laughed at him and swatted his chest.

“Charming,” she drawled, but she shifted away from him to crawl out of bed.

James sat up too and waited anxiously as Rose disappeared into the loo. A few moments later, he heard the faucet running as she washed her hands, and he joined her in the ensuite.

The pregnancy test was sitting face-down on the vanity. He stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle. He buried his face into her neck and breathed her in as he gently rocked them from side to side.

“Love you.”

Rose brought her hands up to cover his, and she leaned back into his chest. “I love you, too.”

After a few minutes, James said, “Wanna look?”

“Yeah.”

Rose reached over for the test, but kept it upside down.

She was nervous yet excited all at once. They’d shagged like bunnies—hell, they’d probably put some bunnies to shame—during their anniversary. And she’d been fertile for most of their trip. She didn’t know if that was good luck or providence, but whatever it was, she felt it deep in her bones that things were finally looking up for them.

So when she flipped the test stick over and heard James’s disappointed little “oh”, she didn’t understand. She saw the single line—not pregnant—and still didn’t understand. They’d been trying so hard. They’d had sex every day of her ovulation cycle. Multiple times a day, sometimes. She should be pregnant.

The warmth and hope in her bloodstream evaporated, leaving her feeling cold and aching.

“We’ll try again,” James said quietly, pecking a kiss to the back of her head before he unwrapped his arms from around her waist and moved to throw away the negative test.

She wanted to cry. His disappointment grated against her for some reason. Maybe because she, too, was disappointed and all she wanted was for him to be the optimistic one. Or maybe because it hurt to hear the hurt in his voice. She was so sick of failing him. She wanted to go back to her doctor and pester her to make sure that she was positive that there wasn’t anything wrong with her. Because there had to be. There had to be some reason why she wasn’t getting pregnant.

“We’ll try again next month,” he said again, and she flinched away from his hand on her back.

Tears burned behind her eyes. She didn’t want to wait another month to try again. She hated that they had to wait. Why couldn’t her body be fertile more often? Like James’s. It wasn’t bloody fair.

“You okay?”

 _No_ , she wanted to shout.  _I thought all that shagging we’d done on our holiday would’ve done the trick. I thought we’d really done it this time and finally made a baby. But it was all for nothing._

As soon as she thought the words, they were gone, and in their place was a foul taste in her mouth. What sort of terrible person was she that she’d just boiled down her wonderful anniversary holiday with James to only its potential of conception? She’d had so much fun with him in Bora Bora.

She forced herself to remember all of the amazing things they’d done together. Snorkeling, hiking, swimming. And a whole lot of shagging. Which turned out to have been fruitless.

 _Stop that,_  she chastised. _We made love for more reasons than just to make a baby. We made love because we are so in love with each other, and because it’s fun and feels really great._

“Rose?”

 _Oh, right._  James was still waiting on an answer.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” she whispered, forcing down all of the ugly thoughts that had cropped up.

His slight frown told her he didn’t believe her.

“Are you sure?” he asked quietly. She clenched her jaw as she tried to make herself feel as okay as she claimed. “Because I’m not. I’m disappointed and upset. Remember, you don’t have to pretend with me, Rose.”

Her throat ached as her vision blurred. His face softened when he saw her tears, and he murmured, “Oh, Rose. C’mere.”

Her face crumpled and she choked on a sob as James pulled her into his arms. She clung to him as her tears fell, and she wept with frustration and feelings of inadequacy.

It was her fault that they weren’t getting pregnant, and it was her fault they had to keep waiting, and it was her fault that they were even in this mess. She never should have taken that pregnancy test eighteen months ago. As she’d told him then, there was virtually no chance she was even pregnant.

But she did take that test, and she’d gotten to thinking about having another baby, and worse, she’d gotten James thinking about it. She’d gotten his hopes up, and every month that came without a pregnancy had them crashing back down again.

She gasped in a breath as she tried to stifle her sobs against his shoulder, but more kept taking their place.

“Shh,” he whispered, squeezing her tighter. “It’s okay. You’re okay. Everything will be okay. Just breathe, love.”

She tried to breathe, but her lungs felt too tight and she couldn’t do much more than suck in shallow gasps of air. She was just so exhausted. All she wanted was to be pregnant and for this whole ordeal to be over. Was that too much to ask?

Maybe it was. After all, she already had two amazing children with her equally amazing husband.

Her stomach roiled as she thought of Ainsley and Sianin. She was already so,  _so_  lucky to have her daughters. Was she being selfish and ungrateful by wanting more? She should feel completely satisfied with the family she had, rather than fixated on what she didn’t have. Why couldn’t she be happy with her two kids? Why did she feel this ache in her chest, this longing for another child, every time she looked at Ainsley and Sianin?

She was about to confess all of the terrible thoughts she was thinking, but then stopped herself. If she hated herself for them, what if James did too? He’d surely be angry when she told him how Ainsley and Sianin weren’t enough.

 _But they are enough_ , she protested.  _They are more than enough! I just… want more._

“Easy does it,” James murmured. “That’s it. Breathe.”

Rose shuddered in a breath, and she squeezed his waist tightly.

“I thought we’d finally done it,” she rasped into his chest. “I really, really did.”

“So did I,” he admitted, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “We’ll just keep trying.”

Rose sniffled and kept her face buried in his collarbone until her tears stopped. James pulled back to look at her, and the sight of his pink, wet eyes nearly set her off again. But she drew in a shuddering breath and managed to blink through her tears.

While keeping one arm wrapped around her waist, James reached up with his other hand to cradle her cheek in his palm. He swiped his thumb under her eye, and Rose rubbed her other eye dry.

“Get a shower, and I’ll have breakfast ready when you’re done,” he said softly.

Rose nodded and turned away from him to take a hot shower. She hated the ache in her chest. She hated that this one thing could bring her such distress. It wasn’t that big of a deal.

 _But it is,_  she argued.  _It’s a **baby**. A new little person I’ve made with James that’s half him and half me that we will love forever. It’s a new sibling for Ainsley and Sianin, a built-in friend for life._

 _But Ainsley and Sianin are already the best of friends,_  Rose continued, trying to soothe herself and her sadness. _Yes, it would be nice for them to have another brother or sister, but they’re fine by themselves. Just like James and I are fine with having two kids._

She continued the back and forth until the water began to go cool. Cursing, she hastily finished her shower and dressed in soft, comfy trousers and one of James’s jumpers. Being surrounded in his scent worked wonders to calm her, and she felt as composed as she was going to get as she joined her family for breakfast.

Both girls were awake and James had them in his lap where he was sitting on the couch as cartoons played on the television. A plate of pancakes sat on the end table, and Rose watched him roll one up like a burrito and stuff half of it into his mouth.

He caught sight of her and beamed.

“‘Ose!” he said though his chipmunk cheeks. “Ma’e pa’cakes!”

Rose couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled through her chest and doubled her over with laughter. After the morning she’d had, she’d desperately been in need of a good laugh.

“Oh, I love you,” she said, stepping up to him.

Once he finished chewing and swallowing, she pressed a light kiss to his lips, before she ducked down and pressed kisses to her daughters’ heads. She lingered with her lips on their foreheads, letting their presence comfort her.

When she joined them on the couch after getting herself a cup of tea and a plate of pancakes and eggs, Sianin wriggled off of James’s lap and into hers to scavenge for more food.

“Daddy already gave you your breakfast,” Rose said as her toddler knelt on her thighs and looked down at Rose’s plate.

“Want more,” Sianin said. “Please Mummy?”

“Do you want a pancake or eggies?” Rose asked, gesturing with her fork.

“Both.”

Rose skewered a small bite of food for her daughter and let Sianin grab the base of the fork below her fingers so she could feed herself.

“Want more,” Sianin said, moving the fork as though to load it up with more food.

“Mummy’s turn,” Rose said.

They continued to share her plate of food until it was empty, then James stood up and took everyone’s plate into the kitchen before he walked down the hall to get a shower.

In a rare fit of stillness, Sianin stayed in Rose’s lap, facing her. The toddler flashed her a sudden grin then buried her face in Rose’s chest and said, “I love you, Mummy. Mummy, I looooove youuuuu.”

The backs of Rose’s eyes stung, and she hugged her daughter tightly.

“I love you, too, baby,” she whispered, closing her eyes and nuzzling her nose into Sianin’s soft hair. “So much.”

Not wanting to be left out, Ainsley cuddled close to Rose’s side and said, “I love you, too, Mummy.”

Rose smiled against Sianin’s head, and she opened her arm for her other daughter. Ainsley rested her head atop Rose’s breast and wrapped her arms around Rose’s waist.

“And I love you, too, Ainsley. So much.”

Sitting there with her children in her arms, Rose felt contentment wash over her, warming her from the inside out and dispelling the coldness she’d felt since seeing the negative pregnancy test.

Yes, what she had was more than enough. Her family was perfect just the way it was.

But as the weeks dragged along, that mantra was harder to maintain, especially when there was seemingly an explosion of babies around them.

“The Johnsons across the street are pregnant,” Rose grumbled, having run into the neighbor on her morning jog. It had been difficult to smile and congratulate the older woman on her pregnancy because if a woman seven years her senior could get pregnant, why couldn’t she?

“Yeah, I spoke to Dave yesterday,” James said. “That’s wonderful. A bit of a surprise, from what I gathered. But a happy surprise nonetheless.”

Rose had to bite her tongue against the scathing comment about the unfairness of it all. Getting angry with James wouldn’t help anything.

“So, Ainsley’s got that sleepover this weekend,” he said, coming up behind her in a backwards hug. “And it’s been awhile since Jackie babysat. What do you say to you and me having a sleepover of our own?”

Rose sighed. It had been almost a month since they got home from Bora Bora, and in that time, she and James rarely found themselves alone. They were due for a private weekend together, but she wasn’t really in the mood for a romantic night out.

Before she could try and convince James otherwise, she remembered that she couldn’t go away with him that weekend. She felt guilty when the tension left her body at that realization.

“Sorry, love, but I’ve got that photo session all day on Saturday,” she said apologetically.

“Crap, that’s right.” He sighed. “Oh well. Rain check.”

She squeezed his hand before she stepped away from his embrace and headed down the hall to shower.

Her photoshoot that weekend did nothing to help her worsening mood. She was booked for a newborn debut shoot. Again.

 _Why do I always get these bloody shoots?_  Rose grumbled to herself as she set up her equipment in the studio. Since returning from her holiday, she’d had at least ten newborn shoots. Ten days where she saw new mums and dads come in with their new baby. In order to get the angles she wanted, Rose usually had to pick up the baby and reposition them, and every time she felt the warm weight of a baby in her arms, an ache lodged in her chest. It was getting to be so hard to continuously photograph new babies and new parents and new big siblings without her imagination getting the best of her.

Her mind would supply her with pictures of how her family would look in these photoshoots. It showed her James with a proud grin on his face as he held their three children in his lap. It showed her Ainsley, who would be so eager to hold her new baby sibling. It showed her Sianin, who, under James’s guidance with holding a newborn, would be smiling down into the baby’s face. It showed her herself, still round with lingering baby weight, holding an infant to her chest as the rest of her family stood beside her.

It hurt every time she had to come back to reality and leave that fantasy in her memories.

That particular Saturday was the worst day she’d had yet. It was a family shoot, not just a newborn shoot. It was a husband and wife, with their two eldest daughters and newborn baby boy. The girls were six and three, and it was impossible for Rose to not see the parallel.

She tried to rush through the shoot under the guise of wanting to get the photographs done before the baby or either of the children lost their patience. The parents agreed, and together they all worked quickly to get the shots the family wanted.

It was the longest hour of Rose’s life. By the time she shook hands with the mother and father and made an appointment for them to come in and pick out the photos they wanted, she was near tears. Those tears fell as soon as she was alone, and she pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes as she tried and failed to stop them.

She hated this. She hated feeling like this. She wished the ache of want in her chest would go away, and more than anything, she wished she knew what she was doing wrong to keep them from getting pregnant.

According to everyone else, there wasn’t anything wrong. She was healthy. Her uterus was healthy. Her eggs were healthy. But if she were healthy, surely something should’ve happened by now. Her body had proven before that it could get pregnant with no trouble, so why wasn’t it getting pregnant now?

She tried to ignore those thoughts as she packed away her equipment and returned to her office to download the photographs. They were beautiful photos, but Rose was having trouble looking at them with the right eye to touch them up. After almost two hours of editing, deleting her edits, and re-editing, Rose gave up with a frustrated groan. She shut down her computer, angry with herself that she couldn’t focus on her work. How unprofessional was she that she was letting her personal life impact her work?

With a sigh, she told herself she would take a breather and relax for the rest of the weekend before coming back into the studio on Monday to look at the photos with fresh eyes.

But it was no good. Monday came, and Rose found herself dreading the project. She pushed all of her other work to the front and focused on the digital art renderings she’d been commissioned to do.

By the end of the week, Rose had reached the end of her rope when she’d been given assignments for two more baby photoshoots.

“I can’t do these, Lindsey,” Rose said as she stormed into her boss’s office with the assignment slips. “I can’t. Why am I the only bloody person around here that photographs babies? Eh? Why can’t I ever get the weekend assignments to go all across the country and photograph weddings? Why can’t I ever get the assignments to take photos of local scenery? But no, I get the bloody babies!”

Rose’s eyes were stinging with frustration and embarrassment, and her boss’s eyes were wide.

“Shut the door, Rose,” she said quietly, and Rose did so, but stayed standing until Lindsey gestured for her to sit down. “Rose, is everything okay?”

“Fine,” she said stiffly, feeling mortified about how she’d just snapped at her boss.

“It’s just… you love doing the baby shoots,” Lindsey said gently.

“Well, maybe I’m just bored with them,” she mumbled.

“That’s fair enough. But are you sure there isn’t anything else that’s wrong?”

Rose sighed and finally admitted, “James and I have been trying for another baby for almost two years, with no luck. It’s becoming hard to constantly be working with new babies, is all.”

Her boss’s face pinched into an expression of sympathy, and Rose clenched her jaw. She didn’t want pity; she had enough self-pity. She just wanted more diversity with her assignments until she was able to work through her anger and frustration over her current situation.

“Anyway,” Rose continued before Lindsey could say anything. “It’s given me a block with editing the photos, and it’s not fair to the clients to have someone who isn’t interested in their photos doing the edits. So if I could not get any more baby shoots for a while, that’d be great.”

She set the assignment slips on her boss’s desk and turned around to stalk back to her own office.

James, meanwhile, wasn’t faring much better, especially after one of his work friends announced that he and his wife were pregnant with their second child.

“We’d been trying for ages,” Mark told James when they went out for celebratory drinks. “Eight or nine months, I reckon.”

James regretted the shot of tequila he’d just taken as his stomach rolled with jealousy and annoyance. Nine months was no time at all. He and Rose had been trying for twice as long as that. Before he could say something he would later regret, James clapped Mark on the shoulder and ordered a new round of drinks.

The middle of February rolled around, and the weekend before Valentine’s Day found James helping his dad move into his new house.

“Just me today,” James called out, walking through the open front door. “Sianin caught a bug at the daycare. Rose is staying home with her.”

“Aww, is she okay?” Robert asked, grimacing in sympathy.

“Yeah, she’ll be fine. It’s a slight fever and a cough. All she’s wanted to do is sleep though, which is quite telling to how poorly she’s feeling. And evidently Rose’s arms are the only place that sleeping can happen,” James answered, rubbing his fingers into his tired eyes. Sianin had slept with them last night, and her continuous coughing and wriggling around had kept them both up for most of the night.

“I remember those days,” Robert said. “A mum or dad cuddle is often the best medicine for a sick baby.”

James nodded and accepted the mug of coffee his dad offered.

“So how’s retired life?” he asked, glancing around at the boxes that were labeled ‘uni office’. “Is it weird not going into the university every day?”

“Yeah, a bit. It’s like I don’t quite know what to do with myself.”

“Well, Rose and I are just a mile away,” James said. “Stop by and play with your grandkids whenever you want.”

“It’ll be nice to see the girls more often,” Robert said, gesturing for James to sit at the table. “And you. What’s been happening with you? And Rose? I feel like I haven’t really talked to you in a while. ”

“Yeah, suppose not.” James paused for a moment. He took a sip of coffee then admitted, “Rose and I… we’ve been trying for another baby.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful,” Robert said with a smile.

James shook his head as a lump swelled up in his throat.

“We’ve, ehm, we’ve been trying for a while. In June it’ll be two years,” he whispered, rubbing at his stinging nose. “And nothing. Rose took a test last month because she suspected she might be pregnant. Came back negative. I thought for sure, since she was ovulating during our anniversary… Rose was so disappointed, Dad. She was so upset, and I didn’t know how to make her feel better.”

James’s chest ached as he remembered how tightly Rose had clung to him and how her entire body shook with sobs. He hadn’t seen her that upset since her struggle with postpartum depression after Sianin’s birth.

“Oh, mate.” Robert touched his hand to James’s forearm and gave it a squeeze. “I’m so sorry.”

“We got tested right before Christmas, to make sure nothing’s wrong, and everything came back clear, but I’m not sure I believe that,” James said. “There’s got to be a reason this isn’t happening for us.”

“These things sometimes happen, James,” Robert said gently.

“But we already have two kids!” he exclaimed. “I’d be more believing of that if we were trying for our first and having no luck. But we got pregnant with Ainsley and Sianin right away. We’ve been trying for a baby for longer than we’d tried for the two of them combined. Hell, we could’ve gone through two pregnancies by now!”

“I know,” Robert said.

“I just want a baby,” James whimpered, sniffing. “I want one so badly, Dad. I didn’t realize how much. Because at the beginning, I told myself that we still had time. That Sianin was still practically a baby, so it would be okay if it took a few months, or a year. But now… My baby is gonna be three in a month.”

Robert nodding in understanding.

“Does this make me a bad dad?” James asked. “Wanting another child when I’ve already got two wonderful daughters?”

“Of course not. Why on earth would that make you a bad father?”

“Because I feel like I’m saying Ainsley and Sianin aren’t good enough. Like I’m saying I’m not satisfied with my girls.”

“James, that’s not true,” Robert said. “It doesn’t make you a bad father to want more children. It’s completely natural, a biological urge, to want to have children. Your biological clock is ticking, and so is Rose’s, and that’s one hell of a thing to try to overcome. Believe me. It was hard at times for me to accept that you would be my only child. But that didn’t mean I was dissatisfied with you, or that I loved you any less.”

“How did you cope?” James asked. “This feels awful. How can I make it go away? How can I make myself be content with the life I have?”

Robert pursed his lips and sighed. “Time, unfortunately, is what made it go away for me. When you were born, the feeling muted, because I was so happy to have a healthy child. But then as you grew from a baby into a child—actually, you were around the age Sianin is—those feelings came back. When your mum and I lost the fourth baby, we called it quits for real. And it was hard, James. I won’t lie. It was really hard. But that doesn’t ever mean I was unhappy with my life and my family. You and your mum brought so much joy to my life, and I was grateful for every moment I got to share with you both, but there were moments when I felt bitter about my lot in life.”

James sighed, not feeling at all better.

“It will get better, mate,” Robert said softly, covering James’s hand. “I promise you. That ache deep inside? That frantic tug? It’ll go away. And I know you don’t hold the same beliefs that I do, but I’ll pray for you and Rose, that this hurt you’re feeling will heal.”

A tear finally streaked down James’s cheek, and he pulled his hands away to rub them over his face. He sniffed hard and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes until the urge to cry went away.

“We should get working,” James said, his voice raspier than he would have liked. He pushed up from the table and ignored his father’s sigh and instead began unloading the half-empty box of kitchen supplies.

They worked long into the evening, and when James returned home, he was thoroughly exhausted and his muscles ached.

“How’s my baby?” James cooed when he crouched down next to the sofa where Sianin was laying with her head in Rose’s lap.

“Hi Daddy,” she whispered. “Don’t feel good.”

“I know, darling.” He brushed his lips across her forehead and frowned at how hot she felt. He looked up at Rose and asked, “What’s her temperature?”

“Thirty-eight point five,” Rose said with a sigh. “It’s been steadily climbing all day. If it doesn’t break tonight, I’m going to take her to the doctor.”

James nodded, and he saw how wrung out Rose looked.

“Are you feeling all right?” James asked, pressing the backs of his fingers to her forehead.

“Just tired,” she said with a weary smile.

James pressed a kiss to her forehead, then went to their bedroom to get a shower to wash off the sweat from helping his dad unload boxes and move furniture around all day.

When he returned to the living room, Ainsley was home from her day at the neighbor’s.

“Hi Daddy!” she said, skipping up to him.

He reached down and swung her up into his arms.

“Hiya darling,” he said. “Did you have fun with the Johnsons?”

Ainsley launched into telling him all about her day as he walked with her on his hip to the kitchen to make himself something to eat.

“Are you hungry, Ainsley, or did the Johnsons give you supper?” he asked.

“They made supper,” she answered. “We had hamburgers.”

James kept Ainsley in his arms as he walked with his warmed-up chicken soup to the living room. His heart clenched at how utterly miserable Sianin looked. Her face was pale except for the splotchy pink spots on her cheeks. Her nose was bright red and chapped from the pile of used tissues sitting beside Rose. Every few minutes she coughed a dry, hacking cough that made his chest hurt in sympathy.

Their toddler’s condition didn’t improve overnight, but rather got worse, and when they took her to the pediatrician the next morning, they received the diagnosis of the flu. Upon hearing that, they asked Robert if he could keep Ainsley for a few days to hopefully keep her from getting infected.

They stopped at the store for toddler flu medicine and ingredients to make more soup for her, and they settled in to care for their sick child.

“I know you don’t feel well, sweetheart,” James whispered as Sianin cried in misery in his arms. Her fever was climbing again, but it was still an hour’s wait until James felt comfortable with giving her another dose of medicine. “I know. I’m so sorry. Daddy’s so sorry. Daddy wishes he could take it all away.”

James took a few days off of work to help Rose look after their child. When the worst of it passed, he returned to work and Rose continued to work from home. She completely understood that Sianin couldn’t go to daycare while ailing from the flu, but it was quite inconvenient to have to try to get her work done while trying to soothe a sick baby.

Sianin’s fever lasted for a week, impeding upon their Valentine’s Day dinner plans.

“One of these years we’ll be able to celebrate a Valentine’s Day on the fourteenth,” James teased as he brought a long stemmed rose home for his wife.

Rose snorted and accepted the rose with a soft kiss to his lips. After the girls went to bed for the night, James surprised Rose with a bubble bath and scented candles in their bathroom.

“Oh, you’re amazing,” she moaned, sinking deep into the hot water.

“I know,” he said smugly, climbing in behind her.

“Git.”

He hummed and wrapped his arms around her middle. But when his fingers wandered lower down her belly, she grabbed his wrist.

“Sorry, love, but I am exhausted,” she said.

He immediately returned his hands to her stomach and he pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

“Don’t apologize,” he said. “You’ve been home with a flu-ridden toddler all week. Of course you’re exhausted. We can rain check to whenever we get around to going out for dinner.”

She leaned back against him and let her eyes flutter shut as she relaxed in the steaming water. When he heard her let out a soft snore, he decided taking a nap in the bath probably wasn’t the safest idea, and so he gently roused her and helped her to bed.

After another week, Sianin was back to being the happy, energetic child they knew and loved. While it was sometimes tiresome to keep up with her, James and Rose were so happy that their almost three-year-old was feeling better. They were also happy that they could finally get around to their dinner date they’d had to postpone.

They had to admit it was nice to have Robert so close. They no longer had to plan a date night way in advance, nor did they have to drive forty minutes to drop their kids off for a sleepover with Grandad.

They had a nice dinner out at a new restaurant that just opened across town. The place was somewhat busy when they arrived, but James had put his name in so they didn’t have to endure the thirty-minute wait that other patrons had.

The wine was good and the food was excellent. All of the tabletops were adorned with a light lavender tablecloth, and with the flickering candle set in the middle and the dim overhead lights, a gentle, romantic ambience was set for their meal.

James caught Rose humming along to the music playing overhead. When he concentrated, he finally realized that the restaurant was playing instrumental pieces of modern radio songs.

They ended their date by sharing dessert, as always, and left the restaurant arm in arm, feeling warm and full.

“That was really good,” James said as he guided Rose to their car.

“Mhm,” she agreed.

James opened the door for her and when she was settled in her seat, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. Heat pooled lazily in his belly as her hands went to his hair to keep him where he was. They were in one of their longer dry spells—minus the ones after Rose had given birth—and James was eager to go home and make love with his wife.

When they got home, Rose excused herself to the loo, telling him she had a surprise for him. He eagerly waited for her in their bedroom, always loving when she told him before having sex that she had a surprise. She looked great in anything—or nothing—but he couldn’t deny that he loved when she went out and bought new lingerie. She knew exactly what he liked best.

As he waited for her to get changed, he pulled off his shoes and socks, then he took everything out of his pockets. He tossed his wallet onto the bedside table, then fumbled with his phone for a minute to silence it. Nothing broke the mood quite like a phone alert. But as he went to mute the sound, he saw the notification ‘ovulation in two days’ pop up at the top of the screen. Something in his in belly clenched uncomfortably tight.

“Your phone can’t possibly be sexier than me.”

James jumped and set his mobile face-down on the bedside table. He turned and his mouth went dry when he saw Rose was wearing a dark blue chemise that wasn’t quite sheer enough to give him a good view of her body, but it was skimpy enough that he knew she wasn’t wearing anything else beneath it. The fitted, built-in bra pushed her breasts up and the hem of the chemise tickled her upper thighs, just barely hiding her from his gaze.

“You look amazing,” he whispered, feeling his pulse throbbing behind the zipper of his trousers.

Rose stepped up to him and caught him in a hot and sloppy kiss before she pushed him back onto their bed and crawled on top of him.

They giggled as they continued trying to displace the other from topping and as they attempted to get James out of his trousers, shirt, and pants without sitting up off the bed. They finally got sufficiently naked, with Rose keeping the chemise on but it had been tugged down far enough that her breasts were exposed.

“God, you’re gorgeous,” he rasped as she took him inside of her. He settled his hands at her waist, enjoying the slippery feeling of the fabric as he squeezed her hips.

“So are you,” she said, setting a slow rhythm for them.

She leaned down and caught his lips in a lazy kiss as she continued moving on top of him. Her movements felt good, as always, and James was content to let her set the pace. He always loved it when they took their time making love, because it was a long and slow buildup and their orgasms often caught them off guard.

That was what happened this time. James grunted in surprise as he felt the knot of pleasure clench and then release. He hugged her hips close to him as he gasped out her name and spilled himself inside her.

When it ended, he flopped onto his back and breathed slowly, enjoying the gentle pulses of pleasure still rolling through his body. He heaved out a sigh and made a noise of dissatisfaction when he felt Rose lift up off him and settle herself beside him.

His brain finally cleared of the orgasmic haze it was in and he rolled over to face her.

“I believe I left you hanging,” he prompted.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and caught her lips in an unhurried kiss as his other hand wandered between her thighs. It took only a minute before Rose whimpered her release against his mouth and arched her back in pleasure.

While James loved it when he made Rose come first, he couldn’t deny he enjoyed this unobstructed view of his wife in the throes of ecstasy. He loved seeing her brows furrow as she squeezed her eyes shut, and the way she bit into her bottom lip as she crested before her mouth relaxed as she moaned.

James worked her down slowly, pressing soft kisses to her lips, cheek, and jaw. When she let out a sated groan, he slipped his fingers out of her and popped them into his mouth to clean them.

“That was nice,” she murmured, curling up into his side.

He held her close to him and buried his face in her hair.

“Mhm. It was a nice date night, even postponed two weeks,” he whispered. He absently pressed a kiss to the top of her head as his mind wandered. His phone had reminded him of Rose’s ovulation in just two days. They would be making love again for the next few days. Hopefully this month would be the month they succeeded, and he finally made a baby with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all still enjoying the journey I'm taking James and Rose on. Remember, things turn out well for them in the end, even if they are struggling now in the present.
> 
> I would love to hear your thoughts!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein James and Rose are still trying for a baby and not having much luck, which is really taking its toll on them.
> 
> Trigger warning for infertility
> 
> Chapter Rating: NSFW
> 
> Chapter word count: 10,700

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the beginning of the chapter:
> 
> James: 36  
> Rose: 30  
> Ainsley: 6  
> Sianin: 3 (okay, technically 2 and 11.95months)

“Knock knock.”

Rose looked up as her ajar office door opened fully and James stepped into the room. He had a disposable coffee thermos from their local coffee shop in one hand and a brown paper bag in the other. She stood up to greet him.

“I got you a caramel mocha,” he said, setting the cup on her desk, “and a raspberry cream cheese Danish. Which may or may not have a small bite taken out of it.”

“I wonder how that happened,” Rose said dryly.

“No idea,” he answered. “But there’s a piece of a chocolate chip muffin in there as reparations.”

Rose giggled at him, and she stepped up to him to take the bag from him. She set it on her desk and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“I love you,” she said, resting her head against his chest. His heart thumped comfortingly against her cheek as his arms came up to return the embrace. “Thank you for the coffee and pastry.”

“Of course,” he replied, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “How are you feeling?”

Rose sighed. Physically, she felt fine. Her period wasn’t too bad this cycle. But emotionally? It was getting harder to believe that “there was always next month”.

“Okay,” she finally said. “I’m just frustrated.”

“I know.” He kissed her forehead again and murmured, “We’ll try again. There’s always next month.”

 _We say that every month, but it still hasn’t happened yet._  Rose swallowed down the remark, knowing James was just trying to lift her spirits. She appreciated his efforts, even if it was becoming difficult to stay positive.

“Remember to pick up the cake after work,” she said instead.

“Yep, I put a reminder in my phone,” he said, stepping away from her. “Our little baby is three this weekend. Can you believe it?”

Though she knew he didn’t mean to, her chest hurt at the reminder of how old their baby was. She wasn’t a baby anymore, and hadn’t been for a while.

But Rose smiled and said, “I know. Where has the time gone?”

“Not sure. But speaking of time, I need to be off.” He leaned down and pressed a parting kiss to her lips before he breezed out of her office.

Sianin’s birthday didn’t start off as well as they would have hoped. She’d wet the bed overnight and had tried to hide the soiled sheets and jammies at the bottom of the laundry pile, leaving the room smelling rank until James and Rose realized what had happened.

“Sweetheart, why didn’t you come wake us?” Rose asked as James tossed the sheets into the washer. “We’re not angry or upset with you.”

“I’m a big girl,” Sianin said, her bottom lip wobbling. “I’m three. Big girls don’t wee in bed. I wanna be a big girl!”

Rose scooped Sianin up into her arms and cuddled her close.

“You’re still my big girl,” Rose promised, nuzzling her nose into Sianin’s hair.

“Big girls don’t wee in bed!” she wailed.

“It was an accident,” Rose soothed. “Even big girls have accidents sometimes.”

They eventually managed to calm Sianin, and by the time her birthday party started at noon, her earlier distress was long forgotten.

She seemed to enjoy her party, but wasn’t a fan of being the center of attention. They often found her sitting quietly bedside Ainsley, eating food or playing with a new toy she’d been given, and they decided to leave her be for the most part—it was her day, after all.

But when all the guests departed, save for Robert and Jackie who were staying for dinner, they had a hard time getting her to go down for her afternoon nap.

“I’m a big girl,” she said stubbornly, even as her eyes glazed over with how exhausted she was. “Big girls don’t take naps!”

“Sure they do,” James cajoled. “I take naps all the time.”

Sianin appraised him carefully then said, “You’re not a big girl.”

“Okay, then what about Mummy?” he said. “She takes naps.”

“Mummy’s not a big girl,” she said.

“She’s not?” James asked, furrowing his brow. “What is Mummy, then?”

“She’s Mummy!” Sianin said with a broad smile.

James rubbed his fingertips into his eyes and said, “I still say you need to take your afternoon nap.”

“No, I’m a big girl!”

She then turned and sprinted away from him and to Robert, where he was sitting on the couch and watching the exchange with amusement.

“Grandad, I’m a big girl,” she said solemnly.

“Indeed you are,” he said.

“An’ big girls don’t take naps,” she said.

“Hmm… do big girls still cuddle with their old Grandad?” he asked, holding his arms out for her.

She grinned and clambered onto the sofa to give him a hug.

“Yeah,” she said, tucking her head into his shoulder.

Robert tightened his arms around her and rubbed her back gently.

“Isn’t this so nice?” he whispered to her.

“Uh huh,” she said, her voice going faint as she tried to fight off sleep.

“You don’t have to nap,” Robert said, “but do you want to cuddle with Grandad for a little while longer? Grandad loves cuddling with you.”

“Yeah,” she murmured, and James watched his daughter’s eyes flutter shut.

She wrenched them open and wiggled around to keep herself awake. But after a few more minutes, she slumped against Robert and was completely out.

“You’re on nap duty from now on,” James said, grabbing a blanket from the opposite end of the couch. He draped it over Sianin, praying she wouldn’t notice the change in weight. She stayed asleep, and James left her in the arms of her grandfather as he went to help Rose clean up from the party.

Shortly after Sianin’s birthday, Rose received the news that her place of employment was being restructured. There would be a round of layoffs in early April, and while Rose was fairly confident that she would be retained, there was still a small part of her that was worried she would be out of a job.

So when she was called into Lindsey’s office at the end of a Friday, her heart sank. However, Rose was surprised to hear that she wasn’t being laid off, but rather promoted. Lindsey was being promoted to the head of the company, which meant her job as supervisor was open.

“Everything will still be relatively the same,” Lindsey explained. “You’ll still work under me, but you’ll be in charge of handling customer requests and giving out the assignments to your team.”

“Will I still be able to take photos and do my art?” Rose asked, because that was what she loved most about her job.

“Of course,” Lindsey said. “Perhaps to a lesser extent, but you will have the freedom to take the jobs that interest you the most.”

After taking the weekend to talk to James and think about whether she wanted the supervisory role, she decided to go for it, and agreed to the promotion on Monday morning.

The entire month of April passed in a blur for Rose as she adapted to her new position. The number of projects she took diminished to about half of what she’d been doing before, and instead, she was often busy running from one meeting to another while also making sure the people working under her were getting their deadlines in on time.

She didn’t hate her new job, but she wasn’t in love with it yet, and she hoped that it would calm down over the next several months as everyone adjusted to the restructuring of the company.

She barely realized the date until she breezed into the kitchen one morning and saw a vase of dark red roses sitting on the table. They confused her for a second until James stepped up to her, his hair mussed and his eyes still bleary with sleep, with a soft smile on his face.

“Happy birthday, my love,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist.

She leaned into his embrace, and for half a minute, the rest of the world and all of its responsibilities faded until it was just her and James.

Her stomach gurgled at the smell of eggs and bacon, and she stepped away from him with the intention of scarfing down a few bites before heading into the office.

“I thought you might like a breakfast burrito,” James said, watching as she snitched a piece of bacon from the pan. “If you give me another minute, I’ll have it all ready to go for you.”

Rose’s chest warmed. James had been so supportive and patient as she made the transition to her new job role, and he often woke up with her alarm rather than his own—which was set for nearly an hour later—to make sure she got something to eat before she left the house.

She watched him move around the kitchen, pouring a bit of milk and honey into a steaming thermos, before turning to the stove. Rose noticed the eggs had bits of sweet pepper and onion mixed in, and she watched him scoop them onto the center of a tortilla shell before he lay three pieces of bacon on top. He then rolled it up and wrapped it in aluminum foil for her.

“My birthday girl’s birthday breakfast,” he exclaimed happily, looking so pleased with himself.

She took the burrito from him and set it on the table before she stepped up to him to brush a kiss across his lips.

“I love you so much,” she whispered. “You’re incredible. Thank you.”

He hummed happily and pecked another kiss to her lips.

“Nothing but the best for you,” he said. “Have a good day, love.”

She blew him a kiss and gathered her breakfast, purse, and keys and headed out the door.

oOoOo

A week after Rose’s birthday, James stared at his work email, an uncomfortable knot settling in his stomach. He’d been invited to Switzerland at the end of July… but the dates fells precisely during Rose’s fertile cycle. He felt guilty for making them miss an entire cycle, but that feeling was dwarfed in comparison to the relief flooding through him. If he wasn’t there to make love with her, there was absolutely no chance at conception, and therefore no chance of him failing her again.

A new kind of guilt overcame him then. They were trying for a baby, yet here he was, relieved that he was off the hook for the month. Rose, bless her, was being so strong. He knew their lack of pregnancy was weighing hard on her, but she still soldiered on and kept trying month after month. Hopefully she wouldn’t be too upset to know they couldn’t try that month.

Though as the weeks passed and the end of his school term drew nearer and he still hadn’t told Rose about the conference, James knew he was out of time. He blurted it out to her one night as they did laundry together.

“There’s this conference,” James said as he helped her sort the socks on the bed, “and my boss wants me to go. It’s in Switzerland.”

“Brilliant,” she said. “When is it?”

“Next month.” He steeled himself with a deep breath before he said, “The twenty-third through the thirty-first. We’re flying out Sunday morning, and we’ll get back the following Monday evening. A week. The conference is only five days but the other people going on the trip wanted a few days to sight-see.”

“Oh. Right. The twenty-third through the thirty-first?”

“I know that’s around the time you’ll be ovulating, and I’m so sorry, Rose. You know what, I’ll just tell them I want to come back that Friday instead.”

“No, no,” she protested immediately. “No, James, it’s fine. Really.”

“But I’m making us miss an entire month,” he said.

“We’ve been trying to get pregnant for two years,” she said flatly. “Missing one month won’t ruin our already shitty odds.”

He winced, and she sighed.

“Sorry,” she muttered, rubbing her fingers into her eyes. “I shouldn’t have said that.” She took another deep breath and said, “Don’t feel guilty, James. Please. This is going to be an amazing opportunity for you.” She paused for a moment, then asked, “When did you find out about the conference?”

Taking his time to find Sianin’s matching rainbow sock, James stared at the pile of clothes as he said, “Since a little after your birthday.”

“You’ve known for over a month?” she said flatly. “James!”

He cringed. “I was worried you’d be upset with me for missing an ovulation cycle.”

“Of course I’m not upset about that! I’m more upset that you’ve known for a month that I’ll be in charge of our kids by myself for over a week, and that you’re missing Donna’s wedding.”

James snapped his head up to look at her. “No, that’s not in July, is it?”

Rose nodded. “Was supposed to be at Christmastime. But then Donna’s granddad got sick, remember? Make sure you call her and tell her you won’t be there.”

After a few minutes of silence as they finished folding the laundry, James said, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the conference when I first found out about it.”

Rose sighed. “We tell each other everything.”

James stepped around the bed until he was close enough to take her hand.

“I’m really sorry,” he said earnestly. “Really. I was just nervous, is all.” He licked his lips and debated telling her that he’d been warring with his guilt about being happy that they were missing a cycle. The words were on the tip of his tongue, but then he swallowed them back. Surely it was okay that they took a break with trying to make a baby? It would give her a break, too. She wouldn’t be worrying about getting her period, and she wouldn’t have that moment of disappointment when it came. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Me coming back early from the conference probably wouldn’t have done much good, would it?”

Rose furrowed her brows up at him.

“For your ovulation cycle,” he prompted. “There’s only a small chance of conception at the end of the cycle anyway.”

He turned and picked up the pile of Ainsley’s clothes, missing the way Rose’s face grew tight.

The next month flew by, and before they knew it, James was readying his things for his trip to Switzerland. Ainsley was enthusiastic about helping him pack. She’d helped him make a list of the things to take, and she read off the items for him to tuck into his suitcase.

When the morning of his flight came, Ainsley helped lug his suitcase to the front door before she threw her arms around him.

“Do you have to go for a whole week?” she asked, nuzzling her face into his hip.

James picked her up and held her tight. “Unfortunately yes. But you and Mummy and Sianin will have lots of fun together. And you’ll get to go to Chiswick next weekend for Auntie Donna’s wedding. Won’t that be fun?”

She sighed. “I guess.”

“I’ll be back before you know it,” James whispered, stroking his fingers through Ainsley’s soft hair. “Next Monday when it’s time for supper, I’ll be home.”

“D’you promise?” she asked, pulling back to look at him.

“Cross my heart,” he said, making an X over his chest.

She smiled at him and leaned in for one last hug. He pressed a long kiss to her hair before he set her on her feet again and turned to say goodbye to the rest of his family. Rose had a sleepy Sianin in her arms, and she passed their three-year-old off to him.

“Morning Sianin sweetheart,” he cooed as Sianin dug her face into his shoulder and yawned.

“Morning. I’m still sleepy, Daddy,” she mumbled, rubbing her fist into her eyes.

“I know. You’re not a morning person, are you?”

“Nope.” She yawned again and kept her head tucked against his shoulder.

“Daddy’s got to go away for a week, remember?” he said, rubbing her back.

“Yup,” she said. “Bye bye, Daddy.”

A little piece of his heart twinged. He knew Sianin would miss him, but to hear her dismiss him so casually hurt.

“Bye bye, darling,” he murmured, hugging her tight. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, Daddy.” She finally lifted her head off his shoulder and beamed at him before she leaned forward and pressed a long kiss to his cheek. “Love you sooooo much!”

He laughed and held her closer to pepper kisses across her face.

“Time for Daddy to go,” he said. “I’ll see you in one week.”

“In one week,” Sianin said, nodding. “Bye bye, Daddy.”

He set his youngest on the floor and turned to Rose. He’d said his goodbyes to her in private, both last night and earlier that morning. But it still hurt to leave her for a week.

“I’ll let you know when I get to the airport,” he promised, opening his arms for her. He wrapped his arms loosely around her and linked his hands at the small of her back. “And when I get on the plane. And then when I land. Are you all set here? Dad should be stopping by later this afternoon.”

“James, we’ll be fine,” she assured. “This isn’t the first time I’ve been left alone with our daughters.”

“No, I know. But it is the first time I’ve been gone for so long,” he said.

“I know, but we’ll be fine,” she promised. “You go have fun with science.”

James snorted a laugh into her hair. “I love you.” He kissed the top of her head, then pulled back to kiss her lips. Her hand came up to cradle the back of his neck, and he hummed against her mouth.

“I love you, too,” she murmured, pulling out of the kiss when she heard the beep of a car horn. “That’ll be your taxi.”

She stepped away from him and rested a hand each on Ainsley’s shoulder and the top of Sianin’s head as James gathered his briefcase and his suitcase.

“Bye, love,” she said, pressing her lips into a thin smile as he opened their front door.

He gave them all one last smile before he shut the door behind him. Rose sighed softly; her heart ached with loneliness at the prospect of not seeing James for a week. He was a comforting presence for her, and she already missed him.

But a small piece of her heart couldn’t help the relief at him being gone the week of her ovulation. There was no possible potential for pregnancy, so she got a respite this cycle; there was no way for her to fail him this month.

Shaking herself out of that train of thought, Rose looked down at her daughters and put on a smile and asked if they wanted to help her make a big special breakfast.

The week without James passed by relatively uneventfully. Robert helped out with dropping the girls off at school and daycare in the mornings, and he often joined them for dinner.

That Friday, Rose packed the kids up into the car and drove with Robert to Chiswick for Donna and Lee’s wedding. Rose wished James could have been there, as she ached to dance with him among the other couples on the dance floor. But she made her rounds with friends and family, and she laughed as the girls danced with everyone too.

She took her daughters sightseeing in London, and they stayed with her mum overnight before driving back home on Sunday. Everyone was restless that evening, impatient for James to come home. Ainsley and Sianin both slept in bed with Rose, and they’d awoken early the next morning, excited that Daddy would be home at suppertime that night.

Rose was nearly as impatient as her daughters for James to come home. She’d missed him. To make matters worse, it was a slow day at work for her—a rarity of late—and she found herself checking the clock every couple of minutes.

Two hours before her workday ended, a surprise knocked on her door.

“Working hard, or hardly working?”

Rose snapped her head up from where she was playing a game on her phone as James’s beaming face poked through her office door. She jumped up from her seat and ran into his waiting arms.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, clutching him tightly to her. He smelled clean and fresh, and his damp hair let her know he’d just taken a shower.

“I came to surprise my beautiful wife,” he answered, rocking them gently from side to side.

“Consider me surprised.” She let go of him and leaned back to look up at him. “But you weren’t supposed to get in ‘til tonight!”

“I managed to catch an earlier flight out,” James said. He tilted his head down to bump the tip of his nose against hers. “I missed you.”

He brushed his lips against hers, and Rose let her eyes flutter shut as she wrapped her hand around the nape of his neck to hold him closer. His breath was minty fresh, and it made her slightly self-conscious to taste the garlic from her salad dressing at lunch. But when his tongue flicked against her lower lip, she forgot all about it and melted into the kiss.

They kept it relatively chaste, as they were in Rose’s office and the door was open, but after not kissing James for a week, pleasure and heat pooled into her belly. She ached to dig her fingers into his hair and deepen the kiss, but she resisted. Popping her lips away from his, she rubbed her fingertips across the fine hairs at the back of his neck and said, “I missed you, too.”

“We don’t have to pick the girls up for another two hours,” he whispered, pressing his lips to her forehead. “D’you want to go home and maybe make our kisses a little more not safe for work?”

“Hmm, I should check with my boss,” Rose said seriously.

“Maybe I should have a word with her,” James murmured, nuzzling the tip of his nose against hers. “I think I could probably persuade her.”

He slotted his lips against hers in a gentle, tender kiss.

“Consider her persuaded,” Rose teased. “Let me just let my team know I’m heading out early.”

Rose ran her fingers through her hair to make sure it hadn’t gotten mussed, and she checked her lipstick against the reflection of her phone. Judging that she looked presentable, she just about skipped to the row of cubicles down the hall.

She told them she was taking the rest of the afternoon off and gave them the freedom to leave if all of their work was done. She then turned on her heel and moved back to her office, where James was smiling eagerly at her.

She saved her work and shut down her computer in record time, then she grabbed James’s hand and tugged him to the car park.

“Did you drive?” she asked, scanning her eyes across the lot.

“Nope! I went home from the airport and dropped off my suitcase then took a shower and caught a taxi here.”

“How presumptuous of you that I would be able to take the afternoon off,” Rose teased, poking his ribs.

Rose drove them home, where they spent the next two hours reuniting in body and soul. His touch made her burn from the inside out in ways she hadn’t felt in a long time. Despite how much she’d missed him, she thought their week apart had done them good. It had given them a break from the stress of trying to conceive, and Rose thought James seemed more at ease as he moved with her as they made love slowly and tenderly.

Afterward, as they basked in the afterglow, they talked quietly about their week. James told her about the conference and how he’d met some really interesting people with fascinating research projects. Rose told him about Donna and Lee’s wedding, her day exploring London with the kids, and how excited the girls were to see him tonight.

But their words soon faded as they gave in to the absent kisses and touches, and they got in another round of lovemaking before they drove to the daycare to collect their children.

Rose could feel James vibrating with excitement as their linked hands swung between them as they walked into the building.

Sianin was playing with toy trucks with a few of her friends and she didn’t notice them at first. But when a daycare aide crouched down beside her and pointed to them, she spotted James and she broke into a wide grin.

“Daddy!” she screamed, abandoning her toys to sprint to him.

He crouched down and caught her little body in his arms and stood with her.

“Daddy, you’re home! I missed you! I love you!”

She squeezed her arms around his neck as James buried his nose into Sianin’s shoulder. Rose’s heart flipped with love as she watched her husband cuddle their daughter. He was so in love with and devoted to their children; she couldn’t have asked the universe for a better soulmate or a better parenting partner.

James kept Sianin in his arms and listened as she told him all about her week as they walked through the building and to the room that contained the six- and seven-year-olds.

Ainsley spotted them right away, and she shouted for James as she ran to him. Rose watched him swing Sianin further onto one hip as he opened his other arm for Ainsley. She crashed into his side, and he pressed a hard kiss to the top of her head before he bent down and hoisted her into his other arm.

Rose saw his arms trembling with the weight of holding up both kids at once, but he looked so happy and content as he peppered Ainsley and Sianin with kisses.

He eventually set them on their feet again and reached down to hold their hands as they walked outside.

“It looks like a nice day for ice cream, don’t you think?” Rose asked as the late July sun beat down on their heads.

That suggestion was met with vehement agreement from not only the girls, but James as well, and she grinned at her daft soulmate as she led the way to the ice cream shop a few blocks away.

Everybody was in a great mood when they got home that afternoon, and they spent the rest of the evening cuddling with each other as they played board games. Rose let James take the lead with putting their daughters to bed, knowing he missed going through the nighttime routine, and as he bathed their daughters then tucked them into bed, Rose ran a bath for them to enjoy.

As she lit candles in the bathroom and used some of the bubble bath mixture and scented oils they’d gotten in Bora Bora, she wondered if James would be interested in her impromptu date night. They’d made love twice that afternoon, and he might be tired from flying in. But when she told him she’d prepared a bath for them, his eyes darkened and he dragged her towards their bathroom then eventually to their bed after the water turned cool.

The heat of their desire blazed hotter for the next few weeks, and they reveled in it. Between their ongoing struggles to make a baby and the stress of Rose’s new job, their intimacy had slowed to a once-a-week occurrence. But now they found themselves making love multiple times a week and loving the restoration of their physical relationship.

However, the appearance of Rose’s period in September shattered the magic, and it left them both feeling worse than before. They offered each other hugs and the reassurance that there was always next month, but the words left a dry taste in their mouths, and once again their desire for sex cooled.

Especially for Rose.

The evening after her period ended found her and James snogging in their bed after they’d put the kids to bed. She loved snogging James. She loved feeling his arms wrapped around her and his lips moving all across her body as he whispered words of love and adoration into her skin.

But when his hands began to wander down her stomach and dipped down the front of her knickers, she popped her lips away from the splotchy red mark she was making on James’s neck.

“Wait, love,” she said, touching his forearm.

He hummed and looked up at her with dark eyes as he took his hand away from her.

“I’m not in the mood for that tonight,” she said apologetically.

James’s face fell a little, and Rose cringed.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine,” he whispered, pressing a parting kiss to her forehead. “I’m glad you told me.”

“Wait.” She placed her hands at his ribs to keep him on top of her. “Can’t we keep going like this?”

“Rose, no offense, and no pressure, but I’m really turned on right now,” he admitted, his cheeks going pink. “It’s not fair of you to ask me to keep making out when…”

“No, I know, but, I dunno, I could lend you a hand, maybe?”

She tentatively reached out to palm the front of his boxers, where he was hard and straining.

“I thought you didn’t want to,” he said, furrowing his brows.

“Just because I don’t feel in the mood to get off doesn’t mean I don’t want to help you get off,” she said. “So is it okay if we keep going? And focus on you tonight?”

James hesitated for a moment before he nodded and carefully settled his weight back on top of her.

“Are you sure?” he asked, looking her in the eye.

“Positive,” she said, smiling reassuringly at him.

“Will you tell me if you change your mind?” he asked. “Change your mind in either direction: if you want to stop completely or if you want me to get you off too.”

“Of course,” she said. “Now can I go back to snogging my husband?”

He let out a giggle, and he ducked down to catch her lips in his. She buried her hands into his hair, ruffling it and scratching at his scalp as he rocked his hips into hers. She could feel how hard he was, and a thrill shot through her. She loved these moments when he would get more and more aroused just from her kisses and touches.

“Let’s get your pants off,” she murmured into his lips.

He nodded dumbly then rolled away from her. He wiggled around on the mattress, seemingly all thumbs as he worked his boxers down his legs. She rolled onto her side and propped herself up on her elbow as she watched him. His muscles rippled with his movements, and soon his erection sprung free from his pants. It had gotten slightly caught on the elastic, and it bobbed a few times before settling against his stomach.

James eventually kicked his pants to the floor, then reclined back against the pillows, waiting for her to make a move.

“You’re beautiful,” she said, smiling down at him.

His cheeks tinged pink as he grinned at her. His smile slipped a little as he asked, “You’re sure you want to do this?”

“What would you do if I said no?” she asked.

“I’d go to the loo and have a wank then come have a cuddle,” he answered.

“What’s the difference between you getting yourself off and me getting you off?” she asked.

He shrugged. She shook her head at her daft soulmate and rolled closer to him.

“I like getting you off,” she said, resting her hand on his chest. His heart was beating a little too fast in his chest, and she rubbed her thumb through his chest hair. “Like how you love going down on me or making me come with your clever fingers before we get to the main event. I’m sure over the years I’ve racked up more orgasms than you.”

“Which is how I like it,” James answered, sounding smug.

Rose chuckled. “I appreciate it, too. But tonight we’re gonna even up the playing field a bit.”

She leaned over and pressed her lips against his as her hand wandered down his stomach. She felt his breath catch in anticipation, and she grinned as she instead moved her hand to the side to scratch lightly at his hips.

He exhaled impatiently. “Tease.”

“Maybe just a little,” she said, kissing him again.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and guided her mouth back to his. He sucked at her top lip in a catch and release rhythm that was familiar and felt amazing. She swiped her tongue against his as it tried to sweep through her mouth.

She nearly forgot about her hand, still resting on his hip, until he arched into her touch.

“Please, love,” he panted. “You’re killing me.”

She pecked a kiss of apology to his lips, then covered his cock with her hand. He let out a low groan and thrust up. She wrapped her fingers around him, loving the feel of him. He was so hot and hard, and the skin was so smooth.

She set a slow, steady rhythm as she continued kissing him. Their kisses were sloppy and uncoordinated, and he sometimes forgot to keep kissing her when he was lost to a particularly potent pulse of pleasure. But Rose didn’t mind. She loved watching him lose concentration. She loved that she could make him so singularly focused on his arousal.

Even though James was the only one being pleasured, Rose couldn’t help the goosebumps that prickled across her skin at how intimate this was. Making love wasn’t just about sharing the act of intercourse with James. In her eyes, they were making love right now. The only thing she could think about in this moment was how very much she loved her husband, and how loved she was by him. Apart from the pleasure he was feeling, she knew James was feeling the same way.

He was an incredibly selfless lover, and always saw to her needs before his own. It was nice to turn the tables and make this all about him.

“C-can you go a bit faster?” he asked.

She nodded even though he couldn’t see, and she sped up the motions of her hand. His whimpers grew higher pitched and he couldn’t seem to keep his hips still.

She pressed kisses to the side of his mouth as she worked him harder and faster.

“Oh, Rose… Oh, God…”

She smirked against his cheek as she waited for the inevitable.

“Come for me, James,” she whispered when his breathing turned erratic. “I love you.”

He whined, then his whole body stiffened. He sucked in a sharp breath and Rose really focused on the motions of her hand to make this good for him. He exhaled on a loud moan as the first spurt of semen hit his stomach, and she gave him a gentle squeeze on the next upstroke that made him moan even louder.

“Oh, God,” he sighed raggedly.

“Good?” she asked innocently.

“So bloody brilliant.” His eyes were still closed, but he managed to turn his head and catch her lips in his.

She stroked him slowly as she followed along to his lazy kisses. He hummed happily against her lips as she stopped stroking his cock but kept her hand loosely around it.

“I love you,” he murmured, sounding adorably sleepy.

“I love you, too, James.”

“Thank you for this,” he said.

“You’re very welcome,” she said, finally letting him go to reach across him for the tissues. She grabbed a handful and cleaned off her hand, then his belly and cock. “I love making you come, James. You know that.”

“I know. I love making you come, too.”

“I know you do. Next time. Promise.”

As it turned out, “next time” was the following week. James was waiting for Rose after she tucked the girls into bed with a glass of wine and a flickering candle on the coffee table.

“How about a movie night?” he asked, nodding towards the TV.

She nodded and settled in beside him, tucking the blanket around their hips as she rested her cheek against his chest. They decided on a mindless rom-com they’d seen dozens of times. When James’s fingertips snuck under her shirt to stroke her skin and he whispered the lines into her ear along with soft kisses, Rose knew he was hoping they would make love that night.

It had been a while since they’d made love, and Rose suddenly found herself craving that intimacy with James, even if she didn’t feel particularly turned on. She was just entering her fertile period, and so this would be the first night of several that they would make love. Maybe this month they’d get lucky—her stomach flip-flopped at the thought of another failure.

Resolutely pushing that thought out of her head, Rose took the glass of wine out of his hand and finished the last swallow before setting it on their coffee table. She then pushed the blanket to the floor and moved to straddle his thighs. He hummed and rested his hands at her bum as she leaned down to catch his lips in a kiss.

They spent the remaining thirty minutes of the movie snogging. James was obviously very aroused, but while kissing him felt amazing, Rose felt no sense of urgency to achieve orgasm, and knew that there was a good chance she wouldn’t come when they eventually retired to their room.

Rose smiled against his shoulder as he fumbled around for the remote control as the credits rolled.

“Can you clean up in here, and I’ll go get ready?” Rose said, lifting herself off of him.

He nodded wordlessly, and Rose pressed a parting kiss to his brow and moved to their bedroom. She shed her clothes and threw them in the general vicinity of their hamper then rooted through her bedside table for the bottle of lubricant.

James stepped into the bedroom and closed and locked the door behind him right as she was finishing up. When he saw what she was doing, though, his face fell.

“Just being thorough,” Rose assured, holding her hand out for him. “C’mere, love.”

“Do you want to make love?” he asked, still standing at the door.

“Yes,” she said firmly. “Please, James.”

He nodded and stripped off his clothes, leaving a trail as he walked to their bed. His erection had wilted slightly, and Rose reclined against their pillows and let her thighs fall open to make room for him.

She worked him back to full hardness as she kissed him. She nibbled at his bottom lip and scraped her nails across his scalp as he palmed her breasts. Feeling so much of his skin against hers felt so good and comforting, but she still felt no arousal even as he worshiped her breasts. Her heart pounded a little too quickly for comfort. She wanted to be aroused, because she knew he took an ego hit whenever she didn’t come when they made love. But she couldn’t seem to make her mind not focus on the fact that she was fertile and that maybe this time she would succeed in getting pregnant.

“Are you ready?” he murmured against her collarbone.

“Yeah.” She gave him one last slow stroke before lining him up. She tilted her hips up as he pressed forward, and he let out a breathy moan as he was sheathed inside of her.

He moved lazily inside of her, and Rose wrapped her arms around him to hug him tight as she enjoyed his gentle motions. Her heart squeezed in her chest like it always did when she made love with James.

“I love you so much,” she whispered into his ear.

“I love you, too.” He let out a hiss as his hips arched forward. “God, I love you. You feel so good, love. So good.”

Rose smiled as James began to lose himself to his pleasure. His grunts turned strained and his rhythm turned sloppy as he got closer to orgasm. She tightened her muscles around him, hoping to help him along. She closed her eyes and tried to let the soft pleasure she was feeling from his movements deepen. But she couldn’t seem to get her body interested in coming.

James sucked in a breath and Rose gripped his bum tightly to pull him closer. He pressed his hips tightly to hers as he throbbed his release deep inside of her as he let out his held breath on a low moan. The sound made warmth flood through Rose. She loved this. She loved seeing him get consumed by the pleasure she was making him feel. She loved the feel of him releasing inside of her. She loved how his body trembled above her and his breath was hot and humid against her cheek as he panted.

He pulsed weakly inside of her as he came down from his high. Rose turned her head and pressed long, lazy kisses to his jaw as he breathed heavily. He moved until their lips could meet.

“You didn’t come,” he murmured against her lips. He lifted himself up on his forearm to look down at her. He reached up and brushed a few strands of hair away from her face.

“I know. I didn’t need to.” He frowned and tried to ignore the bruise to his ego. “It felt really great, but I already knew I probably wasn’t going to come tonight.”

“You said you wanted to make love,” he mumbled.

“And I did want to,” she said. She reached up and carded her fingers through his hair. “I would have told you if I didn’t. I always tell you if I don’t want to. I can still enjoy sex even if I don’t come.”

James sighed, and he pulled out of her to settle next to her. She cuddled into his side and tucked her head under his chin. He knew his wife well enough by now to know that she didn’t always orgasm when they made love, and also that she wasn’t shy about asking him to finish her off if he came too soon.

But it seemed like Rose’s orgasms were more elusive than ever. He wasn’t orgasming so quickly that Rose didn’t have time to get off, was he? He suddenly remembered that Rose hadn’t even been turned on when they’d gotten into bed, despite making out on the couch for a half hour beforehand.

His stomach sank. Had he neglected her needs? He thought he’d paid attention to all of her erogenous zones, but he honestly couldn’t remember. Kissing Rose was second nature after all these years, and his lips and hands tended to wander aimlessly. It always seemed to work before, but maybe he’d gotten lazy.

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head and swore to himself to focus on her when they made love the following evening.

He was true to his vow and when he and Rose retired to their bedroom immediately after putting the girls to bed, he made it his personal mission to kiss every inch of her body. He hadn’t shaved in a couple days, and he used his scruff to his advantage to scrape it against all of the places he knew Rose was most sensitive. Particularly the soft skin of her inner thighs. While it took a little longer than usual, she was soon wet and squirming beneath his ministrations. He finished her off with his mouth and fingers, and pride swelled through his chest as she cried out his name and clenched her fingers into his hair.

But that was the last time she had an orgasm that week. Though they made love four more nights, Rose didn’t come. She assured him that she was completely fine with it, but James couldn’t help the crippling guilt and insecurities that were welling up inside of him.

Rose could see how hurt James was every time they made love and she didn’t come, and it only made her feel worse about herself. Especially when her period arrived two weeks later, indicating another failure. She was failing him in two regards, now: she couldn’t conceive a baby, and she couldn’t even make love with him properly.

Her confidence dwindled the longer she went without feeling aroused by James’s touches, and she grew nervous every time he tried to initiate intimacy. He always stopped when she told him to, but she hated to keep rejecting him. It was killing her to see his disappointment. She was disappointed in herself, too.

She tried to pretend to be interested in making love with him. She kissed him with every ounce of passion in her body, pouring all of the love she had for him into her touches. She often needed to use lubricant when they made love, and Rose reassured him that this was a common issue women had as they got older. She put all of her energy into making sure James still felt good when they made love, and she made sure to gasp and moan for him as he moved in a way that sent sharper pleasure through her.

But it was exhausting to pretend. She felt so inadequate and she hated herself.

Their sex life slowed to a pace it had never been at before. They made love only when Rose was fertile, it seemed, and the anxiety and pressure to make the most of those five precious days made it impossible for Rose to enjoy making love.

When her fertile window was over, they stopped not only making love, but their movie nights were strictly that: they watched a film and cuddled on the couch and pecked a chaste kiss to each other’s lips when the film was done and they moved to get ready for bed.

It had been nearly three weeks since they’d had sex, though not without effort on James’s part. He’d made advances, but Rose hadn’t been in the mood to even watch him get lost to pleasure.

But after every rejection, Rose felt worse. So when he nuzzled up behind her one night and pressed small suckling kisses to the join of her neck and shoulder, she leaned back into his touch and hoped she could get away with giving him a blow job. He hadn’t had one in a while and she knew he loved them.

“Yeah?” he asked as she rolled over onto her back.

She smiled at him and nodded, deciding she’d tell him in a few minutes that she’d prefer to get him off with her mouth and hands. For now, she coaxed him on top of her and tugged him down for a kiss.

This she could do. It always felt nice to kiss James, but she hadn’t done it in a while. It felt rude to snog him without wanting to let it progress to further intimacy.

“I love you,” he mumbled against his lips. “So much, Rose.”

The words made tears prickle behind her eyes, and she tightened her hold around him. She loved him so much, and it was excruciating to know she was disappointing him in so many ways.

As he began to rut his erection against her, a knock sounded on their door.

“Dammit,” James grumbled, rolling off of her.

Rose breathed a silent sigh of relief that was immediately followed by raging guilt. “Sorry, love,” she whispered.

She climbed off their bed and padded to the door, where she saw a sweat-soaked Ainsley standing on the other side.

“I had a bad dream,” she whimpered.

“Oh, you did?” Rose asked, kneeling down to wrap Ainsley in a hug. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Let’s go get a drink of water, then Mummy will come cuddle with you in bed.”

Ainsley nodded, and Rose didn’t look back at James before she closed the door and guided Ainsley to the kitchen.

“Do you want to talk about your dream?” Rose asked, filling a glass with cool water. She stole a sip before handing it to Ainsley.

Rose saw the way Ainsley’s hands were trembling as she took tiny sips from the cup.

“You were gone,” she whimpered. “You and Daddy and Sianin were all gone and I was all alone and didn’t know where you went and you never came back!”

Rose’s heart ached, and she stepped up to her daughter. Ainsley set her cup on the table and threw her arms around Rose’s neck.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Rose whispered. “It’s okay, sweetheart. It was just a nasty dream.” She picked Ainsley up and then sat in the vacated chair to hold Ainsley in her lap. Her daughter tucked her face into Rose’s chest as she sniffled. “Breathe, baby. Just breathe. You’re okay. You’re safe and I’m right here. Me and Daddy and Sianin are all still right here. We would never  _ever_  leave you. Okay? Never. I love you so much, Ainsley. I could never imagine leaving you anywhere. Nor would Daddy. Or Gran or Grandad or Uncle Mickey or Auntie Donna. You are so loved by so many people.”

Rose continued to speak gentle reassurances until Ainsley’s tears dried.

“All better,” Rose murmured, kissing the top of Ainsley’s head. “Drink a little bit more water and then we’ll go back to bed.”

After Ainsley had finished her water, Rose set the cup in the sink and carried Ainsley to her bedroom.

“Let’s get some new jammies,” Rose said, seeing her daughter’s sleep shirt was damp with sweat.

When Ainsley was in fresh pajamas, Rose guided her into bed, then she squeezed herself onto the mattress.

Ainsley fell asleep within minutes, but Rose stayed in her daughter’s bed. The whole ordeal had taken no more than twenty minutes, so she knew James would probably still be awake. He’d also probably want to pick up where they’d gotten interrupted. Anxiety coiled in her gut at the prospect, and so Rose ignored it and instead cuddled closer to her daughter and fell asleep.

The next morning, she awoke in Ainsley’s bed with a crick in her neck from being curled around her daughter in such a small bed. She heard the floorboards of the hallway creak, indicating James was awake.

She slipped out of Ainsley’s bed and tucked the blankets around her daughter’s shoulders before walking to the kitchen to greet her husband.

“I’m sorry about last night,” she said, stepping up to him and wrapping her arms around his waist.

“It’s fine,” he said.

He didn’t sound upset, but Rose still felt the need to explain.

“Ainsley had a really bad dream that she’d been abandoned by us. I couldn’t bear to leave her alone for the night.”

James turned in her arms and cupped her cheeks. “Rose, it’s fine. Of course it’s fine. Our daughter needed you.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Is she all right?”

“Yeah, she slept like a rock for the rest of the night. She’s still asleep.”

James nodded, and he dropped his hands to fiddle with the hem of his shirt. He looked nervous, and Rose already knew what he was going to say.

“D’you think… can we try again tonight?” he asked shyly.

She smiled and rocked up onto her tiptoes to brush her lips across his. “Of course.”

He beamed at her, his shyness gone, and he pressed a smacking kiss to her lips before saying something about getting a shower while the coffee brewed.

When he was gone, her shoulders slumped. She wanted to be excited to make love with him tonight, but all she felt was a hard knot in her stomach. But why did she feel so distraught? Usually her infertile periods put her at ease and were the times she could enjoy intimacy with James, so why was she already dreading tonight? She wasn’t ovulating. There was absolutely no chance of conceiving a baby.

Her heart hardened.

Because James still could father a child right now. He was fully fertile but she had no egg for him to fertilize. She was the limiting half of this equation. The nature of her biology kept her from getting pregnant for at least 80% of the month, and she hated that. Her body was physically incapable of conceiving a child right now, and it hurt so much to know that. It hurt even worse that her body couldn’t even perform its natural function to conceive a child during one of those five days when she was fertile.

Before she was crippled by a sense of inadequacy and the ever-present feelings of failure, Rose stood up from the kitchen table and gathered the ingredients from the fridge to make breakfast for her family.

oOoOo

The twenty-seventh of October found Rose, as usual, walking with her arms full of food towards James’s office for their annual birthday lunch together. This year he’d asked her to get a pizza for them to share.

She knocked on his open office door and saw him already walking towards her.

“I smelled you coming,” he said, ushering her into his office. He shut the door behind her, then pulled a chair up beside his behind his desk. When she was seated, he opened the lid to the box and grabbed a slice.

The conversation was sparse as they ate, and James hated the tension he could feel between the two of them.

“So, Ainsley’s birthday is coming up,” he said lightly.

“Yep.”

He bit back a sigh and forced the conversation to keep going.

“We should start thinking about a party,” he said. “If she doesn’t want it at the house, where else might she like to go?”

“She couldn’t stop talking about how fun William’s birthday party was,” Rose said. “His mums took a group of them laser tagging, remember? We could ask if she wanted to do something like that.”

“I suppose.” James frowned. “That kind of leaves Sianin out, though. She’s too little to go laser tagging.”

“It’s Ainsley’s birthday party,” Rose reminded him. “We can still have a family party, with Mum and Dad.”

They chatted about planning a birthday party and agreed to talk with Ainsley that evening about whether she wanted a party at home or somewhere else.

As always, Rose let him keep the leftovers so he would have something to heat up for lunch tomorrow. She picked up the empty pizza box then leaned down to peck a kiss to his lips.

“See you tonight,” she said.

That night, as the family sat down with cake and ice cream, they brought up the subject of a birthday party with Ainsley. At first, she didn’t seem to have too many opinions.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said, shrugging.

Knowing their daughter wouldn’t ask for something if she thought she was being an inconvenience, James and Rose continued to lightly toss out ideas.

“What about something like William’s mums did for him last month?” James asked, and he glanced up at Rose when he saw Ainsley’s eyes light up.

“Laser tagging?” Ainsley asked.

“Is that something you might want to do?” Rose asked.

“Yeah!” she said excitedly.

“Okay, then Daddy and I will start making the arrangements, and you can put together a list of friends you want to come,” Rose said.

She and James worked diligently for the next few days to make all of the arrangements. They’d cut it finer than in past years; usually by James’s birthday, they had the whole party planned. But nevertheless, by Halloween, they’d booked the laser tag facility and had sent invitations to Ainsley’s friends.

The morning of Ainsley’s birthday party heralded the start of Rose’s period. James’s heart broke as he watched Rose put all of the energy into making it a great day for their daughter, and he knew she was trying to ignore this month’s disappointment. When he tried to talk to her alone, she politely but firmly told him she didn’t want to talk about it until after the party.

The party was a hit. They chaperoned Ainsley and six of her friends to the laser tag facility, and while the kids played, they set up the party room they’d reserved with balloons and other decorations. The pizza arrived ten minutes before the kids were scheduled to be done, and James and Rose fretted one last time over the appearance of everything until excited, chattering voices echoed down the hall and they were soon overrun by children.

Ainsley had a great time, and that made it all worth the exhaustion of planning and supervising the party. Rose floated around the room with her camera, taking many photographs of their daughter, both alone and with her friends.

On the drive home, Ainsley fell asleep in the car for the first time in a long time, and James lifted her out of the seat and carried her inside. She woke up when Sianin sprinted to them, wanting to play with her big sister. For the rest of the evening, the girls played together as James and Rose decompressed from their busy afternoon.

“D’you wanna talk about it now?” James asked as he settled beside Rose and her laptop to peruse through the photos she’d taken.

“Talk about what?” she said absently. She landed on a picture of Ainsley beaming in front of her birthday cake. The candles reflected in her big blue eyes and shadows danced across her lightly-freckled face. Her smile revealed the huge gap in her teeth from where her second front tooth had fallen out, the first since losing her other front tooth when she’d toppled the dresser on herself when she was a year and a half. “Oh, I love this one.”

“I do too,” he said, trying to stifle his irritation at her obvious deflection. “Rose, you know what I’m talking about.”

“Well, what’s there to talk about?” she asked, her voice thin. “I got my period. I’m not pregnant. We’ll try again. It’s the same old story, James.”

He huffed out a breath. Why didn’t she want to talk to him about this? Surely she was as upset as he was. In fact, he knew she was. So why was she trying to act like she wasn’t hurting?

A cold weight settled in his stomach.

Was she upset with him? He was upset with himself, but surely Rose wasn’t. There wasn’t anything more he could do, was there? He supposed he could try to eat a little better. And while he still played golf every other Sunday, he didn’t get much exercise otherwise. Maybe he should take up jogging. Rose took a jog most mornings. Maybe he could join her?

But she seemed to like the alone time of jogging. Actually, she seemed to like alone time most of the time. It hurt to watch his wife withdrawing away from him, and he didn’t know how to make her stop.

Because what if he confronted her about it and she told him that she’d just… fallen out of love with him? His lungs felt twisted in on themselves. Could that happen? Could soulmates fall out of love with each other? Surely the whole point of soulmates was to find the person to spend the rest of your forever with.

“I love you,” he blurted out, still feeling like he couldn’t quite breathe properly.

Rose looked over at him, her brows furrowed. She reached over and took his hand in hers. The feel of her soft, warm skin against his grounded him, and he didn’t feel like his head was spinning as fast.

“I love you, too,” she said gently. She gave his fingers a squeeze and kept her hand clasped with his as she scrolled through the rest of the photos.

The longer they sat together, the better James began to feel. Of course Rose was still in love with him. She would always be in love with him. And he would always be in love with her.

James and Rose, together. Forever. As it should be.

oOoOo

James’s hips jerked involuntarily as his orgasm swept through him. It wasn’t an intense one by any means, but it was at least an ejaculation. When it stopped, Rose lifted herself off of him and lay down on her side of the bed, facing away from him.

The usual warm buzz left behind from an orgasm was nearly nonexistent. He hadn’t had a pleasurable orgasm in longer than he cared to admit. And Rose hadn’t had an orgasm in…

He desperately tried to abandon that thought, but of course his brain wouldn’t let it go.

Two months. It had been two months since he’d last made Rose come.

 _Although Rose would have me think it had only been one month_ , he grumbled. He remembered the first night she’d faked it, but how stupid did she think he was? Did she think he didn’t know what she looked like when she came? He’d watched her tip over in pleasure thousands of times over the last fourteen years. 

He’d been too insecure to ask her about it, but ever since that night, he’d been plagued with the question of why she thought she had to fake her orgasm.

 _Because you can’t make her come_.

His stomach coiled uncomfortably at that thought. Had he lost his touch? Was he truly so unsatisfactory in bed? Of course he was. He came in less than five minutes nowadays. Nowhere near long enough for Rose to enjoy it. Quick in, thrust a few times, come, pull out, fall asleep. Wham bam thank you ma’am.

Tears burned behind his eyes. Why couldn’t he satisfy his wife anymore? Why couldn’t his sperm just do their job and get her pregnant? Why did he keep failing her?

He quietly slipped out of bed, not wanting to disturb her, and he walked to the kitchen for a glass of water. He downed the entire glass before he decided he was in the mood for something a little stronger. He grabbed a bottle of whiskey and took a long pull straight from the bottle.

It was no wonder Rose didn’t initiate sex with him outside of her ovulation cycle. Sex had become so underwhelming, why would she want to endure it when she didn’t have to?

No. Surely he could still satisfy her. He could. He knew he could.

He took another swig from the bottle before he capped it and put it away. Then he pulled out his laptop. As it fired up, he thought of the most romantic destinations he could. They still hadn’t decided where to go for their anniversary. They’d discussed staying local, since they’d splurged the year before, but James was desperate to rekindle the spark in their relationship. He loved his wife—God, he loved her so much—but the sheer apathy he was feeling right now about their relationship terrified him. They needed to go away, just the two of them. They hadn’t done that in so long.

James scrolled through the Internet before finally landing on Paris. Yes. Where better celebrate their anniversary than in the city of love?

The next morning, James eagerly showed his travel plans to Rose. She didn’t look nearly as excited as he wanted her to, and so he did what he did best: he rambled.

“It’ll be fun! There are so many places to sightsee. Loads of museums. Vineyards and wineries! Wine tasting! Loads of great restaurants.” He then took a breath before he finally admitted, “Rose, I think we need this. It feels like we’ve been so busy this autumn that we never just take time to enjoy each other. This’ll be good for us.”

She finally sighed, then nodded. “Yeah. This  _will_  be good for us.”

He grinned at her and felt a little hope for them as he booked their five-day long holiday in Paris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we're approaching the climax of this story. James and Rose are really starting to struggle. Remember, it all gets fixed eventually!
> 
> I'd love to hear what you thought of this chapter!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein James and Rose go to Paris, then come back home to the pain they thought they'd left behind.
> 
> Triggers for infertility
> 
> Chapter Rating: Mature
> 
> Chapter word count: 10,300

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re finally at the climax of the story! This chapter was so hard to write, in more ways than one. I rewrote this approximately ten million times, and I’m really proud of it. I hope you all like it too.
> 
> Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the beginning of the chapter:  
> James: 37  
> Rose: 31  
> Ainsley: 7  
> Sianin: 3

James took the lead on planning their trip to Paris, and by the time December first arrived, he’d booked a hotel suite and arranged a flight for them.

December passed in a blur. For Rose, she was busy scheduling holiday shoots and arranging her team’s holiday vacation schedules. For James, he was swamped with frantic students panicking about their final exams.

But finally it was time to drive to Scotland to celebrate the holidays. They only arrived on Christmas Eve this year; it was the soonest Rose could take off work, considering she was taking off the week after the New Year.

The combined giddiness of being in the Scotland manor and the impending arrival of Santa Claus made it difficult to get the girls to go to bed. They were wound up during the final Christmas film of the night— _How the Grinch Stole Christmas!_ —and they asked to watch another movie all throughout their bedtime routine.

“You know the rules,” James reprimanded as he oversaw Sianin’s clumsy attempts at brushing her teeth. He stepped in to help with her molars when he saw she was content just to brush her front teeth.

“But Daddy!”

“But whatty?” he whined, grinning when she giggled through a foamy mouth of toothpaste. “Rinse and spit.”

He then guided her to the room across the hall from the master suite, where Rose was tucking Ainsley into the full-sized bed that the girls would be sharing. Sianin took a running leap and jumped on top of her sister.

“Santa’s comin’ Ainsley!” she shrieked, bouncing excitedly.

“I know, Sian,” she answered, her eyes lit up in excitement. She turned to face James. “D’you think he’ll like the biscuits we left out?”

“Definitely,” he said, eager to scarf down the biscuits that were on the coffee table as soon as the girls were asleep. “But it’s time to sleep. And remember, no presents ‘til seven.” He pointed to a clock on the wall, where Rose had put a sticker of a Christmas gift on the ‘7’. “Right, Sian? Seven o’clock.”

“Seven o’clock is present time,” she parroted, wriggling under the covers. “Coffee then presents.”

James and Rose shared a laugh, and they fussed with the blankets, making sure each child was comfy and warm enough.

“Goodnight,” he whispered, leaning over Sianin to give Ainsley a kiss. He then kissed Sianin’s forehead. “I love you both.”

“Night, Daddy.”

He stood from the bed and watched Rose kiss their daughters, then flicked off the light and shut the door.

They retired to the living room to place the gifts beneath the tree and munch on the plate of biscuits. Just as they were about to call it a night and head to bed, knowing tomorrow morning would come way too soon, they saw headlights through the front window.

A few minutes later, the front door of the manor opened.

“It’s started snowing!”

James and Rose walked to greet Donna and her family. Flecks of snow were in her hair and she was positively glowing. Married life was suiting her well.

“Maybe Ainsley and Sianin will wake up to a white Christmas,” Rose mused. She stepped forward and offered hugs to Donna, Lee, and Wilf, and a tight smile to Sylvia. Even after all these years, the woman still put her on edge. But she seemed to be in a good mood that night. “Merry Christmas, everyone.”

“We’ve g-g-got a bit of n-n-news,” Lee said excitedly, wrapping his arm around Donna’s waist.

“We’re pregnant!” she cried, giggling.

Rose’s heart dropped and she heard a dull ringing in her ears. James stiffened beside her and she hoped he had the good sense of smiling.

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” Rose said. Her cheeks hurt as she forced a grin across her face. Her mouth felt dry.

“It’s funny, we weren’t trying or anything,” Donna said. She passed her hand over her flat belly, and Rose felt slightly nauseous to watch Lee rest his hand atop hers. “It just sort of happened, y’know?”

Rose felt a hand fumble for hers, and she reached out to twine her fingers through James’s. She squeezed, and her nose burned with welling tears. It wasn’t fair that Donna got pregnant without even trying.

“Congratulations.” James’s voice sounded slightly hollow, but in their elation, Rose doubted Donna and Lee even noticed.

“You still have all of your old baby things, don’t you?”

Rose turned her attention from the happy, expecting couple to Sylvia. For the first time in Rose’s memory, Sylvia looked proud of her daughter.

Her words finally sank in, and Rose’s stomach knotted, knowing exactly where Sylvia was headed.

“Why don’t you donate it to Donna and Lee?” Sylvia continued. “Money’s a bit tight for them, what with the new mortgage and all…”

“Mum!” Donna hissed.

But Sylvia kept speaking. “…And you obviously don’t need it anymore.”

Tears welled up in Rose’s throat, making it hard to breathe. James’s hand was clenched so hard around hers that it hurt, and she knew her grip was just as tight. She wanted to snap at Sylvia that that was none of her damn business, but she knew if she opened her mouth she was going to burst into tears.

James, however, seemed slightly more composed. His voice was hard when he asked, “And what makes you think Rose and I are done having more children?”

Sylvia blinked. “Aren’t you?”

“No,” Rose whispered, and she squeezed James’s hand one last time before she slipped hers out of his grasp. She turned and walked passed Robert, who was looking at her so sadly that it made her first tear fall, and she moved down the hall to the master bedroom.

She paced around the room as she pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes, willing her tears away. She only had a few seconds before James would come find her. She could currently hear raised voices from the front room, and she had half a mind to go back out and tell them there were children trying to sleep just the next room over.

Thirty seconds later, a knock sounded on the closed door.

“Rose?”

“Yeah, come in,” she called, wiping at her eyes.

James slipped into the room and shut the door behind him. He stepped up to her and wrapped her into a hug. Neither of them spoke, and a few minutes later, another knock sounded on their bedroom room. Donna’s voice came from the other side. “Can I come in?”

James looked down at Rose, and when she nodded, he called her in.

Donna slipped through the door then latched it behind her.

“I am so sorry,” she said, her face tight with worry. “I didn’t realize Mum would say that. We didn’t know you’ve been trying for another baby… Even still, she shouldn’t have said that.”

“Thanks,” James said.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel badly about…” She gestured vaguely at her stomach, and Rose gave her a small but genuine smile.

“Don’t. This really is wonderful news,” she said sincerely. “A baby will change everything, but it’s such a good change.”

She stepped up to enfold Donna in a hug, then started asking when she was due and how she was feeling.

The snow had continued overnight, and though not much accumulated, there was a fine dusting of white coating everything the next morning. Ainsley was entranced at the sight, and they watched the sun rise through the tree line and sparkle across the fresh snow.

But the excitement of snow dimmed when they saw the pile of presents beneath the tree, and by the time all of the gifts were opened, the snow had melted in the morning sun.

Christmas passed in the same manner as previous years, though it seemed like tension had settled over the house. Whenever somebody congratulated Donna and Lee or asked them about the baby, Rose could feel everybody’s gaze flicker to her and James. She wanted to shout at everybody to mind their own bloody business, but instead, she actively engaged in the conversation about Donna’s pregnancy with gusto, forcing down her bitterness as she did so.

Luckily Ainsley and Sianin didn’t realize anything was amiss, and their presence was one of the only things keeping Rose from going mad.

It was finally time for her and James to head to the airport for their flight to Paris.

James felt on edge for the first day of their trip. After he and Rose checked into the honeymoon suite he’d booked for them, they decided to sightsee. Donning jackets, hats, and scarves, they stepped out into the chilly Paris street and started to walk, with no real destination in mind.

His hand brushed against hers, and he felt something unclench in his stomach when she fumbled to twine their gloved fingers together. She gave his hand a squeeze as she stepped closer to him and rested her head against his arm.

“It’s amazing here,” she marveled, her breath puffing out in front of her face. She looked up at him and flashed him a genuine smile that went all the way to her eyes. His lungs hitched at how beautiful she looked. “Thanks for suggesting we come here. We needed this.”

He nodded mutely and leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead.

It was impossible to not feel the romance of the city. The beauty of the old architecture was everywhere, and all of the restaurants seemed to be designed for couples.

The day of their anniversary, they went shopping for nice dinner clothes to wear that night. James found a smart-looking suit rather quickly, and he shivered when he saw Rose’s eyes darken when he stepped out of the dressing room to model it for her. She hadn’t looked at him that way in so long. While they hadn’t made love yet on their trip, James was hopeful that tonight would be the night.

After purchasing the suit and giving their room address for delivery, he walked with Rose to find a dress for her. They spent the next two hours in the shops, and James felt a little bad that he had no opinions, but he thought she looked fantastic in everything.

When she eventually decided on a little black dress that would complement his suit, James excused himself for a few minutes.

“Loo break,” he lied smoothly, and he pecked a kiss to her cheek and slipped out of the store. He wandered across the street to a jewelry store to pick up the order he had placed a couple weeks ago. He pocketed his gift to Rose, then joined her in the shop, where she was finishing paying for her dress.

Their evening was perfect, and James couldn’t have been happier. Rose was delighted when he showed her the earrings he’d bought for her. Platinum metal had been worked into the shape of a rose, with a diamond set into the center.

“Oh, these are beautiful,” she gasped when she opened the box.

“They’re a new design,” James said. “When I saw them, I couldn’t resist.”

“They’re absolutely wonderful.” She carefully took them out of the box and put them in her ears. When they were secure, she rocked onto her toes and pecked a kiss to his lips before turning away from him. She moved to her purse and reached into a side pocket, where she withdrew an envelope.

He took it from her and pulled out two pieces of paper. Admission tickets for Palais de la Découverte, a science museum right there in Paris.

“I know we said we wouldn’t have a formal itinerary,” Rose said as he scanned the back of the tickets for the various exhibits, “but this looked like something you would love.”

“Thank you,” he said earnestly. “But what about you?”

She furrowed her brows. “What about me?”

“It’s  _our_  anniversary,” he said. “Surely a stuffy old science museum won’t interest you.”

“And you’re saying the stuffy old art museum we toured yesterday interested you?” she shot back.

He felt his neck grow warm.

“Well… the art was pretty,” he said sheepishly. “But you loved it so much and listening to you explain everything to me made it much more fun and interesting.”

She smiled softly at him. “You do know I feel the same way when you talk science to me, yeah? I love seeing you get all excited. I know we have vastly different interests and different definitions of what we call fun, but as long as I’m with you, anything is fun.”

James’s heart fluttered in his chest, and he fell in love with his wife all over again. He stepped up to her and wrapped his arms loosely around her waist as he ducked down to press his lips to hers. She smiled into the kiss, and he couldn’t help but smile back.

“Thank you very much,” he whispered, pulling back from the kiss to look down at her. “I’m really excited. They’ve got a planetarium! I haven’t been to one of those in years!”

“I’ve never been,” Rose said, seeming to catch onto his enthusiasm.

“What?” James squawked. “How have I been your husband for eleven years and  _not_  taken you to a planetarium before?”

“Dunno, but we ought to get going. The taxi’ll be here soon.”

He nodded and pressed a parting kiss to her forehead before he stepped away from her. He grabbed her coat from the rack and held it open for her. When she fastened all of the buttons, he offered her his arm and affected a posh accent to say, “Dinner awaits, milady.”

She giggled and looped her arm through his. “Lead the way, good sir.”

He guided her to the taxi he’d called for and helped her into the back seat before he walked around to the other side. They were driven fifteen minutes across town to an elegant and expensive-looking restaurant. The floors were a dark, glossy tile with a long, narrow rug that spanned from the front door to the host’s desk.

“Reservation for Tyler-McCrimmon,” James said as they approached.

They were taken back immediately, and James admired the restaurant’s interior. Chandeliers hung across the ceiling, bathing the restaurant in a soft, yellow glow. The tables were spaced far enough apart to give illusions of privacy.

James pulled out Rose’s chair for her before he sat across from her.

The ambience of the restaurant created a quiet intimacy for them, and when they weren’t holding hands, their legs were intertwined beneath the tablecloth. The wine they drank made them warm and bubbly, and when they swayed together on the dance floor, they stole kisses until they couldn’t stand the need for propriety anymore. They paid for their meal and waited in the lobby for their taxi.

As the driver took them back to their hotel, they snogged in the backseat until they were broken apart by an awkwardly-cleared throat. James paid the man then wrapped his hand around Rose’s and guided her back to their room. As soon as the door closed, Rose pulled him down for a kiss. They snogged lazily against the door for many long minutes, teasing each other with kisses and touches until they were both aroused beyond coherence.

When he suspected Rose was going to suggest they go to bed, James began kissing his way down her chest, then he dropped to his knees. He heard her inhale sharply, guessing his intent, and he smirked to himself as he hiked up the skirt of her dress and slipped her knickers down her legs.

“You’re beautiful,” he mumbled against her hip as he kissed and nipped his way to her inner thigh. She parted her legs for him, and he pressed one last kiss to the seam where her thigh met her hip before he moved his mouth to where she was wet and throbbing for him.

It barely took any time at all, much to James’s delight. As he licked and sucked and caressed her in all the ways he knew she loved, she cried her appreciation and her pleasure, until she finally lost herself to her orgasm, panting his name as he worked her though it.

Her thighs trembled and her chest heaved, and James felt relieved. He guessed he hadn’t lost his touch after all. And when they eventually stumbled to bed, kissing and pawing at each other’s clothes, he settled between her thighs to give her another orgasm. When they finally joined together, he coaxed a third orgasm from her before he followed her in bliss and pleasure.

As she lay beside him, boneless and out of breath, James felt more at peace than he had in a long time.

The rest of their trip passed with them both in good spirits. They didn’t make love every night, but James wasn’t too bothered, not when Rose was looking at him like he hung the stars for her as they played tourist around Paris.

The made love on their last night in Paris, and similarly to their anniversary night, James worshipped Rose and her body until she tipped over in pleasure three times.

Upon coming home, James was relieved that the tenderness between him and Rose remained. They had regular movie date nights after the kids went to bed, and even if they didn’t make love after every date, they often snogged like teens on the sofa during most of the film.

Rose seemed happier than he’d seen her in months, and her attitude was infectious. The new year seemed to bring with it a new start for him and Rose. They rekindled the spark that had been missing, and it felt like the weight of the world was no longer on his shoulders.

When Rose’s period arrived a week and a half later, they weren’t surprised. She’d reached peak ovulation the day after Boxing Day, and what with the busyness of the holidays, they’d only managed to squeeze in one round of lovemaking before traveling to Scotland.

However, it seemed to shatter the illusion they were under, and once again, their intimacy cooled. James wanted to cry when he saw himself and Rose falling back into their regular routine. Wake up, get the kids ready, a kiss goodbye—if they remembered—go to work, collect the kids, come home, have dinner, have family time, put the kids to bed, go to bed. Repeat. They rarely had a date night until Rose entered her fertile cycle. They didn’t make love any other time, either.

James stopped initiating sex outside of her ovulation cycle, knowing he would be shot down nine times out of ten. His confidence in himself and in their relationship was all but gone. As the end of February approached, bringing them back to Rose’s fertile cycle, James found it difficult to engage in sex.

Despite himself, he couldn’t help but think that Rose didn’t want him anymore. Their anniversary had convinced him otherwise, for a brief period of time, but obviously the magic spell was broken, and Rose was back to being indifferent to him. He hated it, and he hated himself, and some nights, he hated Rose too. He wished they’d never started trying for a third baby. Maybe then his wife would still be in love with him.

oOoOo

Rose didn’t bother putting on pajamas, as she knew they would only be coming off later that night when James came to bed. She was two days in to her ovulation cycle, meaning they were due for another shag.

But when James came to bed nearly an hour later, he went through his usual nightly routine then turned off the light. It wasn’t unusual for them to shag in the dark, but it seemed like darkness was becoming the new normal for their lovemaking sessions.

James crawled into bed and leaned over to press a kiss to her lips. It was chaste and static, with just lips and no tongue or movement of their mouths at all. Rose reached up and twined her fingers into his hair to deepen the kiss as she tried to tug him closer, urging him on top of her.

“Wait, Rose, no,” he said, pulling away. “No, Rose. Not tonight. I’m really not in the mood.”

Rose dropped her hands and had to bite back the protest. She was ovulating. They only had a small window of opportunity before she became infertile again, and they had to make the most of this time. But he’d said no. She would not force him to have sex with her when he didn’t want it.

“Okay,” she said softly. All of a sudden, she felt exposed by being so naked. She wished she could get up and put on at least a t-shirt, but getting out of bed to put clothes on felt too awkward. James had seen her naked hundreds, if not thousands, of times, and she hated that she felt so uncomfortable around him right now.

She swallowed down the acidic taste in the back of her mouth and rolled over to try to go to sleep. But sleep didn’t come as swiftly as she wanted. She couldn’t help but feel so defeated. It was almost three years since they decided to try for another baby. But it was only recently, within the last year and a half or so, that she’d really felt the heartbreak of their failure. Of her failure. Of her body’s failure. James never said anything to indicate it, but he must be getting frustrated with her. He wanted another child so badly, but she was keeping it from happening and he was just too nice and polite to tell her.

But if he wanted a baby so badly, he should know that they needed to have sex when she was ovulating for that to happen. Then a thought struck her that made her insides go cold. What if he just wasn’t attracted to her anymore? Wouldn’t that explain why he didn’t seem interested in sex anymore? Why they made love—no,  _shagged_ —in the dark? Why he got it over with as quickly as he could? Why he’d just rejected her?

Rose squeezed her eyes shut against a swell of tears as she worked on convincing herself that her soulmate still wanted her.

The following day, Rose worked out how she could try to woo James. She made arrangements with Robert for him to pick the girls up and keep them for the night. After work, she went to the grocery store to gather the ingredients for the dinner she’d planned for them.

When she got home, she cleaned the house and put the girls’ toys in the box in the corner of the living room. With a half hour to go until James was off work, she quartered potatoes on a baking sheet and seasoned them before slipping them into the oven and setting the timer for an hour. She then went to get a quick shower so she could shave her legs and feel clean and fresh when her husband got home.

She wrapped her hair in a towel then moved to her dresser to find the matching bra and knickers set that James particularly enjoyed. It was a lovely dark plum set that he had given to her on last year’s birthday. The bra did wonders for her breasts by accentuating her cleavage, and the knickers were so comfy, despite the skimpiness of it.

With her underwear on, Rose moved to blow dry her hair until it fell in soft waves around her shoulders, then she reapplied her makeup with a light hand. After that was done, she moved to her closet and picked out a soft cotton dress that clung to her curves nicely.

Feeling rather pretty, Rose skipped to the kitchen to get the rest of dinner started. She seasoned the salmon and green beans. When the timer reached fifteen minutes left, she took it out and put the salmon and green beans onto the sheet. She slid the food back into the oven.

James was due home any minute, but she wanted to give him a minute to freshen up if he wanted to before they sat down to dinner. As the food cooked, she worked on lighting candles around their home as she picked up her iPad and made a romantic playlist.

But the oven timer went off fifteen minutes later, and James still wasn’t home. She kept their food in the oven to stay warm as she went to see how much longer James would be.

“Dinner’s getting cold,” she texted, sending a winking kiss emoji.

It took a few minutes, but finally he replied with,  _You and the girls start without me._

Her heart fell. “The girls are at your dad’s. I thought you and I could have dinner alone tonight.”

_I’m not done here. Sorry. Save me a plate._

Rose set her phone down on the table with more force than necessary as she scraped her fingers through her hair. She felt hurt and annoyed, but more than that, she felt humiliated and rejected. She’d tried so hard to make a perfect night for her and James, but he didn’t want anything to do with it or her.

Feeling stupid, she blew out the candles and turned off the music before walking down the hall to get out of her nice clothes. She washed her face of makeup and changed into her comfiest pajama set, which incidentally included one of James’s shirts. It had stopped smelling like him a long time ago, but she still loved wearing it.

Deciding to not waste the food she’d made, she plated her dinner and put a second serving on a different plate, which she set in the microwave for James for whenever he decided to come home.

After she finished her dinner, she packed up the leftovers and stuck them in the fridge for tomorrow, then grabbed a carton of ice cream and settled onto the couch to let one of her favorite movies soothe her aching heart.

But not even  _The Runaway Bride_  could help, especially when she remembered why it was a favorite of hers. It was one of their go-to date night films, when she and James decided they wanted a quiet night in together. They both knew the movie by heart, and James would often act out the scenes—quite terribly and with outrageous accents—just to make her laugh.

Tears filled her eyes at the memories of James quoting the more romantic moments of the movie, to which she would usually catch his lips in a kiss and they’d spend the rest of the film making out on the sofa. She ached to get back to that. It was what she wanted for her date with James tonight. A nice supper together, maybe dancing together if a song they both liked dancing to came on, then a movie together on the sofa.

Even if they didn’t get around to making love, that would’ve been fine. She just wanted to have a romantic night with James. But it seemed he didn’t want to have a romantic night with her.

The ice cream sat as a hard lump in her stomach and left her feeling half-nauseated. She set the carton to the side and swiped at her stinging nose as her first tear fell. James had to have known this was a date, and still he didn’t want to come home.

Her chest hurt at the realization that her husband wasn’t attracted to her anymore. He couldn’t even bring himself to have sex with her anymore, outside of ovulation. But judging from the night before, he was even putting that off as much as he could.

Tears streamed down her cheeks and it felt like she couldn’t breathe. Sobs ripped up her throat as she tried to figure out why James didn’t want her anymore. He’d said time and time again that she was all he would ever want, but he obviously was wrong.

She just wanted her husband back. She wanted it to be like it was before when they were so in love with each other and they could make each other happy. Before she was beaten down every month as she failed to get pregnant. She didn’t want to feel this broken anymore, and more than anything, she wanted James to want her again.

Meanwhile, across town, James finally shut down his computer and gathered up his bag and keys. It was dark when he stepped outside, and his gurgling stomach reminded him of how late it really was. At least there would be a plate of food waiting for him when he got home, even if his daughters weren’t. His dad must’ve asked to take them for the night. Thinking back, James remembered his dad telling him he’d wanted to take the girls to a play. He thought it wasn’t until next month, but he shrugged to himself. He must’ve gotten the dates wrong.

The house was relatively dark when he got home, minus the light from a lamp in the living room and the glow from the TV. He heard the familiar dialogue of one of his favorite movies, and an ache of longing lodged in his chest. He and Rose hadn’t watched that movie in longer than he could remember, and he wondered why Rose would choose to watch that particular movie, especially when he wasn’t there to watch it with her. Unless the movie wasn’t as special to Rose as it was to him. That thought sent a stab of pain through his chest.

He sighed and set his keys in the dish and moved to heat up something for supper. His stomach rumbled when he saw the plate of salmon in the microwave. While he loved dinners with his daughters, he enjoyed when he and Rose ate alone and could cook adult food that the girls wouldn’t touch. There were times when he or Rose would make two different meals, but that was often too time-consuming and thus they were left eating foods compatible with a child’s palate.

As the meal heated up, James turned to leave the kitchen, but he stopped when he noticed the candles on the table. They were half-burnt down. He glanced around the kitchen and saw Rose’s iPad hooked to their stereo.

A heavy weight settled into his stomach. That weight hardened when he walked to their bedroom and he saw a dress and his favorite lingerie set on the floor.

“Oh, shit,” he whispered, realizing that Rose had intended for them to have a date night. And he’d mucked it up. “Shit!”

He shed his work clothes and pulled on casual clothes before going to apologize to his wife.

“Rose, I…”

The sight that greeted him nearly stopped his heart. Rose was bent double and wracked with sobs on the sofa. The sound of her gasping breaths restarted his heart and made it pound throughout his body as he rushed up to her. He felt numb as his brain frantically came to conclusions as to why she was crying so hard, and he prayed that his daughters were okay.

“Rose, what is it?” he asked, rushing up to her. He moved the carton of melted ice cream from the sofa cushion so he could sit down beside her. “What happened? What’s the matter?”

Impossible though it seemed, she began crying harder when he wrapped his arms around her. His body was shaking as he tried to get her calm enough to tell him what had her so upset.

“Please, you’re scaring me,” he whispered.

Rose gasped in a breath and manage to choke out something that sounded like “you don’t want me”.

“What?” he asked, sure he misheard her.

Rose drew in several shuddering breaths and sniffed hard before she whimpered, “I don’t know why you don’t want me anymore! It hurts so much.”

James’s eyes burned and his stomach roiled. What did she mean he didn’t want her? He would always want her.

“Rose, love, calm down,” he said. “Breathe for me. Deep breaths. And tell me again. Why on Earth do you think I don’t want you?”

“You didn’t want to come home for our date!” she wailed, her face crumpling again. Before he could tell her that he didn’t realize she’d planned for them to have a date, she continued. “Because you don’t want to have sex with me because you’re not attracted to me anymore.”

James clenched his jaw. “Excuse me? I don’t want to have sex with you?”

Rose sniffled and rubbed her hands across her face.

“You’re the one who doesn’t want to have sex with me,” he snapped, his voice cracking as his eyes stung with tears. “Unless you’re fertile, that is.” The insecurities James had been harboring for months reared up. “The only time you ever initiate sex anymore is when you’re ovulating. I’ve just become a bloody sperm donor, Rose! D’you know how that makes me feel? It makes me feel like my wife doesn’t love me. It makes me feel dirty and used!”

His voice had risen in volume as his hurt and loneliness from the last six months surfaced. But when he saw Rose’s face crumple again, he knew shouting wouldn’t help anything. She was hurting, too.

He inhaled deeply until he didn’t feel like shouting anymore, then he rested his hand at her knee.

“It hurts to feel used, Rose. You haven’t wanted to make love with me unless it was at a time you could’ve gotten pregnant. I know we’re trying for a baby, but it’s so hard to want to have sex, or to enjoy it, when it feels like I can’t pleasure you anymore.”

“What?” Rose asked, frowning. “You pleasure me all the time.”

“I don’t, actually,” James retorted. “You hardly ever orgasm when we make love. For the past few months, you’ve rejected my advances, and so I got nervous to even ask, which is why I stopped initiating sex. I thought you just weren’t into it anymore. But then when we did have sex, you wanted to focus on me, and that made me feel even worse because it was so obvious you didn’t want to be having sex.”

“That’s not true,” Rose said quietly.

“Well how was I supposed to know that?”

She shrugged and sniffled, and rubbed the back of her hand across her nose. James leaned forward for the box of tissues and he grabbed a handful. As Rose blew her nose, he stood and told her he was going to get them a glass of water.

When he entered the kitchen, the reminder of their blown date night made his stomach twist. The smell of his reheated dinner made him feel sick, even though he’d been famished when he got home. He ignored the microwave and instead grabbed two glasses from the cupboard and filled them with water from the pitcher in the fridge.

When he returned, Rose had turned off the TV and was mangling her tissue between her fingers.

“I’m sorry, James,” Rose murmured as he sat down beside her. She took the glass he offered to her and brought it to her lips for a small sip. “I’m sorry I’ve been blind to your feelings. I’d been so caught up in conceiving another baby that I didn’t think of you, and that’s awful of me to say, and I hate that it’s true.”

James sighed and Rose turned her head to meet his gaze. Dark shadows were under his eyes, and he looked so much older than she had ever seen.

“I feel like it’s my fault that we’ve struggled to conceive,” he whispered.

“No, James, it’s not—”

“But that’s how I feel,” he interrupted. “I felt like it was all down to me. I’m the one with the sperm, so obviously it’s my fault that we’re not getting pregnant because your body is fertile and ready to go. My sperm are the ones failing.”

Rose sucked in a sharp breath as anger swelled up inside of her.  _But my body isn’t ready to go,_  she thought bitterly.  _Not always. Not like yours is._

“How dare you,” she hissed, feeling hot tears prickle behind her eyes again. “How  _dare_  you!”

James blinked over at her in confusion, which made her anger spike, bringing with it all of the feelings of inadequacy she’d been harboring.

“Your body doesn’t live on a fertile cycle,” she said. Her hands were shaking so badly that she thought she might spill her water. She reached over and set it on the end table. “Your body is  _always_  fertile! But me? I have a five-day window to get pregnant. Five days, James! So how  _dare_  you say that my body is ready to go. It is  _not_  ready to go, and that kills me. I’m the limiting factor here. It’s my bloody fault that we only have a few days a month to try and make a baby, and if it didn’t happen, we had to wait another month to try again. And that was all my fault!”

Her tears spilled over, and she turned away from him as she tried to brush them away. But when James touched her shoulder and whispered, “Oh, Rose,” there was no stopping them. She hugged her middle as she tried to breathe, and when his grip on her shoulder tightened as he tugged her to him, she willingly went into his waiting embrace.

“Oh, Rose,” he whispered again, and she heard the anguish in his voice. “Rose, I am so sorry. I didn’t even think of it like that.” He wrapped his arms around her more tightly, tucking his head so his face was nestled in her shoulder. She clung to him, shaking as she tried to control her tears, and for a few silent minutes, he held her and rocked her gently as she cried for all of the hurt she’d been pushing down for too many months.

“For over a year now, I’ve felt so guilty,” she rasped. “Since the fertility tests. I only have a brief window of time to conceive a baby. And I kept failing you.”

His arms tightened around her. “No, Rose.  _No_. You did not fail me. You could never fail me. Never ever. God, Rose. I had no idea you’d been pressuring yourself like that for so long. It wasn’t all down to you, love.”

James continued speaking softly to her as her tears fell, and Rose melted closer to him. Finally opening up to James and having him so vehemently dispel all of the fears she’d harbored of him resenting her lifted an enormous weight off of her chest.

Once her tears stopped, Rose pulled back and wiped her eyes dry. She sniffed against her running nose, and she turned away from him to find a tissue. She blew her nose noisily and tried to slow her breathing.

“Let’s finish our water then go to bed,” James suggested after they’d been sitting quietly for a few minutes.

While Rose was tempted to take him up on this offer—she was so bloody tired—she couldn’t. Not until they’d finished talking.

She shook her head. “No, we’re not done with this conversation yet. You said you felt guilty for a lack of conception.”

James dropped his head and muttered, “It doesn’t matter now. I was being insensitive and selfish.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Rose said. “You’re still hurt.”

James sniffed hard. She kept her head on his shoulder and rubbed her hand soothingly up and down his thigh as she waited for him to speak. But when he still wasn’t saying anything, she prompted, “You said you felt like it was your fault we weren’t conceiving. Which is ridiculous, just so you know. None of this is your fault. Okay? None of it.”

“How is it not?” he murmured miserably. “You and your eggs are perfectly healthy—”

“And you and your sperm are perfectly healthy,” she said, reaching out to take his hand. “We’ve been tested. We’re both healthy.”

“But—”

“No, James,” Rose said firmly. “I won’t let you do this to yourself. I won’t let you take the blame for something that isn’t your fault. Okay? If I’m not to blame for not getting pregnant, you aren’t to blame either.”

He sniffled and pressed his fingertips into his eyes, and she let him compose himself.

“James?” she asked tentatively. “Earlier, you said… you said you felt like just a sperm donor. That I made you feel like that.”

Rose watched his body tense up as he stayed silent.

“James, love, I never  _ever_  thought of you as just a sperm donor,” she said fiercely. “Hey. Look at me.”

Rose waited for a few seconds, and James finally exhaled shakily and lifted his head. His face looked shut-off and cautious, and Rose hated it.

“James,” she whispered. “Please believe me. I’ve never thought of you as a sperm donor. How could I? You’re my husband, and my soulmate. You’re the father of our children. I could never demean you like that.”

James’s muscles all loosened at once as he sighed.

“Yeah, I know,” he murmured quietly. “But Rose… it killed me to watch you being so passive when we had sex. You just… lay there. And when you started faking… I thought I’d… I thought I didn’t satisfy you anymore. And that you hated our sex life… hated sex with  _me_. And that that’s why we only began shagging when you were ovulating, because you couldn’t bear to be intimate with me anymore.”

“No,” she said immediately, her heart breaking. “No, James. That’s not it at all. Oh, God.”

She scooted closer to him until she could wrap her arms around his shoulders. He let out a whimper and hauled her closer to him. His fingers clenched into her shirt and his stubble scraped across her cheek then ear as he buried his face into her neck. Her back twinged as it was awkwardly stretched, and so she leveraged herself into his lap and then cradled his head to her shoulder as his tears fell. They were hot and wet against her neck, and her eyes prickled in response to his pain.

“Oh, James.” She stroked her hand down the back of his head, hoping her fingers in his hair would calm it as it usually did. She turned her head and pressed her lips to the side of his head and kept them there as she murmured, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

She didn’t think it was possible, but he managed to cling to her more tightly. The sounds of his stifled sobs broke her heart, and she let her own tears fall as she finally realized the agony he had been in for months.

“James, I didn’t hate—I  _don’t_  hate our sex life. Never.” She begged for him to believe her. “I had just gotten to the point where it felt like a chore. Like a means to an end. And I should have told you how I felt, but I didn’t know how. I’m so, so sorry I’ve made you feel inadequate, or like I was using you. Please believe me when I say that you are more than adequate.”

“I got so scared you didn’t want sex with me because I couldn’t pleasure you anymore,” he whispered raggedly. “And that you went through the motions when you were ovulating because it was necessary in order to make a baby. Then I thought maybe you were angry with me for not being fertile enough to get you pregnant. It’s all just been so hard lately, and I’ve been so, so scared, Rose, and I didn’t know what to do.”

She thought back to the times they’d been intimate over the last six months when it had seemed as though James had lost his attraction to her. She remembered all of the times he’d made love to her quickly, achieving orgasm in just a few minutes. While she hadn’t been in the right state of mind to take pleasure from their coupling, she loved watching him enjoy himself. There was nothing quite like holding him in her arms, feeling him moving inside of her, hearing him gasp her name as he reached the pinnacle of pleasure and spilled himself inside of her. She loved that moment, sharing that ultimate moment of intimacy and love with James.

So when he’d seemed to rush to get there, it had broken her heart. She’d thought he didn’t cherish their intimacy the way she did anymore.

But apparently she’d gotten it all wrong. She’d made James feel used and unloved. And in turn, that was how he made her feel.

“James, I never once thought you were unsatisfactory in bed. I love making love with you.”

“But I can’t make you come anymore,” he mumbled.

“That isn’t you, love,” she said softly. “I swear. You’re so wonderful and attentive to me. I’ve just had trouble enjoying sex because I felt the overwhelming pressure to conceive a baby. But believe me, I still loved watching you enjoy sex.”

“It was so hard to want to make love when I knew you didn’t want to,” James said. “Making love with you is something we do together. It something that’s just ours. And then you didn’t want it anymore, and that hurt. But of course I would never force you to make love when you didn’t want to. But then you didn’t even want to cuddle or kiss on the sofa or anything.”

“I thought I was being rude,” she whispered through numb lips. How had she misread this whole situation so completely? “I thought it was rude of me to want to make out with you but not make love afterwards.”

James sighed. “Your distance made me feel like you were upset with me. Upset that I wasn’t getting you pregnant, or that I was just being a rubbish husband and lover.”

“No. I was never angry with you for not getting me pregnant. It was kind of the opposite, actually,” she admitted. “I was angry at myself for being so infertile all the time, and then for failing even when I was fertile.” She took a deep breath, then continued, “And then I thought you just… I thought you weren’t attracted to me anymore.”

James lifted his head so fast that it cracked against Rose’s jaw. She rubbed the smarting area as she met James’s bloodshot gaze.

“How the hell did you come to that conclusion?” he demanded, wiping his eyes.

Rose shrugged. “I told you. I felt like I was failing you. And, well, I managed to convince myself that you thought I was a failure, too. I thought you’d been angry with me because I couldn’t conceive a baby, and I also thought you’d maybe just… I dunno… gotten bored with me. Between all of that and my feelings of failure, it was hard to enjoy our intimacy, or to feel like you were enjoying it.”

“Rose.” The hurt and betrayal was tangible in his voice. “You are the love of my life. You’re my soulmate. My wife! I promised to love you and cherish you and be your best friend for the rest of my life!”

“Even so, I could  _feel_  the apathy, James,” she rebutted. “It felt like you were indifferent to me and to our relationship, and it broke my heart.”

“I never meant to make you feel…”

“But I felt it anyway,” she interrupted.

James looked like he could argue, but instead, he worked his jaw for a few seconds. His shoulders slumped as he exhaled deeply.

“You’re right,” he said quietly. He reached up and cradled the side of her head in his hand as he leaned up to press his lips to her temple. “I am so sorry I’ve hurt you, Rose. I’m so sorry I made you doubt my love and devotion to you and our relationship. I promised to support you no matter what. Yes, I’ve been upset at our lack of conception, but never once was any of it directed at you. How could I possibly ever get upset with you over something like this?”

Rose shrugged and leaned into his chest again. She felt a little daft now, hearing him dispute her fears with such conviction.

She breathed in the smell of him and listened to the faint sound of his heartbeat. He wrapped his arms around her and they sat in silence for a few minutes, just holding each other. It was nice, Rose thought. It had been ages since they’d had a cuddle together.

She rubbed her fingertips through his arm hair as she steeled herself for her next thought. All of this hurting and heartache came about mostly from a lapse in communication, but also at their mutual stress and frustration of trying and failing to make a baby. She wanted another child so badly, but not at the cost of her relationship with James.

“I think we should stop trying for a baby,” she suggested quietly. “At least until we’re back in a good place. Because where we are right now, it’s not good. I’m so sorry, James.”

“It’s not all your fault,” he murmured, kissing the top of her head. “I should’ve spoken up sooner. But I kept holding onto the hope that each month would be the month when we’d get pregnant and everything would be all right again. I kept convincing myself over and over and over again.”

“I know. I told myself that, too.”

They sat quietly together for a few long minutes, just holding each other.

“I think you and I should go away together,” James murmured a few moments later. “Just you and me. So we can focus on being us again. Without the stress or pressure or expectation of pregnancy, and without the distraction of the girls.”

“Okay. Yeah, that sounds nice,” Rose said. “We can see if Mum or Dad can come stay with Ainsley and Sianin. Your term ends the week after next. We could plan to leave then. That Saturday, maybe?”

James shook his head. “Mother’s Day is that Sunday. I want you to be able to spend that day with Ainsley and Sianin. We could leave later that night, or the next day.”

“Let’s see if my mum or your dad can watch the girls that soon, first,” Rose said. “We may need to wait until after Sianin’s birthday.” She pecked a kiss to his jaw, then slid out of his lap. “But we can figure all of this out later. C’mon. Let’s go to bed.”

James nodded and pushed himself up. He grabbed her half-empty glass of water and downed the rest of it before putting the glasses into the sink. Together, they double-checked that the doors were locked, then they made their way down the hallway. Out of habit, Rose glanced into her daughters’ bedrooms, even though they were empty and the beds were made.

When they got to their bedroom, they moved around each other as they readied themselves for bed. Rose finished first and crawled under the blankets and listened to James brush his teeth. A few minutes later, he emerged and walked around to his side of the bed, where he slipped under the covers.

“Nighty night,” he whispered, his minty fresh breath puffing against her face as he leaned over and pecked a chaste kiss to her forehead.

He then rolled over and hugged the corner of the duvet to his chest.

Rose stared over at him, feeling a little lost and disappointed. After the conversation they’d just had, and how he’d held her in his lap for most of it, she anticipated a little more warmth from him. Though she supposed she shouldn’t have expected anything else. This was part of their routine. They each stayed on their own side of the bed and exchanged perfunctory kisses with each other before rolling away from each other. She hated it.

She wanted to go back to the days where there were no sides of the bed because they cuddled too close to distinguish where his half of the mattress ended and hers began. She wanted him to snuggle into her side if only for a few minutes before he would sleepily roll away, but have his leg kicked out so his foot was near hers. She yearned for those nights where they stayed up far too late just talking to each other.

But it had been months since they’d had that. She racked her brain, desperately trying to zero in on the moment it all fell apart, but she couldn’t.

Their eleventh anniversary was fine—perfect, really—but it was a fluke. They’d gone back to bad as soon as they returned home. Ainsley’s birthday… James’s birthday…

She grew more frantic as she skipped backwards in the months and her memories with James were still so cold.

Tears threatened, and she blinked them away impatiently.

“James?” she whispered, hoping they could cuddle for a bit before trying to sleep.

But he stayed on his side as he mumbled, “Hmm?”

The sight of his back remaining facing her broke her heart, and her tears fell.

“Never mind. Goodnight,” she whispered. She rolled over onto her side to have some semblance of privacy as she cried.

She curled into herself and tried to swallow her sobs, but it felt like she couldn’t breathe. She sniffled to clear her clogging nose and cringed at how loud it was in their quiet bedroom.

“Rose?” James shifted behind her, and then his body was pressed along her back. “Rose, love, what’s wrong?”

The endearment and the concern in his voice, coupled with the way his body was curled around hers, made her face crumple. Her lungs were screaming for air, so she gasped in a breath and exhaled out a sob.

“Oh, Rose. Shhh. C’mere. It’s okay. It’s okay. C’mere.”

He leaned away and tugged at her shoulder. Rose readily rolled over and she buried her face in his chest as her tears streamed down her cheeks.

“No, it’s not okay,” she whimpered. “What happened to us, James? Why are we so broken?”

“We’re not broken,” he whispered, rubbing her back slowly. “We’re just…”

He fell silent, and the fact that her husband, the person who seemingly knew every single English word known to man, couldn’t come up with a different word than ‘broken’ set her off again.

“Hey,” he murmured. “It’s okay. Breathe. Just breathe. We’re gonna be okay. I promise. We’re not broken. We’ve just lost our way a little. But lost things can always be found again, especially if two people are looking for it together. Because you and me, we’re still the best team there is. Eh?”

The confidence in his voice reassured her slightly. If James believed they could be fixed, and find what they’d lost in their relationship, she would trust him. More than that, she would work with him to get them back to good again.

She sniffled and draped an arm around his waist to hug him to her.

“I love you more than anything, Rose,” he whispered.

She squeezed her hand into a fist around his sleepshirt and held him tighter.

“I love you, too, James.”

He nuzzled his nose into her hair and pressed his lips to her forehead.

“What did you want to say earlier?” he asked.

“Just wanted a cuddle,” she answered.

He stiffened.

“And you didn’t think you could ask for one?”

The hurt in his voice was palpable, sending a dull ache through her chest and down into her stomach. She shrugged.

“I thought you were still angry with me.”

“Oh, Rose. No. I’m not angry with you. I never was. I just feel exhausted. And… and a little empty.”

Rose squeezed him and rubbed her hand across his back before she made to move away.

“Sorry. I’ll let you sleep now.”

But he tightened his grip around her. “No. Please. Can we keep cuddling for a little bit?”

Rose relaxed back into his embrace and nodded.

They were quiet for a few minutes, just holding each other and content to listen to each other breathe. The quiet intimacy was nice and relaxing; they hadn’t had that in far too long.

They both eventually drifted off to sleep, still twined together. Rose awoke sometime later to James shifting beside her. He pulled his arm out from under her neck, and he flexed his hand a few times.

“All right?” she mumbled, rolling onto her back. Her neck spasmed from the awkward position it had been in, and she slowly turned it from side to side.

“Pins and needles,” he answered. He let out a long, slow sigh and tugged the duvet up to his chin. He rolled over onto his side but angled his body so that his bum was close to her hip. “Nighty night.”

Rose patted his hip and closed her eyes to get more sleep.

She didn’t awake again until her alarm went off. Her mind was groggy and confused; she felt like she could sleep for a few more hours yet. She heard James shuffling around behind her and groaning softly as he woke up too.

She grabbed her phone and silenced the alarm, then sat up.

“How’d you sleep?” James mumbled.

She glanced down at him and saw his eyes were still closed, but he’d turned to face her and was hugging the duvet to his chest.

“Like a rock,” she said. He heaved out a sigh and his hair fell into his eyes as he arched his back. Rose stroked her fingers through his hair as she asked, “How’d you sleep?”

“All right,” he said. “Had some odd dreams. Dreams where it felt like I was awake, so it didn’t feel like I slept.”

“Well, you’ve still got some time before you have to be up. Go back to sleep.”

Rose leaned down and pressed a kiss to his cheek before she rolled out of bed and got ready for the day.

Things were better with James than they’d been in months; however, a stiffness had settled over them. It felt like they were tiptoeing around each other, making sure they were being careful and cautious to not upset the other. Rose was frustrated. She knew it would take time and effort to get back to the comfortable relationship she’d once had with James, but there had been a tiny piece of her that had hoped everything would have magically fixed itself. It was daft, she knew, but still she’d hoped.

“Dad said he could come stay with the girls starting Mother’s Day Sunday night,” James said after they put the girls to bed.

“Good,” Rose said. “Where are we going, by the way? We ought to figure out hotel arrangements if needed.”

“I was actually thinking we could go up to the manor in Scotland?” James suggested. “So we’re not too far away, and we won’t have to worry about hotels and eating out for all meals. It’s somewhere familiar, and it’s a place we won’t get distracted by sightseeing. We can just focus on us. What do you think?”

“Sounds great,” Rose said, making a mental note to ask her boss for time off.

Lindsey was more than willing to let Rose have the week off.

“You’ve been pulling overtime left and right,” she said. “Take a break.” After a short pause, her boss lowered her voice and asked, “Is everything all right, Rose? Did something happen?

Rose shrugged and said, “I don’t want to talk about it. James and I are okay, but we really need to take a break alone together.”

Rose worked hard to finish up all of her in-progress projects, and she assigned one of her teammates to act as the boss for the week. By the time she was due to take her week alone with James, she had all of her work wrapped up and would start with fresh assignments when she got back.

Mother’s Day finally came, bringing with it a colorful bouquet from James, and cards that the girls made.

“Happy Mother’s Day to the best mother on the planet,” James murmured, pressing a kiss to her temple as he ushered her to sit down at the kitchen table. “There’s no one else I would want to be raising my children with.”

Rose smiled at him and inhaled the perfume of the flowers he’d bought her. The girls then sprinted into the kitchen and vied for their mother’s attention.

“Come here you two,” Rose giggled, scooping them both up, glad that they were still small enough to fit in her lap at the same time. She hugged her girls tightly and pressed kisses to their hair, feeling so much love and joy for the two people who were responsible for making her a mother. “Oh, I love you both.”

“Love you, Mummy!”

“I love you too, Mummy!”

Rose rocked her daughters gently and rested her chin on Ainsley’s shoulder as she looked at the cards her girls made for her.

Robert and Jackie joined them in the afternoon for a late lunch barbecue, and once everyone was fed, James and Rose took their leave.

“We’ll be home next Sunday,” they promised, hugging their girls tightly. “Love you lots.”

Giving their daughters a final hug and kiss, James and Rose loaded their suitcases into their car and drove off into the setting sun and hopefully towards a regeneration of their marriage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to know what you thought of this chapter!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein James and Rose go to Scotland to try and rekindle the spark in their relationship.
> 
> Triggers for infertility
> 
> Chapter Rating: NSFW
> 
> Chapter word count: 10,000

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the beginning of the chapter:  
> James: 37  
> Rose: 31  
> Ainsley: 7  
> Sianin: 3

They passed the drive to Scotland in relative silence. There were a few times when the silence grew uncomfortable, so one of them would blurt something out, and for a while, they managed to morph it into an easy conversation.

When they were about an hour out, it began to rain hard enough that James had to back off the speed in order to see clearly.

“We can stop somewhere for the night,” Rose offered as they crawled along the motorway.

“Nah, I can keep going,” he said. “We’re nearly there, anyway. Oh, but that reminds me, there’s not any food in the house. We should stop off somewhere for dinner.”

They came across a small diner a few miles later, and because it was raining harder than ever, they decided to make a pit stop and hope the rain would let up. They shared a simple meal of salad, hot soup, and fresh bread.

The rest of the drive passed uneventfully, and the rain remained steady up until they pulled into the driveway of the McCrimmon manor, when the skies opened up once more. To avoid the deluge as much as possible, they hurriedly grabbed their bags from the car and sprinted into the shelter of the house.

But they were still thoroughly damp when they stepped into the cold, dark house.

“Why don’t you get a shower, and I’ll work on getting the heat going,” James said.

Rose nodded and hurried off to the master bedroom with her suitcase.

James watched her go with a sigh. So far, this holiday hadn’t quite gotten off to a good start. But honestly, what was he planning to do this evening anyway? Probably order takeaway and watch a movie.

They were both exhausted by the time James got out of the shower, and so they made the bed in the master suite and curled up together to fall asleep.

It was still relatively dark when James woke up, but his internal clock told him he’d slept in later than usual. He wondered what sort of trouble Ainsley and Sianin had found, because they were being far too quiet. But when he opened his eyes, he remembered where he was.

_Scotland. With Rose. With no kids. Just us._

He rolled over and saw Rose was still sleeping, and his heart twisted in his belly. She looked so beautiful, despite her tangled hair and the drool coating the corner of her mouth. When was the last time he’d woken up and taken a moment to look at her, and not worry about anything else?

 _Far too long_ , he thought bitterly.

He watched her for a few more minutes, before his eyes fluttered shut again and he drifted off into a light slumber, listening to the pounding of rain against the house. When he woke up again, it was to a soft grunt beside him. He opened his eyes and saw Rose stretching lithely, digging her fists into her eyes.

“Morning,” he murmured.

“Morning. What time is it?” she mumbled, fumbling behind her for her phone. She grabbed it and hit the center button. “Oh, blimey! Eight in the morning. I haven’t slept that late in years.”

James chuckled. “And to think we consider this to be sleeping in.”

“It is when two children are up at the crack of dawn,” she said through a yawn. She returned her phone to the bedside table and turned back over to face him. “What are we doing today?”

“Dunno. It’s still pouring rain, so we can’t do anything outside,” he said. “Though we should go into town and get food for the week.”

Rose nodded in agreement, then leaned forward to peck a kiss to his forehead before she rolled out of bed, breaking the quiet intimacy that they’d generated.

When they’d both dressed for the day, the first stop they made was to a cafe for breakfast, then to a grocery store. Afterwards, when they came home and put away the food, James felt lost. It was too cold and damp outside to do anything, and they’d come here to work out the kinks in their relationship, not sightsee. But he had no clue what to do now that he and Rose were here.

A small hand slipped into his as Rose hugged his arm to her chest. He rubbed his thumb across hers and looked down at her.

“I saw some board games in the closet,” she said. “We could play something that isn’t Snakes and Ladders?”

He nodded, relieved that she’d thought of something for them to do. While Rose went to find a game for them to play, James moved to the living room to get a fire going in the fireplace. Soon, the room was filled with soft, flickering orange light, and he set a thick, plush blanket across the hardwood floor.

When Rose returned, it was with an armful of game boxes. They settled into the nest James had made for them and began to play Settlers of Catan. During the first game, neither of them said much, and James hated the tension he could feel between them.

“I wish I could turn back time,” he mused softly. He felt Rose look up at him, but he kept his gaze on the playing board.

“How far back would you go?” she prompted.

“A year, I think,” he answered. “And I would tell you exactly how terribly I felt. And I would pay more attention to you and how you were feeling. I’m so sorry, Rose.”

“It’s not all your fault,” she said. “I should have said something sooner.”

They dissolved into silence again, until James asked, “So if you could turn back time, how far would you go?”

“Two years and nine months,” she replied immediately. “To the day I suspected I might be pregnant that very first time. I would stop myself from even thinking I was pregnant, because there was virtually no chance I could’ve been pregnant. And I would’ve just assumed my body was having an off cycle, and when my period came a couple days later, I would’ve been proven right. I wouldn’t have gotten us thinking about another baby, and we could be happy with the two daughters we have.”

James frowned at her. “Is that what you really think? That all of this is your fault?”

Rose shrugged, but he could see the defeat in her posture.

“It’s not,” he said firmly, reaching across to grab her hand. “Even if you never took a pregnancy test and got us thinking about another baby that day, d’you think we never would have considered trying for a third at some point during the last three years?”

“I dunno,” she said softly.

“I do,” he said. “Because I’ve felt the urgency to have another baby with you for over a year now. I didn’t when we first began trying. I mean, of course I wanted another baby, but we already had a baby. Then when Sianin began transitioning from a baby to a big girl, I started to feel my biological clock ticking.”

Rose nodded, and she scooted closer to him to rest her head on his shoulder.

“Why does this keep happening to us?” she said a few minutes later.

“Why does what keep happening?”

“We get upset at something but keep it from each other until it blows up in our face.”

James wanted to argue, but he knew she had a point. He hadn’t told her how terrible he was feeling after his mum died. She didn’t tell him how poorly she was doing after giving birth to Sianin. Now here they were again, picking up the pieces of their relationship because they’d both hidden their feelings from the other.

“We’ve known each other for over twenty-five years,” Rose mumbled sadly. “And we still keep mucking it up.”

“We do better than most couples, I think,” James argued. “For the most part, our communication is solid.”

“Except things that really matter,” she said bitterly.

James was quiet for a few minutes as he thought of a rebuttal. He picked up her hand and absently twirled her rings around her finger as his mind worked. Finally, he brought her fingers to his lips to press a kiss to each knuckle before he asked, “Why do you think I didn’t tell you about my depression after Mum died?”

“You said you were worried about making me feel like I wasn’t good enough, or like you weren’t happy being with me,” she answered promptly.

He nodded. “Why did you not tell me about your depression after Sianin?”

“I didn’t want to admit how horrible of a mum I felt like I was. And I didn’t want to upset you, or make you cross with me.”

His heart still clenched even after all these years at her reply. But he brushed it aside and asked, “Why did you not tell me how guilty you’ve been feeling about not getting pregnant?”

“Because I thought you were frustrated with me,” she answered.

“What made you think I would have been angry with you for your postpartum depression, or for not getting pregnant?”

Rose shrugged and shook her head. “Why did you think I was angry with you?” she fired back.

“Because depression has a way of making my biggest fears seem real,” he answered honestly. “I genuinely thought you were mad at me, or thought I was a failure. Even though I know better now, it doesn’t change the fact that I was certain you were angry with me.”

Rose sniffled, and James tightened his hold around her shoulders.

“We keep getting into this situation because we’ve both fallen victim to our own depression,” he said softly. “It is so hard to realize we’ve fallen into depression. That’s why this has happened. We’ve stopped communicating clearly, and we listened to that nasty voice in our heads. But now we can work on getting rid of that stupid voice and hearing each other more clearly.”

Rose turned and buried her face into his neck as she clung to him. He held her just as tightly.

“I love you so much,” she whispered into his skin. “ _So much_ , James. I’m sorry I haven’t shown you that recently.”

“I’m sorry, too,” he replied. “And I love you so much, too. You are my best friend, and nothing will ever change that.”

“Can we make a promise?” she asked. “To always check in with each other if we notice one of us is acting a little strange?”

“Of course,” he said. “I should have been checking in with you this whole time. I should have seen that something wasn’t right. I am so sorry I let you down.”

“We both let each other down,” she answered.

He squeezed his eyes shut against the burning sensation behind them, and he held his wife closer. He breathed her in, catching the familiar, comforting scent of her shampoo, and he felt the gentle rhythm of her breathing against him.

“I love you more than life itself,” he murmured. “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed being with you and talking with you.”

“Me too.”

“I feel like we haven’t talked in a while,” he said. “Apart from nonsensical “how was your day?” type conversations. And even then, I dunno if we were fully forthcoming.”

Rose nodded in agreement. She pulled back and somehow managed a cheeky smile despite her red, puffy eyes and runny nose. “So how was your day?”

James snorted out a laugh, then reached for the box of tissues on the coffee table. As Rose blew her nose, his gaze wandered around the living room until his eyes fell on the photographs on the mantel. A new one had been added of the whole family sitting in front of the Christmas tree.

He sighed at the photo and the memories of the holiday.

“I could have happily strangled Sylvia with garland when she suggested we give all of our old baby stuff to Donna and Lee,” he said. “It hurt so much to hear her assume that just because Sianin’s almost four, we’re finished having babies.” He paused for a minute then admitted, “You’d left the room by this point, but she told me… she said that she figured since I was pushing forty, I was done fathering more children. That I wouldn’t want to be chasing a toddler around at my age.”

He heard Rose gasp, but he stared resolutely out the window and at the sheets of rain falling from the sky.

“Oh, I’m going to kill her,” Rose muttered, then she crawled into his line of vision. “James, listen to me. Ignore her. Sylvia is an insensitive arsehole. You are not too old to be having more children. D’you hear me? Look at me.”

He lifted his head, and Rose reached out to cradle his cheeks. He leaned into her touch and let her soothe the anxiety that had been festering inside of him since Sylvia had made that comment.

“Love, Donna is the same age you are,” Rose said gently.

“She’s a year older,” he corrected automatically.

Rose smirked at him. “There you have it, then. Sylvia was smug and proud of Donna for having a baby and made no mention of her age. She just wanted to guilt us into handing over our baby stuff.”

James managed a weak smile, and Rose looked relieved. She smiled at him and scooted back into his side once more.

“While we’re confessing baby things,” Rose murmured a few seconds later, “I haven’t done a newborn photoshoot in a year. Not a single one.”

James frowned and looked down at Rose. “But you love doing them.”

“I did until I became jealous of my clients for having a new baby when I wanted one so badly,” she said. “Every time I did a baby shoot, I kept thinking about how you and I would look, holding a new baby and getting photos done. It hurt too much to keep doing them, so I told Lindsey I didn’t want them anymore. Then, when I became the boss, I handed all of those assignments off to one of my team members.”

James’s heart broke for her. He hurt for her to know that something she once loved to do had become a source of pain.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, feeling as though the words were completely inadequate, but he didn’t know what else to say. A couple months ago, he would have smiled and tried to cheer her up by telling her “We’ll get to have a baby shoot of our own. I know it.” But now James was too exhausted and emotionally fragile to say the words that might never come true. They might never have a third baby, and his whole body seemed to ache at the grief and loss that came with that realization.

oOoOo

The next day passed in a similar manner. It was still raining, so James and Rose stayed in the manor. They spent the day cleaning the house together, then that evening, James asked if Rose wanted to go out to dinner. He was pleased when she said yes; he had the perfect place in mind.

As the sun started to set, they began preparing for their dinner date. While Rose showered, James fussed with his hair, trying to strike the balance between getting his hair into the tousled look he knew Rose found sexy and not using too much product that would get sticky in her hands.

Not that he assumed Rose’s hands would be in his hair, later. Though he did hope…

After his hair looked the way he wanted it to, he slathered shaving cream over his face and worked on removing the scratchy three-day old stubble. When his face was clean-shaven once more, he moved to the bedroom and pulled on a pair of dark wash jeans he knew Rose loved on him, as well as a new black oxford. He rolled the sleeves up. For reasons unknown to him, Rose loved the sight of his forearms. Even after fourteen years of being together, he still didn’t quite understand why.

Rose got out of the shower just as he walked back into the ensuite to do a final check of himself. He watched her through the fogging mirror as she toweled off. His belly swooped when Rose caught him looking and tossed him a sultry grin. She walked towards him and pressed up against his side to reach for her lotion.

“Mmm, you smell really good,” she whispered, stretching up onto her toes to brush a kiss to his cheek.

Her movements wafted the scent of her shampoo around him.

“You do, too,” he said, blatantly and unashamedly staring at her bare breasts.

Rose smirked at him, then pushed his chest lightly.

“Go on,” she said. “I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

As much as he wanted to stay and watch her get ready, he knew there was a fair chance he would ravish her if she kept looking at him like that. And he wasn’t sure if she wanted to be ravished. His heart fell a little at that thought. He’d become so inept at reading Rose’s signals lately, and it made him timid to initiate any sort of intimacy with her.

He walked to the foyer and slipped his feet into his favorite Chucks as he wondered whether Rose might want to make love that night. They hadn’t been intimate since they’d broken down together. While he would very much like to make love with Rose, he wouldn’t unless she wanted it too. He would be perfectly content to share dinner with her, then come home and put on a film and cuddle with her.

The soft tapping of shoes coming down the hall caught his ear, and he turned to look at his wife. She was wearing a soft-looking flowy dress that ended at her knees. She’d left her hair down and it fell in gentle curls around her shoulders. She wasn’t wearing much makeup, just enough to draw attention to her eyes.

She smiled a little shyly and did a twirl for him.

“What’d’you think?”

“I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he answered honestly.

Her cheeks tinged pink as her smile grew.

“Thanks,” she said. She then gave him a once-over and made a twirling motion with her finger.

He pushed off with one foot and balanced on the toes of his other as he spun in a quick circle. The tread of his shoe squeaked against the floor.

“You look very handsome,” she appraised. “Nice jeans.”

James grinned smugly. “Yeah, I know my wife is rather fond of this pair.”

“Hmm, hoping to get lucky tonight?”

James shoved his hands awkwardly into his pockets. On one hand, he was hoping to be intimate with Rose, but on the other, he didn’t want to pressure her with that knowledge. If he never made love with Rose again, he would be perfectly content as long as he could be with her and love her in all of the other non-sexual ways he knew she adored.

“Hey.” Rose must have seen the uncertainty on his face, because she skipped up to him and tried to tug a hand free from his pocket. He let her, and she twined their fingers. “It’s okay for you to say yes. And it’s okay for you to say no. You’re my husband, James, and I know you know what I like seeing you dressed in. It’s okay for you to show off and wear clothes you know I like. Even if we don’t get around to making love, it’s still fun to see you in great-fitting clothes.”

He exhaled slowly and squeezed her fingers. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I guess I just feel a little lost regarding physical intimacy with you.”

She nodded in agreement, and she brought his fingers to her lips for a kiss. “How about we take it one moment at a time? We’ll go to dinner and see what happens. Yeah? No reason to be nervous. It’s just a ridiculously handsome bloke taking his ridiculously gorgeous wife out to dinner.”

He giggled and stole his hand away from her lips so he could kiss her fingers.

“I love you,” he murmured against her knuckles.

“I love you, too.”

After helping Rose into her coat, he held open the front door for her and walked her to their car. He drove into town and smiled at Rose’s little gasp of recognition when he turned down a long gravel driveway. It opened up to a small wooden building that overlooked a lake.

“Oh, it hasn’t changed a bit,” Rose said dreamily, lost in the same nostalgia James was feeling.

“Nope,” he said, parking at the far end of the lot where no other cars were parked. “They’ve done some renovations over the years, but they’ve tried to make it look the same. The only major change is the addition of more outside seating.”

James pointed to the longer, wider dock and the tables that overlooked the lake. That was where he and Rose had sat when they’d gone on their first date.

“This is perfect,” Rose said.

“I thought so, too.” James shut off the car, then reached behind him for his umbrella. “Stay there, I’ll come around for you.”

He climbed out of the car and opened the umbrella, then walked around to open Rose’s door for her. He held out his hand. “Milady.”

Rose grinned at him and let him help her out of the car. He wrapped his arm around her waist and tugged her close, both to keep her as dry as possible and to feel her warm body pressed against his.

“No outside dining today,” Rose teased as they finally entered the restaurant.

“Nah. It’s a bit too chilly out for that.”

“Ah, the cold’s the only reason?”

“‘Course. Who cares about a little rain when we live in one of the wettest countries?”

James closed his umbrella then stepped up to the front desk to get a table for him and Rose.

He asked for a table towards the edges of the restaurant to give himself and Rose as much privacy as possible. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway—the restaurant was fairly empty. Still. It was nice to have a two-table radius between them and other patrons; it gave the illusion that they were alone.

They ordered their favorite wine and their favorite dishes, which they swapped halfway through the meal, as usual. After their meal and a delectable chocolate raspberry cheesecake, they finally noticed a band was playing. With the dim lights and the soft acoustic music, James was again brought back to their first date.

He pushed back from his chair and adopted a formal pose, with one arm tucked behind his back and his other extended towards Rose as he asked, “May I have this dance?”

Rose beamed, and James was startled but delighted when a few butterflies fluttered in his belly. They hadn’t done that in months.

“You may,” she replied, affecting a posh accent.

She extended her hand for him to take, and James couldn’t resist bringing it to his lips to brush a kiss across her knuckles. He led the way to the empty dance floor just as the band morphed into a new song. The vocalist began crooning a soft ballad of young lovers dancing together as James wrapped his arm around her waist and took her other hand to begin a slow waltz around the room.

Rose tucked her head against his chest and he nuzzled his cheek into her hair.

“You’re so beautiful, Rose,” he murmured. “And not just tonight, but every night. And every day. I haven’t told you that enough recently.”

“Thank you,” she answered, tilting her head back to look at him. Her eyes scanned his face, and he was so happy to see that her eyes were bright and her face was relaxed in a small smile. “You look handsome, too. Every day.”

He pressed his lips to her forehead and kept them there as he said, “I’ve really missed this.” He moved to spin her out away from him, before he twirled her back in again. “You and me just… being together. Being romantic and in love.”

“I’ve missed it too,” Rose admitted, bringing her hand up to rest at the nape of his neck.

James ducked down and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. He sighed against the gentle pressure and how her nails teased his hair. He angled his head to the side to catch her bottom lip between his. As his lips moved with hers, his hands dropped to the small of her back to hold her closer.

Rose shivered at the intimacy of the kiss. It was softer and sweeter than most of their dance floor kisses, but it felt amazing. She could feel the outline of his hands through the fabric of her dress, cradling her body close to his as his mouth glided against hers in a familiar rhythm.

She could hear him breathing steadily through his nose, smooshed as it was against her cheek. He inhaled sharply through his nose when she let the tip of her tongue sweep against his bottom lip. He sighed, and it was such a content little sound that Rose felt her heart squeeze.

“I love you,” she murmured, finally releasing his lips.

“I love you, too,” he said, his voice low.

Rose rested her head against his chest as they swayed side to side in time with the music until the band switched to a more upbeat song. James ducked down to press a kiss to the top of her head before he guided her back to their table, where the check was waiting. He paid for their meal, then helped Rose into her coat and guided her back to their car.

They were quiet as he drove. Rose peeked at him out of the corner of her eye. His face looked pale in the darkness, lit up by the blue glow of the car’s controls. She watched his eyes flicker across the road, and the way his eyelashes brushed the skin beneath his eyes as he blinked. She could barely make out the freckles she knew dusted his nose and cheeks, and his hair was beginning to lose some of its shape from the humidity of the rain. His fringe had fallen onto his forehead, and she was tempted to reach over and brush it back, but she didn’t want to distract him.

He must have felt her gaze, because his eyes darted over to her, and when he saw her looking, his lips turned upward in a soft smile. She returned the expression, and she saw him take a hand off the wheel to take her hand in his.

She gave him her left hand and rested it at her thigh, while she placed her right hand on his thigh. When she let her hand slide higher up his thigh, she felt his fingers tentatively walk to her knee. The hem of her dress had ridden up, and soon his fingertips were touching her bare knee.

She bit her lip as tingles broke out across her skin where his fingers touched her. But he kept his hand only on her knee. Wanting to feel his palm on more of her, she covered his hand to let him know she wanted his touch, then she grabbed the fabric of her skirt and tugged it to expose more of her thigh.

His fingers twitched, then they moved up her thigh to stroke her bare skin. She relaxed back into the seat as his fingers wandered aimlessly up and down her leg while hers did the same on his thigh.

They finally made it home, and James gave her leg a quick squeeze before he took his hand away to get out of the car. Rose dutifully waited for him to walk around to her side of the car with the umbrella. She threaded her fingers through his as they walked to the front porch.

The entire evening had felt so magical, so reminiscent of their first date. Unbidden, Rose’s mind wandered to all of the chick flicks she and James watched together, and to the scenes where the bloke dropped the girl off at her front door and stole a goodnight kiss.

“Y’know, there’s something we’ve both missed out on during our courtship.”

James stopped with his hand outstretched to put the key in the lock.

“Oh?”

“Mhm. We’ve always lived together, so you’ve never dropped me off at my doorstep after a date and kissed me goodnight.”

James frowned at her, and Rose began to feel a little silly. But before she could tell him to forget it, an impish smile crossed his lips and he put the key into the lock but didn’t open it. Instead, he dropped the umbrella by his feet and he turned towards her.

“I had a wonderful time with you tonight.” His voice was pitched low and he stepped closer to her until his front brushed against hers. He settled his hands at her waist and she shivered when she felt his thumbs caress her hips, his thumbnail tracing across the waistband of her knickers through her dress.

“I had a wonderful time, too,” she answered, playing along.

“Could I maybe see you again?” he asked, leaning closer until the tip of his nose skimmed across hers.

Her eyes began to flutter shut at his closeness, but she forced them open.

“I would like that very much.”

“Brilliant,” he breathed. “So I suppose this is goodnight?”

“I don’t want this night to end,” she said honestly. She didn’t want to break the tranquil, relaxing spell she and James had conjured over the course of the evening.

“Neither do I.” He brushed his nose against hers again, and he murmured, “I would very much like to kiss you.”

“I’d like that, too.”

They moved together: she smoothed her palms up his chest until she had her arms looped around his neck while he wrapped his arms around her until his palms were splayed against her back. He leaned down until his lips hovered over hers. She stretched up, closing the gap, and their lips slotted together in a kiss.

It was sweet and tender, just lips gliding together in a tentative but familiar rhythm that in this moment felt like a stolen goodnight kiss.

“Kissing you is the greatest pleasure I’ve ever known,” he whispered against the corner of her mouth before he trailed tiny kisses across her jawline.

“Hmm, I’m sure I could think of a thing or two that would give you even greater pleasure,” she sighed, tilting her head back.

“Cheeky minx,” he said, kissing his way back to her lips. He covered them again and Rose felt his hand drop to cop a feel of her bum. She grinned against his mouth and returned his kisses with equal fervor.

She buried her hands in his hair and scraped her nails across his scalp, delighting in his shiver of pleasure. It was her turn to shudder when he took his other hand and cupped her breast in his palm. He squeezed it and rubbed the heel of his hand against her nipple in a move he’d perfected over the years.

“S-so bold of you,” she gasped as he pulled back from the kiss to latch his lips to her neck.

“You have no idea,” he mumbled before he sucked hard at the join of her neck and shoulder. Rose moaned loudly and her eyes rolled back as pleasure sparked through her body. “I’ve got the moves, but I wouldn’t want to boast.”

“Please boast.” She dropped a hand to his bum to pull him closer. He groaned against her neck as his growing erection rubbed against her hip.

“Want me to boast out here on the front porch?” he asked, beginning to rock against her as he nipped his way to the other side of her neck. “What would your neighbors say?”

“I have a much cozier, more private place where you could show me your moves,” she replied, even though she could hardly bear to have him stop kissing her. It had been so long since she’d felt this fire in her veins and she was desperate to not lose it.

She reached behind him and scrambled to find the lock with the key in it. After a few seconds of searching, she finally found it. She turned the key and pushed open the door.

“Come,” she murmured, not breaking their kiss as she pushed him through the front door, the umbrella forgotten on the porch.

“Oh, I plan to,” he said with a filthy smirk. “You, too. Many  _many_  times.”

Rose giggled and closed the door behind her with her foot before she leaned back against it and pulled James towards her. He caged her in with his arms as he ducked down to catch her lips in another kiss. She sighed and moved her hands to the front of his oxford. Her fingers trembled with desire and anticipation, causing her to fumble with the buttons.

The smug bastard grinned against her mouth, and Rose dropped one hand from its quest of unbuttoning his shirt to the front of his jeans. He was hard and straining against the zip, and he let out a choked sound when she traced the firm ridge of him then gave him a squeeze.

“God, Rose,” he bit out. “This feels so good.”

“Yeah it does.”

While she wished she could keep rubbing his erection through his jeans, she really wanted his shirt off. She gave him one last stroke before she moved back to his buttons. It was difficult to undo them when her eyes fluttered shut as he reached down the back of her dress to fumble with her bra clip. He got it undone just as she freed his last button, and she thanked her past self for deciding on a strapless bra.

He reached into the front of her dress and hoisted her bra out of her dress and flung it behind him. While his hands weren’t on her, Rose pushed his oxford down his arms until it pooled on the floor behind him.

“Undershirt, too,” she ordered, wanting to feel his bare chest. She tugged the hem of his vest up, and he took over to pull it over his head. It dropped on top of his discarded oxford, and she sighed happily when he wrapped his arms around her once again.

She loved feeling him against her. His chest was so broad and perfect. It had gotten more muscular over the years from picking up and carrying their children, and Rose rested her hands on his pecs to feel them flex as his hands moved restlessly across her body.

His hand wandered down her hip and to her thigh, where he bent down slightly to grab the hem of her dress. He slipped his hand under her dress and ghosted it across the waistband of her knickers. Her breathing hitched when he wiggled his fingers down the front of her pants.

“Is this okay?” he murmured against her neck.

“God yes,” she panted, arching into his hand to get him to drop his touch to where she was aching for it. It had been so long since she felt this all-consuming need for him, and she’d forgotten just how good he could make her feel. “Please, James. Please touch me.”

He moved his hand further into her knickers, and he groaned when his fingers came into contact with her.

“Oh, Rose. You’re so wet.”

“Yeah I am,” she said, her eyes rolling back as his fingertips traced light lines up and down her labia. “This feels amazing, James. I’ve missed this so much.”

“Me too.”

He wrapped his other hand around her waist to steady her as he finally let his middle finger brush against the side of her clit. She moaned and bucked her hips into his touch, wanting more. Needing more.

She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and hugged him as he rubbed her clit leisurely.

“Oh, God. Oh, James.”

“Tell me how it feels,” he said gruffly.

“Feels brilliant,” she sighed as her core clenched. “Feels so bloody brilliant. Faster, James.”

“Close already?” he asked, sounding surprised.

His hand went still against her and she whined. “Please don’t stop!”

He nodded and rubbed her clit firmly and in tight circles that she loved. She squeezed her eyes shut against the building rush of pleasure and buried her face into his chest. His scent surrounded her, bringing with it the feeling of love, home, and safety. God, she loved him so much.

“Wanna feel you come,” he whispered into her ear. “Right here against the front door. From just my fingers.”

She whimpered as the ache in her gut sharpened. It coiled tighter and tighter until Rose could hardly bear it anymore. She clenched her hands into fists around his shoulders as she began to tremble.

“That’s it,” he purred, his hot breath tickling her neck. “Come for me, Rose.”

The pressure low in her belly broke and she was consumed. Her vision blacked out as she dug her face into his neck, crying wordlessly as wave after wave of intense pleasure rolled through her. Her hips twitched clumsily as she chased the sensations caused by his fingers, and her knees felt too shaky to hold her up. But she could feel James all around her, and she knew he wouldn’t let her fall.

When the roaring in her ears subsided, she could hear him whispering words of love against her skin.

“You’re so beautiful when you come. I love watching it. I love  _you_.”

She breathed deeply, nuzzling her nose against his collarbone as she returned to awareness. His hand was still down her knickers, but he was stroking the sides of her clit and her labia instead. It felt so good, and she never wanted him to stop.

But she could feel him hard at her hip, and she couldn’t leave him hanging.

“That was amazing,” she said, her voice thick. “Thank you.”

“I told you you’d come many times,” he said, sounding proud. “Though that’s only one. I have a lot of work to do yet.”

In a move he hadn’t done in months, James bent down until his shoulder was near her hip and he hoisted her over his shoulder. Rose shrieked and clung to him, enjoying in his carefree laughter as he walked them to the bedroom. She imagined they looked ridiculous. Her dress was bunched up in awkward places and her right boob was hanging out the front; James was in just his jeans and she saw how red and splotchy his back was from her nails. But she didn’t care how they looked. She was having so much fun with him and she knew he was enjoying himself too. They’d needed this.

As James crossed the threshold to their bedroom, Rose readied herself to be tossed onto the mattress. She giggled and threw herself backwards as James dropped her, causing her to bounce a few times on the bed.

He was watching her with such a soft expression that it made her heart flutter. She loved this man more than anything.

“Well, you said you had some moves,” she teased, wanting to feel him against her. “Show me your moves.”

“Let’s get the awkward shoe-removal done with first,” he said with a grimace. “There is sadly no sexy way to get shoes off.”

Rose begged to differ, since she thought James could make anything look sexy, but she dutifully slipped off her flats and chucked them somewhere in the corner of the room as James wrenched his Chucks off without untying them.

“Jeans too,” Rose said, already reaching behind her for the zipper of her dress. She fumbled her way out of the fabric as James shed his jeans and socks. They were soon in just their pants, him in a pair of silky black boxers, her in a pair of silky black knickers.

“We match!” he said.

“You didn’t realize that from my bra?” she laughed as he crawled onto the bed.

“Pfft, I was too busy making sure the bra was on the floor and not hiding your marvelous breasts,” he said, settling his hips between her thighs.

He pressed his erection against her, delighting in the fizz of pleasure and the slippery feeling of their pants sliding against each other. Balancing on one forearm, he dropped a hand to her breasts to tease them as he pressed his lips to Rose’s.

Her hands were everywhere, it seemed. Either that, or she magically grew approximately five more hands. They were in his hair, at his back, clutching his bum, touching him in all the ways he loved. He groaned against her lips when he moved in such a way that sparked a particularly potent wave of pleasure through his cock, and he rubbed himself harder against her.

“Oh, Rose, this feels so good,” he groaned, resting his forehead at her cheek to pant in a few lungfuls of air.

“It feels amazing,” she agreed. She dropped both hands to his bum and wiggled them below the waistband to scratch his bare arse. “Could come just from this, it feels.”

Pride warmed his chest, and while he would be perfectly satisfied to bring Rose to orgasm just by rutting against her, he wanted something else a little more.

“Time to work on orgasm number two,” he mumbled into her cheek. He kissed it, then began kissing his way down her neck as he crawled backwards a step. She whined when his erection left her, but he replaced his cock with his fingers. He rubbed her gently through her knickers as his mouth laved her breasts in more attention than he’d given them in months.

“Harder,” she pleaded, thrusting up into his hand.

“Patience,” he murmured around a nipple, keeping his touch light through her knickers. He could feel how damp they were, and he shivered. He was making his wife this wet and aroused. Him. Just him. No outside lubricant this time. He felt his male ego swell. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

“You always do,” she replied. She let out a breath and he felt her relax into the mattress, seemingly content to let him set the pace.

After a few more minutes of attention, he pressed parting kisses to both breasts then kissed his way down the valley of her breasts and to her belly. It lay flatly, thanks to gravity, but James could see the silver stretch marks that gave her a little paunch he knew she was sometimes self-conscious about.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmured, looking up at her.

She smiled shyly and brought her hand to his hair to pet his head. “Thank you.”

He kissed every stretch mark he could see, then blew a raspberry into her belly button. She thrashed and shrieked out a laugh.

“You git!” she giggled.

He hummed into her skin, then trailed kisses to the waistband of her knickers.

“These are in the way,” he said, taking the elastic between his teeth and stretching it up slightly before he let it snap lightly back down.

“Then take ‘em off.”

“With pleasure. Lift up, love.”

They worked together to shed her knickers, and James decided to kick off his boxers, too. Their underwear fell off the edges of the bed, and James returned his attention to his wife. She was glistening with arousal, and pride flushed through him.

It had been disheartening to know that his wife hadn’t had an orgasm in months, and it all but shattered his confidence the first time she’d tried to fake it. But here, with her writhing beneath his touch and with one orgasm already out the way, James felt most of his insecurities fade.

He settled his shoulders between her thighs, and Rose spread her legs wider to give him more room to work.

“I love going down on you,” he said to her inner thigh as he pressed suckling kisses to the sensitive skin.

“I love it, too,” Rose panted, squirming to try and get him to touch her where she was aching for it. “You are so bloody good at it.”

He preened and rewarded her compliment with kisses up her thigh and to her labia. The smell and taste of her hardened him further, and he pressed his cock into the mattress for some relief. To steady her, James looped his arm under her thigh and pressed his hand to her hip. He then licked a broad, slow line through her, taking pleasure in her whimpering moan.

Her hands scrabbled for a moment before he felt her reach down. One hand twined with his fingers at her hip while the other went to his hair, tugging and pulling to get him to go faster.

But he took his time, tasting her and teasing her and grinning when she called him all sorts of names. As much as she begged for him to go faster, he knew she loved the slow buildup.

He trailed his tongue everywhere but her clit, loving the noises of pleasure she made. He could spend hours between her thighs, it seemed.

After many long minutes, he brought a hand up and moved his mouth far enough away that he could slip his first two fingers into her. She cried out loudly and tightened her hold around his fingers and in his hair.

“James, please,” she begged. “Please make me come.”

“As you wish,” he whispered. He moved his fingers slowly, curling them until they pressed against the spongy patch of muscle on her front wall as he let his tongue dance across the edges of her clit.

“Oh, shit, James,” she groaned, her back arching in pleasure. “Oh, God!”

Her muscles quivered around his fingers and she was thrusting rhythmically against his hand and face. He worked with her movements, adjusting his own ministrations as he worked her higher and higher. His belly flipped with excitement as her nails scraped against his scalp as she clenched her hands into fists.

“Come for me, love,” he murmured into her, thrusting his hand harder and faster into her, wanting to see her break apart in ecstasy.

Her breath hitched and she whimpered. Her back stiffened then arched as her muscles clamped around his fingers before pulsing strongly. She cried out her pleasure, and James felt a thrill of arousal as she lost herself to her second orgasm of the night.

It seemed to last forever, much to James’s pride. He curled his fingers lazily into her as he laved the edges of her clit with attention, trying to draw out her pleasure for as long as he could without over-stimulating her.

She moaned softly as her muscles gave a few last throbs around his fingers.

“Oh, God,” she sighed, loosening her hands from the fists they were in. “Oh, James.”

He pressed a kiss just above her clit then took his mouth off of her. Easing his fingers out of her, he popped them into his mouth to clean them, then wiped his cleaned hand across his chin. He rested his cheek against her thigh and lazily stroked her hip as she caught her breath.

“My God you’re good at that,” she groaned. “That was amazing. Thank you so much.”

“You’re very welcome.” He turned his head to kiss her thigh, then admitted, “I’ve missed making you come. I’ve really, really missed it.”

Rose tensed slightly, then she reached down and rested her hand against his. “C’mere.”

He pressed a parting kiss to her hip, then crawled up her body until he lay beside her. She turned to face him, and she stroked his hair away from his face.

“I’m so sorry, James,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry for making something that should have been about us and about our love into something stressful.”

“It’s not your fault,” James said, resting his palm against her cheek. “Hey, look at me.”

She sighed and lifted her gaze. Her face was pinched with sorrow and remorse, and James leaned forward to kiss it away.

“Rose, it wasn’t your fault,” he said again, speaking against her mouth. “I should have spoken up sooner.”

“I should’ve realized I was hurting you,” she whispered.

“How could you have known if I didn’t say anything?” he argued.

“Because you’re my soulmate and my best friend!” She huffed out a frustrated breath. “I know you better than anyone in the world. I should have known. I let you down, James.”

“We were both in a bad place,” James said softly. “But we’re working together now to fix it. You still know me better than anyone in the universe.” He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her in for a hug. “You are the best soulmate anyone could ever want. How lucky am I to have you as mine? Eh? We just hit a little snag, is all. It happens to everyone. I should have realized how much you were hurting months back, when we began shagging only when you were fertile. Your decreased sex drive should have been a major red flag for me, but I ignored it. I’m sorry, Rose.”

“I still should have told you why my sex drive had decreased,” she mumbled.

“And I should have considered the reasons why your sex drive had dwindled,” he retorted. “I should have considered that maybe you were hurting, and not that I was just rubbish in bed. I’m sorry I overlooked that, Rose.”

James pressed his lips to her forehead again and again before he cupped her jaw in his hands and tilted her head up for a proper kiss. It was sweet and tender, a kiss to convey comfort. When Rose broke the kiss, she rested her forehead against his and chuckled sheepishly.

“I’m sorry I broke the mood. You still haven’t come yet tonight.”

“It’s okay,” he said. Even though he felt the ache of arousal in his groin, he knew it would eventually fade.

But Rose shook her head. “I want to make love with you, James. Roll over.”

His breathing hitched when she crawled on top of him and settled herself against his erection. It had faded during their brief conversation, but as she moved against him and caught his lips in a kiss, he felt himself hardening again.

“Do you want to do this?” he asked, needing to know she wasn’t just doing this for him.

“Yeah, I do,” she replied, looking down into his face. “I want you inside me and I want us to come together.”

“Can you come again?” he asked eagerly.

“Give me a few minutes to work back up, but yeah,” she replied with a smirk.

James hummed happily and he leaned up until he was sitting with Rose in his lap. Her damp curls teased his erection as it grew, and he played with her breasts until she was panting with desire above him.

She reached beside him for the pillows and set them behind his back, creating a makeshift incline for him to recline back against. He leaned back when she pushed at his chest, and his eyes fluttered closed when she began to kiss and nip at his collarbone.

Goosebumps prickled across his skin as she scraped her teeth across his chest and down to his nipples. His head fell back and thunked against the headboard as she teased his nipples with her teeth and tongue.

“Love when you do this,” he panted, squeezing his hands against her thighs as she stoked his arousal to a roaring inferno. “Love you.”

“I love you, too,” she mumbled. “Ready?”

“Uh huh,” he said, even though his brain didn’t quite understand what she was asking. But then he felt her warm hand wrap around his cock and guide him inside of her. He groaned loudly when she sank down on him, enveloping him in her wet heat.

“You feel amazing,” she sighed, rocking her hips slowly, taking him in deeper.

“Uh huh. You, too.”

He wrapped his arms tight around her waist, holding her close as pleasure and love consumed him. He’d missed making love with his wife. He’d missed seeing her enjoy herself when they were intimate.

“Touch me,” she whispered into his ear as she braced her hands against the top of the headboard to give herself better balance and leverage.

As she began moving against him harder and faster, James forced himself to let go of her hips with one arm to bring his hand to the space between them. He felt his orgasm approaching, but he tried to quench it; he wanted her to come first. He needed to see her having fun and participating in their coupling before he would let himself come.

He rubbed steady circles against her clit, making her rhythm stutter as she moaned and rocked towards his hand.

“Are you close?” she rasped, working herself harder against him.

“Very,” he breathed, feeling his belly swoop in warning. “Please come, Rose. Come for me.”

“Almost there,” she panted. Her muscles gripped his cock tighter and tighter as he started to rub her clit faster. Her movements gave him an unbelievable surge of intense pleasure, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he would last. “Oh, fuck, James…”

She leaned closer to him until her front was flush against his, then she let out a choked moan as her orgasm washed through her.  _Her third of the night_ , he thought rather smugly before all thoughts left his mind as the coil of frantic heat surged through him. He gritted his teeth as he thrust into her a few more times before his orgasm overcame him.

Stars burst behind his eyelids and his pulse roared in his ears as he was consumed with pleasure. Rose wrapped her arms around his shoulders, holding him through his release.

His orgasm hadn’t felt so good in months, and James thought it would go on forever. He wanted it to go on forever. He never wanted to leave this moment, and he never wanted sex with his wife to feel anything less than how he felt now.

He shuddered with the aftershocks of pleasure and he wrapped his arms around her, urging her to slump against him. She did, then she heaved a sated sigh as she wormed her hands around his back to hug him as tightly as he was hugging her. James could feel her heart pounding against his chest, and the way she was trying to catch her breath. She was pressing little kisses to the hollow of his throat, and he felt so utterly loved in this moment.

He knew Rose had never stopped loving him, but with how tense their relationship had gotten, it had sometimes been all too easy to convince himself she had, or that she resented him. But lying with her in his arms with every inch of their bodies pressed together, James felt whole again.

His eyes were hot with the emotions he was feeling. He sniffed hard to keep the tears back, thinking how cliché it was for him to cry after a round of amazing sex.

“James?”

She pulled back slightly until she could look into his eyes. Her face fell when she saw his tears and she lifted her hands to brush his eyelashes dry with her thumbs.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing,” he whispered, giving her a smile. “Nothing, I promise. I’m just… I’m so happy right now. I’m so in love with you. I’m so glad we’re here together and making things right again.”

Rose caressed her fingertips across his face before she wrapped her hand around the back of his neck and guided him in for a kiss.

“I’m glad we’re here together, too,” she whispered, nuzzling her nose against his. She shifted against him, and he saw her grimace as his softening cock slipped out of her. “As much as I would love to stay right here, I feel disgusting. Hold on.”

She pressed a kiss to his lips then lifted herself off his lap and padded to the ensuite. He listened to her turn the faucet on and clean herself up a little, before she went into the loo to use the toilet. After finishing up and washing her hands, she asked, “D’you need a flannel?”

He glanced down and upon seeing the sticky mess between his legs, he answered yes. She chucked him the flannel she’d used, and he wiped himself clean, then scooted away from the mess on the sheets. They’d have to wash them in the morning.

When Rose crawled back into bed, she tucked herself against his side and rested her head on his chest. It had been ages since they’d had a post-coital cuddle. They usually cleaned up and went right to bed. It felt so nice to snuggle with his wife as he reveled in the sated, drowsy feeling of making love. Feeling her skin pressing against his skin sent a buzz of pleasure through him, and he sighed softly.

“I love making love with you,” he breathed, nuzzling his nose into her hair.

“Yeah?”

His heart clenched at the insecurity in her voice, and he looked down at her. She was staring at his chest, and he reached down to cup her cheek and coax her into looking at him.

“Yes, Rose,” he said firmly when she finally met his gaze. “I love making love with you. So much.”

She gave him a half smile and ducked her face again to nuzzle into his chest. He let her go with a silent sigh, and he wrapped his arms around her, hoping if he just squeezed her hard enough, she would believe his sincerity.

“It’s just… we’ve been intimate together for nearly fourteen years,” she murmured against his skin.

James frowned, trying to understand what she was thinking. Did she think he was bored with her?

When he framed it like that, his stomach coiled uncomfortably. His brain worked frantically until he finally landed on the memory. In addition to admitting her feelings of guilt and responsibility at their lack of pregnancy, during their fight she’d also shared with him her fear that he’d gotten bored with her and intimacy with her.

He could’ve cried when he realized he’d done very little to reassure her about that fear. He’d been too busy making sure she knew with absolute certainty that he didn’t resent or blame her for her body’s short fertility cycle.

But surely she knew how much he enjoyed sex with her? Surely she knew just how much he loved her and cherished the intimacy and unity they shared when they made love?

“Yeah, we have,” he said. “Fourteen years of making love with my soulmate and my best friend. Fourteen years of intimacy deeper than I’ve ever known. Fourteen years of love and pleasure and fun with you, Rose. Fourteen years is nothing, love, when we’ve got decades left ahead of us. And I cannot wait to share them with you, and to continue making love with you.”

He felt her lips move against his chest as she smiled. She pressed a kiss overtop his heart, and she draped her arm around his hips to hold him closer.

“I love you,” she murmured, her voice thick with exhaustion.

“As I love you,” he replied, slipping his fingers through the silky strands of her hair. “So much, Rose.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James and Rose are well on their way to healing! It's still a long road ahead because of how deeply their hurt ran, but at least they're on the same page and are working together. I'd love to know your thoughts on the chapter!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein James and Rose continue to rebuild the intimacy they'd lost in their relationship.
> 
> Triggers for infertility
> 
> Chapter Rating: Mature (only mildly)
> 
> Chapter word count: 8200

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the beginning of the chapter:  
> James: 37  
> Rose: 31  
> Ainsley: 7  
> Sianin: 3

When Rose woke up the next morning, she felt relaxed and well-rested. There was a delicious ache between her legs, reminding her of the activities she and James had gotten up to last night after their wonderful dinner out. Her chest felt warm with the memories of holding and being held by her soulmate as they made love for the first time in a long time.

Her belly coiled with the stirrings of desire as she recalled the feel of his fingers and mouth on her, bringing her to pleasure again and again. She’d been so relieved to feel her body responding enthusiastically to his touch; there had been many moments of panic over the last year that maybe her sex drive had withered up.

But now, lying in bed with the memories of their intimacy at the forefront of her mind, Rose wanted nothing more than to roll on top of James and make love with him again. A lazy, morning lovemaking session. They hadn’t done that in months. A throbbing, anticipatory heat settled between her legs. She turned to cuddle into James’s side but was met with cool sheets instead of a warm body.

Her heart fell as she opened her eyes and saw that she was alone in bed. Before she could be overwhelmed with disappointment, she saw an envelope on James’s pillow. Curious, Rose sat up, letting the covers pool at her waist, and she picked up the envelope. A sticky note was attached to the front.

_Good morning, my love! I’m just whipping up breakfast. Stay in bed. We’ll eat in there. Haven’t done breakfast in bed in a while._

Rose exhaled in relief, and she then turned her attention to the envelope. James had scrawled the words “My Wife, My Soulmate, My Love, My Rose” across the front of the envelope, and when she turned it over to open it, he’d written “for your eyes only” across the back flap. Smiling to herself, she opened the envelope and pulled out the lone piece of paper.

_Things I Love About Our Relationship—Sexy Edition._

Rose’s heart clenched in her chest as she read the title of the list he had made for her. She fondly thought back to the list of non-sexual moments James loved about their relationship that he’d given to her when she was struggling with postpartum depression after Sianin’s birth. That seemed like such a long time ago.

She bit her lip and began to read his list.

_1) The intimacy, being as close to you as possible. Holding you. You holding me. Our bodies pressed together. Our breath mingling in the same space. It’s the most intoxicating thing in the world._

_2) Knowing this is something only we share together. No one else gets as close to me as you do, and no one gets as close to you as I do. This is something that is ours and ours alone._

_3) The beautiful vulnerability of it. Knowing I can trust you with my naked self, and you trust me the same way. It’s so humbling, and I will cherish your trust in me for all time._

_4) I love that I can make you feel good. Bringing you pleasure gives me pleasure._

_5) It’s so much fun to make love with you. It’s not always this Big Serious Event like in the films we watch (I mean, sometimes it is, and those times are absolutely brilliant), but I love that we can laugh with each other in bed._

Rose smiled against her tears as she read through his list, and she giggled when she reached the end.

_(And one more for luck!) 6) The euphemistic Netflix and chill. AKA, Netflix and fucking._

Rose laughed, remembering the conversation she’d had with James in the early stages of their relationship. She’d asked for an evening of Netflix and chill, their version of it, and after he’d popped the popcorn for their movie date, he’d said, “Why do they call it Netflix and chill anyway? Let’s just call it what it is. Netflix and fucking. Because honestly, Rose, if someone says they want to chill, then you should just chill. Why that phrase ever gained popularity, I’ll never know. Too confusing. Too much room for miscommunication or for the lines of consent to get blurred.”

The sound of footsteps and dishes rattling pulled her back to the present. A moment later, James stepped into the room with their breakfast. He’d slipped on his silky black boxers from the night before, but otherwise hadn’t bothered with clothes. His hair was mussed from sleep and her fingers, and she could see splotchy red marks across his neck. It had been a while since Rose had left a mark on him, and she felt a surge of possessiveness as she longed to do it again. They had a whole week to themselves, after all.

James had a broad smile on his face, but it slipped when he caught her gaze. Before Rose could ask what was wrong, she realized tears were still beaded on her eyelashes.

“Rose?” His brow pinched in worry as he rushed up to the bed and set their breakfast tray at the foot of the mattress before he scooted onto the bed beside her. “Everything all right?” He saw his list in her hands and his cheeks flushed pink. “I’m sorry. I thought that would be a good idea. You know, like the list I gave you years ago. And I thought you might like to know why I enjoy sex with you. Because I do. I enjoy it quite a lot and I didn’t mean for that list to upset you, I…”

Rose reached over and pressed her fingertips to his lips to silence him.

“James, I’m not upset,” she said. “These are happy tears.”

James’s shoulders sagged in relief, and a shy smile crossed his face. “All of those things are one-hundred percent true. It was quite hard to narrow it down, you know. And to articulate why I love sex with you. Well. Making love. It’s never just sex with you, Rose.”

A knot in her stomach that Rose hadn’t wanted to acknowledge loosened. She hadn’t lost her sex drive, and James still wanted her. She stretched up to press a kiss to his lips. She pulled back after a few seconds when her growling stomach reminded her of how famished she was, and that food was right in front of her.

“Thank you for this list, James,” she said sincerely, knowing she was going to tape it to the back of her chifforobe door where her other list was hanging.

“You’re welcome. I realized last night that a couple weeks ago, you’d said that you had fears of me being bored with you or our relationship or our sex life. And I need you to know, Rose, that I have never ever, not once, been bored or wanted something or someone else.” His eyes were wide and earnest. “You are my one and only. You are the only person I want to wake up and fall asleep beside. You are the only person I ever want to make love with.”

Rose smiled up at him, and she reached out to rest her hand on his forearm. She stroked his skin gently, enjoying the tickle of his arm hair against her fingertips, and said, “I know, James. I’ve always known, but, well, it was hard sometimes.” Her voice trailed off as she shrugged.

“Yeah,” he murmured.

His quiet agreement made Rose’s heart clench in realization that he’d had the same fears as her.

“This list works in two directions, you know,” Rose said. “Everything you’ve written here about why you love sex with me is why I love sex with you, too. The intimacy. Feeling you deep inside me. Holding you inside me. Knowing you’re feeling good because of me. Knowing that you trust me to experience the ultimate moment of vulnerability and love with you. That you want me to see you like that. I can’t begin to tell you how humbled I feel when you come inside me, James.”

A gentle, pink blush crossed his cheeks as he smiled at her. He reached across and clasped their hands together. His hands were soft and warm, and Rose covered his hand with her other one, holding it tight between her palms.

She aligned their hands so her left hand hovered above his, and she splayed her fingers so her wedding and engagement rings sat beside his wedding band. The platinum metal wove gracefully around his fourth finger, the partner to her wedding band. James leaned over and brushed a kiss to her temple.

Still staring at the outward symbol of their marriage, she drew in a breath and said, “And while we’ve been struggling with it this time ‘round, making love also led to our daughters. And that is one of the best things to come of our intimacy. We made two beautiful, incredible little humans while also showing each other how much we love each other.”

James exhaled and said, “Yeah, that point was the first thing I thought of, honestly. But I was worried about making you sad. I didn’t want to reduce our intimacy to only its ability for reproduction. Because there’s so much more to our lovemaking than just baby-making. Even if we’ve lost sight of that recently.”

Rose nodded, feeling a complicated mixture of sadness and love lodge a lump in her throat. She chose to focus on the latter at the moment.

“So, what did you make us for breakfast? I’m starved. Someone wore me out last night,” she teased.

James giggled high in his throat, sounding so pleased with himself. He gave her fingers a squeeze before extricating his hand. Leaning forward, he grabbed the tray of food at the foot of the bed and hauled it closer.

“We’ve got a variety of options,” he said, grabbing the teapot to pour them a cuppa. He made up their tea to their liking and scooted closer to Rose to wrap his arm around her waist. Her bare torso came into contact with his, making him shiver lightly. His fingers absently stroked the skin of her side as he picked up his fork and stabbed it through the communal pile of eggs.

“Let me focus on eating, then you can ravish me,” Rose said, grabbing his hand at her side.

“Hmm?”

James glanced over at Rose and his mouth went dry when he saw how puckered her nipples were. She met his gaze, and her eyes were darker than they’d been a few minutes ago. His belly swooped deliciously as he realized he was turning her on. Warmth flared through his chest.

Hiding his smirk behind a bite of sausage, James let his hand rest at her hip. He kept his fingers still for a few minutes before he traced a slow line down the seam where her hip met her thigh, delighting in the fact that she was completely naked.

“James!”

“I know, isn’t this breakfast delicious?” he asked innocently, making a loaded forkful of potatoes, eggs, and sausage.

Rose huffed but didn’t say anything else.

He continued to stroke at her hip and thigh for a few more minutes, before he let his hand wander up her side. She sucked in a sharp breath and tensed beside him as his hand moved higher and higher until his fingertips ghosted across the side of her breast.

“Want the last piece of toast?” he murmured into her ear.

“N-no,” she said breathlessly.

“What about the last sausage?” he asked, pivoting his upper body to put him at a better angle to press kisses across her shoulder. The pink marks he’d made on her neck last night were gone, unlike his own, and he very much wanted to make her skin flush red beneath his mouth again.

“No,” she hummed, tilting her head to the side to give him better access. “At least not that sausage.”

“Oh?” he asked, smirking. “Is there a different sausage that would better suit your tastes?”

Rose set her empty teacup on the tray then used her newly-free hand to rest her palm against the front of his boxers where he was beginning to harden. Heat throbbed low in his belly as she caressed him through the silky fabric.

He pivoted his body toward her and he cradled her cheek as he stole a kiss. His lips didn’t linger, and he kissed his way down her jaw as his hand trailed down her throat and to her breasts.

“Is this okay?” he whispered against her neck.

She responded with a slow squeeze. He exhaled shakily as his hips jumped into her touch.

“More than. I wanted to ravish you when I woke up. But I think a tray is in our way.”

James pressed one more kiss to her shoulder, sucking lightly and scraping his teeth against her skin, before he pulled back to get their platter out of their way. He set it on the floor beside the bed, then turned back to Rose. She was reclining on the bed, gloriously naked and so beautiful, and James quickly shimmied out of his boxers before he rolled on top of her and pressed her into the mattress.

oOoOo

Rose’s period came the next morning, and for once, her disappointment wasn’t because it meant she wasn’t pregnant. She was enjoying sex again for the first time in months, and now they had to put the brakes on their newly-rekindled intimacy.

To her surprise, James didn’t share her frustration.

“I didn’t come to Scotland with you so we could shag for seven days straight,” he assured her. “Besides, this is beyond your control. I’m never going to get upset with you for your bodily functions.”

He’d kissed her and shooed her to the shower, able to see that her cramps were already horrid, while he told her he was going into town for a pain reliever.

While out, he also stopped at the cafe for a fancy coffee drink for himself and Rose and an assortment of muffins for them to have for breakfast. When he returned, Rose was just entering the kitchen.

“Ah ah, no need for tea,” he said, holding up the takeaway mugs of coffee in his hand. “Your monthly treat, my love.”

Rose frowned at him.

“But we knew I wasn’t going to get pregnant this month.”

James shrugged. “Well, no, but being on your period still sucks, regardless.” He fiddled with the bag in his hand, wishing his fingers had something to do.

Rose smiled and stepped up to him to take the coffees from him. “Thank you. You’re the best husband.”

He preened, then stepped forward to paw through the bag of muffins, feeling famished. As he peeled the wrapper off the muffin, he contemplated what Rose had said regarding her monthly coffee delivery. She clearly thought he’d brought it to her because of the disappointment in the lack of pregnancy. But that wasn’t the only reason. As he’d said, being on her period was no picnic, and he’d genuinely  _wanted_  to bring a coffee to her. She deserved a daily coffee treat, in his opinion, but that wasn’t quite feasible. However, there were other ways he could show his affection. James vowed to take little opportunities to show Rose how loved she was by him, and to show her that he would always want to take care of her.

The rest of their time in Scotland passed by uneventfully. The rain continued endlessly, confining them to the house, but they made the best of it and passed their time playing games, watching movies, reading, and simply talking. They rarely had any more heavy conversations about their feelings, to James’s relief. While he didn’t mind sharing his hurt with Rose, it was exhausting to talk about his depression for too long.

Instead, they focused on the little intimacies of marriage. They made dinner together every night and delighted in being together. For too long, James had felt alone and hesitant with his relationship with Rose, and now he couldn’t seem to stay away from her for more than a few minutes.

“I feel clingy and pathetic,” he’d admitted to her when Rose joined him on the sofa for a Tolkien marathon.

“You’re not,” she assured. “Not unless I’m also clingy and pathetic.” She tucked her arm around his waist and rested her head against his chest before she said, “I understand the feeling, though. It’s like… we were so distant from each other, and now we’re trying to make up for it. I dunno about you, but I’ve missed cuddling with you.”

James agreed, and he tightened his hold around her, relishing having her in his arms.

oOoOo

Rose was subdued on their last day in Scotland, and while James tried not to pressure her to talk, he also didn’t want them lapsing on the progress they’d made. So he surprised her with a picnic; it had finally stopped raining, and James thought a meal by the lake would be a good way for their holiday to come to an end.

“I’m worried about us,” Rose finally admitted as they spread out a thick blanket across the damp ground.

“What about us?” he asked.

He sat down on the blanket then patted the space beside him. He was nervous for her response, and he wanted to just give a blasé remark about how they’d always be all right, but he swallowed it down. Ignoring that there was a problem led them to their current situation, and he would be damned if he made the same mistake twice. If he’d learned anything from their week, it was that he needed to remain completely honest and transparent with Rose, and to not dismiss or internalize how he was feeling.

She lowered herself to the ground and helped him unpack their lunch of turkey sandwiches. Once the food was out, she finally spoke again.

“We’ve come a long way… but it still feels fragile,” she said carefully. “Like any moment we could be bad again, and I’m scared that going home and going back to our everyday lives will spoil it. Like with our anniversary.”

James nodded. He had similar concerns, and it comforted him somewhat that Rose had them, too. He was glad that she didn’t think they were magically fixed, because he felt like there was still quite a bit of healing to be done.

“I could always phone Dad,” James said carefully. “Give ourselves a few more days alone.”

“No,” Rose sighed. “I’d only be postponing this feeling. Besides, I really miss Ainsley and Sianin.”

“I do, too,” he said. “But I feel the same way… I don’t want to break the spell.”

Rose leaned against him as she chewed her food. They ate in silence, watching the sun create gold-tipped ripples across the lake.

“We’ll just have to work on staying good, then,” James said quietly, resting his cheek against the top of her head.

“I never thought I would have to work on my relationship with you,” Rose whispered sadly.

“Hey,” he said gently, tilting her head up. He cradled her jaw in his palm, and slowly caressed her cheek with his thumb. “Relationships take work. So maybe ours never felt like it did, but maybe that’s why things went so wrong. Eh? We trusted things to resolve themselves without work, but obviously that failed. So we need to put in extra work now to make up for the work we’ve been neglecting.”

“We’re gonna be okay, though, right?” she asked, leaning into his touch.

“Do you want us to be okay?”

Rose shook her head. “I want us to be great again.”

James smiled, relieved. “I want that, too. We need to work together and start talking to each other again.” He leaned down a pressed a kiss to her forehead. “We’re already okay. Now that we’ve overcome the initial hardship, we can work towards being great.”

Rose smiled up at him and tilted her head back to brush a kiss to his lips.

“I love you, James,” she whispered.

“I love you, too.”

After enjoying their picnic, they took a walk around the lake before heading back to the house.

“You know, whenever we want, this place can become ours,” James said, gesturing vaguely as he cleaned the dishes from their lunch.

“It’s a gorgeous house,” Rose said, “but it feels too big for us. At least at the moment. Besides, do we really want to relocate the girls when they’re already established in school?”

“Sianin’s not,” he pointed out.

“Do  _you_  want to move?” Rose asked curiously.

He shrugged. “I love our house. I love this house. It doesn’t matter to me, either way. I was only bringing it up in case you never realized this place is ours as soon as we want it.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that out after listening to your grandmother tell everyone that we were gonna pop out so many kids that we’d need this big of a house,” she said dryly.

James winced. “She never did have much tact.” He bit his lip. “Did those comments ever bother you?”

Rose sighed. “At first? No. Because I figured we’d eventually have another child or two.”

“How many kids did you foresee us having?” he asked. “Just out of curiosity.”

“Dunno. More than two. Anyways, back to your first question. Those comments only really started to bother me after we began trying to get pregnant. And I know that nobody really knew we were trying for a baby, but it still hurt to listen to everyone say with such certainty that more kids were on the way for us.”

James nodded. “Yeah. That upset me, too. I’m sorry, Rose.”

“It’s not your fault,” she said with a shrug.

“I know, but I can still feel sorry that something upset you.” He stepped up to her and wrapped his arms around her. She tucked her face into his chest and he absently traced circles against her lower back. “Can I ask you something? You can tell me you don’t want to answer. But… do you think we’ll ever be ready to try again for another baby? And if not… do you think we’ll ever look into other options? We could get fertility treatments, or something.”

“And have me become the next Octomum?” she laughed. “No thanks.”

He stayed quiet, seeing if she would answer his original question.

“I’m not sure, James,” she finally said. “I’m so burnt out. I feel so raw and empty inside, and I honestly don’t think I’m emotionally stable enough to have a baby right now. Don’t get me wrong; if we fell pregnant next month, I would love that child with everything I am. But I fear that it might set you and me back. A baby wouldn’t be a quick fix for us.”

“Yet you and I both thought it would be,” he mused without accusation. “We thought that each month would be the month we’d get pregnant, and that would fix all of our problems.”

“I think it would have  _seemed_  to have fixed our problems,” Rose said. “I think we would’ve been caught up in the joy and relief. But we got ourselves into such bad habits, like not communicating and not having alone time. That would’ve carried through. I think we’ve forgotten how to be in love.”

“No we haven’t,” James protested, refusing to believe he’d ever fallen out of love with his wife, or the more terrifying and heartbreaking idea that she’d fallen out of love with him.

Rose reached out and grabbed his hand. “I never stopped loving you,” she said fiercely. “I will never stop loving you. But loving someone and being in love with them are two different things, James.”

He still wanted to vehemently deny what she was saying, but there was a niggling feeling in the back of his head that said he couldn’t argue.

“I never stopped loving you, either,” he whispered, using their joined hands to pull her into his arms. “I… I don’t like the idea that I stopped being in love with you, though. Or furthermore, that I was content with that. I want to be in love with you every single day for the rest of our lives.”

“I want that, too,” she said, nestling her cheek into his chest. “I guess we’ll just have to… woo each other?”

James chuckled. “I suppose we will. Be prepared to be thoroughly wooed, Rose Tyler-McCrimmon. My moves might be a little rusty, but they’re still there.”

Rose giggled against his shirt. “Show me your moves, James.”

“I will when you’re least expecting it,” he promised, kissing the top of her head. “Like the Spanish Inquisition! No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!”

Rose laughed again, and James smiled in return. He pressed a final kiss to her head and said, “Come. We were already hoping to be on the road by now.”

They cleaned and tidied the house before they grabbed their suitcases and headed to the car. Once the car was packed, they did a final walk-through of the house to make sure all the lights were off and that they hadn’t forgotten anything.

“Can I ask you something?” Rose asked as she watched James lock the front door.

“‘Course,” he said, jiggling the handle to make sure it was locked.

“This house was in your mum’s family, right?” At James’s nod, she asked, “Then why is it called the McCrimmon manor?”

James blinked at Rose in confusion, his brows knitting together. Understanding then dawned on his face.

“Rose, McCrimmon  _is_  my mum’s name,” he said softly. Now it was Rose’s turn to stare at him in surprise. “Dad changed his name when they got married. There was no sentiment or pride for my dad in his last name.”

Rose hadn’t been told much about Robert’s father, but she’d gleaned enough information over the years to know he was a drunk, and an angry one at that. Robert had left the house the day he turned eighteen and hadn’t looked back since.

Her heart ached for her father-in-law. Despite all of the pain and heartache life had given to him over the years, he remained one of the kindest, gentlest souls she’d ever known.

It was well past the girls’ bedtime when they pulled into their driveway, and yet the moment they stepped out of the car, the front door opened and Sianin bolted for them.

“Mummy! Daddy!”

She crashed into Rose’s legs, nearly sending them both sprawling on the grass. Rose picked her daughter up, delighting in the way Sianin wrapped her arms and legs as tightly around her as she could. The warmth of her child seeped through her clothes, and Rose buried her nose into Sianin’s silky hair.

“I missed you,” Rose murmured, pressing kisses to Sianin’s neck then cheek. “What are you doing awake, though?”

“Grandad said I could,” Sianin answered. “Just this once.”

“I hope you don’t mind. They really wanted to stay up until you got home.”

Rose looked up and saw Robert standing on the front porch with a drowsy Ainsley perched on his hip. She, obviously, had succumbed to sleep, unlike her sister.

When Ainsley saw them, she tapped Robert’s chest until he set her on her feet. Rose was about to protest, seeing Ainsley’s feet were bare and the night was cold, but her eldest jogged up to James, who swung her up into his arms mere seconds later.

Robert approached them and gathered the suitcases since both of their arms were occupied with their children. Once everyone was inside and out of the chilly night air, Robert gave all four of them a kiss on the cheek and took his leave. James and Rose then moved down the hall to tuck their kids into bed. Ainsley was half-asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, and so they didn’t linger. But Sianin was begging for bedtime stories.

Rose squeezed herself onto the edge of the mattress while James sat at the foot of the bed, massaging Sianin’s feet through the blanket as he and Rose took turns reciting stories from memory.

“I like you at home,” Sianin said sleepily as James and Rose told her it was time for her to sleep.

“We like being home,” James answered, standing up from the bed before helping Rose scoot off the mattress. “Go to sleep now, darling. I love you very very much.”

“Love you very very much,” she repeated.

Rose leaned down and tucked the blankets into Sianin’s sides, then kissed her daughter’s forehead.

“Love you very very much, Mummy.”

“I love you, too. Sweet dreams, Sianin.”

“Sweet dreams.”

James and Rose left the room, keeping the door open an inch before they grabbed their suitcases and moved to the bedroom. Too tired to unpack, they freshened up and crawled into bed.

But sleep didn’t come easily. Rose’s restless tossing and turning kept James up. He peeked at the clock when she changed positions yet again—just after midnight. He opened his mouth to ask what was wrong when she tossed the blankets off herself and stood. She tucked the blankets around him then left their room.

He gave her a few minutes before he went after her. He found her in the kitchen nursing a glass of water as she stared intently out the window. Leaning against the doorframe, he watched her for a minute but she was completely oblivious to him.

“Anything interesting going on outside?” he asked softly, taking a step towards her.

She jumped, then turned to face him.

“James. I didn’t hear you.” She then furrowed her brow. “Did I wake you?”

“Never fell asleep,” he said. “You’ve been restless.”

She frowned and ducked her head. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said honestly. “D’you want to talk about what’s bothering you? Or would you prefer to be alone?”

A tired smile crossed her face as she pulled a chair up beside her. “You’re pretty good company.”

“I’m honored,” he said dryly.

He sat down beside her and threaded his fingers through hers. They sat in silence for a few minutes, and James could practically hear Rose’s mind working.

Finally, she gave his fingers a squeeze and she said, “I’m not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow.”

James frowned. That wasn’t at all what he expected her to say.

“Oh?”

She sighed. “Yeah. I regret accepting the promotion. I feel like all I do is go to meetings and schedule appointments for clients.”

James was silent, not sure what to say.

“I miss photography,” she whispered. “I miss holing up in my office and drawing on my tablet.”

He rubbed his thumb across her knuckles.

“How long have you felt like this?” he asked.

“How long have I been in this new position?” she joked weakly, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes.

His heart ached for her.

“What do you want to do?” She shrugged and leaned her head against his shoulder. James sensed she’d already come to a conclusion but was nervous to say it. So he tried to gently guide her there. “Can you maybe go back to your old position?”

“No, there aren’t any spots available,” Rose answered.

“Could you do a swapsies? One of them takes your job and you go back to being an artist?”

“No,” Rose said again. “No one on my team has enough experience. Most of them are fresh out of uni.”

James pressed his tongue to the back of his teeth. If that wasn’t the solution Rose had reached… An idea occurred to him. “You could always leave.” Rose shrugged once more, but stayed quiet, and James knew he’d honed in on her true feelings. “You could. Money isn’t an issue.”

“What am I supposed to do, though? Sit around? Become a housewife? Cook and clean for my husband and take care of the kids?”

“Of course not,” James said patiently. “Obviously if that’s what you  _want_  to do, then by all means, do it. But make sure you let me take care of the kids, too, eh? I love taking care of them.”

“I know. I love you for that,” Rose answered, tilting her head up so she could look at him.

James smiled and leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead. “You could do anything you wanted. You could take time for yourself. You’ve so rarely had that. I never see you taking photographs or drawing or painting anymore at home. You could get back to it.”

“I want to repaint some rooms in the house,” Rose mused, her voice soft. “We haven’t done anything since we moved. Except the kids’ rooms. Even then, it’s still the same colors as when they were babies.” James nodded, and before he could say anything, Rose continued, “I’ve been wanting to get back to my art. But work would always make me so tired, then when I got home, I wanted to spend time with the kids. And… and I haven’t felt particularly inspired, lately. Whenever I would try, I would end up staring at a blank sheet and feel… empty.”

James frowned and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He should have noticed Rose’s interest in art had disappeared. He should have realized that something was wrong. She hadn’t drawn anything in months. That should have been his first clue that she was struggling emotionally.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured.

“Me too.” Rose heaved a great sigh. “What if the job gets better though? What if I get better at it and figure out how to balance the meetings and delegations to leave time for myself to take assignments? What if I’m quitting too soon?”

James didn’t think that was the case, but he also didn’t want to push Rose into making a decision she wasn’t sure about.

“I think you have one of the best time-management skills of anyone I’ve ever met,” he said carefully. “It’s one of the things I love about you. You know what needs to be done and by what deadline. When the kids were born, you had their feeding and sleeping schedules down to a science and could keep track of how it changed as they grew. Me? I was bumbling around trying to remember the last time we’d fed them or how long they’d been awake.”

“You’re better than you give yourself credit for,” Rose interrupted.

“Just accept my compliment,” James said dryly, pinching her waist lightly. He beamed at her giggle. “Anyway… you took a couple weeks to adapt to the schedule of your new job, but you mastered it. And honestly, Rose… I don’t know what else you can do. Apart from getting there earlier and staying later. Which you already do.”

Rose sighed and James felt her slump against him.

“It feels like I’m failing,” she mumbled. “Like everybody swore I was the perfect person for this job, but now I’m proving I can’t do it.”

“That’s not it at all,” James argued. “I think this job has morphed into something it wasn’t supposed to be. You were supposed to still be able to take about half the number of assignments as before. But how many do you actually have time for?”

“A quarter,” she answered. “In a good week.”

James squeezed her shoulders. “You do your job well. But if it’s not something that brings you enjoyment, then maybe it’s time to find something else. I want you to love what you do, Rose. And you’ve been unhappy for a very long time. Part of it was the struggles we’re going through. But you’ve been unhappy with your work, and that breaks my heart because I know how much you loved what you used to do.”

They dissolved into silence for many long minutes, broken only by the occasional yawn from James. After a particularly long one, Rose squeezed his hand and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Thank you for talking with me,” she murmured, “but you’re tired. Go on to bed.”

“I can sit here with you for a bit longer if you want.”

Rose knew he would, too. But he looked exhausted, and there was no sense in both of them going without sleep. She kissed his cheek again and said, “I appreciate it, but I’ll be fine. I’m going to sleep on the couch tonight, I think. I don’t want to keep you up.”

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yeah. Go to bed, love.”

James reluctantly stood, and he leaned down to press soft kisses to her lips. “I love you. Try not to stay up too much longer.”

Rose nodded, then watched him retreat from the kitchen.

She slept fitfully on the sofa that night, hardly able to stay asleep for more than an hour at a time. When the sky outside began to lighten, she heard the floor squeak as someone walked down the hall.

“Rose, love, your alarm went off.” James crouched down beside her on the couch, looking about as well-rested as she felt.

“I’m sorry I kept you up last night,” she said through a yawn, sitting up on the sofa. “And that I left my phone in our room.”

James shook his head and stood. “No need to apologize. How are you feeling?”

“Exhausted. But I think I know what I wanna do.”

oOoOo

Rose met with her boss that afternoon and told Lindsey of her decision to quit. Wanting to ensure a smooth transition to a new manager, Rose decided to stay until the end of April. But the knowledge that the end was in sight took an enormous weight off of her shoulders, and she found herself feeling lighter than she had in months.

With the stress of work dwindling, Rose found herself with more energy and enthusiasm, which she put into her relationship with James. Since returning from Scotland, she was relieved that they hadn’t regressed, but things were still a little stiff and awkward, and they’d yet to be intimate again.

The weekend after they returned to Scotland, Rose awoke early needing the loo. After she relieved her bladder and began going through her normal morning routine, she tried to think of something special she could do for James. They couldn’t go on a date night, not without having planned for child care. Maybe make him a special dinner?

But as she was half way through brushing her teeth, she paused. It was barely six-thirty in the morning. She hadn’t heard the girls moving around yet. It was a Saturday; there was no reason for her to be up and about yet.

She finished cleaning her teeth then walked into their bedroom and crawled back into bed. James was still fast asleep, though he rolled towards her as she settled in beside him. She opened her arm for him and urged him to cuddle up beside her, while also urging him to keep sleeping.

He hummed in his half-sleeping state and nuzzled closer to her chest.

 _This is nice_ , she thought. They hadn’t done this in far too long—having a lazy cuddle in bed. Usually they were up and starting their morning and tending to their children as soon as they awoke. Rose hadn’t realized how starved she’d been of non-sexual intimacy with James. Maybe this was step one? Just taking a few minutes to hold each other before starting their day.

After about fifteen minutes, she heard the girls moving around. She kept her ears open—it was amazing how much trouble an almost-four-year-old and a seven-year-old could get into in a short amount of time—but she heard the television turn on and quiet voices, so she figured they were fine for now.

James heard them though, and he let out a soft grunt and arched his back. His forehead knocked into her chin, and he squeaked and glanced up.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” she whispered, brushing his hair back from his forehead.

A soft, sleepy smile stole over his lips. He lifted himself up to brush a kiss to her lips.

“Morning,” he murmured against her mouth, and he pressed another kiss to her lips. “Mmm… minty?”

“Yeah, got up and brushed my teeth, then decided I wanted a cuddle,” she answered, rolling onto her side to rest her head beside his on his pillow.

He hummed happily and reached out to slip his leg between hers.

“I like cuddling,” he said, nuzzling into her breasts.

“I never noticed,” she teased lightly.

He snorted into her skin and let out a content sigh. “So what’s on the docket today?”

“Dunno. Get up, get the kids fed… And that’s as far as I got. Your turn.”

“Get a shower,” he added, and he looked up at her expectantly.

She frowned in thought. “Oh, we need a few groceries.”

“Pack up the kids into the car.”

“Oi, that’s cheating. That’s implied with ‘get groceries’!” she protested.

“Nope, your way would have us walking,” he said with that boyish grin she loved.

“Cheater,” she said again. “Okay, pack up the kids after getting groceries.”

“Drive home.”

“Put away the groceries,” she said smugly.

“Damn. Ehm… do we need to run any other errands?” he asked. “Have we got everything ready for Sianin’s birthday party tomorrow?”

“I don’t think there are other errands, and yes, we’ve got everything we need for her party.”

“What’s the weather for the day? Can we do anything outside?”

Rose reached behind him for his phone and opened up the weather app.

“Nah, rainy and cold,” she said. “And Ainsley’s been fighting that cold. Best stay in today.”

“Right. An afternoon of Snakes and Ladders and a moaning Ainsley it is, then,” he concluded.

Rose laughed. “We can introduce them to new games. Or watch a film. Or color. Or do a puzzle. Loads of things to do.”

“And make something for supper. Though that will probably depend on the food we pick up.”

“Yep, and after supper, and bath time, and bedtime…” Rose paused and trailed her fingernails down his chest. “Maybe you and I could retire to our room early? Maybe get in the tub? Have a bit of alone time?”

James shivered and his eyes darkened.

“Yeah,” he rasped. “Yeah, that sounds great.”

Rose leaned down and caught his lips in a kiss. He cradled the back of her head in his palm as he deepened the kiss. The anticipation for potential intimacy that night made the kiss sweeter, and James was about to roll on top of Rose when they heard a shout from the living room.

“I don’t wanna watch this! It’s stupid!”

He laughed and rested his forehead against hers. “I think that’s our cue to get up.”

“I think so,” Rose concluded.

He pecked a parting kiss to her lips before he rolled out of bed.

“I’ll go diffuse the situation while you shower,” he said.

James was able to appease the girls fairly easily, especially once he promised them their breakfast food of choice, and after Rose was out of the shower, he hopped in to prepare for the day.

All day, James and Rose were excited for their evening. They wondered if the night would end with them making love; they hoped it would, but they didn’t want to assume.

But when they got into the tub with a shared glass of wine, there was no hiding how interested they were in making love that night. They soaked in the hot water and teased each other with gentle touches and caresses until they couldn’t bear the tension any longer, and they dried off and headed to bed where they joined together for a mutually satisfying lovemaking session.

“Tonight was brilliant,” James breathed in her ear as he curled into her side.

“Yeah it was,” she said, absently stroking her fingertips the wrong way through his arm hair. “We should do this again sometime.”

“Tomorrow?” he said, half-teasing.

Rose giggled. “Maybe not tomorrow. But soon.”

James hummed in agreement and nuzzled further into her neck. They were quiet for a few minutes before he spoke.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“You said you felt ambivalent about sex because you felt the pressure to conceive. Which makes sense when you were ovulating. But… I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but there was no chance of making a baby outside of your ovulation cycle.”

James trailed off, and after he’d been silent for several long seconds, Rose asked, “So why did I not want to have sex when I wasn’t ovulating?”

He nodded, and kept his face tucked into her hair, knowing she often felt more comfortable sharing with him when he wasn’t staring at her. He traced his fingertips up and down her belly, making circles around her breasts just to watch goosebumps form across her skin.

“Because  _you_  were fertile,” Rose finally murmured. “And I wasn’t. I was painfully aware of my body’s shortcomings. Making love outside of my ovulation cycle reminded me of how sparingly fertile I am, and also that you had sperm ready to go while I had nothing.”

James’s heart shattered. He stopped drawing lines across her torso and instead wrapped his arm around her ribs and held her tight.

“That was why you often wanted to focus on me,” James whispered into her skin.

“Yeah. It was hard to get turned on when those thoughts were bouncing around in my head,” Rose said. “And it gutted me every time I saw your face when you realized I didn’t come when we made love. So I tried to get you off in other ways.”

“Can I ask something else?” At her nod, James said, “How many times did you fake your orgasm?”

“Only once,” she answered. “I hated how it made me feel, and I hated the way your face crumpled when you realized it. I’m so sorry I did that to you.”

“I forgive you,” he said, giving her a reassuring squeeze. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop to think why you didn’t want to make love.”

“I forgive you, too. No more secrets though, right?”

“Right.” He turned his head and pressed a kiss to the top of her breast. “Thank you for telling me all of this.” He kissed her breast again and smirked when he heard her let out a long, low hum. He moved his mouth lower and lower until he could take her nipple into his mouth.

“Wanna go again?” he mumbled around her flesh.

“Yeah.”

They both shuffled until they were lying on their sides, facing each other. Their legs were twined, their front halves smooshed together as they shared lazy kisses as their fingers brushed against any part of each other they could reach.

When the tension grew to be too much, James hiked her thigh over his hip and slid into her slowly, so slowly. He shuddered as he was fully sheathed, and he delighted in her little gasps as he filled her. When she arched her hips against his, he began to move.

They rocked together, grinding rather than thrusting, as they simmered in the love and pleasure they were creating. He held her body close to his, trying to rub his pelvis against hers to give her more friction, as he caught her lips in unhurried kisses.

Their release built gradually and took them both by surprise. Rose went first, with a choked whimper in his ear as her hand clutched at his bum to pull him closer. The sounds of her pleasure sent him over the edge too, and he arched into her as deeply as he could.

They stayed tangled together, holding each other in their intimate embrace long after their orgasms subsided. James traced random patterns onto her backside as Rose’s fingernails lightly scraped up and down his spine.

“I love this position,” he mumbled sleepily. His forehead rested against hers and he nuzzled her nose gently. “It’s one of my favorites.”

Rose breathed out a laugh. “You say that about every position.”

“Well, it’s true. I love all the ways we make love. And my favorite often depends on my mood. When I’m particularly randy, for instance, taking you from behind is one of my favorites.”

“And tonight?”

“Tonight I wanted something soft and tender, and holding you like this certainly fits the bill.” He let out a sated sigh and hugged her tight. “I love you, Rose.”

“I love you, too, James.” They were quiet for a few moments, content to listen to each other breathe, before Rose murmured, “I wonder if you could actually rank your top positions.”

Her tone told him she was mindlessly musing, and didn’t actually expect an answer, but James’s mind kicked into gear.

“Maybe I’ll make you a list,” he said, making his tone mirror one of speculative indifference as he pressed a long kiss to her lips and moved so they could clean up.

When Rose awoke the following morning, a sheet of paper was folded up on James’s pillow. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she sat up and opened up the paper, grinning at the list she saw. James had written down every single position they’d ever tried over the course of their intimacy. All of them had a number one scrawled beside it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein James and Rose continue to help each other heal and enjoy reconnecting with each other.
> 
> Chapter rating: Explicit
> 
> Chapter word count: 9600

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shows up late with Starbucks and an extra two projected chapters*
> 
> I want to thank you all so much for bearing with me through this unexpected hiatus, and for being so supportive and encouraging to me. That being said, I really hope you’ll enjoy this newest chapter!
> 
> Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the start of the chapter:  
> James: 37  
> Rose: 31  
> Ainsley: 7  
> Sianin: 4

Rose sighed as she set her phone down on the kitchen table. It seemed she and the girls would be dining alone. Again. That was the third time that week that James told her to start eating without him.

“Ainsley, Sianin, supper’s ready,” she called out as the oven timer began counting down.

She heard her daughters scuffling around before the TV turned off and they trotted into the kitchen.

“Get something to drink,” Rose said, even as the kids moved to the cabinet for cups.

She moved around her children to set the food on the table, dishing out helpings onto three plates.

“Is Dad not coming again?” Ainsley asked, her shoulders drooping.

“He got held up,” Rose said, trying to keep her irritation out of her voice. “Let’s tuck in before the food goes cold.”

Rose sat along one side of the kitchen table, steadfastly ignoring the empty seat beside her as she listened with rapt attention to Ainsley and Sianin tell her about their day.

“How was your day, Mum?” Ainsley asked when she and Sianin finished speaking.

“It was good,” Rose answered, spearing her fork through her food. “I got to go on a photoshoot this afternoon for a young couple that just got engaged.”

“Were they soulmates?” Ainsley asked.

“Mhm,” Rose answered, remembering the giddy glint in both men’s eyes as they could barely stop touching each other. Their first meeting had been delayed by nearly three years as one of them finished their military service. It had been beautiful to experience their wonder and awe of finally being together, and she hoped they would be satisfied with their photographs.

She remembered when she and James had been like that—young, carefree, and ridiculously in love. They were still as in love, but their love had evolved as they’d gotten older. It had become quieter, more comfortable, as the joy and delight of finally being together in person wore off. Their love was deeper now, more intense, and Rose wouldn’t trade it for anything, but a small part of her wished for just a moment of that giddiness of new love. Especially with their recent struggles. Especially now that James was slipping back into his habit of staying late at work.

Rose tried to ignore the doubt plucking at her heart, tried to tell herself that she and James were doing so much better in the past month since their breakdown. But her anxiety was so  _loud_.

“I wanna see a movie,” Sianin said, pulling Rose back to dinner. “Can we go see one soon?”

“Hmm, what do you wanna see?” Rose asked, not knowing what was even showing in the cinema.

Sianin began chattering about a new animated film that Rose had never heard of. She listened attentively, grabbing on to the opportunity for a distraction from her thoughts of James and his recent withdrawal from her.

An hour later, dinner was over, the leftovers were in the fridge, and the dishes were clean, but James still wasn’t home. Between pulses of annoyance and hurt, worry began festering in her chest. Especially when the girls’ bedtime came and she still hadn’t heard from him despite the several texts she’d sent him.

Unbidden, Rose had visions of a fiery crash and a police officer knocking at her door to take her to identify James’s charred, broken body on a cold morgue slab.

 _He’s fine,_  she told herself firmly.  _He’ll be home soon. He probably hasn’t checked his phone._

As the bath filled with warm water, Rose scribbled a message onto her forearm, asking him to please let her know that he was all right and when he expected to be home.

She waited for the ink to dry before she started bathing her daughter. Sianin rested her hand overtop Rose’s as she scrubbed the flannel across her soft skin, guiding the motions of the cloth. Rose let go, letting Sianin wash herself.

“I’m cleaning myself, Mummy!” Sianin said excitedly, working the suds all across her body.

“I know! You’re doing a great job, sweetheart.”

“I can’t reach my back,” Sianin said with a frustrated pout. “My arms are too little.”

Rose took over washing, but Sianin wanted to do it herself again when it was time to shampoo her hair. As the four-year-old worked the lather into her hair, Rose heard the front door open and Ainsley squeal out for her father. Her tension and anxiety evaporated immediately, leaving Rose feeling exhausted and a little angry at James.

After a few minutes of listening to James chat with Ainsley, she heard their footsteps padding down the hall. Ainsley’s continued to her bedroom while James’s halted outside the bathroom. The back of Rose’s neck prickled as she felt his presence hovering by the doorway.

“Hello, my beautiful family,” he cooed, crouching beside the tub next to Rose.

“Hi, Daddy!” Sianin said, leaning up to accept his kiss. “I’m gettin’ a bath.”

“Yes, I see that,” he said. Rose felt James shift beside her. “Good evening, love.”

Her throat ached as he nuzzled his nose into her hair. The gesture was so tender, so loving, and so at odds with the lateness of the hour that he finally arrived home. Did he not realize how worried she’d been when she hadn’t heard from him? Did he not care that it hurt her when it seemed as though he didn’t seem to want to come home to spend family time with her and the kids in the evenings?

 _Maybe he_ doesn’t _realize he’s hurting me_ , a small part of her brain whispered.  _He doesn’t seem upset or distant. Maybe he simply doesn’t realize._

As much as she wanted to be upset with him, she knew it wasn’t fair, especially if she didn’t tell him how much his absence this past week was bothering her.

“Are you all right?” he murmured as he began massaging a hand across her tense shoulders.

She barely caught her nod in time. It unnerved her how easily she’d been about to tell him that she was fine.  _And_  it was unnerving how nervous she was to tell him about her concerns. Because what if he confirmed her fears? What if he admitted that he preferred being at the school rather than at the house? That he preferred the company of his students and colleagues to her?

 _Stop that. He loves me,_  she told herself firmly.  _He loves me. He isn’t avoiding me._

She tried to listen to that voice and silence the one full of negative thoughts. It was so hard, but she had to trust that James wasn’t intentionally hurting her. That he would never intentionally hurt her.

“You’re late,” she muttered, reaching for the detachable shower head to rinse Sianin’s hair.

“I told you I’d be late,” James answered.

Rose looked over at James. His smooth, unworried face sparked the irritation she’d been trying to fight back. “I know, but I assumed you meant like an hour. Not three.”

The tiny furrow that formed between his eyebrows told her he’d heard her annoyance, even though she’d tried to keep her voice even so Sianin wouldn’t notice.

“Time got away from me,” he said, his voice rising in defensiveness.

Rose was about to give a retort, but Sianin suddenly cried out, “Mummy, help me! My eyes!”

Turning her attention back to her daughter, she saw that shampoo suds were streaming down Sianin’s squeezed-shut eyes.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” she said, smoothing her palm across Sianin’s forehead and eyebrows until all traces of bubbles were gone. “All better now.” To James, she said, “Can we talk about this later tonight?”

James sighed, but he nodded and stood.

“I’ll get Ainsley into bed.” He hesitated for a moment, then he ran his fingertips down Rose’s hair. “I’m sorry I’m so late.”

Rose nodded and listened to him cross the hall to Ainsley’s bedroom.

She rushed through the rest of Sianin’s bath and bedtime routine, and twenty minutes later, she shut Sianin’s door behind her as she headed to the kitchen.

James was leaning against the counter with a plate of dinner in his hand. His shirtsleeves were rolled up to his elbows, and Rose saw her message to him on the inside of his forearm.

He caught her gaze and dropped his eyes to the words.

“I’m sorry I worried you,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean to. My phone died, and I didn’t think to check my arms. And I honestly didn’t realize how late it had gotten. I was teaching a student a new microscopy technique and it took much longer than I expected.”

“You’ve been coming home late a lot,” Rose said, coming up to stand beside him. She rested her rear against the counter and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “You haven’t been home for dinner yet this week.”

“I’ve been busy at the university,” James said, frowning. “And students tend to come to my office for help at the end of the day.”

“After your office hours have ended?”

“I mean, technically they arrive a few minutes before they end,” James answered. “What’s this about, Rose?”

“It feels like you’re pulling away from me again,” she said. “Like you did before. This past winter, when we were… not doing well. You’d come home late and then spend time with the kids and then shut yourself away ‘til you went to bed. And I’m not blaming you, ‘cos I did the same thing, but… I thought we were doing better. And now it feels like you’re pulling away again. I know it’s only been three days that you’ve come home late, but it’s bringing back some of those feelings that you’re avoiding me.”

Rose heard the clattering of his fork against his plate then the clunk of the plate on the counter before his shadow towered in front of her. Gentle hands touched her jaw, coaxing her into looking at him. His eyes were wide and his mouth was pinched.

“No, Rose,” he said quietly. “I’m not avoiding you. Not at all. I am so,  _so_  sorry that I made you feel like I was. I’ve been incredibly busy this week is all. I promise. Today especially.”

Rose uncrossed her arms from in front her chest and stepped up to him for a hug, one that he readily reciprocated. His arms wrapped around her tightly, squeezing her to him. Enveloped in his warmth and scent, Rose felt her body relax into him.

“I didn’t genuinely think you were avoiding me,” she mumbled into his shirt. “Really. But, y’know, sometimes that little voice in my head is so nasty and I just…” She trailed off with a shrug.

“Thank you for telling me. That nasty little voice in your head can piss off, because it’s so totally wrong.” His lips pressed to the top of her head. “I’m going to shift my office hours,” he promised. “And I’ll let my students and colleagues know that I’d prefer they didn’t ambush me five minutes before I planned to leave.”

A small part of Rose was guilty for making him feel like he had to adjust his work schedule, but a larger part of her wanted her husband home at a reasonable hour. She missed him in the evenings.

“I appreciate that, James,” she whispered. “I really do. And I understand if every now and then you need to stay late. But I really want you to be home, and maybe that makes me selfish but…”

“No, Rose. You’re my  _wife_ ,” he said firmly. “You have every right to be selfish when it comes to me. I am one-hundred percent yours. If it ever came down to you or my job, there will never be a scenario that I don’t choose you.”

Rose smiled into his chest then stepped away from him when she heard his stomach gurgle with hunger.

“Finish your dinner,” she said, picking up his plate and thrusting it back into his hands. “I kinda feel like watching a film. D’you want to join me?”

“Netflix and chill with my wife?” He smiled tenderly at her, his eyes crinkling at the sides. “Always.”

oOoOo

James, true to his word, changed his office hour schedule the very next day. He was a little guilty, because a lot of his students had become used to him being in his office late, but the dismay he’d felt when Rose had told him what his absence made her feel overshadowed it.

As a result, he was often home before dinner was out of the oven, and he used that extra time at home to bond with his children and wife. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed preparing meals with Rose. Their time in Scotland had reminded him how enjoyable it was, but vacations away with Rose often made time with her sweeter. He was pleased to find that cooking with Rose was just as magical has it had been in Scotland.

Thankfully, work slowed down the week before Rose’s birthday. James had planned a surprise for her and he didn’t want to be stuck at the university instead.

Her birthday began early in the morning, with James miraculously waking up before her alarm could go off. Checking the time, he saw he had fifteen minutes before it was due to ring. That wasn’t nearly long enough for what he had planned. Assuming she was agreeable.

Creeping out of bed, James locked their bedroom door then took Rose’s phone off her nightstand. After silencing her alarm, he set her phone back on the nightstand and slipped back under the sheets beside her. He slid closer to the middle of the bed where Rose was sprawled on her back with her hips twisted to one side and her legs angled towards his side of the bed.

He caressed his foot against hers as he slotted his body against hers and nuzzled his lips to her neck. She hummed and leaned towards him, half-awake.

“Hmm, morning,” she mumbled, her voice raspy with sleep.

“Morning,” he whispered into her skin. “Happy birthday, my love.”

He peered up at her and saw her smile as her hand went to his hair to stroke it. Pleasant tingles rippled across his scalp at the touch, and he had to resist the temptation to press his head harder into her touch.

Instead, he latched his lips onto her neck once more, pausing only to ask, “Is this all right? Can I keep going?”

“Please do,” she breathed.

He felt her shiver as he paid careful attention to her neck, and he smiled when she shifted her head to the side to give him more room. Her sleep shirt was already riding up her stomach, and he rested his palm against her sleep-warm skin. It rose and fell as she breathed, and he felt her squirming to try to get his hand closer to her breasts.

“Patience,” he purred, continuing to press slow, suckling kisses to the spot where her neck met her shoulder. He scraped his teeth across the skin, and she let out a shuddering moan as she dug her fingers into his hair, holding him where he was.

“James,” she whimpered.

He hummed in response and continued his teasing as he let his fingertips brush against the bottom of her breasts. Rather than palm them like he knew she wanted, he drew light circles around them until she was groaning with frustration.

“Bloody tease,” she gasped.

“Just a little,” he said.

“It is my birthday, y’know,” she grumbled.

“Is it?” he asked against the column of her throat, on his way to the other side of her neck.

“Mhm.”

“Is the birthday girl displeased?” he asked as his fingers made another unsatisfying circle around her breasts. Her nipples were taut, her breasts covered in goosebumps, and he grinned to himself.

“She will be if her husband doesn’t touch her,” she said.

“Her husband  _has_  been touching her,” he said, stroking his fingers down the valley between her breasts for emphasis.

“You know what I mean. God, James,  _please_!”

“There we go,” he crooned. He nipped at her throat then removed his mouth from her neck to hover above her breasts. He shoved her shirt higher up her body to expose her chest completely. “The magic word.”

He slotted his mouth over her breast, taking her nipple into his mouth. He flicked his tongue across it, pulling several breathy whimpers from his wife. Her back arched as she moaned and writhed under his touch. He saw her hand dip to her knickers, ready to slip beneath the fabric, but he grabbed it, halting her downward progress.

“You’ve got a choice to make,” James murmured, caressing his thumb across her wrist bone. “Either I can stay where I am, keep my mouth where it is… or my mouth could make its way decidedly…  _south_.” He took his hand off of her wrist and instead moved it to the front of her knickers where he pressed down overtop her clit, making her cry out. “What’ll it be, Rose?”

“Please,” she rasped, bucking into his fingers.

“Please what?” he asked, even though he knew what her choice would be. It was always the same.

“Make me come with your mouth,” she said, and James shivered with his own arousal at the words.

“As my love wishes,” he whispered, and he scraped his teeth against her nipple one last time before he released it with a pop.

As he climbed down her body, he rubbed his erection through his pants, repositioning it as he knelt between Rose’s thighs. He wasted no time in slipping her knickers down her legs and dropping them somewhere off the edge of the mattress before he lay down between her legs. He sighed when his cock pressed against the bed.

“Ready?” he asked, even though he could see the evidence of her arousal.

She mewled her consent and he rested his hands at her hips as he placed his mouth against her.

He worked her up with slow, steady strokes of his tongue, moving with her squirming to bring her pleasure. It didn’t take long before she was panting his name, and he slowed the movements of his tongue.

“No, James, fuck!”

He hummed against her, pulling a cry from her throat.

He worked her up and up half a dozen times, each time slowing down before she could find her release.

“James, please,” she moaned, arching her hips towards his mouth as he slowed down once more. “Please, please, please. Don’t tease me anymore. Please.”

He nodded against her and gave her hip a squeeze to her let know he was done playing. His own arousal was sharp and nearing the precipice, and he knew he would be done for once she found her orgasm.

He attached his mouth back to her and rutted against the mattress as he laved her clit with attention without pausing. Hot shivers welled through him as he listened to her nearing the edge.

“James!” His name ended on a wordless cry as her back bowed off the bed and she found her release. The way her fingers clenched tight in his hair was his undoing, and he grunted against the sudden rush of pleasure shooting through his veins as he made a mess of his pants.

He kept his mouth moving against Rose until her moans subsided. When her fingers unclenched from his hair, he pulled away from her and wiped his hand against his cheeks and chin.

Heart racing and blood singing, James laughed against her thigh as they both worked down from their high. He loved this moment, when his entire being felt groggy and boneless and the only thing he could think about was how very much he loved his wife.

But he was abruptly yanked out of his blissful afterglow when their bedroom door knob jiggled aggressively.

“Why’s the door locked?” Sianin whined, knocking. They then heard Ainsley whisper, “That means we don’t go in. Let’s go wait for Mummy in the kitchen.”

James’s cheeks heated. Ainsley knew well enough by now what he and Rose got up to behind their locked bedroom door, but it seemed as though Sianin was about to be let in on the secret.

“I don’t suppose we can hide in here forever?” Rose mused, absently stroking her fingers through his disheveled hair.

“While I am all for that plan,” James drawled, pressing a lingering kiss to her inner thigh, “I don’t think the rest of society will approve of us abandoning our children just to avoid an awkward conversation.”

“Damn,” Rose said. She groaned as she sat up. “God, that was great. You’re amazing with your tongue.”

Pride simmered through him and he beamed at her.

They rolled out of bed together and made their way into the bathroom. After a quick shared shower, James and Rose twined their fingers together and walked down the hall to the kitchen. Both girls shrieked for their mum as they entered the room, and James let go of her hand so Rose could crouch down and take their children into her arms.

James had turned away to rifle through the cabinets for breakfast ingredients when he heard Sianin ask, “Why was your door locked? Ainsley won’t tell me.”

James took a deep breath, and after a quick look at Rose, he turned around to look at Sianin.

“Because Daddy and I were having a bit of private alone time,” Rose said, giving the same answer they’d given to Ainsley when she’d accidentally burst in on them mid-coitus a couple years ago.

Sianin frowned. “Why? Doing what?”

James’s cheeks heated. Ainsley hadn’t asked any further questions.

“Mums and dads sometimes need to have alone time together,” James answered when he saw Rose’s mouth working as she tried to think of an appropriate reply. “Anyone who is in love needs alone time. It’s time for me and Mummy to spend together so we can show each other how much we love the other.”

The furrow between Sianin’s amber eyes deepened. “You already do that.  _All_  the  _time_!”

James felt a pulse of relief. In the months when he and Rose had grown distant with each other, he was happy to know that their daughters hadn’t caught on to the tension. He never wanted them to know anything other than their father being completely and utterly in love with their mother, and vice versa.

“Yes, well, sometimes we like to do it privately,” James answered, hoping his youngest would leave it at that. “Who wants to help Daddy make a big special birthday breakfast?”

Sianin’s eyes brightened and she ducked out of Rose’s arms.

“Me, me, me!” she squealed, already darting to the cupboard for a bowl.

He worked around his children to prepare waffles with strawberries and cream. As James sliced the strawberries and Ainsley carefully monitored the waffle maker, Rose came up behind him and snatched a piece of fruit.

“Oi!”

“I’m taste-testing,” she replied innocently, slipping the fruit between her lips. She glanced over to watch Ainsley take the last waffle out of the maker and add it to the steaming stack. “Those look amazing, Ainsley. Can you set the plate on the table, then get the whipped cream out of the fridge, and then get something to drink for you and your sister?”

Ainsley nodded, then walked away. Rose remained by the counter and James felt her gaze on him as he cut up the last of the fruit.

“This looks delicious, James, thank you,” she murmured.

When he finished, he set the knife in the sink. Rose stepped closer to him and wrapped her hand around the back of his neck. Knowing what she wanted, James turned to face her and he ducked down to accept her waiting kiss.

She tasted like the strawberry she’d snitched and he flicked his tongue against hers to chase more of that tangy sweetness. He felt her smile into the kiss, and he grinned right back. Her fingertips dug into his neck to hold him closer as she pressed her other hand to the small of his back.

Realizing his hands were resting stupidly at his sides, he reached up to cradle her cheeks in his palms. His body buzzed with warmth and pleasure from the kiss, and before they turned it into a proper snog, James gently pulled away. Her little whine of disapproval nearly broke his resolve.

“I love you,” he whispered, before leaning down to press one, two, three soft kisses to her lips.

“I love you, too,” she replied, giving the back of his neck a parting caress before she turned to the kitchen table.

Sianin was already helping herself to a waffle and looked as though she were about to empty the entire container of whipped cream onto her plate.

“Let’s use a spoon,” Rose suggested hurriedly before their daughter ate nothing but whipped cream for breakfast.

“And don’t you want strawberries, Sian?” James asked, carrying the bowl to the table. He pulled out Rose’s chair for her and brushed a hand across her shoulders as she sat. “Here, darling.”

He scooped the fruit onto Sianin’s waffle, then passed the bowl to Ainsley as he turned away to make a cup of coffee for himself and a cup of tea for Rose.

As the coffee brewed and he waited for the water to boil, the doorbell rang, heralding his annual gift to Rose. After accepting the thirty-two roses and crystal vase from the delivery man, James stepped down the hall to the loo to fill the vase with water. He then stuffed the stems into the vase and made a detour to their bedroom for the envelop he’d stashed in his sock drawer last week.

“Ooooh!” Ainsley cooed at the sight of the large vase of flowers.

“Oh, James!” Rose stood from the table and took the vase from him with a hard, quick kiss to his mouth. “They’re beautiful! Thank you!”

She placed the vase on the kitchen island, then he handed her the envelope. He moved to where the kettle was beeping and fixed up Rose’s tea to her liking while keeping an eye on her as she tore into the envelope. As he dunked the teabag, he watched her eyes scan across the traditional sentiment he’d written in the card. She smiled at the words, and his lips twitched in response.

Her gaze then went to the other sheet of paper in the envelope: reservations for a room at a spa resort for the weekend. Her eyes widened as she looked up at him.

“To celebrate your last day of work and your birthday,” he said, tossing the sodden tea bag into the trash. “Dad’s gonna pick up the girls on Friday and keep them ‘til Sunday.”

“Sleepover with Grandad?” Sianin asked, perking up.

“That’s right,” Rose answered. “This weekend. Won’t that be fun?”

Both girls responded with vehement agreement. James grinned at the excitement in Rose’s face as he set her mug of tea in front of her plate, then they all sat down to finish their breakfast.

That Friday, James picked Rose up from work—her last day at her job—so he could drive them to their hotel for the weekend. He’d booked a room with a balcony and a view of the sprawling London skyline, and he stood with Rose at the railing to watch the sun set behind the clouds, streaking the sky with shades of orange and pink as they sipped the champagne he’d ordered with their room service meal.

When the sky turned indigo and the temperature dropped, sending an uncomfortable chill through them, they retreated back inside.

“I have a surprise for you,” James said, guiding her to sit on the bed.

He moved to his suitcase and shifted a pair of his jeans aside to uncover the wrapped package he’d stuffed in there the day before.

“So that’s why you wanted your own suitcase,” Rose teased, her tongue poking out between her teeth as she grinned at him.

He stuck his tongue out at her, then handed her the box.

“Ooh. Heavy,” she commented, resting it in her lap.

James watched her face nervously as she ripped open the paper. He’d asked some of her work colleagues for help, but he had no way of knowing if they knew exactly what Rose would like.

She gasped as she chucked off the last of the paper, revealing a brand-new camera, a model that her colleagues had told him she tended to use the most when she went on photo shoots. Now that she’d quit her job, she didn’t have access to the plethora of equipment and software that her company had, but James wanted her to still enjoy photography.

“Oh, James,” she whispered, cradling the heavy box in her hands. She absently stroked her fingers down the sleek cardboard.

“Do you like it?”

She nodded faintly, but she had an unreadable expression on her face. That look sent his stomach sinking.

“It’s a beautiful camera,” she said hesitantly. “One of my favorite models.”

“But?” he asked softly, hearing the word dangling, unspoken. She didn’t say anything and kept her eyes on the box, so he continued, “I kept the receipt. If you’d rather get something different.”

“No, it’s not that…” She bit her bottom lip and said, “I don’t have anything for you.”

Confusion pulled his eyebrows together. “Because it’s  _your_  birthday,” he said slowly.

“Yeah, but you already gave me this weekend,” she said, waving her hand around at their hotel suite. “And now a camera.”

“Well…” He pressed his tongue against the back of his teeth, unsure of what, exactly, Rose was trying to say. “Our bank account is joint… So technically you also helped pay for these things…” He shrugged. “I’m afraid I’m not sure what you’re getting at, Rose.”

“Your gifts to me are always so perfect,” she said quietly. “They’re absolutely perfect. You know exactly where I would want to go with you for a weekend. You know the jewelry I love. You know the lingerie I like to wear.”

“You’re my best friend,” he said, still perplexed. “I know you better than I know myself. I love getting you things you’ll love.”

“It makes me feel a little inadequate,” Rose finally admitted, and James’s heart fell.

“Inadequate?” he repeated dumbly.

She nodded. “You give me such amazing, thoughtful gifts. And I feel like I never know what to give to you. It’s been this way since we were kids. You would give me anything I wanted, and when I was young, I couldn’t afford to give you gifts, so I gave you art. But even now, art is the only thing I can think to give you, and it feels… unequal.”

Disbelief coursed through him.

“Oh, Rose.” He perched on the mattress beside her. Pivoting his body to look at her, he tucked a leg underneath him and rested his hand at her thigh. “Your gift of art is the most precious gift I could ever hope to receive. Because it comes from  _you_ , from your brain and your heart. And can I tell you a secret?” Rose nodded. “I often feel like my gifts to you are inadequate. Sure, a necklace or lacy bra or even a fancy camera are beautiful, but anyone could buy those for you. You could buy them for yourself, if you wanted. My gifts to you are so… impersonal. But yours? Yours are little pieces of yourself—your soul—that you’re willingly sharing with me. And I will cherish every single piece of art that you give to me for as long as I live.”

A faint, pleased blush crossed Rose’s cheeks as a small, slow smile lit up her face so beautifully. She set her new camera on the bed behind her before she scooted closer to him. Her hip pressed flush against his, then she snaked an arm around his waist.

“I love you,” she murmured, resting her head against his shoulder. She then turned it until her chin rested at his shoulder so she could look into his eyes. “Your gifts are more personal than you think they are. Yes, I could buy those things for myself, but I never would. And you know I wouldn’t. So you give them to me because you want me to have them. And more importantly, your gifts tell me just how often you think of me. You see something that reminds you of me, and you want to get it for me. It makes me so happy to know how often you think of me. It makes me feel so loved.”

He beamed in response, and he leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead. “My Rose. You are never more than half a thought away. And you are loved. So, so loved.”

oOoOo

As the months passed, James and Rose grew back together and regained the intimacy they’d lost. They returned to the habit of taking at least one weekend a month to themselves, and they also made sure to have late night dates together after the girls were in bed.

They heard about ballroom dance lessons at the community center in town, and they enrolled in the classes. While they were learning the various dances, Ainsley was off at a pottery lesson and Sianin was at a ballet lesson. The girls had an additional lesson, swim class, which gave James and Rose an extra hour to themselves, which they used to have coffee together and talk.

The intimacy of dancing together—breathing the same air, cocooned in each other’s arms—often carried over to when they got home. They could hardly wait to get the girls in bed so they could retire to their room and revel in each other. Even if they didn’t end up making love, they would spend hours kissing each other and holding each other close, or sometimes just talking. Reconnecting.

But even with all the progress they were making, there were still hard days.

They’d had to cancel one of their weekly dancing date nights when Rose’s period heralded debilitating cramps that left her cranky and half-nauseated. She had elected to stay home while James took the kids to their weekly lessons.

He felt slightly lost sitting by himself in the café across the street from the community center as he waited for Ainsley and Sianin to be done with their lessons.

“No wife today?”

James jumped at the voice behind him. A barista was holding a steaming mug of coffee and a plate with his scone.

“Nah, she’s not feeling well,” he answered, accepting his food and drink from her.

“I hope she feels better,” the barista said sympathetically.

“Thanks.”

He smiled tightly, awkwardly, before turning to his scone. He sighed, wishing Rose was there, while also feeling slightly pathetic that he missed her so much. He would see her in two hours.

Taking a pen out of his pocket, James wrote on his arm, “How are you feeling?”

_Like shit._

James winced at the bluntness of her reply.

“Anything I can do? Anything I can pick up for you?”

_No._

“I’m bored waiting for the kids to get done.”

It took a few minutes before finally she wrote,  _Okay._

Hurt and annoyance flared through him. “Okay, I’ll leave you alone. See you when I get home.”

He didn’t expect an answer, but that didn’t stop the dull ache that spread through his chest when he watched his wrist for the reply that never came. He was just trying to help, but she didn’t want it. He knew some of her cycles were worse than others, and that occasionally she would be moody and want to be left alone. Later, she would apologize for her behavior and make it up to him, but he still felt unsettled as his mind recalled all of those months they’d been so cold to each other.

 _No, this isn’t like then,_  James assured himself.  _She’s just feeling poorly tonight. We’re fine._

He tried to banish the anxiety gnawing at his gut as he tugged his phone out of his pocket and spent the next couple of hours with an e-book.

The two hours lasted a lifetime, and his mood only worsened as the time dragged on. It brightened slightly when he fetched Ainsley and Sianin from their respective swimming lessons and listened to them tell him what they’d done that evening.

Rose was still shut away in their bedroom when they got home.

He ordered Ainsley to take a shower, and when she was finished, he bathed Sianin and got both girls ready for bed.

“I wanna say nigh-night to Mummy,” Sianin said, walking away from him when he finished drying her hair.

“Me too!”

Ainsley bolted out of her bedroom and James watched the kids wrench open his and Rose’s bedroom door and call out for their mum.

James followed them and hovered by the door to watch his family give goodnight hugs and kisses. Rose’s mood thankfully seemed to have thawed, and he ventured to the bed to sit on the far edge of the mattress as the girls fought to be the one sitting next to Rose.

“Here we go,” Rose cooed, tugging Sianin into her lap so Ainsley could curl into her side. “How’s this?”

When the girls had finished recounting their night to Rose, she pressed kisses to their faces and ushered them to their own bed. James moved to follow them, but when he was at the doorway, Rose called out to him.

“James?” He turned, and he saw her worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. “I’m sorry I’ve been…  _difficult_  tonight. Can we talk when the girls are asleep?”

A tiny little piece of James wanted to tell Rose he preferred to be alone, but a much larger piece of him really wanted to spend time with her. And he could tell she wanted to talk about how she was feeling; he could never refuse that.

He nodded and left the bedroom door open as he put the kids to bed.

When he returned, Rose was in the en suite brushing her teeth. As he waited for her to finish, he stripped out of his clothes until he was in just his pants, then he slipped on a t-shirt. He went through his nightly routine on auto-pilot, and his heart twinged upon seeing his clipped conversation with Rose on his arm.

“I’m sorry about that,” Rose muttered from the bed as she watched him wash it off. “Really, I am.”

“It’s fine,” he said wearily.

“No, it isn’t,” Rose said. “Yes, I feel like shit, but that does not give me the right to be short with you. I’m sorry.”

James nodded, drying his arm with a towel, then he joined Rose in bed.

“I was trying to help,” he sighed. “You getting snippy with me when I’m trying to help you hurts.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

He nodded again, then slipped his hand into hers. He brought it to his lips for a kiss, letting her know she was forgiven, then kept her hand in his lap to play with her fingers.

“I’m having a really bad night,” she said after a few minutes of silence. “Not just with cramps. But emotionally. I’ve been crying all night.”

James frowned and looked over at her.

“This period is awful,” Rose admitted. “It’s really heavy and really painful, and I’m more emotional than normal. I keep remembering back to how I was feeling all those times I’d hoped I was pregnant, only to get my period a day or so later. To the times I’d get my hopes up, then be devastated when I’d take a test and have it come back negative. How I felt like such a failure when month after month, I failed to conceive. Last year was just so  _hard_ , James.”

She let out a shuddering sigh and closed her eyes against the lone tear that shimmered down her cheek. Something in James’s chest cracked, and he scooted closer to take her into his arms. As soon as she was enveloped in his embrace, her breath choked off and she stifled a sob into his neck.

“Oh, Rose.” He began rubbing his hand up and down her back, the movement a bit too quick to be soothing. “Oh, love.”

“I feel so stuck,” she rasped. “Like I can’t breathe. Like I’ll never escape this… this  _darkness_. It’s eating me up inside and I feel like such a complete and utter failure!”

The sheer agony in her voice threatened to break him. He squeezed his eyes shut as his own tears finally escaped. He could relate to her pain all too well; he was no stranger to the depression and doubt that loomed over his shoulder, threatening to overwhelm him every now and then.

But Rose could always help him keep it at bay. Now he would be there for her to help her find her way through her darkness and back to the light.

“You’re not a failure,” he whispered, willing his voice to stay strong. “You’re  _not_  a failure. And I’ll tell you that every single day if I have to.”

“I hate this,” she mumbled into his shoulder, sniffing against her clogged nose. “I really hate this, James. I thought I was doing well. Thought I was getting better.”

“You  _are_  getting better,” he said gently. When Rose pulled back and opened her mouth as though to argue, he rested his fingers against her lips. “You’re having a bad night, Rose. But one bad night doesn’t erase the months of progress you’ve made…  _we’ve_  made.”

“Feels like it erased it all,” Rose grumbled around his fingers. But her lips pulled up in a wry smile, and though it looked thin and weak, James took it as a good sign.

“I still have days like this, too, y’know,” he said quietly, pulling her back in for a hug. He nuzzled his cheek into her hair, enjoying the silky feel of it catching in his day-old stubble.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm. Some days I feel paralyzed that we’re playing with time. That I’ll wake up the next day and find out that we’re back in that bad place. Or that you’re just humoring me and secretly blame me still for the struggles we’ve been having.”

“James…”

“But,” he said, cutting off her protest, “I tell myself that the voice in my head is lying. I tell myself that you love me, and you’ll always love me. And some days it’s really hard, but I cling to that fact. Because if I believe in one thing, I believe in you. In  _us_. And I have faith in our love.”

Rose sniffled and pulled back only to wrap her hand around the back of his neck and tug him in for a hard kiss. One of her hands clenched into his shirt while the other gripped his hair, and he moved his arms to hold her closer, giving and taking comfort from the kiss.

A few seconds later, their lips popped apart, and Rose rested her forehead against his. Her breath puffed against his lips as she rubbed the tip of her nose against his.

“God, I love you,” she said. “More than I can ever tell you.”

“I know,” he said, because he did. He knew how loved he was by her. “I love you that much, too.” He angled his head down to press a series of light kisses to her mouth, barely a brush of his lips against hers. “I always will, Rose.”

oOoOo

James always enjoyed the summer term, as he usually only taught a class or two and thus had more time to spend with his family, but he was downright giddy when the last day of classes arrived. He’d requested to teach just one class—a lab class that met Tuesday and Wednesday morning. That left him three days to spend uninterrupted with Rose now that she wasn’t working.

They used the extra time together to simply  _be_  together. There were some days when they took little day trips around nearby cities, then there were days they stayed home together. They slowly worked together to plan out the interior decorating projects Rose had talked about. Though James didn’t have much of an eye for it, he went with her to hardware shops to look at paint swatches and light fixtures and floor samples.

“Are you sure it wouldn’t be easier to just have a brand-new house built?” James teased.

“I’m not saying I want to do all of these renovations all at once,” Rose said, pinching his side for his cheek. “But I want to sort of get an idea of what we both like, then slowly start upgrading over the next few years.”

They finally agreed on paint colors for the living room, and began that project together as June entered its last week. It was challenging to try to keep the kids out of the living room as they took a week to paint. During the day, when they were actually painting, it was fine, as Ainsley and Sianin were at daycare. But they needed to get creative once the kids came home. They’d had to move the furniture to the center of the room and cover it all with heavy canvas, rendering the living room unusable for a few days.

Rather than gathering in the living room in the evenings, James and Rose set up a blanket and pillow fort in the home office and grabbed their laptop to watch movies and television shows together in the fort. The kids adored it, and it was a struggle to get them to leave the fort for bedtime.

But on the last night in the fort, James and Rose gave their girls a surprise.

“Tomorrow the living room will be back in order, so for tonight, you two can camp out in the fort,” James allowed as Rose put away the laptop. “Then we’ll disassemble it in the morning. And remember, you’re having a sleepover with Grandad tomorrow night.”

The following day, James and Rose spent their time returning their living room to its original state. They rehung everything on the new olive-green walls and when everything was finished, they stood together at the entryway to the living room and marveled at their work. At how a new coat of paint managed to make their home look new and fresh.

“We’re geniuses,” James whispered into Rose’s ear as he pressed his front to her back and wrapped his arms around her waist. “It looks beautiful.”

“Yeah it does,” Rose replied. She leaned her head back until she could see his face. “So… date night?”

He nodded and leaned down to press a quick kiss to her mouth. “Date night.”

They moved to the kitchen and worked together to prepare dinner. James gave instructions to Rose, following a recipe that existed in his head, as they made chicken Kiev. He did most of the work on the main dish, letting her take care of the roasted veggies.

An hour and a half later, their kitchen was filled with the scent of garlic and butter and chicken. After checking that the meat was cooked the whole way through, James plated their food as Rose lit a few candles and poured the wine.

“Dinner is served,” James said in an awful French accent, setting their plates on the table. He leaned down and pressed a loud, smacking kiss to the top of her head before he moved around the table to plop down in the seat across from her.

He watched eagerly—he’d never made this recipe for her before—as Rose cut into her chicken and took a bite. Her eyelids fluttered shut in delight as she chewed.

“Oh, I’m so glad I married a man who can cook,” she moaned appreciatively, sticking out her legs towards him to rest her feet against his.

“You can cook, too,” James said, taking a sip of wine and rubbing his toes along her instep.

“Not as well as you. And I don’t have as much fun with it as you seem to.”

James hummed and nodded, unable to argue that. He truly did enjoy cooking and baking. Some of his fondest childhood memories were of him in the kitchen with his mum as she taught him all of the old family recipes, and experimented with new ones they’d found.

Now, as his own children were getting older and more interested in cooking—most of all Sianin, surprisingly—he was making memories of his own with them.

They made idle conversation as they ate and played footsie beneath the table. Then, as Rose loaded the dishwasher after their meal, James moved to the Bluetooth speaker and connected his phone to pull up one of their favorite date night playlists.

Slow love ballads crooned through the kitchen, and James skated up to Rose, his socks slick against the tile floor, to take her into his arms. She grinned and looped her arms around his neck and let him lead her around the kitchen.

They danced together until the playlist ended and they were both slightly out of breath but beaming like fools.

“Go on,” he murmured, pressing a lingering kiss to her cheek. “Pick a film while I get the dessert ready.”

Before he could step out of her arms, Rose stretched up to press her lips to his. One of his hands automatically went to her hip while the other cradled the back of her head. Her soft sigh as he returned the kiss sent shivers down his spine, and he clutched her closer for just a moment before releasing her.

“Go,” he whispered, nudging his nose against hers before finally dropping his arms. “I’ll be in in a minute.”

He watched her stroll out of the kitchen, unashamedly watching the sway of her hips and bum. When she was gone, he turned to the refrigerator to grab the crème brûlée custard he’d prepared earlier.

After caramelizing the sugar atop their dessert, James grabbed two spoons and joined his wife in the living room. The title menu for one of their favorite rom-coms was playing on the television.

For the first half hour of the movie, they watched in companionable silence as they ate their dessert. But then Rose’s hand began to stray from where it was wrapped around his waist. It wandered across his lower stomach, then down the top of his thigh and to his knee. From there, she moved it to his inner thigh and traced her fingernails along the inseam of his jeans, stopping teasingly short of his zipper though he’d spread his legs to give her more room.

He felt himself stirring in his pants as her fingers continued scratching at his legs and she began to press nibbling kisses to his neck. When he realized one of his hands was resting idly at her shoulder and the other was on the armrest of the couch, he pivoted his body to face her. He dropped the hand on her shoulder to the waistband of her jeans. Slipping his hand beneath the denim, he began to knead her bum through her knickers. His other hand tried to go to her breasts, but the angle was slightly awkward.

“Hang on,” she mumbled against his neck. She moved away from him and stood up off the couch. “Scoot to the middle cushion.”

He went willingly and moments later, she was straddled across his lap. Her lips continued their exploration of his neck while one of her hands continued to tease across the front of his jeans without ever touching him, no matter how he arched towards her.

“You’re a genius for wearing a button-down,” she said against his Adam’s apple. Her fingers left his jeans to fumble with his shirt buttons. “Oh, bless. No undershirt.”

He hissed as she bit down on his collarbone then soothed the sting with a swipe of her tongue. Her hands dropped between them and she finally— _finally_ —undid the button and zip of his jeans. His cock was almost fully hard, and he breathed a sigh of relief as it was no longer as tightly confined. Rose, bless her, reached into his pants and rearranged his erection so it pointed comfortably up towards his belly button. He let out a pathetic whimper when she took her hand out of his pants again.

As she seemingly worked on leaving love bites all across his clavicle, James slipped his hands under her t-shirt and unclipped her bra. He worked around her to slide the straps down her arms through the sleeves of her shirt, then he tugged the bra off and dropped it to the floor.

Rose groaned against his chest as he palmed one of her breasts in one hand as the other undid the front of her jeans and began scratching teasingly through her pubic hair.

“Kiss me,” he panted as she palmed him through his boxers.

“Been kissin’ you for fifteen minutes,” Rose replied as she sucked on his neck.

“On the lips,” he growled, moving his hand around to squeeze her bum.

“How do we ask?” she asked sweetly.

“ _Please._ ”

“There we go!” She pressed a long, parting kiss to his shoulder, then straightened up in his lap. She looked down at him, her mouth curved up in a sultry smile that made his erection throb.

James ran his hands up and down her back, his heart clenching when her lips parted on a sigh. “You’re so sexy.”

Rose raised an eyebrow, then ducked down and caught his lips in a hot, hard kiss. Her hand kept stroking him through his pants, and James moved a hand from her back to palm her breasts again.

They continued their teasing touches as they snogged, feeling like giddy teenagers necking on the sofa. When James stroked his fingers through her folds to tease against her clit, she let out a loud cry and arched her back as her hips bucked into his touch.

“God, you’re exquisite,” James rumbled, latching his lips to her neck to return the love bites. “Love seeing you on top of me.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” she gasped as he coordinated the rhythm of his biting kisses with the stroking of his fingers through her. “Shit, James.”

“Want to take this to our room?” he murmured against her reddening skin. She stilled above him, and James immediately pulled back, some of the foggy haze of arousal clearing. “What is it?”

She sighed and dug the heel of her hand into her eyes.

“I’m ovulating,” she mumbled. “And we forgot to get more condoms.”

Disappointment coiled in his gut, and he slipped his hand out of her knickers. His cock throbbed with desire, but he tried to ignore it.

“I didn’t take a test or anything,” Rose continued. “I swear. And I’m not tracking it on my phone.”

“I believe you, love,” he said soothingly.

“It’s just… I’d been tracking it for so long. I’ve gotten familiar with my body’s signals.”

“It’s okay,” James said. “Really. We don’t have to continue. We can stop and get back to our movie.”

“No, I want…” She huffed out a frustrated breath and raked her fingers through her hair. “I’m tired of being wary of my body’s cycle, James. I don’t want to feel anxious about making love with you when I know my body is fertile. I want to be with you and forget about everything else.” She smiled wryly at him. “And I’m also really turned on right now and would prefer to not stop.”

James chuckled and glanced down at his lap where his erection was still at full mast. “Yeah, me too.” He absently walked his fingers up and down her thighs as he suggested, “What if… what if we find other things to do to each other? We could bring out a toy or two. We can still continue and enjoy ourselves with hopefully minimal stress or anxiety. Does that sound okay?”

“Yeah. But I’m tired of feeling like this. I don’t want to feel anxious.”

“But you do,” he said simply. “And that’s okay, Rose. We’re still healing and working through some things. But look at us! Eh? We’re talking about how we’re feeling and we’re suggesting alternatives and compromises. We’re so brilliant!”

He flashed her an over-the-top grin and was pleased when she burst into giggles.

“Come on you,” she laughed, clambering off his lap.

She held out her hand for him. When he was standing, she stepped up tight to him and rocked her hips into his, giving his cock a bit of friction. She wrapped a hand around his neck and guided him in for a kiss that was much deeper and gentler than the ones they’d been exchanging earlier.

“Time for my daft husband to get a blow job,” she breathed against his lips. She sucked his bottom lip into her mouth and scraped her teeth across it slowly as she slipped a hand between them to caress his erection.

James hummed in anticipation and pressed his hips into her touch. “Time for my gorgeous wife to have her daft husband go down on her and give her as many orgasms as she wants.”

He grabbed her hand, taking it off of him, and pressed a kiss to her knuckles before guiding her down the hall and to the comfort of their bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the two-and-a-half-month wait was worth it! I'd love to know your thoughts on this chapter :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein James and Rose are having more good days than bad days.
> 
> Chapter Rating: Explicit
> 
> Chapter word count: 7100

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look... I’ve added another expected chapter to the total. Ah well. Enjoy! And I’ve pretty much got the rest of this story written, so I’m hoping to have a new chapter posted each week from here on out.
> 
> Starting ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the beginning of the chapter:
> 
> James: 37  
> Rose: 32  
> Ainsley: 7  
> Sianin: 4

James felt Rose shifting beside him. He blinked open his eyes, feeling the grittiness of sleep lingering in them, and saw that the room was still nearly dark. When he thought she would slip closer to him and they would sleep a little longer tangled together, her weight left the bed and she strode into their ensuite.

He drifted back to sleep, assuming her warm body would be pressed up next to his soon enough, but it never did.

When he awoke next, it was to the pipes clanking as the shower turned off. The weak morning light glowing from the window told him he’d slept for another hour or two since Rose first awoke.

James sat up in bed and saw Rose’s running clothes pooled on the floor by the hamper. Scrubbing his fingertips into his eyes, he reached for his phone to check the time.

Half a dozen text messages were waiting for him, all of them from Donna. A sinking sensation settled in his stomach, and his unease was confirmed when he opened the messaging app and was immediately greeted by a pink-faced newborn in a white and blue striped blanket.

His ears seemed to ring as he looked into the fat, squished face of the baby boy. Joshua Lee, according to the words under the photo. Baby Joshua was tucked in Donna’s arms, fast asleep. She looked positively exhausted, but was wearing a smile he’d never seen on her face before. Lee was perched on the bed beside her, his eyes red from the tears James was all too familiar with.

His chest ached at the memory of the wonder and awe he’d felt the first time he’d seen Ainsley and Sianin. The first time he’d held them. He’d thought he’d never seen a more beautiful child, and he’d been overwhelmed with love for his new baby. Their bodies were so fragile in his arms, and he’d known he would do anything to keep them safe.

Jealousy sank its claws into his chest, sharp and cold, as a flash of hatred shot through James.

_It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair!_

He so badly wanted what Donna and Lee had. He wanted a new baby with Rose. He wanted to see her belly grow round as their baby grew. He wanted to rest his hands on her baby bump and feel the signs of the life they’d made beneath his palms as their baby kicked and squirmed. He wanted to cry tears of joy as he held his child for the first time. Kissed their soft, sweet skin. Smelled that fresh baby scent.

He  _wanted_.

“James?”

He realized he was staring at his blank phone screen, lost to the numbness and agony spreading through his body. His eyes burned as he lifted his gaze to Rose.

“Oh, James.”

A moment later, Rose sat beside him on the bed and wrapped her arms around him, hauling him close to her. He tucked his face into her shoulder, breathing her in, but his throat closed up the longer she held him until he let out a ragged sob.

“Breathe, love,” she murmured, stroking her fingers through his hair. “Breathe. It’s all right.”

“I’m sorry,” he rasped.

“No, James. You have nothing to be sorry for.” She hugged him tighter and pressed a kiss to the side of his head. “I felt the same way when I woke up and saw the texts.”

“I feel stupid,” he whispered. “I knew she was due soon. I  _knew_  I’d get this text, and yet…”

“It caught you off guard,” Rose murmured, her voice gentle and understanding.

“I feel like an arse, too,” he admitted. “I should be happy for Donna and Lee. And I should feel so happy and blessed because we’ve already got two wonderful, perfect,  _beautiful_  kids. And yet…”

He trailed off helplessly, but Rose nodded. She carded her fingers through his hair for a few silent seconds before she said, “Can I admit something to you? I’ve felt like a shitty mum for wanting more than two kids. I would feel guilty for being so upset that I wasn’t pregnant. It felt like I was saying Ainsley and Sianin weren’t enough. And I hated myself for that. I still hate myself sometimes for it. I love them both so much, and of course they’re enough. So I would keep telling myself I was perfectly content with my life as it was. But then I’d get my period and I’d be upset I wasn’t pregnant, and the cycle began again. Over and over.”

James gave her a soft, reassuring squeeze.

“You’re not a shitty mum,” James said. “Unless I’m a shitty dad for thinking the same thing. I talked to my dad about it some last year. About how conflicted I felt. He said he’d felt the same thing when he and Mum realized I was going to be their only child. He told me that feeling the urge to have more children doesn’t mean erasing the joy that our current children bring us.”

Rose sighed into his hair. “It’s hard sometimes. I want to be happy with just having two children. I really, really want to be okay with that. And some days it feels like I’ve made my peace with it. Then there are days when it seems like I will always have this bitterness.”

“I feel the same. And I think that’s okay. It’s okay for us to be upset and disappointed, because this is a huge thing that affects the rest of our lives,” he said quietly, finally pulling back to look at her. Her eyes were dry, but a little red, as if they’d welled with tears but she’d forced them back. “We’re grieving. Perhaps not in the most traditional sense, but nevertheless, I think we need to let ourselves feel whatever we’re feeling so that we can process it and begin to move forward again.”

Rose cracked a small smile.

“I think you missed your calling as a therapist,” she teased.

“Nah,” he said. “I couldn’t deal with this on a daily basis. I talk too much and sometimes don’t listen well enough.”

“You do with me,” she said.

“Because I am emotionally invested in your well-being,” he said. “I want to listen to you and make you feel better, and hold you when I can’t.”

“Yeah, hugging your clients would probably be against the rules,” Rose agreed, burying her face into his neck.

“And they’re probably not too keen on shagging the clients, either,” he mused. “There’s got to be some sort of conflict of interest.”

She laughed against his skin, and he smiled in response.

They held each other for a few more minutes, not saying anything, just enjoying their intimate embrace. As James idly stroked his fingers up and down her spine, he realized she’d donned one of his shirts.

“I can buy you shirts in my size, y’know,” he drawled, bringing up their old argument.

“I like wearing your shirts because they smell like you, and you know it,” she shot back, giving him a playful shove at his shoulder.

“I still dunno how. It’s fresh from the laundry. Our clothes should smell the same.”

“Well, they don’t. If you could squeeze into one of my shirts, you’d realize.”

“Is that a challenge?” James asked, pulling back to look at her. “Or an insult about my weight?”

“Oh, shut up,” Rose giggled, smacking him on the shoulder. “You’re the skinniest bloke I’ve ever met. You’ve just got a bigger chest than me.”

James let his eyes wander down to her breasts. He cocked his head to the side and stared blatantly as he said, “I’m not sure that’s a compliment, love.”

Rose laughed again, and the sound was music to his ears after the conversation they’d had.

“You know what I mean,” she said, and she brought her hands up to rest at his pecs. Goosebumps broke out across his skin as she rubbed her palms across them. “You’ve got a broad chest for such a thin man. The first time I saw you without your shirt, it took me by surprise.”

“A good surprise though, right?” he asked, though he knew the answer. In addition to her odd attraction with his forearms, he knew Rose loved his chest.

She rolled her eyes in reply and dropped her hands. It took everything he had not to whimper pathetically. He was appeased when she leaned forward and pressed a feather-soft kiss to his lips, a kiss of comfort and love.

“I think you are the sexiest, most beautiful man in the world,” she whispered, nudging her nose against his. “And I’m the luckiest woman in the world to have you as mine.”

His heart stuttered through a few beats and a giggle rose up his throat. He felt as though his body could burst apart with how loved and happy he was.

“I love that sound,” she said, smiling tenderly. She pressed a parting kiss to his lips and stood up off the bed.

He watched her walk away, enjoying the subtle spring to her step. When she moved to close their bedroom door behind her, she flashed him a wide grin and said, “I’ll put the coffee on for you,” before the door snicked shut and her soft footfalls disappeared down the hall.

She looked so happy, despite the start their morning got off to, and he found that her mood was infectious. Letting out a little hum of utter contentment, James tossed back the sheets and stood up to start the day with his beautiful family.

oOoOo

They spent the rest of the summer working through all of their home decorating projects and spending time together, both with and without their kids. By the time summer drew to a close, every room in the house had been repainted, and they’d replaced a majority of the furniture in the house. They’d donated their old couch, recliners, and their bed frame to a second-hand shop and admired the new pieces that were free of the stains that came with raising kids.

Furniture shopping had been a fun day out, as they flopped and bounced on couches, recliners, and mattresses to test their comfort. They’d up-scaled their bed from queen-sized to king-sized, and they got a larger couch as well, a sectional that could comfortably seat six people. They got a new area rug to better complement the charcoal gray sofa and olive-green walls, and they replaced the coffee table, too.

They were pleased that all of the furniture lasted an entire month stain-free, and they couldn’t help but laugh that James was the one who created the first mess.

“Ah, shit,” he hissed as his coffee mug accidentally tilted in his lap from where he’d precariously perched it to turn a page in his book.

“Daddy said a bad word!” Sianin sang as Rose sprang up from the seat to grab towels.

“I know I did,” he growled, grabbing tissues to soak up the coffee on the cushions. He unthinkingly set the mug on the new coffee table and swore again when he saw dribbles of coffee slide down the mug and onto the polished oak surface.

“This is not your morning,” Rose said with a stifled smile as she reappeared with dish towels to help sop up the spill. When she saw the front of his jeans was soaked, her brows pinched. “Are you all right? Did you burn yourself?”

James glanced down at himself and smirked.

“Worried I’ve damaged your favorite part of me?” he crooned. When she rolled her eyes and chucked a towel at him, he said, “Well, rest assured, nothing’s injured but my pride.” As Rose knelt beside him to spray fabric cleaner across the sofa, James hovered his lips by her ear and whispered, “But maybe we should do a thorough examination of my equipment later tonight. Just to be sure. Can’t be too careful.”

Rose snorted and jabbed her elbow in his ribs.

“Why is Daddy’s lap your favorite part, Mummy?” Sianin asked curiously.

“Daddy was just being silly,” Rose answered. She stared pointedly at James. “Wasn’t he?”

“’Course I was. I love being silly because I love making Mummy laugh.”

“Go on and get changed,” Rose said when they’d cleaned the mess as best they could. “I’ll pour your coffee into a sippy cup then we can go shopping.”

“I think a thermos will do,” James said dryly.

“If you think you can handle that,” Rose teased. “Girls, get your shoes on. We’re going school shopping!”

Ainsley let out a gleeful whoop then grabbed Sianin’s hand to run for the shoe rack by the front door.

A half hour later, the family was wandering through a mall with an ever-filling cart of school supplies, this time filled with things Sianin would need for her Reception year. They could barely believe their baby was about to start school, but they were glad to see her excited about this newest adventure.

The weekend before school was due to start found the family travelling to London for the wedding between Mickey and Martha. Rose was looking forward to celebrating the love between her friends, but she also was pleased to have a date for the reception. At Donna’s wedding the previous summer, James had been out of the country and she’d gone to the wedding with just her kids.

She spent most of the reception dancing with James, swaying in his arms across the dance floor. And when she wasn’t in his arms, their daughters took turns dancing with him. She took a multitude of photos of the sight of her family dancing together.

James had taken her camera from her later on in the afternoon.

“You’re always photographing me with the girls,” he said when she tried to protest. “I want to return the favor. I promise I won’t break your baby.”

Rose rolled her eyes, but proceeded to give him a quick tutorial of the camera.

“Yeah, yeah. Point, focus, shoot. I got it,” he said, shooing her to the dance floor where Ainsley and Sianin were dancing together, their movements far too upbeat for the slow love ballad. “Go on, love. Dance.”

Rose proceeded to dance with their daughters, both together and individually, as well as with Mickey and Robert. James documented it all, his photos not nearly as lovely as those Rose could capture, but they were decent enough.

As the reception wound down, Robert took the camera from James and pushed him to the dance floor with Rose.

“Dad’s on babysitting duty,” James said, angling his head to where his dad was sitting with the camera. “I want to dance with my beautiful wife one last time before the party ends.”

Rose beamed at him, and he ducked down to catch her lips in a kiss. One of her hands clenched the fabric of his suit jacket while her other went into his hair to hold his head where it was. He smirked against her mouth and adjusted the angle of his head to deepen the kiss.

When they returned home on Sunday, they took the afternoon to everything ready for the girls’ first day of school. They made sure their backpacks were stocked with all of their new supplies and that their uniforms were washed, pressed, and laid out for them.

“Are you excited for tomorrow?” Rose asked as she tucked Sianin into bed that night.

“Yeah! I’m gonna learn lots and be smart as Ainsley!” Sianin’s eyes were bright and her wide grin showed off the new gap from where she’d lost her first tooth the week before.

“Yes you are,” James said. “You’re gonna learn so much and make loads of new friends.”

He leaned down a pressed a kiss to his youngest’s forehead and retired to his bedroom as Rose read Sianin her bedtime stories. He got himself ready for bed and slipped beneath the sheets, content to play a game on his phone as he waited for Rose.

She joined him twenty minutes later. He finished up his game as she went through her nightly routine, and set it to the side when Rose slipped under the sheets beside him.

“Big day tomorrow,” she murmured, nestling herself into his open arm.

“Yeah. Can’t believe she’s this big already,” James said, tracing idle patterns up and down her arm. “How are you feeling?”

“Great. Considering. I mean… this is a huge stepping stone for Sianin, but she’s so excited for it. And I’m excited for us to start this adventure with her.”

“Me too,” James agreed. He’d been sad when Ainsley had started school, and he was pleased that no trace of it was present in his chest now. He felt nothing but eagerness for this newest chapter in his life, in his family’s life.

They slipped into silence, with James continuing to walk his fingers up and down her arm, then across her hip.

“D’you want to fool around for a bit?” Rose asked when his fingers dipped beneath the waistband of her sleep shorts.

He froze, not realizing where his hand had gone. He’d been touching his wife because he’d enjoyed doing so, not because he’d meant to start anything.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, pulling his arm from around her waist. “Not really. But if you want to…”

“Nope, I’m fine,” she answered. “But can we keep cuddling like we were? It felt nice.”

He smiled and wrapped his arm around her and leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead, then her lips. They kissed for many long minutes, kisses of love and togetherness that made James feel warm all over.

They gradually pulled out of their snog and lay on their sides, tangled together as they talked. They talked for hours about everything it seemed. They debated politics, played twenty questions, discussed books they’d read and wanted to read. On and on, until they realized it was almost midnight and their stomachs were sore from how often they’d been lost in stifled laughter.

“It’s been a while since we did this,” James whispered after he’d leaned over and flicked off the lamp, shrouding them in darkness. “It was nice.”

“Yeah it was,” Rose said, her voice sounding suddenly sleepy. “We should do this more often. I love talking with you.”

“Well that’s reassuring,” he drawled, and she snorted at him.

“I just meant that it’s so nice we can still talk to each other forever, despite having known each other for decades.”

“You’re making us sound so old,” he groaned.

“Pfft.” James didn’t need to see his wife to know she was rolling her eyes. “We’re in our prime, love.”

“I’m almost forty,” he said with a dramatic, long-suffering sigh.

“Yeah, but you are the sexiest, smartest, funniest, loving-est…” James laughed at her word choice and heard her echo it. “...almost-forty-year-old in the universe. And I love you.”

“Well, I guess that’s fine, then.” He squeaked when Rose smacked at his chest. He fumbled for her hand and managed to catch it to press a kiss to each of her knuckles. “I love you, too, Rose.”

She gave his fingers a squeeze, then took her hand back as she rolled onto her side.

“Can I spoon you for a little bit?” he asked.

“As long as you don’t wake me up when you change positions,” she said.

“You’ve never complained before when I’ve changed positions,” he purred into her ear, slotting his body behind hers.

She laughed at him again, and let out a long breath as she relaxed back into him.

They awoke to two small bodies jumping on them the next morning. James wheezed out a breath when Sianin’s knee landed on his stomach, and he quickly shuffled her off of him before she could accidentally kick a more sensitive part of him.

“You two are up early,” Rose mumbled from beside him, sitting up.

“First day of school!” Sianin crowed. “You said we’d get a big breakfast!”

“It’s barely six,” James argued.

“And we leave the house at seven-thirty,” Ainsley said. “We don’t wanna be late!”

“We won’t be,” Rose said soothingly, but she slipped out of bed anyway and gestured for the girls to follow.

James groaned and stretched, then followed his family into the kitchen to help whip up the traditional first day of school breakfast. As everything cooked, he and Rose took turns sneaking off for a shower. And as Rose predicted, once breakfast was finished, there was still a half hour to go before they had to leave for school.

When the girls were finally dressed, James watched as Rose took the usual first day of school photos. She took individual ones of the girls, then a photo of them together, before she put her camera away and they decided to drive to the school, even though they’d be too early.

They all walked Sianin to her classroom, and James couldn’t help but laugh when she barely gave them a hug and kiss goodbye before she ran for the coat cubby that had her name printed on it.

“Sian, remember Ainsley will come collect you at the end of the day,” James called out.

“Yep! Bye bye!”

James shook his head at his youngest. Then, after he and Rose introduced themselves and Ainsley to Sianin’s teacher, they walked with Ainsley to her classroom.

The family soon settled into their respective school-time routines. With the entire day at her disposal, Rose found little things to occupy her time. She kept up with the household chores and finished up a few of the home renovations that hadn’t been entirely completed by the time the new term began.

She also used her newfound free time to catch up with friends she hadn’t seen in far too long.

“Penny! Hi!” Rose skipped up to her old friend and wrapped her in a hug. “Sorry I’m a bit late. I didn’t quite time the laundry right.”

“No worries,” Penny said, sitting back down in her chair. “So you had the day off?”

Rose shook her head. “Oh, no. I can’t believe I didn’t tell you—I quit my job.” Penny’s eyebrows rose, and Rose nodded. “Yeah, I was being driven mad by my supervisory role. I couldn’t do nearly the amount of commissions as they’d said I would, and that’s the part of the job I loved the most. I grew to hate going to work and with how stressed James and I were… Well, I decided I’d had enough of being so unhappy.”

Penny gave her a gentle smile and reached across the table to squeeze Rose’s fingers. “You seem so much happier than when I saw you last. By the way, can we not go six months without doing lunch next time? Damn, Rose, with you not working anymore, we could’ve scheduled something ages back!”

Rose’s cheeks warmed and she said, “I know, I know. Sorry ‘bout that. James and I have been so busy lately. We’ve basically redone all of the rooms in the house. New coat of paint, new furniture. We’re thinking of remodeling our kitchen next.” Rose dug her phone out of her purse and scrolled through her photos to show off her home.

“Oh, wow,” Penny breathed. “Wanna come redo my house next?” She then smiled softly at a photo, and Rose leaned forward to see what had caught her friend’s attention. It was a selfie of her and James in their war-zone of a living room. They were each covered in specks of paint, their hair having gotten the most damage after their paint-smeared hands had wandered during a snog. “You two look amazing, Rose. Are things… better?”

Penny had been the only non-family person Rose had confided in about how much she’d been struggling, and how hard she and James were working to build themselves back up again.

“Yeah, loads better,” Rose said. “I feel great, and James does too. We’re both back in a really good place.”

“I’m so happy for you,” Penny said, handing Rose her phone.

“Thanks. But enough about me. How’s your work? How’s Devon and the kids?”

Penny had changed jobs over a year ago, shortly before word had come that the company they’d worked at would be restructuring. She was working at a much smaller company that primarily dealt in photography, the art form Penny preferred the most. As she listened to her friend light up as she talked about the projects she was in the middle of, a pit of longing formed in Rose’s stomach and remained even after the two parted with the promise to meet up again soon.

When she got home, Rose fired up her laptop and opened up a basic photo editing software and got to work on touching up the first day of school photographs. She lost herself to her work until her phone alarm reminder her to go collect the kids from school. Saving her work, she tried to think of where she could go to get the pictures printed off. It was irksome to no longer have high-tech printers at her disposal.

 _I can talk to James about maybe buying one,_  she mused.

But as she considered getting a new printer, she began to wish she had better art programs on her computer and tablet. She had basic packages, but nothing like the wealth of technology and programs she’d had access to while at her job. As she drove to pick up the kids, Rose couldn’t help but make a mental list of all of the artistic equipment she wished she could have. However, it didn’t seem worth it to invest so much money in something that would be just for her own amusement.

_Unless…_

Over the next several days, James noticed that Rose seemed preoccupied with something. Not in a bad way, but he could tell there was something on her mind. After checking in with her and getting the reassurance that it wasn’t anything worrisome, he let her have her space to think.

His patience was rewarded one night when she came to him with a nervous but determined look in her eyes.

“I’ve been thinking…”

James glanced up from his e-reader to see Rose fingering the pendant of her necklace. He set the tablet to the side and pivoted his body to face her. They sat in silence for a few seconds as James waited for her to organize her thoughts and share what was on her mind.

“I’m a pretty good artist,” Rose said at last.

Though confused, James nodded and said, “The best I’ve ever seen. Picasso and Van Gogh and whoever else have got nothing on you, love.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled and finally released her necklace, only to take her thumb and spin her engagement ring around her finger.

“I was thinking that I miss making art for other people,” Rose said. “I’ve been drawing and painting and photographing over the last few months, but they’ve all been for me, or for our family. But… art should be shared.”

Several ideas floated through James’s head. Ideas about Rose submitting some of her art to galleries, or finding a new job at a studio, or making her own website to sell her pieces. But he wasn’t sure if what he thought she could do matched with what she wanted to do, so he nodded and let her continue to speak.

“I don’t think I want to get another job like the one I had,” she said, and James checked that idea off his mental list. “But… what do you think about me someday opening up my own studio?”

Rose shrugged as she finished speaking, and she dropped her gaze to the couch cushion between them. James caught her hand as it began its journey to her mouth, and he gave it a squeeze as he said, “I think that’s a brilliant idea.”

“Yeah? It’s not stupid or fanciful?”

“Of course not,” James said, frowning slightly. He squeezed her fingers again then said, “I’m here for you, no matter what. I’ll support you in whatever way I can. We could remodel the basement into a studio for you, or if you’d prefer, we could rent a flat or office space for you. Whatever you want, Rose, it’s yours.”

She finally smiled at him then scooted across the cushions towards him. “Thank you, James. Your support means a lot to me. I dunno when or how I want to do this, but within the next couple of years, I think I’d like to get something up and running.”

“Just let me know,” he whispered, opening his arm for her to cuddle into his side. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Whatever you decide to do, it’s gonna be fantastic.”

oOoOo

James’s groin felt tight as he slowly drifted out of his dream. He couldn’t remember what he’d been dreaming of, only that it had been nice.

Sighing, he flexed his hips a little to try to alleviate the building ache at the front of his pants. He was about to roll over and press himself against Rose to ask if she might like to make love before his alarm went off when he realized something was already rubbing at his morning erection.

He cracked open his eyes and saw Rose lying near his hip, her head propped up by her elbow as she lazily rubbed him through his pants. She looked up at him and smiled the smile that sent butterflies fluttering in his belly.

“Happy birthday,” she said, leaning over to press a kiss to the swell of his ribs. “D’you want to do something with this?” She gave his erection a soft squeeze, sending a thrill of pleasure through him.

“I was hoping we could,” he murmured, pressing his hips up into her hand.

They moved together to get his pants off, and Rose took her top off too. Her breasts swung with her movements as she returned to her position near his hip. His breath caught in his throat when he realized what she was doing.

Her mouth was hot and wet as she pressed lingering open-mouthed kisses to his erection, an endless circuit up and down his length. He leaned back into his pillow and let her explore him, torn between letting her take her time and wanting her to hurry up before the kids woke up and potentially interrupted them.

After a couple minutes of teasing him to full hardness, she took him completely into her mouth. He bit his lip against a moan as pleasure sparked down his spine, settling deep in his gut as the pressure built.

“God, I love this,” he groaned.

She grinned around his cock and picked up the pace. He reached down to thread his fingers through her hair, not to guide her movements, but simply to touch her. Her hair was silky between his fingers, and he was mindful of the tangles and knots from sleep.

Minutes passed and James nearly let himself get consumed in her ministrations. Her hand had joined her mouth, providing him with unbelievable friction. But he heard the rustle of fabric and a soft, wet noise that wasn’t her mouth, and when he glanced down at her, he saw her other hand was down her knickers, pleasuring herself.

The sight was almost enough to make him come, but he pushed down the swelling sensation and he tugged on her hair gently.

“Wait,” he gasped. “Rose, stop for a sec.”

She pulled off of him and frowned. “Everything okay?”

He nodded and said, “How close are you?”

She slowly pulled her hand out of her knickers. “Pretty close.”

“Excellent.” He tapped a fingertip against the base of his cock and said, “The birthday boy would like to be inside his wife, if she’s agreeable.”

Rose chuckled and rolled her eyes, but she pushed her knickers down her legs and knelt beside him after retrieving a small foil packet from their bedside.

“The birthday boy’s wife is very agreeable,” she replied, slowly rolling the condom down his length. “D’you want to top? It’s your day, after all.”

But James shook his head, wanting to see her on top of him. He braced his hands at her hips to steady her as she straddled his hips and took him inside of her.

“I love being inside you,” he sighed as he filled her.

“Here I thought you loved getting a blow job,” Rose said with a cheeky grin.

“Well, I love that too,” he said, gripping her hips as she began to rock on him. “I just love making love with you however I can. I love you.”

“I love you, too, James,” she said, before her head tilted back and she groaned. “God, you feel good.”

He nodded, thrusting his hips up into her to try to get her to make that breathy squeak he loved so much. It took a couple tries, but she finally let out the noise and he grinned triumphantly.

“You’re too pleased,” she huffed breathlessly.

“Bet I can make you come first,” he replied, arching his hips to drive himself harder into her.

“I’ll take that—oh,  _fuck_ —that bet.”

Before he could reach down to rub her clit and send her over the edge she was already close to, Rose caught his hands in hers and pinned them near his head.

“Oi!” he whined.

She breathed out a laugh as she leaned closer to him until she was almost lying flat on top of him. She squeezed her muscles around him, giving him a surge of friction and pleasure as she mercilessly rocked her hips into his.

“You’re cheating,” he gasped as the coil of pleasure tightened inside of him.

“No, I’m using my extensive knowledge and experience to win this bet,” she replied, setting an unforgiving pace above him.

“Cheating,” he muttered, but he soon didn’t care as long as her hips kept moving. “I’m close, Rose. You’re gonna come too, right?”

“Mhm,” she answered, biting her lip. “Right behind you.” She leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lips. It was sloppy and uncoordinated but so tender that James’s heart skipped a beat with the love he felt in the moment. She then placed her lips next to his ear and whispered, “Come for me, James.”

The words were his undoing, along with the puff of hot air across the shell of his ear. Trembling with goosebumps, James strained against her grip as the coil of pleasure released. Rose let him go, and he hugged her hips tightly to his.

“Your turn,” he gritted out, trying to coordinate his hips to keep thrusting into her as he spent himself.

“Right there,” she grunted.

James’s eyes rolled back as his pleasure peaked, leaving him pulsing and throbbing inside of Rose as his heartbeat roared in his ears. He heard her whimper his name before the word died on a series of wordless moans and sighs.

His head finally cleared of the fog enough for him to watch Rose continue to ride her high, working herself against him in slow, lazy movements. God, he loved her. He loved her more than he could possibly tell her. His whole heart clenched with the feeling, and he sat up so he could wrap her in a hug.

His movements caused her to let out another hum of pleasure, and so he flexed his hips for her, delighted that this orgasm seemed to be going on for longer than usual.

“Oh, God,” she groaned, resting her forehead on the top of his head. “Jesus.”

“Just James,” he mumbled, burying his face into her neck. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

They remained in their intimate embrace until James felt himself slip out of her. Grimacing, he tugged the condom off and dropped it into the rubbish bin they kept beside the bed. Before he could coax Rose off his lap, she threaded her fingers through his hair to tilt his head back so she could press her lips to his.

Their kisses were unhurried and full of tenderness. James wished they could stay in bed for another hour or so because his arousal was slowly reigniting the longer he kissed his wife. He knew she could feel the evidence of it, because she smirked against his mouth and ground her hips down on his, encouraging his erection to grow.

“We shouldn’t,” he sighed, even as he wished she would keep moving on him like that.

“Sure we should,” she argued. “I mean… if you want to go another round.”

“Oh, believe me, I do,” he said firmly. His entire body was singing with renewed desire, as though he hadn’t just found his release mere minutes ago. “But the kid’s’ll be up soon.”

“They’re probably already up,” she replied.

“All the more reason we shouldn’t.”

“I can keep quiet if you can,” she whispered. But she pulled back from the kiss to look down at him. “If you want?”

He did want. He stayed silent for a few seconds, listening for the kids. The faint clattering of silverware on bowls echoed from the kitchen, and James hoped they were eating something somewhat healthy for breakfast.

Rose misinterpreted his silence and pressed a kiss to his forehead and began to shift off of his lap.

“No, no. Stay,” he murmured. “I want.”

James pulled her head back to his, catching her lips in another kiss before he coaxed her onto her back and grabbed a fresh condom before covering her body with his. There wasn’t a single place their bodies weren’t touching, and James let out a deep groan of satisfaction when Rose wrapped her arms and legs around him.

“My God, I feel like I could stay like this forever,” Rose moaned into his ear after he slipped inside of her. “You feel so,  _so_  good, James.”

“I know the feeling,” he hummed, nuzzling his nose into her neck to breathe her in.

“The kids should be fine for a few hours, right?” she asked, rolling her hips up into his.

“Definitely. They’re very self-sufficient children.”

“Then I vote we stay here all day.”

“I’m not sure they’re self-sufficient enough to drive themselves to school though,” James mused.

“That’s the next thing I’m teaching them.” She hissed and dug her nails into his lower back. “Oh, God, do that again.”

James grinned and arched his hips, rubbing his pelvis against hers as he did so. Gradually, their conversation dwindled and sighing pants and moans took their place. They smothered their sounds of pleasure into each other’s skin as they made love slowly. After sending Rose over the edge, James’s teeth sank into her shoulder as he grunted through his release.

As the final aftershocks rippled through him in time with Rose’s fingers stroking his spine, her phone blared at them.

“What happened to my alarm?” James mumbled into her breast as Rose grabbed her phone.

“I wanted a few extra minutes with you,” she answered. “I figured you’d appreciate that.”

“How many is ‘a few’?”

A guilty smile crossed her face. “Er… thirty?”

James laughed into her skin. “You impossible woman. You’re gonna make me late.”

“If you get in the shower within the next two minutes, you’ll be right on time,” Rose said. But she’d resumed trailing her fingertips up and down his spine, sending pleasant tingles across his skin and giving him no incentive to move. “I’ll have your breakfast and coffee ready for you, and you can be out the door by seven-forty.”

His entire chest warmed, and he pulled back to look at her. “You take such good care of me.”

A slow, broad smile lit up her face. “Well, of course. I love you.”

“I love you, too. So much.” He leaned down a pressed a series of kisses to her cheeks and lips as he said, “You and our daughters are my life’s greatest gift, and I’m so thankful have such a wonderful family.”

Just then, a barrage of rapid knocks sounded on their bedroom door.

“Are you done having private alone time?”

“ _Sianin!_ ”

“What? I wanna show Daddy my card! Mummy needs to share Daddy.”

James bit back a laugh. He looked down at Rose, whose eyes were twinkling with amusement, and murmured, “I take back what I said. They’re absolute menaces.”

Rose giggled and smacked at his shoulder. He stuck his tongue out at her, then rolled off her.

“I’ll be out in ten minutes,” he called out. “I’m about to get a shower. I can’t wait to see your card, Sian.”

The doorknob jiggled. “Can’t we come in?”

“No, darling,” he said. “We’ll be out in a few minutes. Go finish getting ready for school.”

The pitter patter of two sets of small feet retreated down the hall, and James breathed a silent sigh.

“Her innocence is such a gift and I dread the day she realizes what her mum and dad do behind closed doors,” he said. “I was traumatized when I realized what my parents were doing during “private alone time”.”

Rose snorted and rolled her eyes. “Imagine learning your mum did that with a random bloke she met at a pub or a supermarket or the laundry. But nevertheless. I don’t want us to make a big deal of it to the kids. Yeah? What we’re doing is perfectly natural and healthy, and I don’t want either Ainsley or Sianin to think it’s something dirty or secret or something to be ashamed of.”

“Agreed,” James said. “It’s just a little awkward, is all. I can see Sianin blurting out at school someday that her mum and dad have private alone time  _all the time_.”

Rose let out a cackle and said, “Oh, she probably will. Bless her nonexistent filter. But you need to get up. You’re three minutes behind the very strict schedule I set for you.”

“Well, since I’m already running late…” He leaned over and brushed a kiss to the freckles on her shoulder. “You could just join me in the shower and make me properly late. Eh?”

She smacked her palm against the back of his head, and he pulled back with a pout. But she was grinning as she said, “You’re insatiable!”

“For you, my love?” He leaned down to press a final kiss to her shoulder. “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I'd love to know what you thought!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein the family celebrates Ainsley's birthday and Christmas, and James and Rose make an important decision.
> 
> Chapter Rating: Teen
> 
> Chapter word count: 8600

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the start of the chapter:  
> James: 38  
> Rose: 32  
> Ainsley: 8  
> Sianin: 4

Rose leaned silently against the doorframe to the kitchen, watching her husband work on Ainsley’s cake. She watched his fingers deftly crack open an egg at a time and add it to the mixture, along with a splash of vanilla and a cup of milk.

As the mixture stirred, he turned away from her and rooted through a cabinet for a pan, and Rose bit her lip at the very generous view of his arse in those tight jeans of his. His jumper had ridden up, and she could see the dimples of his spine peeking out at her. She watched the way his back flexed as he searched the cabinet, and heat pooled from her chest to deep in her belly.

Though she couldn’t keep her presence a secret any longer when she saw the hand-shaped dusting of flour on his back pocket and burst into giggles.

He stood up, spun around, and flashed her a wide grin that sent her heart fluttering.

“How’s it going, Chef?” she asked, stepping fully into the kitchen and peering into the chocolatey mixture.

“Pretty good,” he said. He waved a baking pan at her. “Just about to pop it in the oven.”

Rose nodded and then boosted herself onto the counter to watch him pour the batter into the pan, stealing a few tastes as he did so. He then put the cake into the oven and set the timer.

“Want a taste?” he asked, running his fingertip over the smears of chocolate left in the bowl.

Rose reached out and grabbed his hand, bringing it to her lips. She stuck her tongue out and trailed it up his finger, below where there had been any chocolate to start, then up and around the tip. She swirled her tongue around his fingertip, nipping gently, then slowly sucked the length of it into her mouth, delighting in the glazing of his eyes. She sucked hard as she moved her mouth off his finger.

“Tastes great!” she said cheerfully.

James was still staring at her and her mouth, and she grinned at him, letting her tongue poke out from the corner of her mouth.

“Don’t you think it tasted good?” she asked, wrapping her legs around his waist to draw him close to her.

“Y-yeah,” he rasped, stumbling forward a step.

“You’ve got a bit of flour on you, you know,” she whispered. She batted at the powder on his chest, then she let her fingers trail down to the flour residue on his thigh. She stifled a grin when she heard his little intake of breath as she rubbed her hand against his hip and down his thigh, then around to his bum where she remembered the floury handprint. She gave his bum a slow squeeze and then smacked her hand harder than necessary, delighting in his surprised squeak, as she brushed him off. “Okay, I think you’re clean down there. Now for the flour on your face.”

She caressed her fingers across his jaw, brushing the flour from his stubble, before she cradled his cheeks in her hands and leaned in for a kiss. He breathed out a sigh against her lips as he pressed closer to her and rested his hands at her hips. His mouth covered hers as he slowly sucked her bottom lip into his mouth.

One of her hands moved from his jaw to wrap around the back of his neck. Her nails bit into his skin when he grazed his teeth across her bottom lip. She moaned into his mouth and tugged him closer, hooking her ankles around his thighs to hold him where he was.

His fingers dug into her waist before he moved a hand to the small of her back. He clenched his hand into the fabric of her shirt as he panted in a breath and devoured her lips once more. His tongue danced against hers, then across the roof of her mouth and at the backs of her teeth.

Her heart pounded in her ribcage and her vision swam, reminding her to breathe. She pulled her mouth away from his to gasp in a breath, and she exhaled out a moan when he trailed his lips down her cheek, across her jaw, then down her neck.

“God, James,” she hissed, tightening her legs around him.

“Mhm,” he mumbled into her neck.

“We should stop,” she said, remembering that they were due to host a houseful of seven- and- eight-year-olds for their daughter’s birthday in a little over an hour.

“You started it,” he breathed, nipping his way back up her jaw to reclaim her lips.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and melted into the kiss. Her hands couldn’t seem to land in any one spot. They skated from his hair, to his back, to his hips, to his chest, and back to his hair again.

She’d just scraped her nails across his scalp, earning her a whimper and a full-body shudder from James, when she heard a loud, “Ahem!”

Rose squeaked and dropped her arms from around her husband before sheepishly looking over his shoulder and seeing her mum.

“Bloody hell, you two didn’t even hear me come in, did you?”

James had his forehead tucked into her neck as he caught his breath and composed himself. He pressed a parting kiss to her shoulder before turning around to face his mother-in-law.

“Pair of bloody teenagers,” Jackie muttered, setting the gift she’d brought onto the kitchen table.

“What can I say?” James said, running his fingers through his mussed hair. “I am completely in love with my wife.”

Rose giggled as warmth flared through her chest, and James looked back at her with a daft grin on his face.

“C’mon, you’ve got lipstick all over you,” Rose said, hopping down from the counter. “Let’s get you straightened up.”

“You’ve got children coming soon,” Jackie called after them.

Rose rolled her eyes and ignored her mother as she guided her husband down the hall.

“You need straightening up, too,” James said smugly as they stepped into their room. “You look thoroughly snogged.”

James stripped out of his flour-covered jeans and shirt and into a new pair as Rose worked on taming her hair and fixing her makeup.

“Sorry I let that get a little heated,” Rose said. She scrubbed off her smudged lipstick, not wanting to reapply it. Her hair was a lost cause, so she bunched it up into a messy ponytail.

James snorted. “You will never hear me complaining about that.”

“It’s not nice of me to initiate such a snog when I can’t follow through on it.”

“Not every snog needs to end in sex,” James said. “But if you want, we can take a rain check ‘til tonight?”

“Was already planning on it,” she replied with a wink.

By the time they got back to the living room, Robert had arrived and was speaking to a stranger at the door.

“You want it set up in the back, right?” Robert asked when he saw them approaching.

Rose glanced behind the man at the door and saw a truck with a logo advertising bouncy castles parked behind James’s car.

“Yep. Can you direct them?”

While Robert supervised the inflation of the bouncy castle they’d rented, James and Rose worked together to put the finishing touches on the party. As soon as the bouncy castle was assembled, Ainsley and Sianin sprinted for it to jump around as they waited for the guests to arrive.

Whenever one of Ainsley’s friends showed up, they directed them out to the backyard to play. Though it was mid-November, the day was mild enough that it wasn’t too uncomfortable to be playing outside for hours.

After lunch, Rose showcased her artistic prowess and face-painted Ainsley and her friends. She stretched every creative muscle to paint everyone’s animal of choice across the cheeks and noses of everyone in attendance.

“And what would you like me to paint?” Rose murmured to James once all of the kids were done. She took a clean brush and skimmed the bristles across the freckles on his face.

“Hmm… Ooh, the Leonids!”

Rose blinked at him.

“Because they’re happening tomorrow night.” When she continued staring silently at him, he said, “You know… the meteor shower? We should take the kids out and watch it. I think it’s supposed to be clear skies tomorrow.”

Rose cocked an eyebrow at him, then shook her head. “You want me to paint a shooting star on your face? It’ll just look like a smear of yellow. Actually, that gave me an idea…”

James’s expression turned curious, but Rose gave nothing away as she grabbed blue and yellow paint and began making various shades and tints of each.

“Stop scrunching your face,” Rose chided.

“It tickles!”

“Yet eight eight-year-olds and a four-year-old were able to sit still.”

He stuck his tongue out at her but settled back into the chair so she could finish up.

“Tada!” Rose grabbed the hand-held mirror and held it up so he could see the simplified rendition of  _Starry Night_  she’d painted across his cheeks. “D’you like it?”

“It’s perfect,” he murmured, pushing aside the mirror to angle his face up to hers.

“Ah ah.” She pressed against his shoulders. “It hasn’t quite dried yet. Give it a few minutes then you can kiss me as long as you’d like.”

“Well, probably not as long as I’d like,” he mused. “Because I want to kiss you forever, but sadly we would never get anything else done.”

Rose giggled and rolled her eyes at her daft husband, then she leaned up to peck a conciliatory kiss to his Adam’s apple.

After Rose cleaned up her face painting supplies, James’s baking skills were displayed as he presented his daughter with the chocolate cake smeared with cream cheese icing.

“Your mum helped with the decorating,” James said as Ainsley thanked him with a hug. “Make a wish, darling.”

Her face screwed up in thought, then she blew out the eight candles with one breath.

Rose danced around their house to take photos of the party, watching her daughter laughing and playing with her friends and family. Her heart squeezed when she saw how hard Ainsley worked to make sure Sianin was included in the games, and she loved that Ainsley’s friends were so warm and welcoming of Sianin in the activities.

However, as the party continued, Rose frowned when she saw her mother withdrawing from the festivities. Jackie beamed at Ainsley every time the child came up to her, but Rose saw it disappear when Ainsley was no longer watching.

As the kids all went back outside to play on the bouncy castle, Rose collected the empty pizza boxes and scattered plates and cups.

“Mum, can you give me a hand in the kitchen?” she asked, shaking her head at James when he looked like he was about to follow them. “Can you keep taking photos, love?”

She handed her camera to her husband, then followed her mother into the kitchen.

“Ainsley seems to be enjoying herself,” Jackie noted as she peered through the window at the kids.

“Yeah. But you don’t seem to be,” Rose said carefully as she consolidated all of the uneaten slices of pizza into one box.

“What d’you mean? I’m spending the day with my daughter and granddaughters,” Jackie said. “Of course I’m enjoying myself.”

Rose just stared at her mother, seeing the tense set to her shoulders and the tightness around her eyes. Finally, Jackie blew out a breath and she said quietly, “I feel like I’m missing out on everything.”

Rose frowned. “What d’you mean?”

Jackie gestured through the window at the children. “I only ever see the girls once a month or so, or at holidays and birthdays. I’m missing them grow up. They’re not as comfortable around me as they are with Robert. Even their friends are familiar with him, calling him ‘Robert’ while I’m just ‘Mrs. Tyler’ or ‘Ainsley’s Gran’.”

Something uncomfortable curled up in Rose’s stomach as she listened to the yearning in her mother’s voice.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, unsure of what else to say.

Jackie shrugged and turned away to continue cleaning up the kitchen.

The party began winding down shortly thereafter. Rose didn’t miss the way her mother stayed until the very end, after all of Ainsley’s friends had been picked up by their parents, and how she’d given Ainsley and Sianin a long, tight hug and a multitude of kisses to their faces.

After having a bit more birthday cake and cold pizza in lieu of dinner, James and Rose got the kids ready for bed then retired to their bedroom, exhausted from entertaining a houseful of children all afternoon.

Rose was preoccupied by her mother’s words as she went through her nightly routine and slipped into bed, waiting for her husband. James grunted as he crawled onto the mattress beside her, letting out a deep sigh as he relaxed into the pillows. She smiled at the familiar sound. He rolled towards her and nuzzled his lips into her neck, and she remembered the raincheck from that afternoon.

“Ainsley seemed to enjoy her party,” he murmured between kisses.

“Yeah, she did,” she answered, humming and tilting her head back to give him a bit more room. She lifted her hand to his hair and caressed it gently, keeping him where he was. “But Mum…”

She sighed and James pulled back, despite her tightening grip in his hair.

“Is everything okay?” he asked, concern knitting his brow.

He propped his elbow on his pillow and rested his cheek in his palm. He reached out and rested his hand on her thigh, his fingers scrunching and smoothing the fabric of her shorts and occasionally reaching out to tickle through the hairs she hadn’t shaved in nearly a week.

“I’m getting kinda fuzzy,” Rose snorted, rubbing her prickly skin.

“A bit, but that’s all right,” he said. “I’m kinda fuzzy too.”

He leaned forward and scraped his stubbled jaw against her cheeks and neck. Hot tingles zinged across her skin and she squirmed away from him while trying not to shriek with giggles. His rumbling chuckle echoed in her ears, and he pulled back to grin at her, his eyes crinkling with his happiness.

But a moment later, his face sobered and he asked, “Is Jackie all right?”

“Yeah, but she said something today that makes me…” Rose loosed a breath. “She seems sad that she doesn’t see Ainsley and Sianin very often.”

James frowned. “She sees them all the time.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “She really doesn’t, love. Especially when you consider how often your dad sees them.”

“Well, he only lives a mile or so away,” he said. “Jackie’s quite a bit further.”

“No, I know,” Rose said. “I know that it isn’t feasible to see her every week or anything, but it just makes me… sad. We’re all the family she has, James. Could you imagine being her? Living by yourself, no spouse, and your only child and grandchildren live an hour away and you see them once or twice a month, maximum.”

James’s mouth tightened as his eyes shuttered a bit. “I… I can’t really imagine living alone,” he finally admitted. “I can’t think about my life without you in it. I don’t really want to, either.”

“I know,” she answered gently. “I don’t want to imagine that either. But that also helps to prove my point. Mum gets lonely.”

“What do you want us to do about it?” His voice was soft, earnest. As though he would genuinely do anything to try to solve the problem.

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “Short of letting my mum move in with us, there’s not much we can do, is there?”

James winced but he said, “Do you want to offer that to her? The house will be a little cramped, but we could make do. Could bump up the basement renovations to a higher priority and craft a living space for her. No, wait. We’d discussed turning that into a studio for you. Well, I suppose we could put an addition onto the house whenever you decide you’re ready for that.”

Rose’s chest warmed. She knew he meant every word. Even though he and her mum often butted heads, he would be willing to let her mother move into their home if it made Rose happy. But it wouldn’t. Not really.

“I appreciate that offer,” she said, kissing him quickly. “Really, I do. But that wouldn’t work for two reasons. First, London is her home. It’s all she’s ever known and the only place she’s ever lived. She loves the city too much. And second, I don’t think Mum and I could survive each other living under the same roof.”

James snorted out a laugh and teased, “Will you be cross with me if I agree with that sentiment?”

“Hmm, maybe just a little,” she breathed, angling her head so her face was mere inches from his. “But I’m sure you could find a way to make it up to me.”

He reached out to press on her shoulders, urging her to her back. He followed, and she groaned as his warm, comforting weight settled atop her. Ducking down, he nipped at her earlobe and then purred, “I have a few things in mind.”

oOoOo

“Mum? Dad?”

James and Rose glanced up from where they were watching  _It’s a Wonderful Life_. James lifted his cheek from the top of Rose’s head and grappled beside him for the remote to pause the film. Ainsley stood before them in her snowflake- and penguin-adorned pajamas, wringing her hands in front of her and looking pensive and a little sad.

“What’s wrong?” Rose asked, prying James’s arm from around her waist as she slid forward to perch on the edge of the sofa.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” James answered immediately. “You know you can always talk to Mum and me.”

“And do you promise to tell me the truth?” Ainsley pressed.

James furrowed his brows and glanced over at Rose. She looked as puzzled as he did. What on Earth could their eight-year-old want to talk to them about?

“We will always try to tell you the truth,” Rose eventually said.

Ainsley nodded and paused for a long moment, before she asked softly, “Is Santa actually real?”

James balked.

“What makes you say that?” he asked, his mind whirring frantically as he tried to decipher if Ainsley truly still believed and wanted reassurance, or if she was beginning to doubt and now was the time for them to let her in on the secret. But she was only eight. Wasn’t it too soon? Wouldn’t they be crushing her childhood if they told her the secret of Santa Claus?

“You said you’d tell me the truth,” Ainsley reminded.

“I’m merely curious where this question came from, is all,” James answered.

“I dunno,” Ainsley admitted. “It just… lots of things, I guess. There’s so many different-looking Santas at the shops. And can one man  _really_  visit every house in one night? And how does he get into our house when we don’t even have a chimney?”

James shared another look with Rose, and he saw her nod slightly.

“Let’s all have a biscuit,” James suggested.

He and Rose pushed up off the sofa. Rose rested her hand on Ainsley’s shoulder, and he rested his hand on Rose’s lower back as he guided his family to the kitchen. An assortment of biscuits sat on platters across the counter from their evening’s foray into baking, and James grabbed three at random.

He set them on the kitchen island, then stepped up to Ainsley but she clambered onto the high stool on her own. He sat on one side of her, Rose on the other, and when they were all settled, Ainsley asked, “So… is Santa not real, then?”

“No, sweetheart, he’s not,” Rose finally said. “He’s just a story.”

“Oh.” Ainsley took a bite out of her biscuit.

“What are you thinking, darling?” James asked.

“Do I not get any presents anymore?” she asked sadly.

“Of course you still get presents,” he said, reaching out to rest his hand on her forearm. He gave it a reassuring squeeze and said, “After all, what might it look like to Sianin if you stop getting gifts, eh? We can’t kill the magic for her yet.”

Ainsley’s shoulders straightened and she finally smiled.

“Christmas isn’t all about Santa and presents, though,” Rose said. “It’s about love and family and charity. And now, you get the gift of keeping the magic alive for Sianin.”

“How do I do that?” Ainsley asked.

“You can help me and Mum play Santa,” James answered. “You can help us wrap your sister’s gifts and move the little elf around the house.”

“And you can help us put the presents under the tree after Sianin goes to bed on Christmas Eve,” Rose added. “And the biscuits we leave out for Santa? You can help eat those, too. That doesn’t sound too bad, does it?”

They watched Ainsley’s eyes light up the longer they told her what was involved with playing pretend for Sianin, and they were relieved to see that the sudden loss of a major childhood fantasy hadn’t traumatized her too much.

The three sat in comfortable silence as they finished their biscuits.

“Are you feeling okay about all of this?” Rose asked as Ainsley swept her biscuit crumbs into a pile on the granite countertop.

“Yeah,” Ainsley said. “I think so.”

“Good girl,” James said, pressing a kiss to her head and cleaning the crumbs with a towel. “Remember, you mustn’t spill the secret for your sister. Let her figure it out in her own time, like you did.”

“I won’t tell her,” Ainsley said, hopping down from her chair. “Promise.” She paused, then asked, “How old were you when you realized Santa wasn’t real?”

“I can’t remember,” James admitted. “It seems like I always knew. My parents told me that I’d pieced it together when I was a wee lad because I recognized the handwriting on my presents as theirs.”

Rose, not having heard that story before, snorted and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, love. As for me, I don’t really remember, either. My mum didn’t have much money when I was growing up, so I could never have the things I asked Santa for. So I think I just sort of knew that a magical gift-giving man couldn’t exist.” She shrugged and ignored James’s frown.

“Oh.” Ainsley looked between the two of them and smiled. “Thank you for making all my Christmases so special.”

“You are very welcome,” James said, stepping up to enfold her in his arms. He bent over her and pressed his lips to the top of her head. “It makes your mum and me so happy to see you and your sister happy.”

“Love you, Dad,” she whispered into his shirt, giving him one last tight squeeze before she stepped out of his arms.

Rose held out a hand and Ainsley stepped into her side.

“Time to brush your teeth and get to bed,” she said, wrapping her arm around her daughter’s shoulder to guide her down the hall.

“I already brushed my teeth,” Ainsley said.

“Yeah, and then you had a biscuit,” Rose argued. “Brush ‘em again.”

Ainsley grumbled a little under her breath, but dutifully went to the bathroom. When her teeth were clean, Rose tucked her into bed then joined James in the living room once more.

“I’m sorry you never got the surprise of Santa when you were a kid,” he said as soon as she was tucked into his side.

“It’s all right. I learned at an early age to place more importance on things that I need rather than things I want.”

“That doesn’t sound very fun,” James argued.

“What else could I do, James?”

“No, I know. It’s just… sad, is all,” he said with a sigh.

Rose shrugged and reached around him to play the movie, effectively ending the conversation.

James, apparently, wasn’t finished with it though. The following morning, Rose awoke to a small note on her bedside table.

_I’ve got a quest for you, if you dare. Find the next of me where you comb your hair._

A smile tugged at her lips as she moved to the en suite and opened the vanity drawer. Another note waited for her atop her hair brush.

_Clever woman, though that one was easy. The next one is where you go when you’re queasy (or need a wee)._

Rose laughed out loud and moved to the loo to find a note on the closed toilet lid. She read the clue as she used the loo.

_Now you’re relieved, you’ll be able to think. The next of the clues is under the sink!_

Finishing up, Rose washed her hands, then opened up the cabinet door beneath the sink and found a note sitting on top of her makeup bag.

_While these products are neat, they aren’t really needed. The standards of beauty, your face has exceeded. But now on to clue four—go check out the door._

Rose skipped back into the bedroom, and saw a note hanging where he said it’d be.

_This is the fifth and final clue, so without further ado… Go to the person who most often says “I love you”._

Beaming, Rose exited their room and heard James’s voice speaking softly to their children at the kitchen table. He turned to her when she breezed right up to him and pressed a hard kiss to his lips. He grinned against her mouth, but before he could angle his head to the side to free up their noses, she pulled back.

“You’re amazing. D’you know that?” she said. “So amazing. I love you.”

“Oi, that’s my line,” he said with a pout, even as he fished in his pocket for small piece of paper, which he then handed to her.

_One coupon for: a dessert of your choosing_

_Redeemable to: James Robert Tyler-McCrimmon (the baker)_

_Expires: never (though use it before you forget)_

_Instructions: give the baker at least 24-hours’ notice to ensure all ingredients are on hand_

_Additional instructions: remember that the baker loves you more than life itself_

_Happy holidays!_

“What’s all this for?” Rose asked as she smiled at the coupon.

James stepped up to her and enfolded her into his arms so he could whisper in her ear. “You said you never got the surprise of Santa. So now you get the surprise of having a goofy, albeit loveable, husband.”

“I already knew about my goofy but loveable husband,” she said dryly. She pulled back to look him in the eye. “Thank you, James. Really. Thank you.”

He winked at her, then turned back to their daughters to clear up their empty plates.

The rest of December passed similarly. While he didn’t always leave her clues to follow, James did leave little surprise gifts for her around the house. They ranged from a box of her favorite chocolates to a gift card to her favorite coffee shop to little romantic handwritten notes to a new lingerie set.

_This one’s for me as much as for you, and if you’re agreeable, tonight I’m going to ravish you._

Rose had pounced on him that night when he’d come home from work, and they’d indeed ravished each other for several hours after the kids went to bed.

Finally, the day after James’s final grades were due into the university’s computer system, they headed to Scotland to share Christmas with their family. The manor was already bustling with people when they arrived the afternoon of Christmas Eve. James’s grandmother was shuffling around, putting up last-minute decorations and baking biscuits.

“You don’t have to do all this yourself, Grandma,” James chastised as he leaned in to accept her kiss of greeting.

“I’m ninety-three, not dead,” she huffed, then she turned she beamed widely at her great-grandchildren and hauled them in for hugs.

“Even death won’t stop you,” James muttered under his breath, making Rose laugh.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing, Grandma,” he said sweetly, earning him a fond roll of the eyes as she enlisted Ainsley and Sianin’s help in the kitchen.

They were next greeted by Donna, who stole Joshua away from his father to show him off.

“Ooh, haven’t you gotten so big,” Rose cooed as Joshua grinned at her with drool coating his chin.

James’s hand was at her back, a reassuring touch, but Rose found she didn’t need it. As she scooped Joshua into her arms to bounce him over to look at the lights on the tree, she found her heart overflowing with love and happiness for Donna and Lee. It was such a far cry from last Christmas. Part of her was a little mortified that she’d barely been able to pretend to be happy for the expecting couple.

Mickey, Martha, and Jackie arrived late that night, as James, Rose, the girls, and Robert were watching their traditional Christmas Eve night film, each with a mug of hot chocolate. Everyone else had already retired to bed for the night, knowing the morning would come far too soon with two over-excited children.

James paused the movie, much to Sianin’s impatience, as Rose stood to greet them. He watched them exchange hugs and kisses before they entered the living room to place the pile of gifts they’d brought beneath the tree. Mickey and Martha both opted for bed, but Jackie joined them for the movie. Once she was settled on the sofa with an arm around Sianin and Ainsley, James started the film.

He tucked the blanket tighter around himself and Rose and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She nuzzled into his neck and tucked her arm around his waist in return.

He pressed his lips to the crown of Rose’s head, feeling so at peace with the world. His heart ached when he thought about last Christmas, and how badly he and Rose had been doing. Forcing those memories aside, James pressed another kiss to her forehead and lingered with his nose nuzzled into her hair.

Rose tilted her head up. “You okay?”

“Perfect,” he answered with a small smile that she returned.

She leaned up and brushed her lips across his. He hummed and tightened his hold around her to keep her where she was. He brought his other hand up to cradle her jaw as he angled his head to the side to keep his nose from crashing into hers. The kiss was tender and chaste and it made James’s stomach clench with love.

“Love you,” he murmured against her lips.

“Love you, too,” she whispered before snagging his bottom lip between hers.

Their mouths moved leisurely as they were taken out of time until there was nothing in the universe except them. His hand moved to her waist, where her jumper had ridden up, and he pressed his palm to the bare skin of her lower back. Her heat was comforting and addicting, and he ached to let his hands explore further, but a tiny piece of his brain reminded him that he couldn’t.

So he instead massaged his fingertips lightly across her back as he continued kissing her. Her lips fit perfectly against his and they felt so good.

James then pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. Her breath puffed across his lips and he watched her eyelids flutter open. A soft smile decorated her lips and sent his heart throbbing through his whole body. His thumb of the hand that was still cupping her jaw stroked her cheek as he pressed a final kiss to her forehead.

“About time.”

He looked away from Rose and towards his mother-in-law. Ainsley and Sianin were still tucked into her side and enthralled by the film, too used to their parents’ snogging to pay them any mind.

“If you’d continued any longer I was about to force you apart to sit on different chairs,” Jackie chided, but her tone was teasing and the smile on her face softened the chastisement.

Robert was also smiling at the two of them, so happy to see them happy.

“It was just a kiss,” James grumbled, resting his cheek atop of Rose’s head as she curled herself against his side once more. He glanced at the television, where the Whos were coming out of their homes on Christmas morning to begin singing. “Oh wow, are we at this part already?”

Jackie snorted. “You were snogging longer than you thought.”

“Mum, it wasn’t anything inappropriate,” Rose finally said, reaching over to twine her fingers through James’s.

Jackie harrumphed, but turned her attention back to the television.

James leaned down until his lips were next to her ear.

“We can get to the inappropriate parts later tonight in our room if you’d like,” he breathed.

He delighted in the goosebumps he saw prickling down her neck, and he pressed a smacking kiss to the sensitive patch of skin where her shoulder met her neck before he watched the Grinch’s heart grow three sizes larger.

After the movie ended, James and Rose ordered Sianin to bed.

“Why doesn’t Ainsley have to?” she whined.

“Because now that Ainsley’s a little older,” James answered patiently, “she gets a little extra time. You’ll get a later bedtime when you get older, too.”

Sianin grumbled through her whole bedtime routine. The casual mention that Santa was still watching her behavior silenced her quickly, and five minutes later, she was tucked into the bed she’d be sharing with her sister.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah, darling?” he asked as he grabbed  _The Night Before Christmas_.

“Do you think Santa is cross with me for complaining tonight?” she asked nervously.

James frowned slightly. “Hmm… I think you’re fine. I think he knows that some little girls get very excited on Christmas Eve.”

“What if you’re wrong?”

“Tell you what,” James said, brushing her hair away from her face. He made a mental note to schedule a haircut appointment for her after the holidays. “If you’re really so worried, there might be something you could do. You didn’t listen to me when I told you that you had to go to bed tonight. So, how about you promise that you’ll listen to me now when I tell you you have to stay in your room until seven tomorrow morning?”

“What if I have to wee in the middle of the night?”

“You can go to the loo,” he said. “But you’ve got to come right back in here.”

“Okay!” she said, smiling.

“You think you can do that?” he asked, hoping she would remember when she woke up tomorrow morning. “I’ll fetch you and Ainsley when it’s time for presents.”

“Yeah, I promise,” she said, making an ‘X’ in front of her heart. “Do you promise to come right at seven?”

“I promise,” he vowed, drawing an ‘X’ across his chest in reply. “You’re such a good girl, Sian. D’you know how lucky I am to have you as my baby girl?”

“Not as lucky as me to have you as my daddy,” she said with a wide smile, reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck.

He held her tightly to him, tucking his nose into her neck. Her body was small and warm and he never wanted to let her go.

“Love you loads,” he murmured into her hair.

After he read her bedtime story, he gave her a final goodnight kiss and retreated to the living room, where Rose, Ainsley, Robert, and Jackie were arranging the gifts beneath the tree. James snagged a biscuit from the tray on the coffee table and moved to stuff the stockings hanging over the fireplace.

“Did you enjoy playing Santa?” Rose asked as they all cuddled on the couch, finishing up the biscuits.

“Yeah!” Ainsley answered, grinning. “Can I help next year, too?”

“’Course you can,” Rose said. She winked and tickled her fingers into Ainsley’s ribs, making her squirm and squeal. “Santa’s little helper. But it’s time for Santa’s helper to go to bed.”

“Try to be quiet when you go into your room,” James said. “In case Sianin’s asleep.”

“She won’t be,” Ainsley answered.

“Either way. You don’t want to over-excite her,” he said. “Remember, seven o’clock tomorrow.”

“Yup. Nuh-night, Dad.” She leaned over and pecked a kiss to his cheek, then turned to Rose for a kiss. “Night, Mum.”

They walked with her down the hall, then left her to get ready for bed while they entered their room for the night.

“I’m definitely on the naughty list,” James confessed to Rose as he leaned against the door frame of the en suite to watch her wash her face. She raised an eyebrow at him through the mirror. “I guilted Sianin into staying in her room until seven tomorrow morning.”

“Oh?” Amusement colored her voice and a smile was tugging at the corner of her mouth.

“Yeah.” He scrubbed his hand across the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly. “She was worried Santa was angry with her for digging her heels in about going to bed.”

Rose snorted. “She’s never concerned about that any other day of the year.”

“Yeah, well, it’s Christmas Eve and I might have reminded her that Santa still had a few hours to watch her behavior.”

“Ooh, clever.”

“Well, until she started getting genuinely worried that Santa would suddenly decide to put her on the naughty list. So I told her that if she promised to stay in her room until seven tomorrow, then Santa would see her good behavior and it would all be all right.”

Rose let out a cackle and turned to face him. “Oh, you’re so brilliant! We’ll finally be able to sleep in on Christmas morning! So what if you totally manipulated your own child.”

“Thanks, love. That makes me feel loads better,” he said dryly.

Rose giggled at him again, and stepped up to him. She leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips then said, “Don’t feel too bad. There’s worse ways to guilt-trip your kid. This was pretty mild. And can it even count when we’re threatening her with a behavior-monitoring child-stalker who doesn’t even exist?”

James snorted and didn’t deign to reply. Instead, he pecked a kiss to her lips then moved around her to get ready for bed.

Christmas morning started with James’s phone blaring at them at six-forty the next morning. Miraculously, Sianin stayed in her room the whole night.

“I’m gonna reward her good behavior by letting them come out a few minutes early,” James said when he and Rose were dressed. “Can you get the coffee started?”

The day was just as magical as all other Christmases had been. The kids enjoyed tearing through their gifts, and even baby Joshua managed to strangle the paper off of one of his gifts before he lost interest and wanted to crinkle the paper in his fat fists and practice his crawling.

Sianin stayed with James in the kitchen for most of the dinner preparations, much to his delight. It warmed his heart to spend quality time with his four-year-old in the same way he’d bonded with his mother when he was a child. His mum would’ve adored teaching Sianin to cook and bake. Rather than let his sadness and grief overwhelm him, James instead told Sianin stories about cooking with his mum, and the many culinary creations and catastrophes that had occurred over the years.

Dinner was a success, with many compliments paid to James and Sianin for their hard work, and the conversation over the meal was easy and lighthearted. Spending so much time with the family they only saw a few times a year was nice, and they took advantage of the few days they would all be together.

James and Rose departed for home the day before their anniversary. They’d elected to stay home for a change, and as a gift to the couple, Jackie and Robert were babysitting in Scotland for a couple days.

Even though they weren’t in a new or exotic location, James and Rose still thoroughly enjoyed themselves. Being together was more important, no matter where they were.

For their anniversary, James booked them for dinner at a French restaurant across town. He donned his favorite suit, the one with tight trousers that showed off his bum. Rose’s eyes raked up and down his body when he twirled for her, making him eager for their plans when they got home that night. She, meanwhile, was wearing a simple A-line dress that hugged her curves in all the right places.

“You look wonderful,” he said, taking her hand and brushing a kiss across her knuckles.

They enjoyed their meal and the dancing they did, but they were more than ready to go home at the night’s end. Holding each other so intimately as they danced together and stole kisses set fires ablaze in their veins and they could barely keep their touches chaste and innocent. Christmas always put the brakes on their intimacy, as neither of them could really get in the mood with so many people around, and they’d been too tired from traveling to initiate anything the night before.

As soon as their front door clicked shut behind them, James pushed Rose against a wall and pressed his body to hers. She wrapped her arms and a leg around him to haul him closer, grinding their hips together as he ducked down to catch her lips in his.

“I could take you against this wall,” he mumbled into her skin as pleasure fizzed through his body.

“M’not steady enough in these heels.”

She gasped when he bit the side of her neck. The way she arched into him and tightened her leg around his hip nearly broke his resolve. Instead, he licked at the pink mark he’d left and pushed her leg back to the floor.

“Bed,” he rasped, desperate to feel her body pressed to his once more. “Now.”

“Yes, please.”

James turned away from her and strode to their room, knowing that if he looked at her any longer, he would press her back into the wall and things would be over before they’d even started. The clicking of her heels against the hardwood let him know she was right behind him.

As soon as their bedroom door clicked shut behind them, their bodies entwined once more as their hands tugged at fabric to reach bare skin. They left their clothes and shoes in a messy heap on the floor as they fell onto the bed together, their arousal burning them from within until they finally let it consume them both.

It had been fast but so, so good, and James vowed to take his time as soon as he caught his breath and his vision stopped swimming. He heaved out a sated sigh and forced his boneless limbs to move so he could roll off of Rose. Reaching down, he slipped off the condom then knotted the top shut before grabbing a wad of tissues to wrap it in before he dropped it into the rubbish bin.

When that was taken care of, he returned to Rose’s side. She opened her arm for him. Delighting in the change of roles, he tucked himself into her side and wrapped his arm around her waist and flung a leg over hers as he rested his cheek in the crook of her shoulder.

He pressed idle kisses to the top of her breast while she stroked her fingers through his hair. His body thrummed with the remnants of pleasure. He loved this feeling.

“We need to get more condoms,” James murmured into her skin as he spied the foil packets on the nightstand behind Rose. “We’ve got three left.”

Rose hummed absently, and her fingers stilled in his hair. Frowning, he looked up at his wife.

“Rose?”

She looked down at him, then returned to staring at the ceiling. Before he could ask what was wrong, she said, “Can you give me a minute or two to think?”

“Are you okay?” he asked, lifting himself up on his elbow so he could look at her.

She smiled at him and leaned up to press a quick, soft kiss to his lip. “Yeah, I just want to talk to you, but I need a moment to organize my thoughts. My brain is still a vat of orgasmic mush.”

Her tongue poked out of the corner of her mouth as she grinned. He breathed out a laugh through his nose and settled back into her side to wait. He tried to tamp down on his impatience, so to release a bit of his nervous energy, he began drawing random patterns across her chest and belly.

“That’s not helping me think,” Rose drawled when he circled her breasts.

“Oops,” he said sheepishly, and he tucked his hand under her ribs.

“I want to run something by you,” Rose said, her voice tentative. “And please,  _please_  be honest with me. I want you to tell me if you don’t want to do this.”

“Rose, what…?”

“I’ve been thinking for a little while now,” she interrupted, “and how do you feel about not using condoms anymore?”

James’s heart seemed to still before it kickstarted again and thumped heavily against his ribs. Something was ringing in his ears and his mouth was bone-dry.

“You want to start trying for a baby again?” he asked, swallowing.

“Not exactly.” Rose let out a frustrated little breath as she rubbed a fingertip into her eyes. “More like… I want to stop preventing a baby. Does that make sense? I don’t want to track my ovulation cycle or my periods or anything, but I think I’m ready to stop using protection.”

James’s mind seemed to buzz as it processed her words. He scrambled to put his thoughts and emotions in order, but he found it difficult.

“We don’t have to,” Rose said quietly, “but…”

“Can you give me a minute to think?” James asked.

“’Course.”

She went back to petting his hair, and he let the touch relax him as he sifted through his thoughts. Rose was ready to try again for a baby. Was he? Despite his initial burst of anxiety upon her declaration, he found that his heart had calmed and he felt… fine. A little excited, too. Especially when Rose said she didn’t want to lapse back into their frenetic tracking of her cycle and the strictly-scheduled shags.

He and Rose were doing so much better over the past year. His chest no longer ached when he thought about babies. He no longer felt bitter about only having two children. And as he thought about trying again for a baby—no, not  _trying_  for a baby, simply not trying to  _not_  make a baby—he didn’t feel that nearly-debilitating sense of longing. He didn’t feel an all-consuming desperation to make a baby.

That had to be a good sign, right?

“No tracking anything with our phone?” he verified, finally moving back so he could look at Rose. “Not even mentally? If we can help it, that is.”

Rose shook her head. “No. Nothing like that. Just… let’s let whatever happens, happen. With no anticipation or expectation of anything to happen.”

James slowly nodded his head. “Yeah. Okay, yeah. Let’s try this and see what happens. And if at any point one of us starts to feel bad again, we stop?”

“Absolutely,” Rose said. “We’ll just say the word, and we’ll go out and stock up on condoms, no questions asked, no guilt. I don’t want anything to change from how it is now. I love where we’re at, James. I feel good and happy, and I have for months. I want to still feel like this. I still want us to have fun together and have impromptu date nights and unsolicited snogging on the couch. The only thing that’s changing is wearing a condom.”

“That’ll be great for keeping the mood,” James mused. “Now we don’t need that awkward break to grab for a condom. Very unsexy.”

“Safe sex is always sexy,” Rose said with mock-seriousness.

James snorted and rolled his eyes, then cuddled back into his wife’s side. “How long have you been thinking about this?” He knew it had to have been a while if she’d made up her mind that she was ready.

“When Sianin started school,” she admitted. “Our baby’s in school. And I missed the baby stage. But I wasn’t sad, y’know? It’s like, I thought about making a baby with you, and I found that I didn’t go back to that dark, bad place in my mind. It was exciting again. Like putting money into the lottery with no expectation to win, but far-off excitement that  _just maybe_  it could happen.

“Then I’ve been wishing we could stop wearing condoms, because I’ve missed feeling  _you_  inside me. Bit by bit, I sorted through what I was thinking and feeling until I finally came to the conclusion that while I absolutely did not want to go back to tracking my period and ovulation cycles, I did want to see what happened if we stopped using condoms.” She let out a long breath, a self-deprecating chuckle. “I dunno if I’m even making sense.”

Heat thrummed through his veins, warming him from deep in his chest to the tips of his toes. James wrapped his arms around her, giving her a squeeze, then he pressed a kiss to her breast. “You’re making perfect sense. I’m very proud of you, Rose.” He tilted his head up to look at her. Her cheeks were slightly pink and a small smile was tugging at the corners of her lips. “Really. I am so,  _so_  proud of you.”

She beamed at him, her whole face lighting up with happiness and love. She was so beautiful that James couldn’t resist lifting up to catch her lips in for a kiss. She threaded one hand into his hair as her other went to his waist to urge him on top of her.

Their kisses were slow and unhurried, full of heat and love that culminated in mutual bliss many long minutes later.

After they’d cleaned up, James spooned up behind Rose and listened to her fall asleep almost immediately. Her body was so soft and warm beside his. They’d remained naked, except for pants, and with so much of their skin pressed together, James thought his body might actually melt into hers. It felt so good, and he hugged her closer.

She grunted, then mumbled, “You okay?”

“Yep, sorry,” he whispered, brushing a kiss to her neck.

She made an unintelligible noise before her snores started back up. His hand rested at her stomach, feeling the way it expanded and contracted as she breathed. He couldn’t help but let his thoughts wander to the decision they’d made. A plethora of possibilities just opened up before them, but rather than scare him, it excited him. Anything could happen now, and he didn’t know what would happen, but he knew that he had Rose, and that would be all he’d ever need.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Sianin's 5th birthday heralds a surprise, and James and Rose receive a surprise of their own during the summer.
> 
> Chapter Rating: Teen
> 
> Chapter word count: 9600

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the start of the chapter:  
> James: 38  
> Rose: 32  
> Ainsley: 8  
> Sianin: 5
> 
> It's the chapter we've all been waiting for!!! Enjoy!

“Mummy! Daddy!”

James’s eyes flew open and his heart raced at the panic in his daughter’s voice.

“What’s wrong?” Rose asked, already having pushed herself out of bed to crouch in front of Sianin. He heard Sianin sniffle, then she showed something to Rose. Cursing his eyesight in the dimly-lit room, James scrambled for his glasses then flicked on the lamp just as his wife gasped, “Oh!”

“What’s wrong?” James demanded, rushing to her side.

Rose had Sianin’s left arm cradled in her hands—their daughter’s skin was covered in ink.

“Oh,” he whispered, a lump forming in his throat.

“My soulmark is broken!” Sianin cried, fat teardrops falling down her cheeks.

That was when James noticed that the words on his daughter’s arm weren’t English. Nor did they belong to only one person.

“It’s not broken,” he said faintly, tracing a trembling finger across the green and purple ink on his daughter’s arm. His newly-soulmated daughter. His baby. And he suddenly understood what his parents had meant all those years ago when they told him that seeing him get soulmated had given them conflicting emotions. He wanted to be happy for his little girl, but the only thing he felt was shock and numbness.

“Why can’t I read it?” Sianin sniffled.

“It’s just in another language,” Rose soothed. “And it looks like you’ve got two soulmates.”

“I-I do?” she hiccupped.

“Mhm,” Rose said. She reached behind her for a tissue and blotted Sianin’s face dry. “See how there are two colors of ink? And two different types of handwriting? Oh, congratulations, sweetheart! This is so wonderful.”

James snapped out of his daze when Rose reached out and pinched his side.

“So wonderful,” he repeated, watching Rose embrace Sianin. His voice sounded hollow even to his ears. “Soulmates are a beautiful thing.”

“How am I supposed to write them if they’re not talking English?” she asked worriedly, pulling back from Rose’s hug to stare at her arm.

“We’ll figure something out,” Rose promised. “First, you need to introduce yourself so they both know they’ve got a second soulmate.”

“But they won’t be able to understand me,” Sianin pouted.

“The important thing is that they’ll know they have another soulmate,” Rose said. “Why don’t you hop into our bed, sweetheart? Daddy and I are going to go find a pen for you.”

James looked at Rose in confusion, but her gaze was sharp as she jerked her head to the door. Puzzled, he followed after her. When they got to the kitchen, Rose whirled on him and hissed, “Can you at least  _try_  to pretend you’re happy for our daughter?”

He flinched at the bite in her voice. His mouth moved, but no words came out. Heat burned the tips of his ears and scalded down his cheeks and neck as he eventually mumbled, “Sorry. It took me by surprise, is all.”

“Me too,” Rose said, “but this is an amazing thing for Sianin.”

“But she’s only five!” he blurted out. “Our little girl just found the people who are her perfect match in every way.”

Rose arched an eyebrow. “And? I found you when I was five. Besides, it’s not like they’re gonna come whisk her away and we’ll never see her again. Or that this means we better start wedding planning or anything. As you said, she’s  _five_! We’ve got thirteen more years with her before she can meet her soulmates, and even then, it’s not as though she’ll never visit us again.”

“I know, Rose, it’s just hard, is all,” he said defensively. “You can’t tell me you’re not conflicted.”

“A little, but I’m more happy than anything,” Rose said. “I know the joy in growing up with a soulmate. God, James, you’ve been my best friend for as long as I can remember. I can barely remember a time when you weren’t there, and that makes me so unspeakably happy. And now our daughter has the chance to experience that same happiness.”

James sighed, and the muscles in his neck and shoulders loosened. “You’re right. I know you’re right. But…” He gave a small shrug.

Rose stepped up to him and placed her hands on his chest. He reached up and rested his hands atop hers.

“No matter how conflicted you feel, and no matter how long you feel this way, I need you to promise me that you will be nothing but happy and encouraging while Sianin can see or hear you,” Rose said, her tone holding no room for arguments. “I grew up with a mother who was unsupportive and oftentimes downright nasty about me having a soulmate, and I will not— _will not_ —have Sianin exposed to even a fraction of that negativity.”

A band squeezed around James’s chest as shame unfurled through him. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and nodded.

“You’re right,” he croaked. “I’m sorry, Rose.”

She slid her hand up his chest to wrap around the back of his neck and tugged him in for a hug. He held her tightly, pressing his lips to the side of her head, before pulling back.

Rose grabbed a pen that wrote well on skin from her purse. Together they walked back to their bedroom, where Sianin was waiting for them in the center of their bed.

James gave Rose’s fingers a squeeze and dropped her hand to slide onto the mattress beside Sianin. He wrapped his arm around his daughter and leaned down to pepper kisses to the crown of her head.

“I’m very happy for you, darling,” he whispered, pulling back to give her a soft smile. “And I can’t believe I haven’t told you this yet, but Happy Birthday! Five years ago today you gave me the gift of becoming a dad again and have brought me so much joy over the years.”

Sianin grinned up at him, then turned to Rose as she slid into bed. “Did you get my pen?”

“Of course,” Rose said, handing it to their daughter.

James relaxed back into the pillows and kept his arm around Sianin as she wrote out her very first message to her soulmate—a simple  _Hi! I’m Sianin!_  As they waited for a reply, James rested his hand on Rose’s thigh. Rose looked over at him and smiled as she covered his hand with hers.

“Why aren’t they replying?” Sianin asked, frowning.

“Depending where they live, they might be asleep,” Rose answered. “Or busy. Have a bit of patience.”

Before they could say anything else, a knock sounded on the ajar door and Ainsley popped her head into the room. A bright smile lit up her face and she skipped towards them. “Happy Birthday, Sianin!”

Ainsley froze by the bed when she saw Sianin’s exposed forearms. James’s stomach plummeted when he saw Ainsley’s eyes well with tears.

Oblivious to her sister’s distress, Sianin crowed, “Ainsley, guess what? I’m soulmated! With  _two_  soulmates!”

The first of Ainsley’s tears fell, and she let out a strangled sob as she turned and fled the room. James was already scrambling free of the blankets, ready to go after his daughter and offer her whatever comfort he could.

“What did I say?” Sianin asked.

“Nothing, sweetheart.”

James turned and saw Rose had hauled their daughter into her lap. He met Rose gaze, and she nodded, telling him to go after Ainsley.

As he entered the hallway, he could hear her sobs even through her closed bedroom door. The sound shattered his heart. He knocked once but immediately entered and saw Ainsley curled around her pillow.

“Oh, darling,” he murmured, stepping up to her. “Shh, come here, Ainsley. Shh. It’s all right. You’re all right.”

“It’s not fair!” she screamed, letting him pull her into his arms. The front of his shirt was damp within seconds. “It’s not  _fair!_ ”

“I know,” he said. For the first time in his life, he felt bitter towards the soulmate system for breaking his little girl’s heart. “I know it’s not.”

“Why does she get a soulmate?” Ainsley sobbed. “It’s not fair, and I hate her!”

“Hey,” James chastised. “Don’t say that about your sister. She couldn’t help it, Ains.”

“It’s not fair!” she cried again. “Why does she get two soulmates and I don’t even have one?”

“I don’t know,” he whispered, helpless.

“Why am I not good enough for a soulmate?” Ainsley whimpered, trembling as she gasped for breath.

“Oh, darling, no! That’s not it at all!” James said firmly, squeezing her tight. “Ainsley, you are so special and amazing and I love you so much.”

She sucked in a shuddering breath and continued to cry against his shoulder.

“Then why am I not soulmated?”

“I don’t know.” He hated that he didn’t have an answer for her. “No one knows the mechanism behind soulmates. It’s one of life’s biggest mysteries. But not being soulmated doesn’t mean you’re any less important or any less loveable than someone who is.”

He sat on Ainsley’s bed with her for many long minutes, consoling her whenever her tears started up again. Rose eventually came in to check on them, her face pinched with worry.

“How are we doing in here?” she asked softly.

Ainsley shrugged and rubbed at her eyes.

“I’m sorry you’re so upset, sweetheart,” Rose murmured, sitting on Ainsley’s other side.

Ainsley shrugged again and let her mum pull her in for a hug.

“I got a reply!” Sianin sprinted into the room and thrust her arm into James’s face. “From them both. And guess what? My soulmates are  _girls_!”

“Get out of my room, Sianin,” Ainsley said stiffly, glaring at her little sister.

James stood up off the bed and held out his hand for his youngest.

“Come on, darling,” he said. “Come help me make breakfast. You get your big special birthday breakfast, remember?”

“Ainsley, you’re being rude,” Sianin said, folding her arms across her chest.

“Please leave, Sianin,” Ainsley whispered, clenching her hands into fists as she blinked away fresh tears.

“Don’t be rude just ‘cos you’re jealous I’ve got soulmates.”

“Get out of my room!” Ainsley shrieked, throwing one of her stuffed animals at Sianin. It bounced harmlessly off her legs, but the five-year-old still yelped.

James plucked Sianin up into his arms and walked with her out of Ainsley’s room, shutting the door behind him.

“Ainsley threw something at me!”

“I know she did,” James said as he sat with her on the living room sofa. “And that wasn’t very nice of her. But you weren’t being nice to her, either.”

“I wanted to tell her about my soulmates,” Sianin said. “But she was being mean.”

“I know. But you know Ainsley has always loved the idea of soulmates and has wanted one of her own.”

“It’s not  _my_  fault she doesn’t have one,” Sianin grumbled.

“I know it’s not. I wasn’t trying to say that it was your fault. But Sianin, you were being insensitive by rubbing it in her face. Couldn’t you see how upset she was?” A guilty look crossed Sianin’s face, and she dropped her gaze to the floor. “She asked you to leave her alone, and you didn’t listen, which made her even more upset.”

Sianin loosed a small breath, then glanced down the hallway. “I’m gonna go say sorry.”

She began to scoot off his lap, but James caught her around the waist. “Let’s wait until she calms down a little bit, eh? How about we make breakfast?”

“Is Ainsley gonna come eat?”

“I’m not sure,” he admitted. Judging by how upset his eldest was, and the fact she and Rose were still shut away in her room, he suspected not.

Sianin’s shoulders drooped. Her birthday was not going well at all, and James’s heart broke for both his children.

“Then can we wait ‘til later?” Sianin asked. “Maybe this weekend?”

“Of course we can,” James answered. “But you still need to eat. So let’s make some toast or something and you can tell me all about your soulmates.”

Sianin’s eyes went wide and she looked down at her arms, where a series of messages was waiting for her.

As James ate breakfast with Sianin, he listened to Sianin tell him about her new soulmates. Elena was eight years old and living in a small town in southern Pennsylvania after her family moved to the United States from Puerto Rico a few years ago. Juliette was seven years old and lived just outside of Nice, France. Elena had learned English when her family moved to the United States, then she’d learned French upon becoming soulmated to Juliette. As such, she served as a translator between Juliette and Sianin.

“They wanna know how to pronounce my name,” Sianin said, frowning at her arm. “How do I tell them in writing?”

“Sound it out,” James encouraged.

“Shhhhaaaawniiiin.” The furrow between her brows deepened with frustration. “It’s still spelt the same.”

“What letters make the “sh” sound?” James prompted.

“S and I,” she answered.

“No, no, in the normal context of the English language,” he clarified. “If I asked you to spell the word “sheep”, what letters make the “sh” sound?”

“S and H.” She paused. “Why’s my name spelt so weird?”

James snorted. “It’s got Celtic and Irish roots. So the S and I together make a “sh” sound.”

She blinked at him, but then turned back to her arm. Slowly, and with the help of her dad, Sianin was able to phonetically spell out her name for her soulmates.

As the time drew nearer to seven-thirty and Ainsley still hadn’t left her room, James shooed Sianin off to finish her morning routine while he checked on his other daughter. She was curled up on her bed, and Rose was spooned behind her, humming softly. Ainsley’s eyes were red and puffy, but she wasn’t crying anymore.

“How are you doing, sweetheart?” he asked, crouching down beside her.

She shrugged. “Mum said I can stay home with her today.”

James glanced behind Ainsley at Rose. Her heartbreak was clear in her eyes. He turned his attention back to Ainsley and nodded. “Sounds like a good idea.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I love you so much, Ainsley.”

“Love you, too.”

“I’m really sorry I was being insensitive, Ainsley.”

James wheeled around and saw Sianin peeking around the door frame. He was about to usher her out again when Ainsley sighed.

“Thanks, Sian.” She paused and he heard Rose whisper something, then she said, “I’m sorry I threw a stuffed animal at you. I shouldn’t throw things when I’m upset.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” James said to his youngest. “But you can thank her for her apology.”

Sianin squinted at him in confusion, but shrugged and said, “Thank you for apologizing.”

“Right, time for school,” James said, resting his hand on Sianin’s shoulder and guiding her to the front door to grab her shoes.

“Isn’t Ainsley coming?”

“No, she’s gonna stay home today,” James answered.

Sianin’s face fell. “Because of me?”

James shook his head. “No, no. She’s just not feeling well. Come, before we’re late.”

The day passed by excruciatingly for James. He wished he could go home to be with Ainsley, but he had too much work to do. He barely had a minute to breathe until he reached his lunch hour.

As he drove to pick up the Chinese he’d ordered, he called Rose.

“How’s she doing?” he said as soon as his wife answered.

“Loads better,” Rose said. “We went out for breakfast, then we saw a film at the cinema, and now your dad is here playing cards with us.”

“Great,” he breathed.

“Yeah. My heart has never hurt so much before, James,” she sighed. “I don’t know what to do. It kills me that Ainsley is upset, but at the same time, I’m so excited for Sianin. I feel like a shit mum no matter what I do or say because either way I’ll be upsetting one of my children.”

“I know how you feel.” He dug his finger into his eye and drummed other hand against the wheel. “You’re not a shit mum though. You’re an amazing mum. So amazing. You’re handling this situation beautifully.”

“Thanks. I don’t feel like it, but thanks. Anyways, I want to talk to you about something. D’you have a minute?”

“Yep, I’m driving to pick up my lunch.”

“I was thinking that we should give Sianin the opportunity to learn French and Spanish,” Rose said. “Hire a tutor for her so she can talk to Elena and Juliette.”

“Well, she can already talk to Elena,” James said. “So really, French would be all she needs.”

“James, neither of her soulmates’ native languages are English. If she learns French for Juliette, it might be rude to not learn Spanish for Elena. Especially if Sianin wants to be able to communicate with her family later on in life.”

“Oh. I never thought of that.”

“I know,” she teased.

He blew a raspberry over the phone, then said, “All right. We can research tutors for her.”

“And… And I think we should let Ainsley learn French and Spanish, too, if she wants.”

“Why?” he asked blankly.

“We can’t offer to let Sianin learn new languages and not extend that opportunity to Ainsley,” Rose said with a hint of exasperation. “Even if she doesn’t want to, we need to at least give her a choice and let her decide if this is something she wants to learn.”

“Ah, right. Blimey. I’m being kinda dense today.”

Rose laughed over the phone and said, “Yeah, just a little. But I love you anyway.”

“Good, ‘cos you’re kinda stuck with me.”

“There’s no one else I’d rather be stuck with.”

He smiled at her soft tone and his heart did a small stutter in his chest.

“I love you loads,” he said, turning into the restaurant. “I’ve gotta go.”

“Love you, too. See you tonight. Bye.”

The next few days passed with a layer of tension in the house. Ainsley barely played with Sianin, and would often leave the room when she saw Sianin writing on her arms. She left before she could see the heartbreak on her little sister’s face, but James and Rose always saw it.

After several days of this behavior, and after Sianin cried to him and Rose that Ainsley didn’t love her anymore, James finally spoke to his eldest.

“You need to be kinder to your sister,” he said. “You’ve been ignoring her all week, and it’s hurting her feelings.”

“I’m not ignoring her,” Ainsley muttered, but a faint blush stained her cheeks as she ducked her head.

“Yeah, you are,” James said gently. “I understand that you’re upset, but you can’t keep treating Sianin the way you’ve been. Are you honestly going to be angry with her and avoid her for the next thirteen years?”

“Well, I turn eighteen in only ten years, so…” Ainsley shrugged, but James just frowned. She sighed, her shoulders slumping. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

His heart squeezed. “I know. And I know how you feel, darling. I felt like this, too. When I was your age, I desperately wanted a soulmate and got upset when I thought about not having one. But then I realized I didn’t want to focus on the negativity in my life when I had so much happiness and love around me.”

“But it’s not the same. You eventually got your soulmate,” Ainsley argued.

“I know I did, but at the time I didn’t realize I would get one,” he said patiently. “Aren’t you tired? Tired of being so sad and angry and distant from your sister? Don’t you miss her?”

Ainsley sniffed and shrugged one shoulder. After a beat, she nodded.

“Sianin misses you, too,” James said, reaching out to rest his hand on Ainsley’s forearm. “You’re her best friend.”

“Not anymore I’m not,” she mumbled.

“Her having soulmates doesn’t replace you. Nothing will ever change the fact that you’re her big sister. You’re the coolest big sister a kid could want, and Sianin just… She  _adores_  you, Ains.”

A hint of a smile crossed her lips, and she leaned her head against his shoulder. James wrapped his arm around his eldest and tugged her closer into his side. He rested his cheek against the top of her head and for a minute, neither of them spoke.

“Will it get easier?” she said out of the blue. “How I feel?”

“Yeah. It will. You’ve had a tremendous shock, but the tightness in your chest and belly will fade. Trying to focus on your happiness will help, but don’t ignore your sadness either. Just make sure you don’t fixate on your sadness. And if you ever need or want to talk about how you’re feeling, I’m always here for you. Mum, too. We will always be here for you.” James leaned down to press a kiss to her hair. “You know, it’s not too late for you to get a soulmate. It could still happen.”

To his surprise, Ainsley sucked in a sharp breath as her body tensed against his.

“Can you please stop saying things like that?” she asked, her voice thin. “It just… it really hurts. Because I might not… probably  _won’t_  have a soulmate, and you saying over and over again that it could still happen makes me get my hopes up, but then it doesn’t happen and it makes me sad all over again.”

Something cracked in James’s chest, and he tightened his hold around Ainsley.

“I’m sorry, darling,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I don’t like to see you sad, so I tried to make you feel better.” But he knew first-hand how painful empty reassurances could be. It killed him to realize his attempts to make his daughter feel better had been making it worse all along. “I’m sorry.”

They sat together for many long minutes, neither of them saying anything. Ainsley eventually gave him a squeeze and ducked out from under his arm, saying, “I’m gonna go apologize to Sianin.”

“Hey Ains.” She turned back around, and he smiled softly at her. His heart overflowed with love for his child. “I’m proud of you. So proud. And I love you so much.”

She flashed him a small smile then turned and left the room.

After that, things gradually drifted back to normal.

James and Rose hired a language tutor for the girls to teach them French, electing to have the girls study one language first. Then, once they showed proficiency, they would introduce them to Spanish.

The kids had language lessons three days a week, sprinkled among the other activities they were involved in. To their dismay, Sianin was getting frustrated with the French lessons, especially when Ainsley was soaking it up like a sponge.

“Be patient, sweetheart,” Rose reassured after a particularly rough night when Ainsley passed a verbal exam with flying colors while Sianin failed miserably. “You’re still learning.”

“Then why doesn’t Ainsley suck like me?” Sianin grumbled, crossing her arms across her chest as she pushed her workbook away from her.

“Don’t talk about yourself like that. You don’t suck,” James soothed. “As Mum said, you’re learning. Try not to compare yourself to your sister. You both learn in different ways and at different speeds, but that doesn’t mean you won’t eventually get it.”

But Sianin was still struggling to grasp the language even after two months, whilst Ainsley had very basic fluency. Ainsley was ready to begin studying a second language, but when James and Rose asked her if she wanted to start, she shook her head and declined until Sianin was ready, too.

Shortly thereafter, they saw Ainsley working with Sianin every night, practicing her pronunciation and sentence structure. The progress was slow, but it was there, and as the school year drew to a close, Ainsley’s fluency was good enough that she could hold simple conversations entirely in French, while Sianin could read and write basic sentence fragments, enough to have rudimentary conversations with Juliette in her native language. The newly-soulmated trio still often needed Elena to serve as a translator, a job she was happy to perform as Sianin learned French and Juliette learned English.

Ainsley had resulted to speaking primarily in French to Sianin during their little lessons to help train her ear to better hear the language. James was so proud of his eldest for being such a big help to her sister.

James’s school term finally ended, and while he had requested to teach just one summer class to give him free time to spend with Rose, the university needed him to teach one lecture class and one lab class. That unfortunately meant he had to go into the university every Monday through Thursday, but he was often done by noon every day. While not ideal, it still gave James plenty of free time to spend with Rose.

Their relationship was stronger than ever, and he was beyond relieved that their decision to stop using condoms hadn’t had an impact on their emotional wellbeing. They continued their weekly date nights and monthly weekend trips, and their sex life was as robust as it had been in the early years of their relationship.

James planned an end-of-term trip for him and Rose to give themselves a weekend alone before family trips would soon make an appearance. They traveled to Ireland for an extended weekend and stayed in a little cottage by the sea. Among the sightseeing adventures, James and Rose spent a lot of time in bed, bringing each other to pleasure over and over again.

“How can I still want you so much?” Rose sighed as he kissed his way up her body from where he’d been positioned between her thighs.

“Complaining?” he mumbled, tasting every inch of her skin.

“God, no,” she laughed. The sound died on a whimper when he nipped at the sensitive skin beneath her breast. “I feel like a horny teenager.”

“Good. It means I’m doing my job.”

He let out a yelp when Rose reached up and shoved his chest, sending him sprawling onto his back. She followed with more agility than he’d expected from her post-orgasmic state, and soon she was straddled across his hips. But rather than do anything, she simply rested her hands on his chest and mindlessly caressed her thumbs through his chest hair.

Before he could ask if everything was okay, she smiled down at him and said, “I love you.”

Those words fizzed through his veins, and he beamed. “I love you, too.”

“I don’t think I’ve told you lately, but you are an amazing lover.”

His cheeks warmed with a combination of pride and bashfulness. “Well, I do my best.”

Rose shook her head. “You do more than that. You always make sure my desires are satisfied before you even think of addressing your own. That’s just… it’s amazing, honestly. You’re amazing.”

He preened and gave her thighs a quick squeeze of thanks. “What did I do to warrant all of these compliments?”

“Nothing. Well, not nothing, ‘cos you made me come twice with your tongue already tonight. But it’s something I think about every time we make love—how lucky I am to have you as mine. Because not every woman is as lucky as me to have such an attentive lover. I feel like I don’t tell you often enough, but these things ought to be said, y’know? Not just that you’re a bloody good shag, but you are a bloody good husband, father, and partner.”

James leveraged himself into a seated position and tucked his face into her neck as he hugged her. Her arms looped around his neck and they sat there for a long minute, merely holding each other.

“I know, Rose. I know. Even if you don’t tell me these things in words, I know.”

He pulled back far enough to catch her lips in a soft kiss. She hummed into the kiss and angled her head to the side to deepen it. Her arms unwound from around his neck before her hands pushed at his chest. He slowly lowered himself back against the pillows, not breaking their kiss. But when he went to roll to pin Rose to her back, she popped her lips away from his.

“Nuh uh,” she panted. “Your turn.”

“But I wasn’t done playing with you,” he whined.

“And what if  _I_  want to play with  _you_?”

Any further protests he might have uttered died on a long moan when she took him in her hand and pressed open-mouthed kisses to his chest.

Afterwards, Rose stayed astride him and tucked her forehead against his collarbone. Her panting breaths tickled his skin, and he hummed as lingering endorphins prickled throughout his body, dragging him into a half-aware haze.

He wrapped his arms around Rose and absently caressed his fingertips in long strokes down her bum and thighs, then back up again. He almost felt as though he could drift asleep when Rose murmured, “Are we still doing okay?”

It took a moment for her words to register, and even then, his brain was slow to pick up on their meaning.

“Hmm?”

Rose pressed a kiss to his shoulder, then pushed herself up. He grunted when he felt himself slip out of her. She grimaced, too.

“Hang on a sec,” she said, and she lifted herself off of him and moved to the loo to clean up.

James cleaned himself up a bit too and tugged on a pair of boxers before settling back against the pillows to wait for Rose. The orgasmic fog was slowly leaving his brain, and he considered her words and what they might mean. A few minutes later, Rose exited the loo and joined him in bed. She lay down on her side, prompting James to mirror her position.

When they were both settled, she said, “It’s been six months since our decision to stop using condoms. I wanted to make sure we’re still doing okay.”

He studied her silently for a minute. Her posture was relaxed. There were no worry lines around her eyes or mouth. Her nails weren’t bitten down to nubs. And yet…

“Are  _you_  doing okay?” he asked. His stomach ached slightly as he worried that he’d maybe missed signs that Rose was struggling again. But she’d promised to tell him, and he trusted that promise. Even now, he used that faith to quiet his anxieties.

“Yeah, I’m great,” she said, and he beamed. “But we haven’t exactly done any sort of check-in, so I figured I’d make sure, y’know?”

“Yeah, I know.” He reached over and carded his fingers through her hair, then scooted closer until the tip of his nose brushed hers. “And yes, I’m doing great, too.” He pressed a soft kiss to her lips, enjoying her small hum of appreciation. He pulled back from the kiss and rested his forehead against hers. “We’re the best team in the universe and we’ll always be great together.”

“Such a sap,” Rose teased, her tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth as she grinned.

“Oh, you love it,” he crooned. He leaned forward and flicked his tongue across the tip of hers.

She shrieked but burst out laughing. The sound warmed James from the inside out, and the sound of his own merriment soon joined hers.

oOoOo

Forearm-deep in hot, soapy water, James listened to Rose tell him about the reservations she’d booked for their trip to Brighton at the end of the month. It would be a family trip, with Jackie and Robert joining them for a long weekend.

As she talked, she shoveled spoonfuls of ice cream into her mouth. Her spoon clinked against her bowl until it was empty. Then, she stepped over to him and dropped the bowl and spoon into the water and moved away.

“Oi!”

She spun around and arched an eyebrow.

“I feel very taken for granted. My wife stands beside me eating ice cream as I slave over the dishes. Does she offer me a bite of ice cream? No. Does she offer to help? Nope. What she does do is add two extra dishes!”

Rose folded her arms across her chest, her eyes twinkling with amusement at his dramatic tone. He pouted, hoping for any smidgen of sympathy, but it had no effect on her. She cackled and stepped up to him, bumping her hip against his.

“Go on. Finish up. I’ll be waiting on the couch for you.”

“Good ole Netflix and chill?”

She rolled her eyes. “Sianin picked tonight’s film, just so you know.”

“Well, as long as I still get to cuddle you, I don’t care what we watch.”

Rose smiled at him, and stepped up to brush her lips across his cheek. She paused with her mouth to his ear to murmur, “We can see about the other kind of Netflix and chill later tonight, if you want?”

He squeaked when she nipped at his earlobe. Warmth rippled under his skin to pool in his gut.

“Yeah. Yep. Yes. Sounds good. Can’t wait!”

Rose laughed at him, then turned away from him to wander into their living room.

James hurried through the rest of the dishes, deciding to let them air dry. Rose was waiting for him on the couch, as she’d promised. She was sitting beside the seat that reclined, and had her legs pulled up under her.

The kids were both squished side-by-side on the recliner. Sianin had the television remote in her hand and was waiting to play the movie she’d picked. She was curled against Ainsley, who was reading  _How to Train Your Dragon_ , albeit slowly as she sounded out certain words to herself.

He reached down and patted his daughters’ heads as he passed by them before he plopped onto the sofa cushion beside Rose. As soon as his bum hit the seat, Sianin hit the play button on the movie. James opened his arm for Rose. He let out a sigh when she pressed herself tightly into his side and wrapped her arm around his waist.

He brushed a kiss to her forehead, then cradled her jaw in his hand to angle her face up for a proper kiss. The kiss had barely even started when Ainsley, still reading her book, said, “If you’re just gonna snog the whole time, you can go to your room.”

James rolled his eyes to himself. He pressed a final kiss to Rose’s lips and settled back into his seat.

“We’re not gonna snog,” he said.

Sianin snorted. “You  _always_  snog.”

James shook his head fondly at his daughters and nuzzled his nose into Rose’s hair as he settled in to watch the movie. Part way through, he felt Rose nodding off beside him. Her body jerked every time she woke herself up again and again. Smiling, James reclined his seat back further, creating a more comfortable angle for Rose to nap in.

She rested her cheek overtop his chest and tucked her feet under his calves. She was buried as close to his warmth as she could be. The July night was cool, and a breeze from the open window was blowing right against them.

“Sianin, darling,” James called out softly. She turned her head to look at him. “Can you do Daddy a favor? Can you hand me a blanket?”

Sianin let out a long-suffering sigh, but she slid off of the recliner and grabbed one of the blankets draped overtop the chair. She walked it over to James.

“Thank you,” he said.

“You’re welcome.”

Sianin plopped down beside her sister once more and tugged the second blanket off the top of the recliner. James tossed the blanket over him and Rose, then he watched Sianin wrestle to wrap her blanket around her and Ainsley’s shoulders before snuggling into her sister’s side.

“Are you comfy?” James asked Rose as she tucked her cheek against his shoulder again. There wasn’t a single place their bodies were touching, it seemed, and James loved it.

“Mhm,” she mumbled. “Nice and toasty. You’re the comfiest pillow.”

He gave her shoulders a squeeze and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. Moments later, he heard her let out a quiet snore as she fell asleep again.

She slept against him for the remainder of the film as well as the mindless television program Sianin turned to after the movie ended. When James roused her so that he could get the kids ready for bed, she was incredibly groggy and it took her a few moments to get her bearings.

“Are you feeling all right?” he asked when he saw that she looked as though she were about to fall back asleep sitting up.

“Yeah, just knackered all of a sudden,” she yawned, rubbing the heels of her hands into her eyes.

“Go to bed, Rose,” he said softly, holding out his hands to help her stand. “I’ll be in when the kids are tucked in.”

“M’kay.”

She stood and stretched, then she walked over to their daughters.

“I love you,” she murmured to each child, pulling them in for goodnight hugs and kisses. “Sweet dreams.”

When Rose disappeared down the hallway, James turned to Sianin. “Bath time, little missy.”

“Can I watch one more cartoon?” she asked, pouting out her bottom lip.

“Nope, it’s already bedtime,” James said, pointing to the clock on the wall. “See the little hand? It’s on the eight. And the big hand is on the twelve, so that means it’s…”

“Eight-twelve,” Sianin said confidently, nodding to herself.

“Not quite,” he corrected. “It’s eight o’clock.”

Sianin frowned at her father as if he was utterly mistaken about the entire concept of time.

“Daddy, the big hand is on the  _twelve_ ,” she said with a long-suffering sigh.

“I know it is, and I know you’re just trying to delay bedtime,” he said, smirking when he saw Sianin’s sheepish smile. “Come, Sian. Let’s get you squeaky clean.”

“Squeak squeak!” Sianin laughed and turned to trot towards the bathroom, stripping off her t-shirt as she went.

James shook his head at his youngest, then turned to his eldest. “I’ll tuck you in when I’ve finished giving Sianin a bath.”

“Can I finish this chapter?” Ainsley asked.

“Sure thing. Make sure you’re in your pjs and in bed by the time Sianin’s bath is over.”

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Ainsley’s head before he followed Sianin into the bathroom.

Her baths were taking longer now that she was doing most of the washing herself, and James dutifully supervised as she worked her mousey hair into a rich lather of shampoo.

When she’d finished bathing herself, James held open a towel for his youngest and wrapped her in it, hugging her tight as he blew raspberries into her damp neck. She shrieked with laughter and squirmed in his arms, then blew raspberries of her own into his neck.

He finished drying her off and waited as she dressed herself and brushed her teeth. He then followed her to her bedroom and they sat on the floor as he meticulously dried her hair and brushed it until it fell neatly down her shoulders.

Sianin then sprang to her feet and grabbed two of her favorite books and held them in her arms as she nestled into her mattress. When she was comfy, she extended the books to James and settled in for her bedtime stories.

She was awake but drowsy when James stood up and pressed a long kiss to her forehead then left her room and stepped into Ainsley’s. His eldest was sitting up in bed, her book still in her lap.

“That looks like more than one chapter.”

Ainsley jumped, not having heard him come in, and smiled sheepishly. “I got hooked.”

“Understandable. It’s a fantastic book.”

“Can we finish the chapter together?” She extended the book towards him, and he couldn’t say no.

He sat beside her on her bed, tucking his daughter into his side as he read the end of the chapter to her.

“Thanks for reading with me,” she said, yawning.

“Anytime, darling,” he said, standing from the mattress. He brushed her hair away from her eyes then kissed her forehead. “Goodnight, Ainsley. I love you.”

She mumbled something in answer, then tucked herself into a tight ball and hugged her blankets to her chest and closed her eyes. He turned her light off then closed her bedroom door behind him.

Rose was miraculously still awake when he got to their bedroom, but just barely. She was curled around his pillow and her eyes were drooping with exhaustion.

“You didn’t have to wait up,” James said, shutting their door behind him.

“We said we’d revisit the euphemistic Netflix and chill,” she said, rubbing her fingertips into her eyes.

At her words, James realized her top half was bare. He snorted in incredulity.

“Love, you’d fall asleep mid-way through,” he drawled, “and that would put quite a dent in my self-esteem. We can rain check.”

“Okay,” she said, yawning. “Sorry. I dunno why I’m so tired.”

“Hopefully you’re not coming down with something.” He stepped up to her side of the bed and pressed the backs of his fingers to her cheek, then her forehead. Her skin was warm from being pressed into the pillow, but it didn’t feel feverish. “Sleep, Rose.”

“I want a cuddle,” she said. “Hurry up and get naked.”

James barked out a laugh, and he stripped off his clothes until he was left in his pants. He rushed through his nighttime routine and slipped into bed beside his wife, groaning when her bare body pressed up against his.

“I love naked cuddles,” she mumbled, clutching him tightly to her.

“As do I,” he replied, enjoying the way her bare breasts pressed into his chest. There was nothing arousing about their embrace, only a deep sense of security and satisfaction. His chest was full of love, and he nuzzled his nose into her hair. “I love you so much, Rose.”

“Love you, too, James.”

He stroked his hand in long, slow lines down her bare back until she was snoring into his chest. He indulged himself in their cuddle for many more minutes until he, too, felt drowsy enough to attempt sleep.

He gently disentangled himself from her, glad that she stayed asleep, then he rolled onto his back and fell asleep.

Rose slept like the dead and didn’t awake again until James’s phone blared far too early for her liking. She grunted and nuzzled further into her pillows, content to get more sleep. But all too soon, James was rousing her, whispering, “Love, time to wake up. Remember I have a meeting before lab, or else I’d drop the kids off.”

She blinked up at him, trying to get his face to focus. “What time is it?”

“Nearly seven,” he answered, brushing a kiss to her forehead. “C’mon. Up you get.”

Rose heaved out a sigh and sat up. She rubbed her fingers into her gritty eyes, then leaned up to give James a proper good morning kiss.

“I’ll see you later,” he said. “Love you.”

“Love you, too,” she yawned.

Her stomach grumbled at her, which was enough incentive to finally crawl out of bed. She tossed on a dressing gown and moved to the kitchen, where Ainsley was eating a bowl of oatmeal.

Rose put two pieces of bread into the toaster and started the kettle for tea. When her toast was done, she put another slice in for Sianin, who was still getting dressed.

Minutes later, her youngest skipped into the kitchen.

“Grab a piece of fruit and something to drink,” Rose ordered, nodding to Sianin’s plate of toast.

She mindlessly munched on her own toast and hoped the caffeine from her tea would kick in soon. Her head felt too heavy.

“Mummy, I need help!”

Sianin rushed up to Rose, holding something in her little hand. It was brown and yellow and the tip of it was vaguely smooshed. Rose’s stomach flipped over in disgust when she saw the overripe banana in her daughter’s hand.

“Sweetheart, don’t you want one that’s not as brown?” she asked hopefully, scrunching up her nose at the putrid smell of the fruit.

“No, I like them like this,” Sianin said firmly.

A moment later, Sianin thrust the fruit into Rose’s face. Both ends were mutilated from Sianin’s clumsy attempts to open it on her own. Bits of mushy banana innards were leaking out of the squished tips, and when Rose’s thumb sank into the fruit, her stomach rolled. The scent of the banana pervaded her senses, lodging in her nostrils and settling deep in her stomach.

Rose stopped breathing as her stomach threatened to empty its contents. Her mouth watered and her tongue was too heavy, but she swallowed against her sudden nausea.

There would be no easy way to open it, not when Sianin had mangled each end of the fruit. Rose stood and walked to the counter for a knife. Efficiently sawing the banana in half, she handed it back to Sianin.

“There, sweetheart, that should make it easier.” At the sight of the slimy, yellow-brown interior of the fruit, Rose realized she was in very real danger of vomiting up her breakfast. “Finish eating, then brush your teeth. Both of you. I’m going to get dressed.”

She nearly sprinted to her bedroom and barely made it to the toilet in time to vomit violently, the scent of the banana still lodged in her nose. Rose’s stomach heaved again.

She spent several minutes coughing over the toilet, her eyes closed against the throbbing in her temples.

 _Stupid, bloody banana,_  she grumbled to herself.  _Should’ve chucked the bunch out a week ago._

After five minutes and no more vomit, Rose flushed the toilet then pushed herself to her feet again. Meandering to the en suite, she rinsed her mouth out, then splashed cool water onto her flushed face. Her cheeks were pale but regaining a bit of color the longer she stood in front of the mirror.

 _What the hell was that about?_  she wondered. Her stomach clenched up at the thought that she might have caught some sort of stomach bug. It couldn’t be something she ate, as James and the girls had eaten the same thing as her the night before and they were fine.

She made a mental note to stop by the supermarket on the way home to pick up softer foods for her stomach. Although, since she would be at the store anyway, Rose began to make a list of other supplies they were running low on.

Opening up the cabinets in their en suite, Rose grabbed her phone and started her list. She stopped short when she saw the unopened blue and yellow box of tampons. James had picked those up after work over a week ago, when she thought she’d be due to get her period soon.

Had it been over a week? Surely it hadn’t been that long ago…

Rose frantically ran through the dates in her head, then pulled up her calendar app. While she and James had both agreed it was for the best, she cursed the loss of her period tracking app.

“C’mon, think,” she mumbled, rubbing the heel of her hand furiously into her forehead. “Think, think,  _think_!”

It took every last brain cell, but Rose finally remembered when she’d last gotten her period: it had ended the day before she and James were due to leave for their trip to Ireland. Which had been mid-June. Which meant her period was almost two weeks late…

“Oh, God,” she whispered, her hands beginning to tremble.

She hadn’t thought about babies in months. Not even when she and James adopted their new philosophy of treating a potential pregnancy like a lottery. But now? Her stomach fluttered with a spark of hope and excitement that maybe— _just maybe_ —they’d gotten a winning ticket.

“Mum! Hurry up!”

Rose jolted out of her thoughts at Ainsley’s shout.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” she called out.

Rose hurriedly got dressed in a pair of soft, comfy trousers and one of James’s shirts, then she met the kids at the front door.

She was distracted for the duration of the drive to the daycare. Her mind whirred and buzzed, but thankfully the girls were lost in their own conversation, so she didn’t need to be alert.

When the kids were deposited in their respective rooms, Rose got back into her car and drove to the nearest pharmacy. Her heart seemed to thud in her throat as she went directly to the aisle with home pregnancy tests. How many times had she bought a test only for it to come back negative?

Pushing those memories to the back of her mind, Rose selected a few different brands, paid, and drove herself home.

She chucked her keys into the bowl by the door and toed off her shoes before she made her way to the loo. Her morning tea was making its way through her system, so, with unsteady hands, she ripped open one of the long, thins boxes and pulled out the test strip.

Hurriedly finishing up in the loo, Rose set the pregnancy test face-down and started a timer on her phone.

The longer she waited, the more anxious she became, until she was almost tempted to throw away the test and not look at it.

Despite the fact that the last time she’d gotten ill at the sight of a banana was when she’d been pregnant with Sianin, perhaps she’d only gotten sick because she truly was ill. Her stomach still felt tender and unsettled, and the thought of food was abhorrent—that could be signs of illness, or the result of her nervousness.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when her phone blared at her. Surely it couldn’t have been five minutes already? She debated waiting longer, just to be sure, but what if the results were time-sensitive and waiting too long skewed them? But could she do it? Could she actually flip over the test and be prepared for the result?

What if it came back negative? Could she handle the disappointment? Would it send her careening right back to that dark place she and James had crawled out of? Would it send James back there?

She wished he was there with her.

Rose let out a shaky breath. It took everything she had in her to not throw the test away and give herself another week or so to see if her period came. But, steeling herself for whatever she saw, she finally flipped the test around, and a sob lodged in her chest.

Two vertical lines. The second line was faint, but it was definitely there. Two wonderful, perfect, beautiful little lines.

She clapped her hand to her mouth as more tears streamed down her cheeks.

Pregnant. She was pregnant. She was finally,  _finally_  pregnant.

“Oh, James!” Glancing at the time, Rose realized he would be tied up in the lab for another two hours. “Dammit.”

Chewing on her lip, she pulled a pen from her pocket. While he wouldn’t have his phone on him, she knew he’d check his arms, even if he couldn’t reply. Needing to feel close to him, Rose put the pen tip to her skin and wrote, “I love you.”

Her heart felt full—overflowing, was more like it. She wanted to share this with James  _right now_ , and was irrationally annoyed that she had to wait.

_I love you too xoxo. How’s your morning?_

“Pay attention to your lab kids,” she chastised.

_Oi, you wrote to me first! Besides, we’re at a waiting period. Things need to reflux._

“My morning has been…” Rose struggled to find the right word. It was one of the best mornings of her life, but she didn’t want to tell him the news over their arms. She wanted to touch him, feel him, and see his face when she shared the news. “Different.” She paused again before she asked, “You’ll be home right after lab, yeah?”

_Yup. I’ve got nothing else scheduled. Why? Everything okay?_

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I just have a surprise for you.”

_Oooh, what is it?_

“That would be telling,” she teased.

_Will I like my surprise?_

“Definitely.”

_Aw, now I really wanna know! Can’t you give me a little hint?_

“Nope. Spoilers.”

_I like spoilers. Oops, reflux time is done. Gotta go! I’ll see you for lunch. Want me to pick something up?_

The thought of food made her stomach feel queasy, so she replied, “Nah, I’ll whip something up here. Have fun refluxing.”

_Refluxing is done. Time to extract. Gotta go. Love you lots!_

Impatient for James to get home, Rose kept herself busy by tidying the house. She started the pile of laundry she’d let go for too long, then set about washing the floors. Intermittently, she guzzled water, wanting to take another pregnancy test, just to be sure.

The urge to wee finally hit around the time James was due home, so she ducked into the loo and took three more tests. Giddiness swelled through her when they all came back positive.

Moments later, she heard the key in the front door. She skated down the hall, her socks slick against the newly-cleaned hardwood floors. James’s face lit up when he saw her, and she beamed at him in return. She skipped up to him and threw her arms around his neck. He enveloped her in a hug and buried his nose into her hair.

“You seem chipper,” he murmured, pulling back to look at her. She knew her daft grin was still plastered to her face, and he couldn’t help but return the expression. “So. Where’s my surprise?”

She grabbed his hand and tugged him towards their bedroom.

“Ooh, I’m liking where this is headed.”

Rose giggled at him and gave his fingers a squeeze. “We can see about doing something like that after my surprise.”

When they got to their bedroom, Rose tugged him to a stop and said, “I got sick during breakfast this morning.” James frowned at her and rested the backs of his fingers against her forehead. “Sianin asked me to peel a banana for her. I hate how she likes her bananas, when they get all spotty-brown and squishy. They smell awful too. Anyway, she asked me to peel it and I got instantly queasy. Barely made it to the loo before I threw up my breakfast.”

“Are you feeling all right now?” he asked, his brow pinched in concern. “You don’t feel too hot. Maybe a little pale. D’you need to go to the doctor?”

“I will eventually,” Rose answered, grabbing his hand and tugging it from her face. She laced their fingers together, then kissed his knuckles. Her stomach fluttered with excitement and anticipation. Watching James’s face intently, she whispered, “Apparently this baby doesn’t like the smell of bananas.”

The furrow in his brow deepened, before understanding dawned on him. Cautious hope flitted across his face. He clenched his jaw, and his chest moved rapidly as his breathing went shallow.

“This baby?” he croaked out, looking down at her stomach. He reached out as though to touch it, but then balled his hand into a fist. “Rose?”

“We’re pregnant.” She beamed through the tears in her eyes. “James, we’re pregnant!”

He swayed on his feet, and Rose grabbed his outstretched fist. She gave it a squeeze as she lifted it to her lips for a kiss. Then she coaxed his fingers open and brought them to her belly. His palm covered her lower abdomen, and his thumb absently stroked the fabric above it.

“We’re pregnant?” he asked, frantically scanning her face, looking as though he didn’t quite believe her.

“Yeah, love,” she said, cradling his cheeks. “Yeah, we’re pregnant. Come see. Your surprise.”

Rose took his hand and massaged the back of it with her thumb when he clutched her fingers tightly. She guided him into the en suite where the four pregnancy tests she’d taken were waiting in a line.

He touched them all with trembling fingertips, then he suddenly dropped to the floor. Before she could be alarmed, he rested his forehead against her stomach. He lifted her shirt and pressed his lips across her stomach. She felt wetness that she knew wasn’t from his kisses.

He let out a shuddering breath, and the dam burst for Rose, too. She dropped to her knees in front of him, and the sight of his tears made her own fall in fat rivers down her cheeks.

“C’mere,” she rasped, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

He returned the hug fiercely and let out a sound that she couldn’t distinguish between a laugh and a sob. She rocked them gently, cradling the back of his head in her hand, as she pressed soft kisses to the side of his neck.

“We’re pregnant,” he choked out. “Rose. We made a baby. Oh, Rose! I love you. God, I love you. I love you.”

He kept whispering those words into her skin, and Rose held him through it.

They stayed like that for many long moments, neither of them saying anything, because no words were needed to convey their utter joy and relief. Years of heartache and frustration were washed away by their tears as they embraced each other and rejoiced in the new life they finally succeeded in making.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!! :D I'm so happy to finally be at this moment.
> 
> I really hope you liked this chapter and would love to hear your thoughts!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein James and Rose go through their third pregnancy.
> 
> Chapter Rating: Teen
> 
> Chapter word count: 8600
> 
> We've reached the penultimate chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the beginning of the chapter:  
> James: 38  
> Rose: 33  
> Ainsley: 8  
> Sianin: 5

James’s mind was a mess of noise, with one thought at the forefront: they’d made a baby. They’d finally made a baby. After four years—four agonizing, heartbreaking years—they were pregnant. And now he couldn’t seem to stop crying. He cried for the pain he and Rose had unwittingly caused each other, for the sheer exhaustion that seemed to settle over him, and for the undiluted, all-consuming joy he felt.

How many times had he and Rose wished for this very moment over the last four years? How many times had he taken her into his arms and whispered that it would be okay, that they’d try again, that it would happen for them eventually?

Then he thought he’d rescinded all chances of becoming a dad again, and he’d been okay with it. Happy, really, when it meant that he and Rose were happier. The last seven months had been filled with love and laughter despite their decision to stop trying to prevent a baby from being made. As Rose had put it, they were playing a lottery they never expected to win.

Only now they  _had_  won. And it was more emotional than James remembered their other two lottery wins being.

He was aware that Rose was rocking him gently from side to side and murmuring words of comfort and support into his ear while her hand made long, slow lines up and down his spine. The ache in his knees told him they’d been kneeling on the floor together for quite some time, and now his back was beginning to twinge at the awkward angle of their embrace.

Yet Rose was still holding him, and he knew she’d continue to hold him for as long as he needed.

He pulled back and rubbed his palms vigorously over his face. His eyes were heavy and scratchy and his nose was utterly clogged.

Rose reached up for the box of tissues on the vanity and set it between them. They each blew their noses and blotted their faces, and finally James turned to look at Rose.

“How long have you suspected something?” he croaked out.

“Just this morning,” she answered. She moved to sit on her bum, and he sat beside her. He wrapped one arm around her waist and rested his other hand low on her abdomen. “When I puked at Sianin’s banana and realized the last time I’d gotten sick over bananas was when I was pregnant with her. And then I saw an unopened box of tampons you’d picked up for me two weeks ago in anticipation of my period. It took me a damn long while to figure out the last time I’d had my period, by the way.”

James chuckled and buried his nose into her hair, breathing her in. A new little life was living inside of his wife. A little life he helped to make, and one that he could offer no help in growing or nourishing, apart from keeping Rose happy, healthy, cared for.

“You are happy, right?” Rose asked quietly, playing with his wedding band on the hand resting on her belly.

“Of course I am,” he answered immediately. “I know I’ve done nothing but cry, but God, I’m so,  _so_  happy. I feel kind of exhausted though. A good exhausted, I think.”

“Me too.” She tilted her head up to look at him with a cheeky grin. “I’m glad you liked your surprise.”

“I have never been happier to receive a wee’d-on stick,” he drawled, and she laughed. The sound triggered his own, and they giggled together on the floor of their en suite. “What do we do now?” he mused when their laughter subsided.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

He shrugged. “We’re pregnant. And my body feels like it’s going to burst apart with happiness and love for this human I haven’t even met yet, but we’ve still got nine whole months before we meet our baby. It feels like my entire world just changed, but really nothing has yet, and nothing will for a while, and I just…” He shrugged again.

“I know. I suppose we keep on with our daily lives as normally as we can,” Rose answered. “But if you want to actually do something, maybe you could start by cleaning out the pantry of those godawful bananas that Sianin considers edible.”

James laughed and pressed a kiss to her forehead before he pushed himself to his feet.

Their giddiness lasted the entire day. When they went to pick up the kids that evening, Ainsley and Sianin caught on to their infectious mood. They ordered pizza for dinner and went to the park, where the family laughed and played together for hours.

When the girls went off to join a group of kids playing a game of football, James and Rose collapsed in an exhausted heap onto the blanket they’d brought. Rose nibbled on a slice of cold pizza and watched James, who’d become quiet and pensive.

“What’s going on in that big brain of yours?” she asked, nudging her elbow into his ribs.

“Oh, just thinking.”

“Obviously.” She paused for a beat, then asked, “D’you want to talk about it?”

He said nothing, and Rose tried not to be hurt that he didn’t seem to want to share his feelings. But she reminded herself that he always gave her time and space to think. So she finished up her pizza in silence and then rested her head on his shoulder as she watched Sianin crash into a little boy and kick the ball away from him.

“She should take up sports when she gets bigger,” James mused softly.

Rose snorted. “God knows she needs ways to burn off all of her energy.”

He hummed noncommittally and leaned down to peck a kiss to the top of her head before he finally said, “I was thinking about the baby. And how in the past, we waited until the first trimester was over to tell people about the pregnancy.”

Rose shifted her head off his shoulder to look at him. “You want to tell people?”

“Not everyone,” he clarified. “But Dad and Jackie? Their hearts have been breaking for us, love. And they’ve been so supportive. I think they deserve to know. And…” He blew out a shaky breath and reached out to brush his fingertips over her flat belly. “And God forbid anything happens… We’ll need emotional support. I think we need emotional support now, too.”

Rose nodded and covered his hand with hers on her stomach.

“We don’t have to if you don’t agree,” James said. “But it’s what I was thinking.”

“Thank you for telling me,” Rose said, bringing his hand away from her stomach to kiss his knuckles. “Let me think about it?”

“Of course.” He pressed a kiss to her temple, and she felt him smile against her skin before he said, “Just let me know within the next nine months.”

Rose giggled and pinched his side. “Nutter.”

“Your nutter.”

Rose took the next few days to mull over what James had said about wanting to tell their parents the good news. She weighed the pros and the cons of it all, and kept coming back to one hiccup in the plan.

“I think the girls deserve to be told first,” she said a few nights later as she joined her husband on the couch after tucking the kids into bed.

“Hmm?”

“About the baby,” she clarified. “This is their new little brother or sister. And I dunno, it seems like they should know about it first. I think they’re old enough—Ainsley especially—to understand what’s happening even if I don’t have a baby bump to prove anything yet.”

“If we tell them, they’ll blurt it out to their grandparents unceremoniously,” James warned.

“Yeah, I’d considered that,” Rose admitted. “But I think I’ve got a solution…”

James agreed wholeheartedly with Rose’s idea, and the two of them worked together to get everything arranged for the reveal.

The morning that the family was scheduled to depart for Brighton, James and Rose ate breakfast with their kids. When everyone was done, Rose moved to the living room and grabbed two photo albums she wanted to show the girls.

“D’you know what my favorite pictures of you two are?” she asked. When Ainsley and Sianin shook their heads, Rose set the photo albums on the table. They were of the girls’ first year of life. She opened the books to the first page, where a series of black and white sonogram photos were taped. “These. They’re the first photos your dad and I have of you. These are from when you were growing in my belly. You two were so wanted and loved right from the very start.”

Sianin cocked her head to the side. “It looks like an alien.”

James chuckled and ruffled his fingers through her hair. “Yeah, I guess it does a little bit.” He stepped over to Rose and wrapped his arm around her waist. He could practically feel her body vibrating with excitement. “You look less alien as time goes on.”

He reached forward and traced his fingertips across the sonogram photos, guiding Sianin’s eyes to the growth and progression from tiny fetus to baby. His fingers finally landed on her newborn photo. Not to brag, but James was certain he and Rose had made the most beautiful babies to ever exist.

“D’you want to know why we’re showing you these photos?” Rose asked. “It’s because we’re soon going to be starting up a whole new album.”

She reached to the kitchen island for the photo album she and James had bought together earlier that week. She set it on the table between Ainsley and Sianin.

James watched as Sianin’s face remained blank, but Ainsley’s split into a wide grin.

“Yeah?” she asked tentatively. “Mum, are you pregnant?”

Rose nodded fervently, beaming, and Ainsley squealed. She jumped up from her seat and bolted for her mother. As Rose wrapped Ainsley in a tight hug, James moved over to Sianin.

“Do you understand, sweetheart?” he asked gently. “Mummy’s pregnant. That means a little baby is growing inside of her belly, and in about nine months, you’ll be a big sister! Isn’t that exciting?”

Sianin glanced over at Ainsley, who was still in Rose’s arms. The two of them were grinning and Ainsley had her fingertips pressed to Rose’s flat stomach.

His five-year-old looked back at him and smiled. “Yeah. That’s cool.”

“It is pretty cool,” James agreed. “Are you excited? You’ll get to be a big sister like Ainsley. You’ll have a little brother or sister to love and play with, like you and Ainsley play together.”

Sianin’s smile widened, then she scooted off her chair to join Ainsley and Rose. James watched his family embrace, his heart full to bursting with love and happiness.

“Does the baby look like an alien?” Sianin asked, squinting at Rose’s stomach as though trying to see right through it.

“Yep,” Rose answered happily. “Daddy and I don’t have a picture yet, but as soon as we do, we’ll show you. We’ll get a new picture of the baby every couple of months, and you’ll be able to see it grow.”

“How’d it get inside you?” Sianin asked.

Rose looked up at James and met his gaze. He stepped over to them and wrapped an arm loosely around Rose’s waist and said, “Well… mums and dads have two different parts that, when put together, can make a baby.”

“How?” Sianin asked again.

James glanced down at Rose. He couldn’t remember how they’d explained to Ainsley where babies came from. Granted, she’d been much younger, so she’d probably accepted their explanation at face value.

“Well,” Rose said, “when Daddy and I have our private alone time, a little part of him goes inside of me. He has these things called sperm, they’re like little seeds, and I have eggs. When these two things combine, they start the process of growing a baby.”

“Eggs… Like a bird?” Sianin asked, a furrow forming between her brow. She glanced dubiously at James.

“No, different than a bird,” he answered. His cheeks warmed from Sianin’s blunt questions, but he and Rose had agreed ages ago to always answer their children’s questions as honestly and accurately as possible while keeping it age-appropriate. “Mummy’s eggs are soft and squishy and stay inside of her to make a baby.”

Sianin considered him for a moment, then asked, “If this happens during private alone time, why haven’t you made a gazillion babies?”

“There are ways to stop a baby from being made,” Rose answered. “And sometimes a baby isn’t always made right away. It can take time.”

James gave her waist a little squeeze. “Any other questions, darling?” He turned to his eldest. “Ainsley? Anything you want to ask?”

While Ainsley shook her head, Sianin asked, “How’s the baby gonna get out of Mummy?”

“In about nine months, the baby will be too big to fit in my belly,” Rose answered. “And so your daddy and I will go to a doctor and have them help take it out of me. I’ve got a little hole between my legs—no, not the hole I wee out of—and when the baby is ready, it’ll come out of that hole. When it’s time for that, your gran and grandad will come stay with you and you’ll have a sleepover.”

Sianin’s face lit up at that.

“Speaking of Gran and Grandad,” Rose said, glancing at the clock, “they’ll be here any minute. Go finish getting ready to leave. Brush your teeth, wee, and go through your suitcases one more time to make sure you have everything. Stay in your room ‘til Dad and I call for you, otherwise we won’t stop for ice cream tonight.”

Sianin’s eyes widened, and she turned and sprinted down the hall for her bedroom. Ainsley shook her head at her sister, but dutifully followed.

When they were gone, James turned to Rose with an arched eyebrow. “Should I be concerned that you said I have a  _little part_  that goes inside you during our private alone time?”

Rose rolled her eyes and smacked his chest. “Oh, shut it. You know your  _part_  is a perfectly adequate size and I love it just the way it is.”

Their parents arrived shortly thereafter, within minutes of each other. As they all sat around the table for one final cup of tea before they departed, Robert took note of the photo albums on the kitchen island.

“I’m glad to see you getting back to photography, Rose,” he said. He jerked his chin towards the new album. “Starting another family album?”

“Nah,” she said nonchalantly, taking a sip of her tea. “Ainsley and Sianin got their own albums, so we thought this baby deserved one of their own, too.”

Jackie and Robert went utterly still, and Rose glanced over at James. They shared a grin.

“Are you…?” Robert left the sentence dangling, and when Rose and James nodded, he let out a long breath.

“Oh, my God!” Jackie squealed. She jumped up from her chair, and Rose stood up, too. Jackie threw her arms around Rose and began rubbing long, slow lines up and down her back. “Oh,  _sweetheart_!”

James heard his wife let out a sob, and his heart ached at the sound.

“Congratulations, mate.”

He startled when his dad’s hands rested on his shoulders, but he stood and accepted his father’s hug. When they pulled back, he was tugged into another pair of arms as Jackie held him tightly.

“This is so wonderful!” she breathed into his neck. “I’m so, so happy for you!”

James’s eyes stung, and he tightened his grip around his mother-in-law. After a few moments, he pulled back and saw Rose was wrapped up in his father’s arms. Robert was rocking them gently, and James realized Rose was crying in earnest into his shoulder. The sight made his eyes burn and he pressed his fingers into them.

“I’m so happy for you, darling,” Robert murmured, pressing a kiss to the side of Rose’s head. He pulled back to cradle Rose’s tear-stained cheeks in his palms. His thumbs brushed at her tears, and he dropped a kiss to her forehead. “I’ve been praying for you two, and for a successful, healthy conception. I’m so happy for you and James.”

At the words, Rose’s face crumpled again and she buried her face into Robert’s neck once more.

A small hand rubbed at his arm, and James realized his efforts to swallow back his tears hadn’t worked. His vision blurred, and when he blinked, two tears rolled slowly down his cheeks. He swiped them away and let Jackie wrap him in a sideways hug. It was only then that he realized Jackie’s eyes were brimming with tears, too.

“My heart has been breaking for you two,” she whispered. “It’s gutted me to see you both so unhappy. I’m glad this finally happened for you.”

“Me too,” he rasped.

A few moments later, Rose pulled away from Robert, and James stepped up to her. He brushed his lips to her temple and wrapped her into a tight hug.

“God, I swear I’m happy,” she said with a watery laugh, swiping at her eyes. “I can’t seem to stop crying about it though.”

“Understandable,” Robert said. “My wife and I were the same way when we held James for the first time.”

“When did you find out?” Jackie asked.

“Last week,” Rose said. “It’s still really early, but you’ve both been so supportive of us over the last couple of years and we needed to share this with you straight away.”

“Do the girls know yet?” Robert asked.

“Yeah, we told them right before you arrived,” James answered. “We didn’t want them to be the ones to drop the news to you though, so we’ve sequestered them in their rooms until we were able to talk to you.” He looked at his wife. “I’ll bet they’re dying to be let out now.”

At her nod, James turned down the hall to his girls’ rooms. “Ainsley. Sianin. You can come out now. Bring your suitcases and set them by the door, please.”

Both girls exited their rooms at top speed, and James wondered if they’d been waiting at their doors. He followed them and watched them toss their suitcases in the general vicinity of the front door before they rushed into the kitchen and hollered for their grandparents.

“Mummy’s gonna have a baby!”

“Mum’s pregnant!”

“I’m gonna be a big sister like Ainsley!”

“We’re getting a baby brother or sister!”

James leaned against the doorframe and listened to his daughters talk over each other in their excitement to share the news with Robert and Jackie. A moment later, Rose sidled up to him and slipped an arm around his waist.

“Love you,” she murmured, resting her head on his shoulder but tilting it up so she could look at him.

Her eyes were still a bit red from her earlier tears, but she was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. He brushed a tendril of hair behind her ear, he pressed his lips to hers softly, sweetly, before he said, “I love you, too.”

oOoOo

When they got home from their family vacation to Brighton, Rose called for an appointment with Elizabeth to check on their growing baby’s health. It took a couple weeks to find an opening, but finally James and Rose strolled into the clinic, excited at the prospect of seeing the first ultrasound image of their new baby.

The clinic was relatively empty, except for a woman who looked like she was due any day and a woman who appeared about halfway through a pregnancy.

A receptionist spotted them and smiled.

“Hi. I’m Rose Tyler-McCrimmon. I’ve got an appointment with Elizabeth,” Rose said when they stepped up to the front desk.

The receptionist frowned. “I’m sorry. Elizabeth got called away for a delivery. You’ll be seen by one of our sonographers instead.”

“No worries,” Rose said, waving away her apologies. “There’s no telling when a baby wants to make an entrance.”

The receptionist smiled in relief, and James wondered how often people got upset that their scheduled nurse or doctor couldn’t see them. He shrugged and walked with Rose to the waiting area, where she began to fill out a bunch of forms.

“I’m so excited,” he said when she came back from turning in the paperwork.

Rose smiled and rested her head on his shoulder.

“Me too,” she said.

A few minutes later, a nurse called Rose’s name, and they followed her back to an exam room. James waited impatiently as they went through all of the routine checks and questions, but finally, the nurse left the room and a sonographer took her place.

After the equipment was set up, the sonographer smeared gel across Rose’s abdomen and held up a wand.“Okay, let’s take a look at your baby!”

James beamed down at his wife, giddy with excitement. He reached for her hand as he sat by her head. Her fingers squeezed his, and he brought them to his lips for a kiss.

He watched the technician roll her probe across Rose’s stomach, then she stared intently at her computer. Her brows furrowed and her gentle smile slipped from her face. “Oh.”

The bottom dropped out of James’s stomach.

“What? What is it? What’s wrong?” he demanded. He couldn’t tell whose grip had tightened, his or Rose’s, but he knew his fingers were aching with how hard they were holding each other’s hand. “Is something the matter with our baby? Is it okay? Please!”

“Yes, yes, sorry, your baby is fine,” the technician quickly assured, seeing James and Rose’s stricken faces. “Actually, your  _babies_  are fine. Have a look.”

James’s ears rang and his mouth seemed to be stuffed with cotton as the technician spun the computer monitor around for them to see. Their knuckles were white as they clutched each other’s hands and scoured the screen.

He had always been rubbish at looking at early ultrasound images, and so James clung tighter to Rose’s hand as he waited impatiently for the tech to tell him again that his baby—babies?—were okay.

“Here is Baby A,” the tech said, tracing her finger around an amorphous whitish-gray blob. “And here is Baby B.” She circled her finger around another one. “Congratulations! You’re having twins!”

Twins? Twins. He and Rose were having twins. Two babies. They’d made two babies!

“I’m sorry I worried you. It’s just that you’re my very first case of imaging twins.”

“Twins,” James breathed, leaning closer to the computer monitor. He then looked over at Rose, who had tears streaming silently down her cheeks. “Twins! Oh, Rose! Isn’t this brilliant! We made two babies! Ha! Look at my sperm and your egg now!”

“You nutter,” she sniffled, swiping her hands across her eyes. Before he could retort with his usual comeback, she smiled and said, “But you’re my nutter.”

He giggled high in his throat and leaned over to peck a kiss to her forehead. But his lips missed and landed clumsily against her eye when a rapid  _whumpa-whumpa-whumpa_  rhythm sounded from the computer.

“Oh, Rose!”

“Shh,” she whispered. “Oh, God.”

Her face crumpled again, and James felt his own tears prickling behind his eyes. He wrapped his arm around Rose’s shoulders. He nuzzled his nose into her hair, resting his forehead against the top of her head, as he closed his eyes and listened to the sound of their babies’ heartbeats.

“Which one is which?” he asked softly, memorizing the sound of the beats.

“It’s too early to tell,” the technician said. “If you take a look…” James opened his eyes and saw her point to a number on the screen. It read 149, then a second later 153, then a second later 151. “Our instruments can’t quite detect that there are two distinct heartbeats. Don’t worry though. Everything looks completely healthy with both babies.”

“Are they identical?” Rose asked, covering James’s hand where it was curled around her shoulder.

“Again, it’s too early to tell,” the technician said as she ran her probe across Rose’s stomach. “Give me a minute to find the best angle…”

A moment later, she smiled triumphantly and took a snapshot of the ultrasound image. As she made notes in Rose’s file, Rose got herself cleaned up. Several minutes later, she and James walked hand in hand back to their car with a picture of the two newest Tyler-McCrimmons tucked away in Rose’s handbag.

James held Rose’s hand as he drove them home, and he watched her out of the corner of his eye as she stared out the window. She didn’t make a sound for the entire ride, and by the time they arrived to their house, James began to worry something was wrong. Maybe she wasn’t as happy about the news that they were expecting twins as he was. He thought she’d been excited, but then again, maybe he’d been projecting his utter joy onto her.

“Are you all right?” he asked tentatively, slipping his shoes off by the front door.

“Yeah,” she murmured, walking into the kitchen to start the kettle. It was the first thing she’d said since they left the clinic, and the distance in her voice contradicted her affirmation that she was okay.

“Are you sure?” he asked, leaning against the counter as he watched her move around the kitchen.

“Yeah,” she said again.

“You don’t look okay,” he said carefully. “Are you… are you happy?”

“Yeah,” she said, flicking the kettle on.

“Why don’t I believe that?” he asked, moving to stand beside her.

She finally turned to look at him, and she reached out to take his hand.

“James, I promise,” she said firmly, “I promise that I’m happy. I’m overjoyed. Honestly.”

James furrowed his brows. She was still far too subdued for his liking. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops that they were having twins. He wanted to call up his dad and Jackie and share the good news. He wanted to swing Rose around in his arms and laugh because his joy couldn’t possibly be contained.

“Okay,” he finally said, conceding that if she said she was okay, then she really was okay.

Rose gave him a small smile and turned to grab a tea bag.

“You want one?” she asked, looking over her shoulder at him.

He nodded and watched her make their tea to their liking, then he accepted the steaming cup from her with a thanks and a brush of his fingers over her hand.

“Sit with me?” she asked, nodding to the kitchen table.

They sat and sipped at their tea, neither speaking.

“You still don’t think I’m okay,” Rose said, smirking wryly at him.

James shrugged sheepishly. “Sorry. It’s just… you’re being quiet, is all.”

“I’m processing,” Rose said. “I am absolutely ecstatic that we’re pregnant, and I’m so excited that there are two babies inside of me. But it’s a shock. There are  _two_  babies inside of me. We couldn’t even make one with four years of trying, now suddenly our children are doubling in number.

“I’m worried about how we’re going to handle two newborns at once, and about how I’m going to push out two babies when my last birth experience was so traumatic. I’m worried about falling into depression again and leaving you to look after our four kids as I sort myself out, and about putting all that pressure on you. I’m worried about how Ainsley and Sianin will take the news and what they’ll think of getting two little siblings. I’m thinking about the house, and how it might be a little small for six people.

“Despite all of that, my heart is so full of joy and excitement and more love than it’s ever felt. It’s just a lot to process right now. But please believe me James, I don’t regret anything, and I am unbelievably happy about this news.”

James let out a long breath. He hadn’t even considered half of what Rose had said. He’d been too preoccupied with the love he already felt for the two babies he’d helped make. Now that she’d opened up about some of her concerns, his mind began to whir in an attempt to assuage her fears as best as he could.

He started with the easiest.

“Do you think we should look into buying a new home?” he asked. “Or talk with my dad to get the Scotland house transferred to us?”

“I dunno,” Rose sighed. “I do think we’ll need a bigger house. But do we want to upend Ainsley and Sianin’s lives so completely? Having a new baby is already a huge change. Having  _two_  new babies is an even bigger change. Combine that with making them leave the only home they’ve ever known, leaving their friends behind, and starting at a brand-new school… I don’t want to overwhelm them.”

“What are you thinking instead?”

“I say we stay here in our house for the time being,” Rose answered. “At least ‘til the babies are born and we’re in a firm routine. Then maybe once things have settled, we can revisit this conversation.”

“Sounds good.” He reached over and rested his hand on her forearm. She took her hand away from her mug, flipping it palm up. James took the hint and threaded their fingers together. “I wish I could tell you that this birth and recovery will be easier than Sianin’s. But I can’t guarantee that. You don’t know how badly I wish I could, Rose. But I  _can_  guarantee that I will be here for you no matter what, and I will help you in any way I can.”

Rose gave him a small smile, then scooted her chair closer to his and rested her head on his shoulder. “I know you will. And I appreciate that very much.”

When the girls got home later that evening, the first thing out of Ainsley’s mouth was, “Did you get a picture of the baby?”

“We sure did,” James said. “With an added bonus…”

Rose handed the ultrasound photo to Ainsley, who angled it so Sianin could see, too.

“I don’t even see an alien,” Sianin muttered, frowning. “Are you  _sure_  there’s a baby in you?”

“Very sure,” Rose confirmed.

“These circles…” Ainsley traced her fingers around the two red circles surrounding two white blobs.

“Mhm. What do you think that means?” James asked.

“It can’t be two babies… can it?” Ainsley peered up at James, then at Rose. Upon seeing their wide smiles and nodding heads, she beamed at them. “You’re having twins?!”

“How’d that happen?” Sianin asked. She eyed her parents up and down in turn. “Did you have even  _more_  private alone time?”

James choked on a laugh. He glanced up at Rose and saw her eyes dancing with amusement.

“No, darling,” he said, “twins just happen sometimes. Mummy can’t get pregnant again no matter how much private alone time we have.”

He waggled his eyebrows at his wife, earning him a groan from Ainsley and a raspberry blown at him from Rose. Giggling, James stepped up to Rose and pressed a loud, enthusiastic kiss to her cheek.

oOoOo

After having two babies, Rose figured she was as prepared as she could be for her third pregnancy. However, she forgot to take into account the differences that came with carrying twins.

For instance, it seemed as though she began showing a baby bump as soon as they broke the news that they were expecting twins. James was ecstatic about that, and used every excuse he could to touch her growing belly. The girls, too, enjoyed touching it and speaking to it. Rose’s heart melted a little more each time they talked to their new siblings.

And during her previous pregnancies, Rose hadn’t had many food cravings, but this time around, she felt constantly hungry. James made sure to keep the house stocked with all of her favorite foods, and they’d had to hide chocolate in their bedroom to keep the girls from eating too much of it.

Time seemed to paradoxically fly and drag. They were more than impatient to meet their two newest children, but the weeks flew by in hindsight. After Rose passed into the second trimester, she and James breathed a sigh of relief that they were in the clear.

Rose’s twenty-week appointment was met with the added excitement of finding out the gender of their babies.

“I hear we’ve got double the joy this time,” Elizabeth said as she strode into the examination room. “My congratulations to you both.  Are you ready to see the sexes?”

After receiving eager nods from the parents-to-be, Elizabeth rolled her ultrasound probe across Rose’s gel-smeared stomach. A few seconds later, a cacophony of overlapping heartbeats resounded through the room.

“God, I love that sound,” Rose said, looking at Elizabeth’s computer screen.

“It’s one of my favorite parts of being a midwife,” Elizabeth admitted. Her teeth sank into her lower lip as she zoomed in on one of the babies and adjusted the angle of the shot. With a smile, she said, “Baby One is a little girl, and…” She rolled her probe to the other side of Rose’s stomach. “And so is Baby Two.”

“Twin girls,” James breathed in awe. “Rose, we’ve got little baby girls!”

“Still outnumbered,” she teased, sticking her tongue out at him. “My poor baby, living with five females.”

“My testosterone levels are utterly depleted,” he’d said with a melodramatic sigh that morphed into a grinning giggle. Nuzzling his nose into her hair, he pressed a kiss to the skin of her temple and murmured, “I will happily be outnumbered a hundred to one. I adore you and our daughters so much.”

“Well, I doubt you’d be as content having a hundred kids to try and keep track of,” Rose drawled.

He blew a raspberry at her in lieu of a response as Elizabeth stifled her grin and moved to print the ultrasound images of each baby.

“The technician wasn’t able to say before… can you tell if they’re identical or fraternal?” Rose asked.

“I can give you my best guess.” Elizabeth turned away from the printer to stand by her computer monitor again. She brushed her fingertip along the top of the screen at a dark grey mass. “This is the placenta. And there’s just one of them. This makes me think that they’re identical. Fraternal twins usually have two. But sometimes that isn’t entirely the case. We can do a DNA test once the babies are born to give you a concrete answer. It’s a simple cheek swab. Completely painless for your little ones.”

“That’s incredible,” James breathed. “ _Incredible_!”

“And I was wondering… have you decided whether you’re doing a home birth again? The reason I ask is that twins inherently come with more complications,” Elizabeth said. “My suggestion would be to stay here in our facilities, but obviously the choice is entirely yours. There are ways to make a home birth as safe as a hospital birth.”

“Yeah, we were talking a little bit,” Rose said, “and we think we’d like to be at your birth center this time ‘round.”

Elizabeth nodded and smiled. “Excellent. I can get you started on the application process. Don’t worry, it’s only a formality by now. Oh, and before I forget…” She strode over to the printer and collected two shiny photos. “Your babies. They’re growing nicely and appear to be in great health. They’re right on track for a March 20th due date… which, if I remember, is your other little one’s birthday?”

James and Rose both nodded.

“It’s a very slim chance they’ll be sharing birthdays, though,” Elizabeth said. “I trust you were told that twins tend to come early? The average is usually around 38 weeks, but I’ve seen as early as 35. So I recommend you get everything prepared under the assumption you’ll have babies by mid-February.

“Also, I do want to make you aware of one tiny little thing: the second baby is in the breech position, which means that she’s facing bum-down rather than head-down.” Elizabeth pointed to her screen to show that indeed one twin was head-down while the other was head-up.

“Is that a problem?” Rose asked, her brows furrowing.

“No, no,” Elizabeth assured. “Not if she remains the second baby. As they’re positioned now, you’ll deliver Baby One first, who will have opened you up wide enough that Baby Two will have plenty of room to follow her sister. Breech babies are slightly more difficult to deliver if they’re the first ones out.”

“And if they swap positions?” James asked. “What happens then?”

“There’s just a larger chance of complications during the delivery,” Elizabeth said, keeping her voice gentle upon seeing James’s tight jaw. “I have delivered my share of breech babies, and I promise you that I will do everything in my power to ensure you get to hold two healthy baby girls in twenty or so weeks.”

With the gender of their babies revealed, James and Rose began working on the nursery. Wanting the babies to be closer to their bedroom, they moved Sianin’s room into the home office and the home office into the basement. They painted the nursery walls in soft hues of pink and yellow, and slowly began accumulating duplicate supplies.

By the time winter break arrived, they’d put the finishing touches on the nursery. Rose traced two baby elephants on the walls above each crib, and painted hearts floating between each of the little trunks. Amidst the hearts, she painted the names of their newest daughters: Hannah Brianne and Madeline Emily.

“You are amazing,” James murmured when she showed him the finished product. “So amazing and so talented. I love it. I love you.”

As winter dredged on and Rose was well into her third trimester, the anticipation and excitement was nearly unbearable. James couldn’t wait to hold his newest daughters and finally feel like he was doing his part to care for them. Rose couldn’t wait to get them out of her body, which was twinging with new aches and pains every day.

After the typical excitement of the holidays was over, boredom crept over the house. The weather was cold and wet, making everyone miserable. Ainsley and Sianin wanted to get out and do things, but it was difficult when Rose had very low energy. She tried, but often came home with an aching back and sore, swollen feet.  

“I’m useless,” she muttered as she sank into a bubble bath James had made for her.

“You’re growing our two little girls,” he replied patiently, sitting on the floor beside her. “That’s not useless. It’s very energetically taxing. You’re being much more patient and good-tempered than I would be.”

Rose finally cracked a smile, one that James mirrored.

When the water turned cool, James helped her stand and get out of the tub. He moisturized her legs for her, since she could no longer reach past her huge stomach. Her heart pulsed with warmth and love at having such an amazing husband.

“I love you,” she said when he put her lotion away.

“I love you, too. Go on, lay down. Get comfy. You get a complimentary foot massage.”

Rose giggled and tugged the sheets down. She crawled into bed and rearranged the many pillows around her until she was as comfortable as possible. James then knelt beside her and began working his fingers into her swollen ankles.

Relief radiated through her feet, making her hum in pleasure. He rubbed and kneaded not only her feet, but the entire length of her legs until she felt like jelly from the waist down.

His touch made heat pool in her core until she groaned and arched her hips. He paused in his caress of her thigh.

“Do you… do you want me to touch you?” His voice was tentative, but his eyes had darkened.

“Please,” she breathed.

He grinned and continued his massage up her thigh until his fingers landed where she was throbbing for him.

It hardly took any time at all for his clever fingers to send her over the edge. He followed along a few seconds later.

Rose breathed deeply as her body sank into the mattress. James curled up beside her a few moments later after he changed into clean pants. He tugged the sheets up to their chests and nuzzled into her neck.

“I didn’t intend for that to get sexy,” he mumbled. “But that was lovely.”

“Mhm. Sorry we haven’t made love in a while.”

“We made love last week,” he said.

“You know what I mean. Like actual intercourse, with you inside me.”

“I don’t care about that,” James said. “Wait, no, I do care because I love being inside you. What I meant was it doesn’t bother me that we can’t make love like we usually do. We’re doing what works best for us in our situation, and we’re still finding ways to make each other feel good while sharing intimate moments together.”

“You’re such a smooth talker,” Rose teased, even as her heart swelled with happiness. “When you’re not being an utter dork, that is.”

“Oi!” James stuck his tongue out at her, but they both dissolved into laughter.

“I was thinking about something earlier,” Rose said after a few minutes of silence. “Before you sidetracked me.” James preened beside her. “And I think you should take the girls out, just the three of you.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, frowning.

“The last daddy-daughter day you had with them was when you went and got the Christmas tree. We’ve been trying to do things as a family, but it’s getting to be too exhausting for me,” Rose said. “And it’s only gonna get worse. I constantly need to sit down and rest, and I hate needing to find a loo every hour. I feel guilty that we have to come home after a couple of hours out.”

“It’s fine,” he assured.

But Rose shook her head. “The kids have been restless. So are you. I know you say you’re fine, but I can tell you’re itching to get out of the house more often. Don’t feel bad, James. Honestly, it’s okay. But I think it’ll be good for the three of you to spend an entire day out. Maybe take ‘em to a museum or a theater show or something.”

James sighed. “What if you need me when I’m out with them?”

“If it would make you feel better, I’ll have Mum or Dad come and stay with me,” Rose said. “Think about it, love. This might be your last chance to spend some quality time with them before two newborns take over our lives.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he admitted.

“I’m  _always_  right,” she teased.

“Only ‘cos you’re pregnant,” he said sweetly.

“Oi!”

James took the smack with a chuckle, then he wrapped his arms around her and gave her a squeeze as he pressed an over-the-top kiss to her cheek.

“I’ll see if they want to spend the day out with their old dad next weekend,” he promised.

Ainsley and Sianin did indeed want to spend a day with their father. Their huge, excited smiles made him feel guilty that he hadn’t tried to coordinate something with them sooner.

The night before James’s day out with the girls, however, Rose awoke in the middle of the night with back pain. Her hips and back had been aching for weeks, but the pain she currently felt was different, yet familiar, and she knew she was starting labor.

She wriggled around until she was able to get enough leverage to sit up, and she bit her lip as her back spasmed again and a slow, rolling cramp rippled through her uterus. She began counting, and made it to twenty-eight before the cramp finally subsided.

“You just had to pick today to want to begin your debut, eh girls?” she whispered, rubbing her hand across her tight belly. “Well. Daddy has plans with your sisters. Do you think you two can hang out with Mummy ‘til they get back this afternoon?”

Rose pushed herself out of bed and waddled to the loo, speaking quietly to the babies inside of her as she did so.

Her back felt too sore to get back into bed, but Rose was still exhausted and she knew she should try to get some more sleep. So she walked down the hall and into the living room to lower herself into the cushy recliner that relieved some of the pressure at the base of her spine.

“Okay, girls, d’you think you can let Mummy get more sleep?” she murmured, resting her head back and closing her eyes. “I’m gonna need it.”

Unbidden, her last labor experience popped into her memory, and her heart quickened in response. She’d been trying really hard to ignore how painful and traumatic Sianin’s labor and delivery had been, but now that she was faced with the imminent arrival of her twins, she couldn’t ignore it any longer.

 _It’ll be worth it, though,_  she told herself firmly.  _Just to see our babies will make it all worth it. I’ll be able to hold them and cuddle them. And James will, too._

She smiled to herself at the mental picture of her husband cradling two little bundles to his chest. She wasn’t sure how he managed it, but he grew infinitely more attractive whenever he held one of their kids. Her heart did a funny somersault as her mind’s eye showed her a picture of James with Ainsley and Sianin in his lap as well as their newborns.

_James is so excited to be a daddy again. I can do this for him. I have to. We wanted another child for so long… I knew this was the tradeoff._

She continued her mental pep talk until her uterus tightened in another contraction.

Eventually, she was able to fall back to sleep. She slept in fits, awaking every time a new contraction hit. However, they were fairly moderate for the time being, so she was able to fall asleep relatively quickly when they subsided.

She awoke completely when the girls got up.

“Why are you sleeping out here?”

Rose opened her eyes and saw Sianin standing beside the recliner. Her hair was mussed and her eyes were bleary and crusty with sleep. Rose’s heart throbbed with love for her child.

“My back was a little sore,” she answered, reaching out to carefully untangle Sianin’s hair. “Laying down in bed wasn’t comfy. I came out here so I wouldn’t disturb Daddy.”

“Okay,” Sianin said through a yawn. “I’m hungry.”

“I’ll make breakfast in a few minutes,” Rose said. “I need the loo, first.”

Rose pushed herself to her feet, then she reached out and invited Sianin in for a hug.

“Love you,” she whispered, leaning down to press a kiss to her daughter’s hair.

“A baby kicked me,” Sianin grumbled, leaning her head away from Rose’s belly.

Rose laughed. “Well, we won’t have to worry about that soon enough.”  _Very soon._  “Right, Mummy has to wee. I’ll be back.”

She released Sianin, then made her way down the hallway and to their bedroom. James was dead asleep. He was sprawled across the middle of the mattress, as though he’d tried to roll up against her in his sleep and only found empty sheets.

After using the loo, she stepped up to the bed and sat down on the edge. James grunted as the mattress dipped, and he moved towards the disturbance. He opened his eyes, and Rose smiled as she watched him blink a few times to clear his vision.

“Good morning sleepyhead,” she murmured, stroking her fingers through his hair.

He smiled at her and hummed at her touch. “Mornin’.” He then leaned in and pressed a kiss to either side of her huge belly. “Mornin’ girls. I hope you let Mummy sleep well last night.”

“Not exactly,” Rose answered. She waited until James looked up at her before she said, “I’ve started labor. Been having contractions all night.”

He stared unblinkingly at her for a few seconds, then he sat bolt upright.

“How do you feel? Have the contractions been awful? Why didn’t you wake me?” He placed his hands on her belly and palpated gently. What he was looking for, she had no idea, but it was endearing nevertheless, so she just smiled indulgently at him.

“I’m not gonna wake you just so you can watch me have a thirty-second contraction every thirty minutes,” she said dryly. “I feel fine for now. They haven’t been too bad yet. I think…” She paused her sentence to get James’s attention back on her instead of her stomach. She covered his hand and squeezed. “James, you’ve got a fun day planned with Ainsley and Sianin today.”

“Oh, bugger,” he muttered.

“I think you should still go out with them,” Rose said quickly.

“Absolutely not,” he said, shaking his head. “I need to be here with you.”

“James, love, please.” She brought his hand to her lips for a kiss. “The girls have been looking forward to this day with you all week. Besides, my mum is coming to spend the day with me, remember? Oh, that reminds me. I should tell Mum to pack suitcases so she can stay here with Robert and the girls…”

“I’ll take the kids out later,” he said. “I should stay here with you.”

“This is going to disappoint them,” Rose argued. “Labor takes hours, James. I started feeling contractions at three o’clock this morning. They’re still thirty minutes apart. We have plenty of time, love. I promise you, you’ll be able to spend the day with Ainsley and Sianin and not miss a thing.”

“I’d miss a few contractions,” he grumbled.

Rose snorted. “How exciting. But the science museum is even more exciting.”

James sighed. “What if you’re wrong? What if your labor progresses quickly and I miss out on the birth of our daughters? I want to be there to welcome them into the world, and I need to be here for you, love.”

Rose’s eyes prickled with the devotion and sincerity in his voice. She swallowed around the lump in her throat and leaned forward to press her lips to his. When she pulled back, she kept her forehead pressed to his and said, “I know you want that. I want that too. But please believe me, James. You have time. You won’t miss their birth. Trust me.”

He was silent for half a minute, then he exhaled softly. “Okay. Yeah, okay. I trust you. But please call—”

“I’ll call you if anything changes,” she assured, pressing another kiss to his lips.

He cradled the back of her head in his palm as he deepened the kiss. She hummed against his lips as gentle pleasure buzzed through her the longer the kiss went on.

“You should get up,” Rose whispered, breaking the kiss. “And I promised Sianin I’d start breakfast after I wee’d.”

“Hmm, but kissing you is so nice,” he said, catching her lips between his again.

She giggled against his mouth, then pushed at his shoulders.

“Go on, get a shower,” she said, standing up from the bed. “I’ll have breakfast and coffee for you when you’re done.”

When she made it to the bedroom door, James called out to her. She turned and saw him walking up to her with a giddy grin on his face.

“Our babies are coming,” he giggled.

“Yeah they are. I can’t wait.”

With a parting smile, Rose turned to get the kids ready for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're almost here!
> 
> And we're almost done! This is the penultimate chapter... just one more left!
> 
> I'd love to see what you thought of the chapter.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein James and Rose welcome their twins into the world.
> 
> Chapter rating: teen
> 
> Chapter word count: 7600
> 
> Welcome to the end!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s here! The final chapter! Thank you all for your patience and support as I went on this journey. This is officially the longest thing I’ve ever written.
> 
> Ages of the Tyler-McCrimmons at the start of the chapter:  
> James: 39  
> Rose: 33  
> Ainsley: 9  
> Sianin: 5
> 
> Conversions for the Twins’ heights/weights:  
> Hannah: 5 lbs, 5 oz; 18.5 inches  
> Maddie: 5 lbs; 17.75 inches

Despite his initial reservations, James was eager to spend the day with Ainsley and Sianin. As much as he loved doing things as a family, it was nice to let the kids’ energy dictate their pace without worrying about Rose getting too tired.

Ainsley got to pick the morning activity, and she’d elected to go to a science museum, much to Sianin’s displeasure.

“It’s so boring,” the five-year-old moaned, dragging her feet as James gave Ainsley his advice on what she might like to see. “How long are we staying here?”

Ainsley’s face fell, and James pursed his lips at Sianin.

“We’re staying until lunchtime,” he said firmly. “That was the deal, remember? Ainsley picks the morning activity, you pick the movie we go see this afternoon.”

“But…”

“No buts,” James said. “Otherwise we’ll go straight home after this.”

“We can go somewhere else,” Ainsley said quietly. “It’s okay.”

“Darling, you were very excited about coming to the museum,” he told her. “Your sister needs to learn the art of compromise.”

“What’s compromise?” Sianin asked, scrunching her nose in a way that made her look so much like her mother in that moment.

“When you make concessions,” James said. “It’s doing something you might not really want to do, but in return, you still partially get what you want. It’s the situation we’re in right now. You’re not fond of being at a museum like this, but it wouldn’t be fair if you got to pick the morning  _and_  afternoon activity. So, in the morning, we’re doing what Ainsley wants, and in the afternoon, we’re doing what you want. Make sense?”

“Sure,” Sianin said grumpily.

“Hey, Sian, I think I’ve found an exhibit you might like,” Ainsley said, stepping up to her sister with a brochure. “It’s a demo, and it’s gonna start in a few minutes.”

“Is it something you’ll like, Ainsley?” James asked.

Ainsley nodded, then took her sister’s hand and started pulling her down a corridor with James following after them. Ainsley had led them to a display where a woman in a lab coat, gloves, and goggles was lighting fires. But they weren’t ordinary fires; the flames were all different colors.

“Daddy, I can’t see,” Sianin whined, stretching up onto her tiptoes.

He bent down and lifted her to his hip. “Ains, can you see?”

“Yeah,” she said. James smiled as she watched the colorful flames with wide-eyed awe. “How does it work, Dad?”

“They’re probably burning different chemicals,” he said. “Different elements produce different colors when burned. The red flame over there is probably some sort of lithium compound. Lithium’s the stuff some batteries have in them. Ooh, and that lilac one over there? That’s probably a potassium-based chemical. Potassium is a major element in bananas.”

“But how does it work?” Ainsley asked again.

“Elements are comprised of a bunch of atoms,” James said. “And an atom has these little particles called electrons.”

“They’re negative,” Ainsley said, reciting what she remembered hearing in class.

“That’s right,” he said. “And heating an element gives a sort of… energy boost to those electrons. They’re usually hanging out in what’s called the ground state. That’s the place electrons are when nothing special or exciting is happening. But when you add some heat, those electrons get really excited, and they bounce up a few energy levels.”

“Like an energy boost in a video game?” Sianin asked, and James was pleased even she seemed interested in what was going on.

“Sort of, yeah,” he said, knowing that the actual quantum mechanics was far beyond the understanding of both his children. “Anyway, that electron has been excited up a few energy levels. But then the electron eventually loses that energy, so it falls back down to the ground state, where it originally came from. And that fall emits energy of its own, and we see it as light.”

“Why are there different colors?” Ainsley asked.

“Because some falls are bigger or smaller than others,” he said. “Visible light—the colors of the rainbow—all have different energies. Red is different from orange which is different from yellow, and so on and so forth. We see different colors because those elements’ electrons have fallen down differently.”

“That one’s boring, it just looks like regular fire,” Sianin said, making a face at the display where some sodium chloride was on fire, producing an orange-yellow flame.

“Yeah, that one is a bit boring,” James said. “What’s your favorite, Sian?”

“The green one,” she said, pointing. “What’s your favorite, Daddy?”

“I think they’re all pretty neat,” he said. “But the blue one is cool.” He looked down at Ainsley. “What about you, darling? Have a favorite?”

“The scarlet one,” she said. “This is awesome!”

James beamed, happy that his eldest seemed interested in science.

He was glad that Sianin enjoyed herself at the museum; he’d worried that she’d complain the whole time. There were a few displays she wanted to skip over, but for every boring exhibit, Ainsley found half a dozen exciting ones.

“Daddy, I’m hungry,” Sianin said after they’d been at the museum for two hours.

“Yeah? I’m getting a bit peckish, too. Ains, are you almost ready to go?” he asked.

She bit her lip.

“Or was there maybe one or two more exhibits you wanted to see?” he asked, recognizing her expression.

“Maybe just one more?” she asked sheepishly.

James looked at his watch. “Tell you what. We will stay here for ten more minutes. Okay?”

“Daddy,” Sianin groaned.

“Ten minutes,” he said firmly. “You can handle ten more minutes, Sianin.”

After the science museum, James grabbed take-away for lunch. They ate their meal in the car park of the cinema, then went inside to watch the latest Disney movie Sianin wanted to see.

James settled into the cushy seats with each child flanked on either side of him. He then tugged a pen and his glasses from his pocket, pushed up his sleeve, and checked in with Rose.

“How are you feeling? We’re in the theater waiting for the movie to start.”

_Not bad. Contractions are a little less than twenty minutes apart now. But don’t worry. You still have time._

“You sure?” he asked, feeling antsy.

_Positive. I promise I’ll keep these babies inside me so you don’t miss any of the action ;)_

James snorted. “All right. Well, the film’s about to start. We’ll be home in about two hours.”

_Have fun. Love you xoxo._

James managed to relax enough to enjoy the movie, but he was relieved to finally be able to go home.

“Daddy, I gotta wee,” Sianin said as he steered them out of the theater.

“You can’t hold it ‘til we get home?” he asked.

Sianin shook her head as Ainsley said, “I gotta go, too.”

James bit back his impatience and ushered his kids to the family loo. When the girls had finished up, he finally got them loaded into his car and drove them home. But traffic was heavier than usual, and James groaned to himself as the commute took nearly twice as long.

They finally made it home, and he rushed into the house to find Rose.

She was laying on the couch with a romcom on the television. A box of crackers was balanced on her belly and a half-empty glass of water sat on the floor beside her.

“How are you doing?” he asked, crouching by her head.

“I’m fine,” she said soothingly. “Please don’t tell me you were worrying the whole time. It was supposed to be a fun day for you, too.”

“I didn’t worry the  _whole_  time,” he said with a sniff. “I’ve got a rather large and impressive brain, you see. So I could have fun  _and_  worry at the same time.” Rose rolled her eyes but giggled, and she reached out and pinched his ribs. “But I did have fun. It was nice. Thank you for encouraging me to still take the kids out.”

He brushed a kiss to her forehead, then rocked back on his heels to let Ainsley and Sianin ambush Rose. They jabbered excitedly about their day, and James’s heart warmed, glad that his kids had fun with him.

When they’d finished, Rose pushed herself into a seated position then leaned forward to kiss Ainsley and Sianin’s foreheads.

“It sounds like you had a really fun day with Dad. And guess what? Now you get to have a fun night with Gran and Grandad, because your sisters are coming! Isn’t that exciting?”

Ainsley’s face lit up in excitement as she nodded; Sianin’s remained blank.

“Your dad and I are going to go to the hospital now,” Rose said, “and Grandad will be over soon. Be good for Gran ‘til then.”

“Oh, they’ll be fine,” Jackie said with a wave of her hand. “They’re good girls.”

“Are you gonna be gone long?” Sianin asked, clambering onto the sofa to sit next to Rose. She tucked herself into her mother’s side and buried her face into the side of Rose’s breast.

James furrowed his brow and saw Rose’s echoing frown.

“Not too long,” Rose said gently. “Are you all right, sweetheart?”

Sianin shrugged a shoulder and turned more completely into Rose’s body. “I’m gonna miss you. I don’t want you to go.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Rose wrapped Sianin to a tight hug and rested her cheek on top of their five-year-old’s head. “We won’t be gone long. In a few days, Daddy and I will be home again and so will your new sisters.” Rose pulled back and cradled Sianin’s cheek in her hand to tilt her head up to look into her eyes. “I love you with all my heart.”

Sianin finally smiled. “I love you, too, Mummy.”

“You’re gonna have loads of fun with Gran and Grandad,” Rose said, stroking her fingers through Sianin’s sleek hair. “ _So_  much fun.”

“I know.”

A moment later, James saw Rose’s face tighten as she bit her lip. One of her hands shot down to her belly while her other arm tightened around Sianin’s shoulders. Their youngest noticed and looked up worriedly at Rose.

“Mummy’s fine,” James said soothingly, rubbing Sianin’s thigh.

“Does it hurt?” Sianin asked, frowning at her mother’s pregnant stomach.

“Only a little,” Rose said. “This is all perfectly normal, though. It was like this when I was having you and Ainsley, too.”

Rose sat with Sianin on the sofa for several more minutes while James went to load the car with the suitcase they’d had packed for nearly a month. He triple-checked that they had everything before he went back to Rose’s side.

Sianin was sitting in Jackie’s lap on the couch, and Ainsley was curled up beside them. Rose was standing over them pressing kisses to their daughters’ faces.

“I love you so much,” she said. “So, so much. Dad and I will see you later. Hopefully tomorrow after school your gran and grandad can bring you ‘round to visit us.”

James prayed that their twins would be here by tomorrow afternoon. He didn’t want to see Rose go through another fifty-hour labor.

He stepped up to his kids and planted a long kiss to their hair, then he wrapped his arm around Rose and led her to the car.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, opening her door for her.

“All right,” she said with a shrug. “The contractions have been getting more intense since my water broke.”

“When did that happen?” James asked, pursing his lips.

“About two hours ago,” Rose answered. Upon seeing his expression, she rolled her eyes and said, “Oh, hush. I knew you couldn’t check your arms or phone for a message and that you’d be home soon anyway.”

He couldn’t argue with that, and so he gave her a small smile and shut the car door. After he walked around the car to climb into the driver’s seat, he saw Rose leaning forward with her forehead resting on the dash as she breathed in short, choppy pants.

Wincing, James rubbed her lower back until Rose straightened into her seat.

“That one came on a bit soon, didn’t it?” he asked.

“That’s what tends to happen,” Rose said tightly. “Otherwise no progress would be made and I’d be laboring forever.”

“Right, yeah, sorry,” he said.

James twined his fingers through his wife’s as he drove them to the birthing center. Traffic had thankfully lightened, and he made it there in just under fifteen minutes, right in time for Rose’s next contraction to hit. He held her hand through it and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand when it was over.

“I can’t wait to get these babies out of me,” Rose muttered, heaving a great sigh.

“I know,” he said gently. “Soon, love. Very, very soon. Are you ready to go in?”

“Nah, I figured I’d give birth here in our car.”

“Smartarse.”

James got their suitcase, then helped Rose out of the car and guided her into the birthing center. They’d called ahead, and so it only took a few minutes to get checked into the room they’d be staying in for the next couple of days.

The room was nice. There were two beds: a hospital bed with surrounding medical monitors, and a cozy-looking queen-sized bed. Elizabeth had told them that the hospital bed would be removed once the birth was over—it made for quicker and easier clean-up.

As soon as they were settled into their room, the midwife who would be assisting Elizabeth arrived to check on Rose and the babies.

“Everything looks great,” she said, smiling encouragingly. “You’re about halfway dilated. How are you feeling?”

“All right, considering,” Rose answered. “I feel a bit restless, though.”

“Feel free to wander around the hallways for a bit,” the midwife said. She motioned to the call button on the bedside table. “Take that with you, and press the button if you need any assistance while on your walk. Oh, and Elizabeth has been notified you’re in labor, but she just got done with a delivery a few hours ago. She’ll be in later tonight, if that’s all right with you.”

Rose’s labor passed relatively quickly—much more quickly than it had for Sianin—and James was relieved to find that it didn’t seem to be as excruciating for Rose, either. They spent the first few hours of the labor making circuits around the building. James kept Rose’s arm linked through his as they made idle conversation.

When dinnertime came, Rose nibbled on a few high-energy snacks while James scarfed down soup and a sandwich. Afterwards, James suggested Rose get a shower to get clean and to relax her.

“Care to share a shower with your soulmate?” Rose asked.

“Always,” he answered, and he guided her into the attached loo and started the water.

The shower had a bench in it, but Rose told him she felt fine enough to stand as James washed her hair and body with gentle, reverent touches.

“You’re doing so well, love,” he whispered. “I’m so proud of you.”

Rose grinned at him, and she leaned up to press a kiss to his lips.

When she was clean, James hastily washed himself then helped his wife out of the shower. They each got changed into pajamas then spent the next few hours napping.

They drifted between sleep and wakefulness until eventually Rose’s contractions were too intense and close together to allow for sleep. Elizabeth had arrived by then and was coaching Rose to breathe and stay as relaxed as possible as her labor entered the last leg.

James’s eyes were burning with exhaustion and his knuckles were sore from being squeezed for the last several hours when, finally, Rose was ready to push. He scrambled off their narrow hospital bed where he’d been lounging beside Rose to stand by her head instead.

“You’re gonna do amazing,” he said, offering up his hand once more.

With his heart pounding in his throat, James held his wife’s hand and murmured encouragements to her as she worked on birthing their babies.

“Head is crowning,” Elizabeth announced mere minutes later. “Almost through the hard part, Rose. Nearly there, keep pushing, you’ve got this.”

Sweat dripped down Rose’s forehead, and James grabbed a nearby flannel to mop her face.

“You’re doing great, love,” he said as she trembled with exertion. “So great.”

“Oh,  _fuck_!” she whimpered, at the same time as Elizabeth said, “Head is out! Excellent, Rose, excellent! Just breathe, keep breathing, relax. Breathe, breathe, breathe… and one more push. And we’ve got a baby girl! Baby Girl One is out!”

James couldn’t quite feel his body anymore as Elizabeth placed a pink, bloodied baby on Rose’s chest. The second midwife stepped up to them and rubbed her down with a towel and cleared her airways. The baby arched her back and let out a loud wail that scrunched up her whole face.

“Oh, darling,” James whispered, his heart in his throat. As it had done with Ainsley and Sianin, his body felt far too small to contain the fierce love and protectiveness he had for his new daughter. “Oh, Rose.”

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Rose’s temple as she let out a sob and hugged their baby closer. Rose brushed kisses across the baby’s forehead.

“Hi, sweetheart,” she cooed, tears streaming down her face. “Hi, Hannah. I’m Mummy. Yes, I am. I’m your mummy.”

“She’s beautiful,” he said, his voice hoarse. He rested his trembling hand on his baby’s back. Her skin was warm and comforting. James wanted nothing more than to scoop his child up into his arms and never let go. “Rose, she’s  _beautiful_! Oh, well done, love. Well done!”

The midwife stepped up to them and handed a pair of medical scissors to James. He cut through his daughter’s umbilical cord, then watched as the midwife took his baby into her arms. Irritation unfurled through him; he wanted to hold his baby. But as quickly as the emotion had come, it was gone again when he heard Rose let out a whining groan, reminding him that they had another baby on the way.

“You’re doing great, love,” he said, blotting her red, shiny face dry. It was hard for James to keep his attention solely on Rose. His gaze kept flickering to Hannah, and every time she let out a cry, there was a tug deep inside of him that told him to go to her. Distracted, James watched Hannah out of the corner of his eye as he tried to focus on Rose. “We’re almost there. Push, love.”

“No, no. Don’t push, Rose,” Elizabeth said urgently.

That snagged his full attention, and James’s stomach dropped. “Is something wrong? What-what’s wrong. Is Rose all right? Maddie? Is-is she…?”

“Yes, but remember, this baby is in the breech position,” Elizabeth said. “If Rose pushes right now and tries to force her out, she could dangerously wedge the baby inside her. Rose, I need you to just keep breathing. Be patient with me for a couple minutes as I try to guide her into the proper angle.”

James’s pulse thudded in his ears as he perched at Rose’s head, instructing her to breathe.

“Make sure you’re breathing,” she countered. “You’re looking pale.”

“I’m fine,” he said absently. He kept his eyes on Elizabeth’s face, trying to read her expression to make sure everything was okay with his wife and their second baby.

Finally, after what seemed like lifetimes, Elizabeth looked up at them with a reassuring smile.

“Okay, Rose, now you can push,” she said. “You’re gonna have to push with everything you’ve got, all right. See if we can get most of her out with one great big push.”

Rose nodded and inhaled deeply before she bore down. James wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she leaned forward and pushed out their second baby.

“You’re doing great, love,” he encouraged. “I’m so proud. Our other baby is almost here. Little Maddie. She’ll be as beautiful as her sisters. She’s almost here love. Keep pushing. Push push push…”

It was weird, James thought, to see a bum coming out of Rose instead of a head. More and more of the baby’s bottom half slipped out, and he was absolutely amazed that Rose’s body could still deliver a baby facing the wrong direction, and that the baby was so flexible. The tops of the baby’s thighs were pressed flush against her stomach, folded in half as she was. Finally, her feet appeared as her bottom half fully slipped out. There was only the head yet to deliver.

“Rose, you’re doing great,” he coaxed, adrenaline surging through him as his second baby was nearly born. “So great. Her little body is out. Now just for her little head.”

“Nothing little about her from where I’m sitting,” Rose grunted.

James watched Elizabeth tilt their baby upwards, angling her towards Rose’s belly, until finally her head popped free.

“And Baby Girl Two is out,” Elizabeth said, laying the baby on Rose.

James’s throat felt clogged as he looked into the face of his second baby. Elizabeth passed a towel over her body, and despite her initial angry squawk, the baby quieted as Rose wrapped her arms around her.

“Hello, Maddie,” James whispered, draping his arm around Rose’s shoulders. Hot tears welled in his eyes and leaked down his cheeks as he brushed a series of soft kisses to Rose’s head. “Oh, Rose, you’re absolutely amazing. D’you know that? Absolutely amazing.”

His voice broke as a sob bubbled up in his chest. Rose looked up at him, her own tears falling down her face, and she lifted a hand to cup his cheek in her palm.

“I love you,” she rasped, and she pulled his face down to press a firm kiss to his lips. “God, I love you, James.”

“How about we do a swapsies?”

James turned toward the voice and saw the midwife standing beside them with a small pink and white bundle in her arms. Before James could extend his arms for his daughter, a pair of scissors were thrust into his hands.

He snipped the cord that had tied Maddie to her mother, and watched Elizabeth take his second baby away. Rose reached up, and the midwife placed Hannah into her arms.

“Hello again, sweetheart,” Rose whispered. Tears continued to leak down her cheeks as she brought her lips to Hannah’s brow. “Hannah, my sweet girl. Oh, you’re just so precious, aren’t you?”

James rested his cheek on top of Rose’s head as he stared down into the face of his new baby. She was beautiful. Her cupid’s bow lips were slightly pouted and her skin had a soft, creamy glow to it. Her eyes were wide open, and James noted they were dark blue, like Ainsley’s and Sianin’s had been. While Ainsley’s eyes had stayed blue, Sianin’s had lightened into a hazel brown. He wondered what color Hannah’s eyes would become.

“I’m so proud of you, Rose,” he murmured, giving her shoulders a squeeze. “I love you so much. And you, too, my little darling. You are so loved.”

A few minutes later, Madeline was handed to them. Rose nodded at James to take their second baby, and he breathed a silent sigh of thanks. He would have gladly let Rose have both babies, since she did all the work, but there was a physical ache in his chest at the desire to hold one of his children.

“Hiya, Maddie,” he cooed, cradling her body close to his own. “God, she’s tiny.”

“They’re average, for twins,” Elizabeth said from between Rose’s legs. “They’re both strong and healthy.”

James angled Madeline so Rose could see her. He rested his palm against the baby’s chest; her body heat radiated out through her blanket, and he could even feel the fluttering of her heart. Her small fists flailed in the air for a few seconds before she brought them close to her body. Her hand knocked into his, then she opened her fingers and clamped them around his pinkie.

“Oh, what a strong grip you’ve got,” he cooed. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her soft baby skin. “I love you, Maddie. More than you’ll ever know.”

As they bonded with their daughters, the midwives worked quickly and efficiently to deliver the placenta and clean Rose up.

“If you’re ready, we can get you into a comfier bed and you can try breastfeeding,” Elizabeth said, gesturing to the queen-sized bed against the far wall.

“James, d’you want to take Hannah?” Rose asked.

He nodded numbly. He tucked Madeline into the crook of his arm, then looked helplessly down at Rose. How was he supposed to hold a second baby? He didn’t have a free hand to support her neck to pick her up from Rose’s arms. What if he accidentally dropped one of them? What if he accidentally dropped  _both_  of them?

Seeing his anxiety, Rose reached out and took his free hand. She brought it to her lips, then said, “It’s okay. Make a cradle with your other arm. I’ll set her in. Or you don’t have to hold them both.”

“No, I want to,” he said immediately. “I’m just nervous. I’ve never had to hold two babies before.”

Once he was certain Maddie was as secure as she could be in his left arm, he leaned down to accept Hannah. Rose tucked the baby into the crook of his right arm and didn’t let go until James told her she was secure.

His heart hammered as he looked down into his daughter’s faces. They were beautiful. Just like their older sisters. It amazed him sometimes to realize that he and Rose had made such beautiful little people.

He nuzzled his nose into Hannah’s wispy brown hair as he kissed her brow. He idly wondered if the twins’ hair would stay dark, like Ainsley’s did, or if it would lighten up to the mousy-brown that Sianin’s was. Or maybe they’d have a completely different color.

“Smile for me, love.”

James glanced up and saw Rose had her phone trained on him. He beamed and heard the telltale shutter tone.

After she’d taken a few more pictures, she set her phone on the table next to the bed, and allowed Elizabeth and the other midwife to help her stand. James’s attention drifted between Rose and his babies as she was helped into padded underwear and comfy, baggy pajama trousers. She took a zip-up cardigan from the suitcase and put it on but didn’t fasten it.

She then slowly made her way to the bed and scooted onto it. The midwives positioned pillows at her back and then beckoned James over.

“How do I feed them both at once?” Rose asked nervously. “Or do I have to do it one at a time?”

“You’ve got two breasts,” Elizabeth said, “so you can feed them both at the same time. Otherwise you’ll never stop nursing if you try to do one then the other. As soon as one finishes, the other will want to be fed again and you’ll get into an endless cycle.”

As Elizabeth talked Rose through the easiest positions in which to feed newborn twins, James rocked his torso gently to soothe a fussing Hannah.

“Mummy’s got your first meal ready to go,” James whispered. “Just wait a few more seconds as she gets comfy.”

When Rose was settled, he leaned down and passed the babies off one at a time. He gave her Hannah first, as Maddie was much more content than her sister. On the transfer, Hannah arched her neck and back and let out a loud, raspy cry. Her face turned bright red and she flailed her fists as she writhed in Rose’s arms.

“Hush now, sweetheart,” Rose murmured. She adjusted the baby until her face was right at breast level, and Rose guided her nipple to Hannah’s wide-open mouth. It took a few tries, but Hannah finally latched on and began suckling slowly, her jaw working in long, rhythmic motions.

James then leaned down and positioned Maddie beside her sister in Rose’s other arm. He remained standing at the edge of the bed, watching his children nurse for the very first time. He grabbed his phone, then said, “D’you mind if I take a photo of you like this?”

“As long as you promise to take another one when I’m not naked.”

James snorted, then moved around the bed to get several angles of his family. He then gingerly slid onto the bed, not wanting to jostle the twins or Rose.

“Can I hug you?” James asked.

Rose nodded. “Of course.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and shuffled closer to her until his hip was pressed against hers. He absently stroked his fingers up and down her arm as he watched their babies.

“I love watching you feed our children,” he said. He reached out and stroked his fingertip over Hannah’s face, tracing a light line across her fair eyebrows, then down her nose. He did the same for Maddie. Their skin was so soft and perfect.

As the family cuddled on the bed, Elizabeth and the other midwife cleaned up from the birth. When it was clean, they rolled the hospital bed out into the hallway, then came back to check on the babies and Rose.

“We’re going to let you have some alone time,” Elizabeth said. “We’ll pop in periodically. If you need anything, press the call button. There’s some paperwork to be signed, but that can wait until later if you’d like.”

James and Rose thanked her, and then they were left alone.

Rose finished feeding the babies several minutes later. When she’d zipped up her sweater, James took more photographs of her and the babies to attach to the birth announcement text he sent to his dad and Jackie.

Wanting to provide birth weights to the text, James stood up and found the paperwork Elizabeth had left behind. He brought it back to the bed and skimmed it as he sat beside Rose again.

“Ha! Oh, this is great,” he said, grinning. “Baby Girl A, Hannah Brianne Tyler-McCrimmon born 2.41 kilograms and 46.99 centimeters. Baby Girl B, Madeline Emily Tyler-McCrimmon, born 2.27 kilograms, 45.09 centimeters. Hannah arrived at 4:36am, Maddie at 4:48am. Date of birth: the twenty-ninth of February!”

Rose blinked at him.

“You’re kidding,” she said, a smile quirking up her lips.

“Nope!” James giggled. “Leap day babies! Ha!”

Rose began to laugh as well as she peered into the sleeping faces of her babies.

“What are the odds?” she asked softly, stroking her fingers across her daughters’ chubby cheeks.

“Well, leap day only happens every four years, so that’s… 1461 days to choose from. One divided by 1461…” James pressed his tongue to the backs of his teeth as he wracked every exhausted brain cell. “It’s like a hundredth of a percent. Isn’t that brilliant? Our precious, special little hundredth of a percent!”

Rose leaned her head against him as she laughed.

“I didn’t expect a maths lesson, James,” she giggled. “Oh, I love you, you complete and utter nutter.”

“Your utter nutter,” he said happily, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. He looked down at his daughters, feeling a tug deep in his chest. “Can I have a turn? At least with one of them?”

“Of course,” Rose said.

He reached for the baby nearest to him.

“Hi, Hannah,” he whispered when she let out a grunt at being disturbed. He shushed her softly and before long, she’d quieted and had a fat cheek smooshed into his shirt. “You’re so precious to me. You and your sisters. You’ve already met Maddie. You’ve been with her since the beginning, when my little spermy hit Mummy’s little eggy. I’m very happy that egg decided to split and make the both of you.

“You’re probably happy to be out, eh? It was getting kind of cramped in there. But you have two other sisters yet to meet. Ainsley and Sianin. They’re with your gran and grandad right now. They’re all excited to meet you. You might already recognize your sisters’ voices. They loved talking to you when you were in Mummy’s belly. They’ll be here later today, and you can meet them properly. Along with your gran and grandad.

“We’ve been so excited to meet you, darling. Mummy and I… we tried for so long to make you, and now I can’t even imagine having any other baby but you. You and your sister are more than worth the wait. I wouldn’t want any other baby but you and your sister.” James looked over at Maddie, who was nuzzled to Rose’s breast, half-asleep. “All of this goes for you, too, my sweet Maddie, so I hope you’ve been listening. But I know sleep is way more important than your daft old dad, so I’ll catch you up later.”

“I love your newborn monologues.”

James blinked and looked over at his wife. “My what?”

“Every time you’ve held one of our children for the first time, you’ve spoken to them about how much you love them and, in Sianin’s case, about how she had a big sister. I love listening to it.”

James smiled shyly. “Ehm, thanks, I think? I just love them so much, Rose, and I want them to know that. I always want our kids to know how loved they are by me and you and everyone else in our family.”

“They do,” she assured.

After another couple of minutes, Rose let out a jaw-cracking yawn.

“You should sleep,” he murmured. “Come. I’ll put them in their cots and we can get some rest while they sleep.”

Rose nodded, and James walked to the corner of the room for the small bassinets. He set Hannah in one of them, then unlocked the wheels and rolled it closer to the bed before relocking the wheels. He took Maddie from Rose and did the same thing, until both babies were positioned on Rose’s side of the bed.

He leaned down to brush a goodnight kiss to each baby’s forehead and he snapped another photo of them before he crawled into bed behind Rose.

She had dispersed the mound of pillows she had been reclining on and was on her side facing their babies. James spooned up behind her.

“Is this okay?” he asked, resting his hand on her hip.

“Yeah,” she murmured, her voice thick with exhaustion.

“Are you warm enough?” he asked.

“I am now that my personal space heater is beside me,” she teased.

He snorted a laugh into her neck and nuzzled close to her.

“I love you,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to her neck. “I’m so proud of you, Rose. You were absolutely amazing.”

“Thank you,” she said. Reaching down, she grabbed his hand and threaded their fingers together, then hugged their joined hands to her chest. “I’ve been terrified of today, you know. I worried it would be as painful as Sianin’s birth, especially since I had two babies to push out.”

“It didn’t seem like you were in as much pain,” James said carefully, not wanting to undermine her birth experience.

“I wasn’t,” she answered. “Or maybe I kept waiting for it to get even worse and I’d made it more painful in my memories than it actually was.” She shrugged. “I’m happy to have them out of me.”

“Me too. I love them so much already. Just as much as I do Ainsley and Sianin, yet I only met them an hour ago.”

“I know. I feel the same way. Love’s funny like that, innit?” She let out another yawn and she leaned back into James.

“Sleep, love,” he whispered, running his fingers through her hair.

She sighed and tugged the blankets closer to her chest and James heard her breathing even out a few moments later.

He glanced over at his babies and watched the rhythmic rise and fall of their chests for a few minutes before his eyes grew heavy and he joined Rose in sleep.

They were up every couple of hours to tend to their babies, but otherwise remained in bed until noon. After Rose nursed the twins again, they both scarfed down a brunch of eggs, toast, and oatmeal. James then helped her get a shower to wash away the residual greasy sweat from the labor and delivery.

They spent the afternoon bonding with their babies, and while they appreciated that alone time, they were eager for their other children to arrive. Robert and Jackie were bringing them to visit after school.

When he received the text that they’d arrived, James went to collect them. He’d barely stepped into the lobby area when his name was shouted out by two little voices.

“Daddy!

Sianin and Ainsley were running towards him. He knelt down and opened his arms for them, scooping them up into a tight tug. He laughed with happiness as he peppered kisses across their heads.

“Hello, my darlings! Ready to go see Mum and your sisters?”

“Yeah!”

He released his girls and turned to greet Robert and Jackie. After a hug apiece and accepting their congratulations, he turned and guided his family to the lift.

He opened the door to their suite and ushered the girls in first.

“Mummy!”

Rose looked over from the bed and beamed at them.

“Oh, come here, loves,” she said, sitting up and propping her back with pillows.

Ainsley and Sianin sprinted for the bed, and crawled into it and into Rose’s waiting arms.

“I missed you,” she said, pressing kisses to her daughters’ heads.

As Rose hugged their kids, James moved to show off his babies to their grandparents. He slipped a hand behind Hannah’s head and lifted her up into his arms. She let out a whine of protest, but settled when she was no longer being jostled.

“Here we are,” he murmured, brushing a kiss to her tiny forehead. “Baby Hannah.”

“Oh, she’s beautiful,” Jackie breathed from his side.

“I know,” he said, and he couldn’t resist kissing her brow again. He walked back to the bed and nestled the baby into her mother’s arms. “Ainsley, Sianin, meet your sister Hannah.”

“Oh, she’s so cute!” Ainsley squealed. She traced her fingertip across the back of the baby’s fisted hand. “Where’s Maddie?”

“Patience. I’m gonna get her,” he replied.

Maddie was still fast asleep in her cot and barely made a sound when he picked her up.

“Hiya, darling. I sure hope you keep sleeping this well when Mummy and I take you home in a couple days.”

He moved back to the bed, and he perched on the edge of the mattress beside Rose. He angled Maddie so Ainsley and Sianin could see her from where they were cuddled into Rose’s other side.

James’s heart was bursting with joy, and he felt overwhelmed with how much he loved his family. He wrapped his arm around Rose’s shoulder and nuzzled his cheek into her hair as he gazed down into the beautiful faces of their newest daughters. He could barely believe how much his life had changed. Two years ago, he’d given up all hope of ever becoming a father again, and he’d made his peace with it. Even after he and Rose had tentatively begun trying again, he hadn’t expected it to happen for them.

But it did, and he and Rose found themselves blessed with double the joy.

“Why are you crying, Dad?”

James blinked, suddenly realizing his eyelashes were wet. He swiped at them and offered a smile to Ainsley, who was looking at him with such concern.

“I’m just so happy,” he said. “I’m so completely, perfectly, wholly happy.”

“Why’re you crying if you’re happy?” Sianin asked.

“Sometimes happiness can be so overwhelming that it leads to tears,” Rose explained. “Someday you might understand. When you meet Elena and Juliette. It’ll be one of the happiest days of your life, yet there will probably be some crying.”

Sianin shrugged and went back to snuggling into Rose’s side as she looked at her new sisters.

Ainsley, meanwhile, climbed off the bed and walked around until she was at her father’s side.

“I love you,” she whispered, wrapping her arms carefully around his neck.

James shuffled his hold on the baby to free up an arm to return her embrace. He held her fiercely to him and pressed kisses into her hair.

“I love you, too, Ainsley,” he said, squeezing her tightly. “So,  _so_  much.” He kissed her again before pulling back. “Want to hold one of your sisters?”

Her eyes lit up and she nodded.

“Right, go climb onto the bed,” he said, nodding to the spot she had just vacated.

He stood up and followed her, then sat on the edge of the bed beside Ainsley.

“Okay, ready?” James asked, adjusting his hold on Madeline for the transfer. “Hold out your arms. Make sure to support her head and neck. There we go!”

James grinned as Ainsley cradled the baby close to her body. She beamed up at him proudly before she dropped her gaze to her sister.

“Hi Maddie. I’m your big sister, Ainsley.”

He wrapped his arm around his eldest and settled into her side. Seeing Ainsley hold the baby made his heart squeeze.

“I love you, Ainsley,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her hair. “You, too, Sianin. I love you.” He kissed his fingertips and touched them to the top of Sianin’s head.

She beamed and pressed a kiss to her palm and leaned over to touch it to his cheek. “I love you, too, Daddy.” She looked up at Rose. “I love you, Mummy.”

“I love you, too, baby,” she answered, leaning down so Sianin could kiss her cheek.

After giving the family a few minutes to introduce the newest members, Jackie and Robert stepped up to the bed to offer hugs and congratulations. The babies were passed around some more so each grandparent could hold each child, until the babies started to get fussy.

Jackie and Robert excused themselves, saying they were going to pick up a pizza to bring back for dinner. James appreciated their subtle way of giving him and Rose alone time with their children.

As Rose nursed the twins, James cuddled into her side as Ainsley tucked herself against Rose’s other side. Sianin was happily sitting in James’s lap with her head leaned back against his chest.

James had never felt more content with his life than in this moment, surrounded by his family. Before he had children, he’d never known how much he could love another person, and how differently he could love them. His love for Rose was different than his love for Ainsley which was different than his love for Sianin which was different than his love for Hannah which was different than his love for Madeline. All different, but all equal in intensity, and all growing stronger every day.

He’d never known the other emotions that love could evoke. He would die a thousand deaths to keep his children and his wife safe. He would make a fool of himself just to hear them laugh. He would love them all endlessly and eternally until his dying breath, and he knew his last thoughts would be of the miracle that was his family.

Rose, as if sensing his thoughts, gently nudged her shoulder into his and gave him a smile that was so tender and loving that his heart swelled. An echoing smile crossed his lips, and he leaned down to kiss her. The kiss was soft and chaste but nevertheless made James’s blood sing.

He released her lips and scooted impossibly closer to her until the entire length of his left side was flush against her right side. She was his rock, and always had been. He couldn’t imagine spending his life with anyone but her. He loved her more than words could say.

“I love you,” he murmured, wriggling his arm begun her back in a sideways hug.

“I love you, too, James.”

He gave her a small squeeze, then reached out his fingers to tickle Ainsley’s ribs. She squirmed and let out a breath of laughter.

He wrapped Sianin into a tight hug, then leaned down and blew a raspberry into her neck to hear her giggle, too.

Rose leaned her head until it lay against his shoulder, and he rested his cheek on top of her head. He blew out a quiet sigh of utter contentment.

The last few years had been some of the hardest of his life, but he wouldn’t have traded it for anything. He knew that the next couple of years would be challenging. Life with two babies was sure to make everything trickier.

But he had faith. He had faith in himself and in Rose, but more than that, he had faith in  _them_. They’d proven that they could go through hell together and come out stronger on the other side.

He banished those thoughts. He didn’t want to think about the future and how hard things would be when they took the babies home. Instead, he wanted to bask in the peace that came with being surrounded by his family. The rest he and Rose would take one day at a time, together.

_The End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for going on James and Rose's journey with me! This was one hell of a story and was one of the hardest things I've ever written, but I grew so much from writing this.
> 
> However, it was mentally taxing, and so I'll be taking a break from James and Rose. If you want to be notified when I start the next story, subscribe to the series, or follow me on tumblr at [lastbluetardis](http://www.lastbluetardis.tumblr.com).


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